As long as I'm loving you,
you'll never be alone.

Find Me Here, Hayley Williams

STERLING'S POV:

I continue typing on the computer working on my essay. The second one to be exact. Since being grounded the past two days I have started to find boredom to be unbearing. He won't even let me walk out in the backyard because he knows that Harry and I used to have extensive conversations with him over the fence. So i've been inside, forced to watch Grey's and do nothing.. So I decided to do something, like work on my two short essays for Yale.. and part of me wonders about Harry. About his status with both of those schools. I get on my phone, and call the only person I know to call.

    "Hello?" She asks.

    "Hey Gemma! What are you up to?" I ask, and she sighs.

    "I just got in from dinner. Mum tells me that you and Harry are being bad, and doing stupid things... That's what I like to hear." She laughs as she shuffles around her room.

    "It wasn't that bad.. We just.. Went somewhere we weren't supposed to be and almost got caught by the police... but we didn't so it wasn't that bad!" I defend, and she laughs.

    "You don't have to defend yourself to me.. I think it's awesome.. Anyways, I've got some things to catch up on. Did you need something?" She asks.

    "Oh um.. Well I'm working on a college essay.. An essay for Yale actually and I had a question about Harry actually." I tell her.

    "Yale? Go you.. I hope everything goes alright... What about Harry?" She asks.

    "He told me that he rejected Yale, and Harvard, and I just wanted to know if you knew anything about that." I bring it up, and hear a bit of silence before she speaks.

    "Why are you asking? Does he want to know?" She asks quickly, almost defensively. I lean back into the chair in the middle of the kitchen, looking at the essay on the screen of my laptop contemplating why she reacted this way.

    "No.. I mean we talked about it, and he said something about it, how he rejected them, and it seemed like he wished he hadn't.. I just thought I'd ask." I shrug,

    "Well.. My mum was the one in charge of telling them to stop reaching out. Which she never actually did. She just intercepted all the letters, and the emails... So no, he never actually rejected Harvard or Yale. He just thinks he did, but he'll be incredibly pissed if he finds out so maybe don't say anything to him.." She suggests.

    "What if he brings it up?" I ask.

    "I doubt he will.. He was very set on saying no, and I know why now.. Maybe talk to my mum first. Either way I've got to go, I'll talk to you later." She chirps into the phone.

    "Okay, bye Gemma." I sigh, and hang up the phone. I shake my head, and get back to work on my essay, feeling my stomach grumble, but ignoring it. There's work to be done, and I'll eat when I finish.

    "HELLOOOO!" My dad yells as he walks through the door.

    "What do you want?" I call out, continuing to type on the computer.

    "Just making sure you didn't sneak out, and go see your boyfriend." He throws his keys down on the counter, and I point below me.

    "Why would I ever sneak out when I've got Jon right here?" I ask looking down at the ground where he lays. "Plus I haven't forgotten that I'm grounded. I'm not trying to get more grounded." I roll my eyes, and look at my laptop again. My stomach grumbles, and I continue to focus on my screen, reading over the last few sentences I wrote.

    "Why don't you eat something?" He asks, leaning over the counter to look at me.

    "Because I'm working on my last essay for Yale, and I don't have time to eat, I need to work, duh?" I ask, and he sighs.

    "You can't work if you don't fuel yourself." He fights back.

    "I run on hard work, and blood, and sweat, and tears. Food is for the weak." I tell him.

    "No, food is for humans, just like sleep. Though you act like it you're not a robot, come on, eat something." He nods his head and I ignore him.

    "I'm almost done, leave me to my work you pest!" I snap, and he smirks, but he shakes his head too, looking down. "What?" I ask, shaking my head.

    "There's really nothing wrong with you, and I don't know how."

    "Thank you?" I question.

    "I mean you've been through hell and back and you're... You're just a good kid." He walks around the counter, and gives my shoulder a pat before walking behind me. "And you are officially un-grounded." He chimes, and I whip my head around.

    "Really? It's only been a few days though." I ask.

    "Yes really... I have no reason to punish you.. I mean you didn't even get caught." He laughs, and I scoff.

