21.

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

             She's underwater again...
        Somebody's daughter and friend.

STERLING'S POV:

    After we ate dinner that day I left him to rest. To think, and to write if he needed to. To call Gemma, or do whatever felt right. I made him promise on everything, pinky swear and all that he'd call me if he needed me and he did. He never called though. The night was fine, and today we worked on the treehouse, but we were easily distracted when my dad suggested we watch a movie with him.

We did just that, and I was shocked at how easily he persuaded us.. What can I say I'm a sucker for a good suspense movie. Anne asked if Harry and I would eat dinner with her and Robin so we agreed, ate dinner with Anne, and we talked with the two of them for a while... I feel lucky knowing they both like me, and I really hope they continue to do so.. Parents scare me. They scare the absolute shit out of me. Which brings us to now, the two of us are on his bed, the door cracked as Anne and Robin sit downstairs.

    "Favorite book." He asks.

    "The Last Word by Tamara Ireland Stone." I tell him softly, the two of us looking up at the ceiling.

    "Ooooh. Good choice." He sucks in between his teeth. "I actually read that last year." He tells me, and I'm not surprised.

    "I thought you didn't read fictional books." I laugh.

    "Last year I read anything I could get my hands on.. Anything within arms reach. Gemma had it, I stole it and read it." He tells me, and I nod.

    "I really like the Hunger Games too.. Maybe I should read Harry Potter. I assume you've read all of those." I laugh.

    "The Hunger Games books were incredible... But Harry Potter is better. I read those when I was pretty young, but I loved them." He smiles. "Simpler times back then."

    "Yeah before you became a weirdo who enjoys the most boring non fiction books ever." I laugh, and he sits up.

    "Don't be an ass." He pushes me to the side.

    "I'm not being an ass, I'm telling the truth." I laugh.

    "No you're being an ass. You know you are.. Stop making fun of my brain." He scolds, and I laugh.

    "I love your brain. I make fun only in joking terms. You have a beautiful brain." I remind him.

    "Thank you baby.. But I know."

    "Such an aquarius." I sigh, and shake my head.

    "Favorite place you've ever visited?" He asks.

    "Never left the US.. But I love New York. I remember one time me and my dad and..." I trail off, thinking of Lee, and I shut down instantly. "I just remember going there, and loving the city.. But I don't think I could ever live there." I tell him. "What about you?" I ask.

    "We took a trip to Italy.. Stayed there a while, and it was incredible. I think I'd live there one day.. The coast of italy, where you can hear the ocean, and you can look out and see it too." He speaks out, and I can imagine it. Him being some giant research journalist, living off of the coast somewhere. Maybe a travel journalist.. He'd thrive that way.. Though he claims it's not what he wants anymore. "I'm going to steal you away, and take you to Italy one day." He turns on his side so he can look at me, and I do the same.

    "Steal me away? What would my father think?" I ask jokingly, and he smiles.

    "To hell with your father... But don't tell him I said that." He warns me, and I smirk. "That's a dangerous look." He tells me.

    "It's only dangerous if you make it that way." I tell him. "I'm not making it into anything." I raise my eyebrows.

    "Just want to know what that look means." He moves his hand over very softly, moving the hair out of my face before retracting his hand carefully.

    "It's a look of ideas... Because my head just spun out of control thinking of all the places I want to travel... and how it would be really, really fun to travel to all those places with you.. In the future, not for a while obviously." I brush it off, and he looks at me carefully.

    "You want that?" He asks. "I mean in the future?" He asks, pushing on with his question.

    "Yes... Well.. I mean yeah, don't you?" I ask, and he keeps that same look. Like he's studying my features, looking straight at me. His eyes stay steady, centered with my own. I wait for an answer, but part of me feels like he doesn't know what to say, like maybe I overstepped or his overworking brain is thinking way too hard on this. He's good with books, not with emotion.

    "We don't know what could come with the future.." He speaks simply, and I nod.

