Chapter 35: Jaded

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Becca

"Mom!" I called out, entering my apartment slowly and locking the door behind me. Brett wanted to come with me but I told him I'd call him later, needing to do this alone. He was hesitant to leave me, as he always was, but he eventually gave in when I threatened to never kiss him again.

"Mom?" I called again, walking into the kitchen. The room seemed different for some reason. I was expecting to see the broken glass on the floor, to smell the burning cookies in the air. But there was no trace of the day before. The counters were glistening, not a speck of glass on the floor or anything remotely out of place. It was as if nothing ever happened.

If only I could clean the mess so easily out of my mind.

I left the kitchen and walked down the hallway to my mom's bedroom, my footsteps echoing on the wooden floors. Her luggage was open on her bed, clothes thrown onto it in a messy lump. My mom was sitting on the edge of the bed with her back to me, shoulders slumped and her head resting in her hands.

"Mom?" I said slowly, not wanting to startle her. Her head snapped around quickly, her eyes widened as she saw me and immediately filled with tears.

"Oh, Becca," she said between sobs, running to me and wrapping me in her arms. I rubbed her back soothingly. I regretted ever leaving and making her worry about me. She pulled back after a moment and held me at arms length, her eyes scanning my face quickly. She looked exhausted, the wrinkles in her face more prominent than ever. "I'm so sorry, my love. Are you alright?"

"I'm okay," I told her, feeling better now that the tension between us was lifted.

"I should have never suggested you stay with your father. I don't know what I was thinking."

"How could you even suggest that, Mom? You know how I feel about him."

"He called me last week and mentioned how much he missed you, that he wants to see you again."

"Well I don't want to see him." I replied firmly, angrier than I intended.

"I know, baby. I know," she stroked my cheek gently. "I should have known better. I'm sorry," I knew that she truly meant it and I was ready to leave this in the past permanently - my father included.

"I'm fine, Mom." I reassured her. She hugged me again, tighter this time as if I would disappear in a moments notice. Suddenly she pulled back, her eyebrows drawing together questioningly.

"Where did you stay last night? With Cassie?"

Oh no. My eyes darted around the room, anywhere other than her's. I could lie and pretend to have stayed with Cassie, but that brief moment of clarity in the hallway earlier came back to me. Brett and I spent so much time hiding, it was time to move past that.

"I stayed with Brett," I said hesitantly. Her face brightened in understanding and I could practically see the millions of questions begging to escape her lips. I fidgeted nervously, trying to find the best way to approach this. "We're dating," I blurted out, unable to hide the smile from my face.

I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the inevitable hugging, the shrieking and the possible tears of joy. After a second, when there was no noise and no touching, I slowly opened my eyes again. My mother was staring at me proudly, a wide smile on her face, one that radiated happiness.

"I knew you liked him," she replied after a moment, a wistful expression on her face.

"Mom," I groaned, not wanting to talk about this.

"I just want you to be happy, my love. And from the look on your face, I know that you are." Her expression turned serious suddenly. "You slept in different beds, right?"

"Obviously," I replied quickly, the lie coming out effortlessly.

"Good," she sighed. "But you're staying with Cassie for the week, Becca."

I was fine with that. I already refused Brett's offer to spend the week with him a hundred times in the past twenty-four hours. Spending one night in the same bed with him nearly put me into cardiac arrest, I wasn't sure I could handle an entire week alone with him and his half-nude self.

My mother hugged me once more before walking to her bed and staring at her luggage, as if she were waiting for the clothes to come alive and fold themselves.

"Why don't you help me fold and tell me all about this boy of yours?" She asked hopefully and I couldn't bring myself to say no. Plus, part of me was dying to gush about Brett and if I couldn't do it to Cassie, my mom was the next best option.

I told her about his laugh, his smile, the way his eyes light up when he sees me. About how he makes me feel beautiful in my own skin, how a smile never seemed to leave my face when I'm with him. My mother listened happily the entire time, not interrupting me once. It struck me how I could talk about Brett nonstop. There was so much to say, so much to feel.