    "Where was that attitude three days ago?" I throw my hands up.

    "Don't you have an essay to write?" He asks, and I roll my eyes, turning back to the essay. I continue on, hearing the soft hum of the tv show my dad puts on but I don't pay much attention to it as I finish up on this essay. I have to edit it, and then again, and again. But for now it's boyfriend time.. Well not right away. I shut my laptop and hop out of my seat.

    "I'll be at Harry's!" I call out.

    "You just got ungrounded, and you're already leaving me?" He asks, and I smile.

    "Um yea? I haven't seen my boyfriend since you overreacted. So goodbye for now." I skip off, and open the front door, skipping across the yard, and to Harry's front door. I knock and right away Anne opens the door, and puts her hand on her hip.

    "Sterling... What are you doing here?" She asks in the normal parenting tone.

    "My dad let freedom ring, and I really really really pretty please with eighteen cherries on top want to see your son.. Please." I clasp my hands together, begging her, and she sighs.

    "You know he's grounded.. You're lucky I didn't call Carson's parents. My sister would kill me if she knew I was keeping this from her." She tells me, and sometimes I forget Carson and Harry are related.

    "Okay but hear me out.. I can make a great case." I tell her. She raises her eyebrows at me as she crosses her arms over her chest.

    "Go ahead." She waves me on.

    "When has he ever done something other than work on school, and be the shiny smart perfect son that he is? Never.. And we're teenagers. So three days is like three years.. Especially when you're keeping us from the people we want to see the most so I promise he's learned his lesson just like I have.. And I promise we'll never do anything illegal again." I hold my hands flat together, begging once more, and she shakes her head as she holds the door.

    "I thought you were going to promise you'd never do anything that stupid again." She looks at me and I shake my head.

    "Well that would make me a liar, and I would never lie to you.." I give a wide smile, and she keeps her look blank, not giving into me. "We're both going to fall into deep depression without contact." I whine, and she cracks into a smile. She opens the door with a sigh, and waves to the stairs.

    "Go upstairs." She tells me, and I clap my hands together in victory. I start for the stairs but stop right away.

    "Wait Anne.." I turn back around, and she looks at me.

    "Gemma told me about Harry and Yale.. and um.. I think.. I think he's interested in going. I don't know for sure, but he's been talking to me about it, and if he is I was wondering if you'd care if I talked to him about it.. I don't want to overstep, but-"

    "Please.. If he wants it, please tell him.. I only want what's best for him, and that's why I'm letting you upstairs, go on." She smiles, and walks past me, going into the living room. I hop up the stairs, and knock on Harry's door, but I hear nothing. I crack it open, and peak inside , looking to see the lights off, and no one inside. I'm confused at first, but then I see the window open, and then I feel the breeze from outside coming in. I walk into his room, and duck down, peaking my head out of the window. I hear the soft hum of the guitar, and see he's got his headphones in. I climb out of the window, and walk forward carefully, touching his shoulders, and he jumps.

    "Have you ever heard that it's probably not smart to sneak up on someone that's sitting on the roof? I could've fallen to my death." He fights, and I scoff, holding my hands out. He looks at me, not understanding until he realizes it right away. "Wait, what are you doing here?" He shouts, and sets his guitar down, pulling me into him. He hugs me, and then he pulls back, only to lean forward again, and kiss me softly.

    "My dad ungrounded me because I'm smart, and stuff, and I came over here, and convinced your mom to let me in, and unground you and surprisingly she said yes." I smile.

    "Have you ever considered going into law school?" He jokes, and I laugh looking out over our two yards, getting the perfect view of them. Jon sits in my yard, rolling in the grass as the sun sits perfectly in the sky, hanging there with light clouds framing it. I hold my hand up over my face, blocking the sun from my face so I can look at Harry.

    "I wrote my Yale essays today." I smile. "And I think you should get started on yours too." I tell him, leaning back onto the roof. He pulls his guitar back up, and shakes his head.

    "I would, but I can't.. I said no, and I wish I hadn't at this point.. Though it'd be dumb to go to Yale to become a teacher." He tells me.