    "Well yeah. That's kinda the cool thing about it." I laugh, but he keeps a serious expression on his face still, not changing it as he looks at me. He has a small crease between his eyebrows, and a look of comfort, but worry in his eyes. "What are you-" He doesn't let me finish speaking, he closes the space between us. I suppose this is his answer, him kissing me this way. It's not sweet, nor soft. It's not rough. It's caring, but passionate, and full of something I can't tell. He's not unsure with the kiss at all either.

    He moves his hands, placing one on my waist, and the other on my face as he kisses me. I kiss him, but I let him lead it all, letting his lips press harder to mine. I don't question his movements but part of me fears them, not understanding why he's kissing me this way.

Why he's moving his lips, moving mine too, and slipping his tongue past my lip, caressing my own. I won't stop it because I love it. Because it ignites me, and pushes a fire inside of me, and out of me. It radiates off of me. It burns through me, and rips me apart while making me whole all at once. As he pulls me closer, I try my hardest to keep my hands to myself, but I need to hold myself up, to get stability as he takes the breath straight from my lungs.

    I move my hand to his chest, holding myself steady as I slightly lean over him, and my other hand hits the bed right next to his body. He moves his hand from my waist and brings it to my neck, holding me softly there, as he does he pulls me deeper which I didn't think was even possible.

I indulge in the taste of his sweet lips, and the warmth of them too. They enclose me, and I try to remember what to do, how to act, and it's hard. It's hard to not lose every sense of morality with him kissing me this way. I slide my hand over to him, and hold onto his side, letting my hand stay steady there. I roll into him, kissing him with the same intensity, my fingers finding warmth, and before I can think of it, I realize it's his skin, and then I'm off of him, and not by my own doing. Instantly I feel regret for my own movement and lack of judgment.

    "I'm sorry." I whisper breathlessly. He sits himself up at first, collecting himself, and then he stands up, pacing back and forth while running his hand through his curly hair. "I'm sorry Harry, I didn't mean to I just-"

    "I can't do this..." He speaks before I can finish, and I brush my hair out of my face, sitting myself all the way up.

    "I'm sorry, I wont-"

    "I can't do this. I was dumb to think I could do this at all Sterling I can't. I can't be normal, I can't do this. I can't be with you." He speaks and shakes his head. "You should leave." He speaks with his back turned to me, and I hesitate, just sitting there. "I said you should leave.. Just go Sterling, don't ask questions just go. Get out please." He pleads with me, but he doesn't raise his voice once, and I feel my mouth softly hang. I don't want to upset him further, and I don't want to fight him on this. He's been through far too much as it is.

    "I'm-"

    "Go! I'm.. I'm breaking up with you, go!" He raises his voice now, and I get up slowly, collecting my things, and slipping my shoes on my feet. I don't turn back, but I hear what sounds like his desk chair being kicked. "Fuck." He mumbles to himself, and I flinch at the sound. I make my way down the stairs, and I don't stop to talk to Anne or Robin, knowing they might have heard something. I make my way over to my house, and walk inside, going straight for the stairs.

    I walk past the kitchen, knowing my dad is either in there or the living room, but hopefully he won't even think twice about me being here. Criminal minds should be-

    "Hey Ster.. Hey.. Hey where are you going so quick?" He instantly speaks out as I make my way up the stairs.

    "I'm tired, I just want to go to bed." I speak quickly, trying to hide my sadness.

    "Sterling, what's going on?" His voice is closer now, and I know he's following me.

    "I don't want to talk about it dad, just leave me alone." I speak back, not wanting him to see me cry.

    "Sterling Corrin King you never leave that boys house until I practically force you to, why are you-" He pushes his hand on my door, and I turn around, stopping his words with his first look at my face. I know there's tears in my eyes, and I know my face has to be incredibly red due to the fact that I'm holding in my tears.

    "I don't want to talk about it, I want to go to bed." I whisper, looking down to the floor.

    "Did he upset you? Did you two get into a fight? Fights happen all the time." He tells me.m as if I don't know that.

    "No. It's fine dad, just leave it alone, I just want to go to bed." I urge, and he steps back from my door. I take that with a nod, and close my door, sliding down it with my back pressed to it. I look in front of me, wondering if I should cry or if I should just tell myself to stop, and get over it.