"Sounds like my little girl is falling in love," my mother said, catching me off guard.

"How do you know when you're in love, Mom?" I asked shyly, not having any experience with this.

"You just know, love. You just know."

That seemed to be the verdict when it came to love. You just know. Not that that helped me in any way possible. If anything, it made me more confused. How do you "just know"? Would the realization suddenly hit me one morning? Would I wake up and think yes, I am in love. That's what this is. I didn't want to just know, I wanted to know the signs - know what to look for so that when the moment came, I would be prepared.

What if the moment came and I missed it? What if I loved Brett but I was too stupid to even realize it? That's definitely something that would happen to me. Heck, I was blind to the way we felt about each other for months now.

I took a deep breath. All this love talk was making me feel dizzy. Maybe you do just know and if that was the case, then I knew that right now I wasn't in love with Brett. I was in like. A very, very extreme stage of like. But that's why it's called a stage because at some point, you out grow it and enter a new one.

The next stage would be love, right? I just wasn't sure when I would reach that. I was only sure that all this Brett talk was making me miss my boyfriend tremendously.

"Mom, I know you're leaving tomorrow but..." I chewed my lip nervously, not wanting to upset her. I placed the shirt I had been folding in her luggage and glanced up at her. She was suppressing a laugh, watching me knowingly.

"Go see him, dear. I was your age once. I know how you feel."

I hugged my mother tightly. Sometimes words just didn't do your feelings justice.

"I love you, Becca. Be careful."

"I love you too, Mom." Truer words have never been spoken.

I grabbed my bag full of clothing and toiletries for the week then my phone. I had Brett's number dialled and the phone pressed to my ear before I reached the door.

* * *

Brett

I was sitting on the couch in my boxers, playing a video game when my cellphone rang and Becca's name appeared.

I smiled instantly. Becca never calls me. Never texts me first. Not that I minded but this was a nice surprise. A call meant she was thinking about me.

I grinned even wider.

"Hey baby," I answered immediately, laying back on the couch happily with the phone pressed to my ear and my feet resting on the table.

"Hey you," she replied. I could hear the smile in her voice. I wondered if she was smiling just as pathetically as I was. The way this girl could make me feel just over the phone was unreal.

A splash of red on the TV screen caught my attention. I was so distracted by Becca's voice that my player died, his blood oozing down before the word HEADSHOT appeared. Oh well, this was more important.

I glanced away from the TV and returned to this very important phone call.

"What's up, Becs? Miss me already?" Say yes.

"I did," she replied shyly, I could practically see her biting her lip. I couldn't stop smiling. "What are you doing?

"Playing video games. Do you have a better offer?" I asked, hoping she did. I would drop anything and everything in a second for her.

Wha-ch!

"Uhm, not really...I kind of just wanted to see you." She said, her voice so low I could barely hear her.

My cheeks were starting to hurt.

"Did something happen with your mom?" I asked, hoping she was alright and not trying to run away again.

"No, Brett. It went well. She's all packed, her flight is at three in the morning tomorrow so she's asleep... What is that noise?"

My player in the game respawned just to get his head blown off again. Poor guy can't catch a break.

"This?" I asked, holding my phone out to the TV to amplify the noise.

"Brett! What is that?" I could hear the horror in her voice and I couldn't stop laughing.

"It's the video game, babe. Don't worry, no one's shooting at me. Now, what do you have in mind for tonight, Becs? What shall we possibly do? Hm..." I asked mischievously, imagining her cheeks flushing pink. I loved it when that happened. Becca was quiet but fiery to everyone else. I loved how with me, she was the opposite - vulnerable and shy. I loved how only I could make her flustered.

"Ugh," swallow. "We can go to the mall?"

"See, I was thinking something more...private." I said slowly, purposely drawing out the last word to tease her.

"The movies?" She asked shyly, her voice a soft whisper.

Now we were talking. Not exactly as private as I would have liked, but with Becca you had to take what you could get. The movies were definitely more private than the mall. Maybe I could convince her to see a horror as an excuse to hold her.