    "Well is that what you really want?" I ask.

    "No. Yes.. I don't know Ster.. I.. I'm-"

    "Scared?" I ask, and he pauses, but nods too.

    "But I don't think I have a reason to be.. I think you're right, and I think it's going to be really hard to take advantage of someone who's just as smart as you... They'll all be just as smart as me.. I... I want to do more but I've kind of dug myself into a whole. Maybe I can try other schools." He shrugs.

    "What would you do if I told you that you never actually rejected either of the schools.. You just thought you did."I ask.

    "I'd kiss you." He laughs.

    "Kiss me then." I lean forward, and he raises an eyebrow. "Hello? I said kiss me." I tell him.

    "Are you serious? Sterling if you're joking this isn't funny, this isn't something to joke about okay, this is our future, this is-" I lean forward, and kiss him considering the fact that he won't kiss me. He shuts up with the kiss, and I only indulge for a few seconds before pulling back. "What was that for?" He asks, and I smile.

    "You said you'd kiss me if I was telling the truth, and I was... and you also said our.. This is our future meaning both of us..." I tell him, and open my eyes. I know he's mentioned college together. He's insinuated there's more here than some little fling, and I know that.. But it's always nice. It's horrifying, but incredibly reassuring to hear those words.

    "Well... Well you don't.. I mean it doesn't have to be. I just thought maybe you.. I mean if we go to the same college we'll be.. If you want us to we'll-"

    "I like that... I don't know what's going to happen but I like that.. And I think I'm really hungry, and want to eat lunch now.. So let's go eat lunch." I tell him, and nod my head. He follows me into his room through the window, bringing his guitar in with him as well as shutting the window behind him.

    "Would you kill me if I said you weren't allowed to eat the lunch we make here?" He asks me, and I stare at him as we walk out of his room and down the stairs. "That is if my mum lets me leave." He shrugs, and I thin my eyes at him.

    "What do you have planned?" I ask, and he smirks.

    "I think Haystack rock sounds perfect right now, what do you think?" He asks, and I shrug.

    "Let's do it." I agree, thinking of my bucket list, and how close to finishing we are. He moves downstairs, and asks his mom who says yes after a bit of convincing that we won't be doing anything reckless. He packs up a lunch for us, and I go home, changing into a pair of fringy shorts, and a large crew neck just in case it gets windy. I meet him back at his car, and we're off together, on our way to the beach. As soon as we pull up to the parking lot I feel my nerves spark a bit seeing the few cars around the lot.

    "We can walk farther down. Towards the other side of the beach near the tide pools where there's less people." He suggests, and I smile, getting out of the car. I feel a bit insecure thinking about it. Him having to tend to my stupid nerves, and insecurities over practially nothing...  But the thought of seeing anyone from school is at this point my worst nightmare. Something I know I need to get over but something I haven't gotten over yet. But we're here.. A public beach, and I'm contemplating running back to the car in fear of seeing someone I know... and I know it's pathetic.

    "You know I wasn't always like this... " I tell him, and he looks at me from the side as we walk towards the beach, a basket in his hand that carries our lunch. He doesn't look concerned, he looks content, not a worry in the world shown on his face.

    "What are you talking about?" He asks.

    "I mean.. I mean I know one of the first memories of us is me panicking inside a store, and needing you to sneak me out.. A majority of our relationship has been done in private, hardly in the eyesight of anyone else.. Everytime we're around other people I panic, and you always tend to me.. But I wasn't always like that." I tell him.

    "Okay." He shrugs, taking my hand as we walk on the sand now. The waves are loud, and the hum of everyone else is minimal. The sky is pretty, and the setting is screaming perfection as I watch around me. The setting is perfect but his answer is off. It's far too casual for it to be completely honest...

    "Okay? It doesn't bother you?" I ask.

    "We all used to be different than what we are now. Before you met me I never spoke to anyone but my family, and didn't leave my house.. I was alone in basically everything... I'm glad you weren't always the person you are now.. And I'm glad in a few weeks you'll be different again." He tells me. I take the answer, knowing it wasn't what I expected to hear from him at all. "When you say you were different what do you mean?" He asks me, and I sigh as he stops walking. We're near the rock, and to our left there's multiple tide pools, some small, some large, and some in between.