He's my neighbor, who I will also be going to school with in the fall. Who is also friends with all the people I'm not friends with anymore... Meaning this is going to be complete hell. Meaning- I'm overreacting. I don't know... I don't have any clue what any of this means. Will I see him again? Did he actually break up with me, or was he just acting rash? Will he show back up tomorrow or will he pretend like I never existed? And why does this matter so much to me?

    Because I like him... Because I really like him. And I've never let myself like anyone like this for this exact reason. I really like him, and I.. I really care for him, more than I initially thought I would.. So the fact that my cheeks are now wet is justified. Because I really like him, and I made a mistake, but it's not one that's forgivable.. Because it's a mistake that wasn't a mistake in his past. Stephanie didn't mistake it, and if I had to guess.. His mind is having a hard time deciphering my intentions from hers, and that's what hurts the most. I never in my life want him to place me in the same category as her.
                            * * *
    It's been two days since I left Harry's house, and I haven't heard a single word from him. I haven't really left my room either. I haven't had the energy, nor the will power to get up, and go downstairs because that would result in me having to talk to my dad.

    "Sterling..." I hear a soft knock on my door, and I continue to look out of my window as I lay in my bed.

    "I'm fine dad, I just don't feel good." I speak up.

    "That's not true Ster... I know you." He speaks with a sigh in his voice.

    "Dad I'm fine." I speak again.

    "You know you can talk to me about anything right?" He asks, and I feel myself breaking down again. I've only known him since may. It's now mid June meaning it's been over a month since meeting Harry. So no I shouldn't be this hurt about this.  But I am hurt. More than I want to be.

    "I know." I let my voice falter a little bit.

    "That treehouse is missing you I think." He pauses before saying it, and I just stay quiet, knowing he didn't want me to even work on it in the first place. I don't know what's changed in his mind now. I have no idea, but I don't have the energy to ask so I decide to just stay quiet, and let him move along.
                             * * *
    The next two days pass along silently. After my dad leaves I go, get something small to eat, and go back to my room after so when he gets home I'm away. I haven't had much of a stomach for food lately. I can't stomach the fact that he's thinking of me, and he could be thinking of her..

Even if it never works out.. Even if I never get the chance to be even his friend, the thought of him putting me in the same category as her makes me feel sick.

    I crossed a line, and I can't take that back... I just wish I could tell him I was sorry. I really do. I wish I had the courage in me to walk over there, and just try but I don't. So I've disappeared, just like I always do. I always find myself disappearing, trying my hardest to pretend like I don't exist so I can't bother anyone or anything else.. But I'm bothering myself this way.

I haven't cried about it since that day either. Not because I don't feel like crying, more so because I hate crying. I feel so helpless when I let myself cry. I feel like I'm pitying myself, and that's the last thing  I want to do. I did this, even if it was an accident I did it, and I have to live with it... But I can still try to apologize...

    It's after dinner, meaning he should be home unless he's with his friends.. I know Criminal minds is on as well meaning my dad won't hear me sneaking around up here, and through his bedroom to look out the window.

I move through it, and I look, seeing his car parked in the driveway as well as his moms. I go back to my room, and pull up his contact, looking at it carefully.  I have no idea what this will mean for me but more importantly for us. It was a fling, but it didn't feel like a fling. It felt like it could be so much more than that... So I press the call button, and hear the phone ring, and ring and ring.. And right as soon as I think it'll go to voicemail he picks it up.

    "Hey.. Um I-"

    "Sterling I can't talk... I'm sorry, but I can't do this.. Just forget I ever existed, and when school starts back please don't tell anyone anything." He tells me, and his voice sounds sad, it sounds sombre, and hurt.

    "I.. I wouldn't-"

    "Good then. I'll see you around." He hangs up the phone instantly, and I pause, still having the phone pressed to my ear. He's more than upset, and he's upset with me, but I can't help and feel bad for him. I don't want to treat him like some sad, hurt puppy dog. I know he'd hate that, and I won't do it, but I hate how hurt he is... and he's hurt by my actions. And that hurts me... It hurts that he won't even give me a chance to explain.

