Thirty-Eight

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Chewing in the inside of your cheek, you pressed the foot down on the gas and chased the car down the hill.

You and Connor were in the road for a few hours now, the gas tank was starting to empty and you didn't even know where this journey would lead to.

All you needed was a few hours maybe days to find Connor's error and fix it while finding a way to keep his personality going. But no matter how many times you thought about something there was always an issue waiting at the end.

Either you would have to overwrite his program or restructure it. No matter what it would be, he couldn't stay the way he was. Something about him would change.

Or if nothing would change you needed to think of something.

"Canada...", you mumbled to yourself.

Connor moved in the backseat.

He was mainly dried now but his hair was still messy. It had started to go a bit curly.

With raised eyebrows he looked up and met your gaze in the review mirror.

"What did you say?", he asked, visibly confused.

Quickly, you shook your head and turned your eyes back to the street.

"Nothing. I was just... thinking out loud."

"But you did say something."

"It was foolish to say it, Connor."

For a moment he didn't answer.

"Why?", he suddenly asked.

You sighed.

It was no use trying to get rid of his curiosity. He would just keep asking until the answers would make sense to himself.

With a sigh, you slowed the car down and pulled to the side.

The engine turned off.

A thick silence spread through the car. Only the raindrops managed to make it seem like the world was alive.

It was cold.

All of a sudden you were shaking and freezing.

"Come here.", you patted the passenger seat. "We need to talk."

Without complain he got out of the car, walked around it and sat next to you. He crossed his hands in a perfect, polite manner and gave you the kind of look that told you to get going.

You started the car again and drove in, slower this time, so you were able to focus on the conversation that was about to happen. But you didn't know how to start.

One unlucky word and he could get the wrong idea.

Once again the car was filled with a thick, uncomfortable silence.

It made you nervous while the sky poured lakes down on you.

You wanted to say something but you were afraid what could come of it. It was just ridiculous, everything was ridiculous and dangerous.

And illegal was it as well.

"You wanted to have a conversation.", Connor reminded you from the side.

You let out a deep sigh. All you could wish for was to hit your head against the steering wheel.

But that would have probably crashed the car and you didn't have a death wish. At least not yet.

"Android human relationships are illegal.", you started to explain.

Connor hummed.

"You did say that already.", he said. "But what does that have to do with this situation?"

"Well, it's not everywhere this way. Canada legalised it. At least to a certain extend. Having human children would still be illegal but an android child would be fine."

His eyebrows rose.

"Do we need to go to Canada?", he asked.

"No. Not yet. But... You know I need to fix the issue at hand. One way or another."

His gaze darkened.

"Will I be able to continue existing?", he asked carefully.

It almost sounded like he was deeply concerned about what would happen to him. But he wasn't worried about himself.

He was worried he would have to leave you and break the promise that made him go day after day.

You chewed on the inside of your cheek.

"I'm not sure...", you admitted. "I'm really not sure, Connor. I was thinking about a few possibilities. All of them will lead to you loosing yourself. Or parts of it. I will have to change lines of your code. Or write the entire thing new."

His lips pressed into a thin line. Without a word his eyes wandered out of the window.

The drops danced over the glass. They played catch, one merging with the other only to pick up a quicker speed.

"I am willing to sacrifice myself.", he finally said out of the blue.

As the words reached you it felt like your heart jumped to your throat.

But despite the fact that it made you nervous, you couldn't help but laugh. It was a short, unbelievable laugh. Almost like a maniac.

"Sacrifice?", you asked, still refusing to believe what he just said. "Sacrifice for what, Connor? Your maker?"

"My lover."

You hit the brakes.

With a squeaking sound and slithering tires, the car came to a stand in the middle of the road. Luckily, it was a small road, in the middle of nowhere. Not a lot of people would come by and if so they could be heard and seen early enough to get the car out of the way.

"Connor you- you can't..."

He tilted his head like a confused puppy.

"Why not? We're alone. And I feel this way. I love you."

Your breathing quickened.

It scared you to hear this. For the past years you tried to avoid any kind of love, even the one of your parents. It scared you to hear him say it and understand because you felt the same way.

You understood his feelings. Because his feelings were yours.

Your fingers wrapped around the wheel.

"I- I love you too, Connor...", you whispered, shaking. "I love you too. And I don't want to risk loosing you. Not again."

His eyes locked with yours. The usual soft smile was on his lips, but it felt bigger, lighter.

There was a shimmer inside those deep brown eyes of his.

"Can we go to Canada?", he asked and grabbed your hand to squeeze it. "I want to go to Canada with you."


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