"Brett?" She asked again when I didn't respond.

"Sure, baby. The movies is fine. Are you at your apartment still?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there soon." I hung up quickly, running into my bedroom to throw on some clothes. Did I have to time to take a shower? Fuck it. I didn't want to keep my girl waiting.

I quickly pulled on a pair of black jeans and a dark blue plaid shirt at the same time, doing a weird dance around my room and probably looking like an incompetent freak. Whatever, the quicker I was out of this room, the better.

I wasn't happy until I was in my car driving to pick up Becca. And even then I wasn't - the seat beside me was still empty.

I spotted her sitting on the bench outside her apartment building before I even pulled in. Her face lit up when she noticed my car. My face lit up simply because her's did.

I parked the car quickly and got out, walking towards her and itching to feel her lips on mine.

"Hi," she breathed when I was close enough to reach out and grab her, which I did.

I pulled her to me and marvelled at how she seemed to fit so perfectly, almost as if our bodies were molded for the other. She giggled shyly as she wrapped her arms around my back tightly.

Strawberries. She smelt like strawberries.

I pulled away after a second just to look at her, taking in the brightness of her eyes and smile. The way the corners of her eyes crinkled. I grabbed her chin gently and tilted her face upwards, allowing me better access to her mouth. She smiled shyly as I lowered my face to hers and kissed her.

Strawberries. She tasted like them too.

Becca slowly wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling my body closer to hers as I ran one hand through her hair, the other holding her face in place.

I swear to God I could not get enough of this. No matter what. I could kiss this girl a thousand times a day and it would never be enough. Each kiss felt like the first.

Every time her tongue met mine it felt like a surge of energy went flashing through my body, igniting every single cell. She made me aware of every part of myself. Especially my heart, the muscle beating too fast in my chest. Beating because of her. Beating for her.

She pulled back too soon. It was always too damn soon.

"What movie do you want to watch?" She asked, sounding completely breathless. Her eyes were still closed, her head resting on my chest with her lips parted as she regained her breath.

My head felt dizzy. I grabbed ahold of her hand to anchor me back down.

"A scary one," I told her. "Something that'll give me an excuse to hold you the entire time."

Her eyes opened quickly at my words and she laughed. A beautiful sound from a beautiful girl.

She reached up and stroked my cheek gently. "You don't need an excuse, Brett."

My knees went weak at her comment. How did she always manage to hit me right in the heart? I never even knew it was possible to feel like this until this girl walked into my life.

"And," she continued, bringing my attention back to her. I couldn't stop staring at her lips. "I'm not afraid of horror movies. I love them."

"Really?" I asked, raising my eyebrows in surprise. Now that I was not expecting. She nodded as she smiled.

"Really. My mom and I used to watch them all the time when I was younger. It was sort of our thing," she shrugged but I could see the happiness in her face as she spoke about this memory with her mom. It meant a lot to her and that it made it mean a lot to me.

I wanted to know more about her childhood. Her favourite memories. Her likes and dislikes. I wanted to know everything she was willing to tell me.

I made a mental note to ask her about this sometime.

"I have memories like that too." I paused. "With my father." All my favourite memories as a kid were with him, every single one. It bothered me how my life took such a drastic turn. I used to think back to those memories and smile. Now, I tried my hardest to block them out.

"Let's go," I declared, trying to change the subject. I grabbed her hand in mine and lead Becca to my car. I could see the worry on her face when I mentioned my dad, but it wasn't something I felt like talking about right now.

Becca and I drove to the theatre in silence, as we always did. It was like an unwritten rule, this thing we did every time we drove somewhere together. I placed my right hand on her knee. She placed hers on top of mine. I looked over to her at stop signs and she was already looking at me, smiling and waiting for ours eyes to meet. We didn't speak, we didn't have to. Each other's presence was more than enough.

Sometimes the silence didn't need to be filled. Unspoken words had a funny way of saying everything.