It hurts knowing that everything that happened within the past month and half was so exciting for me, and so new, but it wasn't enough for him to even hear me out. It hurts knowing that this is more than a fling in my head, but in reality... in front of me it's not.

I make a quick decision to leave my bedroom, and I walk down the stairs, stopping at the bottom. My dad turns over his shoulder from the couch to look at me, and I feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

The thing that hurts worse than anything of this is the fact that I felt like I wasn't sinking anymore... and every time I feel like that I feel like another wave comes again.. He didn't save me from the water... but he helped..

*PLAY BIRD BY BILLIE MARTEN*

    "Hey...Hey Ster, what's... What's going on?" He asks, pausing his show instantly when he sees my face. I stay still where I am. "What did he do?" He asks softly, and I move forward to him, only a bit before he moves over on the couch. "Sit down, come here." He nods his head, and I do sit down, right next to him. "Is it a fight? How can I help?" He asks softly, and I bite my tongue, trying to think how I can word this, but I feel myself just break instead.

I turn to him, and hug him, burying my head into his shoulder. He freezes at first, obviously not expecting it, but I feel his arms close around me, and pull me in. Right as soon as he squeezes me to him I feel warm, and I feel safe too.

    "He broke up with me." I cry to him, and he stiffens as he hears the words. "It's not his fault, not at all, but he broke up with me." I tell him through my tears, not wanting him to hate Harry for this.

    "Maybe he's just got a lot on his plate and he'll come around sweetheart.." He tries to play devil's advocate, and I squeeze my eyes tight.

    "He's not normal dad, he does have a lot going on but.. But.."

    "Maybe it's just not meant to be.. Sterling you're going to meet a lot of people in your life, and you're going to-"

    "I thought I was falling for him dad... He was the first person I trusted after Lee, he's the first person I let in, and I-"

    "And that's not a bad thing... Don't look at it like it's bad... You did something amazing. I'm proud of you for trusting him, for letting him in, and for opening up after everything with your brother. You owed it to yourself... and I'm sure he knows what you've been through-"

    "He doesn't... He knows about mom... nothing else." I tell him, and he pulls me back.

    "How do you expect him to know who you are if you wont tell him what made you who you are? You're brothers passing isn't-"

    "Isn't something I'm ready to share or talk about yet." I sit up straight, and he nods his head.

    "Has he shared anything like that with you... Anything personal?" He asks, and I nod.

    "Stuff he hasn't told anyone else... he trusted me with that, and I want to trust him I just-"

    "Ster, what's stopping you?" He asks.

    "The fact that he's friends with Carson, and Hallie, and Claire, and Mason..." I tell him.

    "Do you think he'd sacrifice the bond he's made with you over all of them?" He asks me, and I shrug my shoulders.

    "Do we really even have a bond if he's willing to break it off?" I ask, and my dad shakes his head.

    "A bump in the road doesn't mean anything. That's all this is... You two do have a bond. Something I haven't seen you have since you met Jalyn, and Andrea. He's not random. He moved in next door for a reason, and I'm not asking you to forgive him, or force him to talk to you... I just think you should appreciate all of this for what it is, and see what happens... He's a special kind of kid, and I think you're just the same."

    "You have to say that about me." I laugh, and wipe under my nose, feeling a bit better after talking to him.

    "I don't have to say anything." He corrects me. "I say it because it's true Ster... You are special..."

"Aren't you supposed to be mad, and angry that a boy broke my heart?" I ask.

"Well normally I would be, but he didn't break your heart... You're both struggling, and he's stupid and doesn't know how to handle it yet... There, I said he was stupid, does that make you feel a little better?" He asks, and I laugh. "How about we make some pancakes, from scratch." He smiles, and I furrow my brows.

    "It's nine at night dad."

    "I know you didn't eat dinner." He raises his eyebrows at me.

    "We never make them home made." I argue again.

    "No we do.. We just haven't made them home made in a long while... Come on, make pancakes with your dad." He nods his head, and I don't argue, I get up and follow him to the kitchen. "Sterling... I know after Lee.. After Lee I-"

    "You did

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net