14: Hate Scars, Love Heals

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"Shut up already and let me love you."

There are so many stories on what happens when you die. I say everybody's story is different because everyone has led a different life. No telling whether you're going to hell or heaven because it's simply not up to us to decide. We are not God. The problem with the human race is that we are too arrogant. The ideals of religion have turned us into hypocritical idiots. I believe in God, my God. My God is a being who always forgives and keeps his faith and that's what keeps me going sometimes. Heaven doesn't sound too bad. Life on Earth is hell. My addiction has taken over my mind and altered my decisions. I want to be better for me, my daddy, and for God. I still have work to do so now is not the time. God told me so.

I gasped for air as my eyes shot open. I'm flat on my back on a hospital bed with doctors and nurses surrounding me trying to bring me back to life. I can't remember how or why I got here, but I know it's bad.

"Ma'am, I need you to stay with us! Fight!" the nurse coached.

Blood trickled down my face onto my nude body. I feel naked and exposed in front of all these strangers. 

"Help," I croaked out.

My voice is hoarse and it hurts to talk. My body feels like someone dropped a bag of bricks on top of me. I just want the pain to go away.

"Ma'am, you we're in an accident. Your car was rammed by an eighteen wheeler, but luckily an ambulance was near the scene of the accident to save you before you died," the doctor explained, "I'm going to give you something to put you to sleep while we repair your wounds. You have three broken ribs and your leg was shattered on impact. You also have a concussion which is why we need to treat you soon because your injuries are extensive."

He pushed the IV up my veins and shortly after, I felt myself slipping out of consciousness.


My eyes fluttered open to find myself in the same spot, but this time there we're no doctors surrounding. For that, I was grateful. I peeped Brendon sleeping in the corner of my eye on the couch along with Rocki. 

Ramone came waltzing in the door moments later. He gasped when he saw me awake.

"Mia, oh my God. You scared the hell out of me!" he rushed over to me.

"I scared myself. The last thing I remember is getting a call from Malea and her telling me that," I gasped as my jaw dropped open. The conversation Malea and I had before the truck hit suddenly came back to me and tears welled up in my eyes.

"She called me and told me that Dominic has HIV," I whispered, "My life is over. If Dominic gave me that shit, I don't know what I'll do, Mone'," I sobbed quietly.

Dominic's eyes fluttered open and widened, "Baby, you had me scared for a sec, but I knew you would pull through," he exclaimed.

"Dominic, we have to talk," I sighed, grabbing his hand possibly for the last time. After I tell him what I just told Rocki, he probably won't want anything to do with me.

"Wassup ma? You need to stop stressin' forreal, you almost died," he said.

"Before I got in the accident, Malea called and told me that there's a possibility I could have HIV because Dominic called and told her he had it," I confessed.

Shame and regret flooded my mind like a wave. It hit me at once and I broke down. I pray to God that he doesn't ruin my life like this. 

Brendon looked like he was truly at a loss for words. Honestly, I didn't think he would completely turn me wrong, but I was wrong. He gently removed his hand from mine.

"HIV? You been fucking this nigga, Mia?" he asked bluntly.

Rocki cleared her throat, "I'll let you two talk. I'm going to get something to eat from the cafeteria," she said before slipping out the door.

"No, Brendon. I haven't had sex with him since we broke up forever ago," I replied to answer his question.

He shook his head, "Damn, I can't believe dis' shit," he cursed.

He's angry, I get that. However,  I didn't ask for this and I'm not going to sit here and beg him to stay. I can't think of anyone who would wanna be with someone still after this. Shit, I wouldn't even wanna be with myself.

I felt a sting in the back of my throat and tears welling up in my eyes.

"I understand if you wanna be done wit' me. I'm a big girl and I can get through everything else. I'll be fine, go."

"Mia, shut up. Can't you that I love you? You don't just up and leave people you love!" he shouted.

I flinched at his tone. 

"I don't know love, Brendon," I confessed as a single tear slid down my face.  I bit down on my bottom lip so hard I tasted blood. I'm trying to fight these tears that are threatening to fall right now. Love scares me like nothing else. Love erupts this unspeakable fear inside of my mind and I run. I run away because love always turns into hate, always. Hate is what I know and all I've ever known.

"I just need time, but I'm not leaving you. This is a lot to process and I just need to smoke a blunt and think on this shit, ma. I'll see you later," he kissed my forehead and walked out of the door. 

As soon as he left, the tears pooled rapidly out of my eyes. I threw my head back in frustration, anguish, and confusion. Mainly because I don't know when or if I'll ever see Brendon again. He provided me happiness and for that I'm thankful.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, my mother walked through the door. 

Guys, I am so sorry for the long ass wait. This semester is hectic! I'm not sure when the next update will be, but I'll try my hardest to update ASAP.

This chapter is unedited so excuse mistakes.

Lemme know your thoughts pls. It motivates and helps me with what I'll put in the next chapter.

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