I pulled into the theatre ten minutes later. It was a Tuesday night, the entire parking lot was deserted. The last time I came here was in freshman year with Kristie Jacobs, a girl in my science class that I had a gigantic crush on. I remember how nervous I was that night, I bought her a dozen roses and forgot them at my house but she didn't care. I was fifteen and thought I was in love.

Now, I knew better. That wasn't love. It wasn't even close.

I parked right in front of the entrance and got out of the car, quickly jogging over to Becca's side to open the door before she could. She smiled as she got up, her hand immediately finding mine.

The theatre was empty aside from one employee at the ticket booth and another at the concession stand. The air smelt like popcorn, making my mouth water.

"What do you want to watch?" I asked Becca, whose gaze was fixated on the screen displaying the movie titles and showing times.

We ended up choosing a horror movie that started in ten minutes. The employee sold us our tickets a little too enthusiastically; she was trying too hard to flirt with me, bating her eyes non-stop and throwing her hair over her shoulder. I wrapped my arm around Becca and held her to me but even that didn't stop her. I thanked her politely and took the tickets. Becca, on the other hand, seemed annoyed as hell.

"Is my girl jealous?" I asked her, laughing at the expression on her face. She was trying too hard to look as if she didn't care. But I knew that she did. The realization made me oddly happy. At least I wasn't the only jealous one in this relationship.

When she didn't respond, I stopped and tugged her against my chest, kissing her cheek. "You have absolutely nothing to be jealous about, Becca." She glanced up at me slowly, her eyes uncertain. "I promise," I reassured her. She sighed, then smiled.

"I'm going to need you to start wearing a mask in public, Brett. Your face is too pretty," she grumbled, laughing easily but I had the weird suspicion that she wasn't joking.

"Only if we wear matching ones," I told her.

"Deal."

I lead Becca to the concession stand. Her eyes scanned the bright-coloured bags of candy like a child. So this was what it took to make her happy, candy? I would make sure to always have some in the cupboards at the hotel.

I ordered a large popcorn, a large soda and grabbed a handful of the candy Becca was staring at and placed it on the counter. The cashier was laughing, Becca was watching me like I was insane. Maybe I was.

"Did you want anything, babe?" I joked just to make her laugh. She rolled her eyes and giggled, just like I knew she would.

"You're crazy." Crazy for you.

I paid for all the food and carried it like a king to the theatre. Becca was holding the candy in her arms, she wouldn't stop laughing. And because of that, I couldn't stop smiling.

She chose to sit in the last row and my mind immediately went into the gutter. Everyone knew what a couple sitting in the last row meant. Knowing Becca, she preferred the last row for the view or something along those lines. Her choice definitely had nothing to do with where my mind was heading.

We settled easily into our seats in the middle of the row as I tried to erase the dirty thoughts running through my head. The lights in the theatre shut off a minute later, surrounding us in darkness. Becca pulled her knees onto her chair, holding them to her chest as she rested her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her and nestled even closer to her. How the hell did she expect me to focus on the movie now?

Just when I thought Becca couldn't get more amazing, she managed to take me by surprise. For the entire two hours, she never flinched. Never shrieked or covered her eyes. She literally sat there wide-eyed and watched the entire film without a single reaction. I, on the other hand, was literally scared shitless.

My girl was a badass.

When the credits rolled I was relieved, to say the least. The thought of spending the foreseeable future alone in that hotel room creeped me the fuck out. Maybe I could use this to convince Becca to stay with me.

"What did you think?" I asked her when the lights turned back on. There was popcorn all over my shirt and pants. I decided to pretend it wasn't there from all the times I jumped out of my seat during the movie. I brushed it off quickly before she would notice.

She slowly removed her head from my shoulder and glanced at me for the first time since the movie began. Her eyes were bright, an amused smile playing on her lips.

Dammit, she knew.

"It was good," she replied slowly. "I didn't find it scary, though. Did you?"

"Definitely not," I scoffed. She laughed and shook her head. I silently thanked her for not mocking me for being a complete wimp.

I stood up, picking up our garbage to throw out. I glanced around for the rest of the candy to give to Becca to keep.

"Where's the candy?" I asked, my eyes

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