    "I mean I used to be a lot more outgoing. I always kept to myself, but I never shied away from public places.. I just.. I don't know, I just worry." I shake my head as he sets out a blanket for us, sitting down first. I follow, sitting down next to him as he starts unloading the basket. I keep my eyes trained on the contents of the basket instead of him because I know he's looking at me.

    "What do you worry about?" He asks.

    "That you'll get annoyed with it, or you'll get tired of being so private." I shrug, taking the things as he starts passing them to me.

    "More time for me to have you all to myself." He smiles up towards me, and I press my lips together into a smile. We start to eat, and I look around at everything that surrounds us, wishing more than anything my brother could have been here with us. I wish he was sitting next to me, playing in the sand, getting antsy because he wants to go look in the tide pools right now, not in a few minutes.. I wish he could have come to all these places, because majority of the reason we made this list was for him... He wanted this. I miss my friends, but I guess what it is... I miss my old life, the life I had before all of this happened, before last year. I miss the life I lived before I was this way...

    "Harry do you know Jalyn, and Andrea?" I ask, and he looks up to me slowly. "I mean have you heard much about them.. From everyone?" I ask again, and he swallows.

    "Ster, I-"

    "I just ask because.. Because I wonder sometimes if.. If they miss me. If they want to be around me anymore, or if they'd even still talk to me." I look down, and then out, setting my food down as I look at the waves in front of me.

    "I think any of your friends would still talk to you.. Jalyn, and Andrea included.." He speaks slowly, almost like he's skeptical of the conversation.

    "I just... I know I hurt them Harry.. And I know I've been against talking about them or to them, but the closer we get to school starting the harder it gets. The more I know it'll kill me not having them my senior year." I admit, spilling part of my heart to him.

    "How did you hurt them? I mean, they.. All your friends don't seem to be hurt, they seem more concerned than anything." He admits to me, and he's completely serious, and he seems completely careful too right now which confuses me. He can't say the wrong thing right now, it's a simple conversation, and all I want is his opinion, nothing more nothing less.

    "I.. Things happened.. Last year, things happened, and I just.. I just left. Harry before last year I told them everything they were the sisters I never had, and then.. Then everything went bad, and I left, and never came back. No one knows why, and they knew everything but not even them... Not even Jalyn, and Andrea know why I left because I disappeared. I stopped talking to them. I contemplated blocking their numbers so I didn't have to see any of their texts. I ended our friendship because I didn't know how to accept help from other people, and it was all my fault." I explain to him.

    "I doubt they see it that way baby.. I really do." He's sure in his words, and I feel sick just thinking about talking to them again. I know there's a giant possibility they won't even look at me, they'll pretend I never even existed.

    "But you don't know..." I shake my head, and he lifts it, taking my chin between his fingers so I'm looking at him.

    "Sterling I.. I want to help you, but I don't... I don't really know the full story, I don't know anything..." He tells me, and I know he's right but that's the entire point. He's not supposed to know anything. No one is supposed to know.

    "That's the goal..." I mumble, and move my face away from him.

    "So what... Was your plan to go back to school and just expect no one to ask questions, or wonder what happened? I.. Sterling I don't know why you.. I'm not sure why you haven't told me, but.. But I'd like to be able to be there for you, be there to help you when we do start back.. Be there to figure things out with you, by your side instead of blindly defending you when people have questions." He fights back, and I shake my head.

    "My plan was to ignore everyone Harry. I was alone this entire semester so what's the difference in that, and an entire year?" I ask, directing the attention back to the impending school year.

    "The difference is that you had people.. No you have, still currently have people who want to be there for you, and you don't want to take that.. I know what it's like to have your world fall apart, and it feel like there's nothing, and I mean not a thing that makes sense.. I also know what it's like to have no one, not a single person be there in support of you during that.. You have multiple people, so no I don't understand you, and I don't understand it... I just.. I want to understand Ster.." He's not angry with his tone, and he's not mad at me as he