Chapter 27: Unease

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Photo above is Jay Alvarez as Parker. Aside from some differences, I always imagined him as Park xo

Becca

"I spoke to Brett yesterday!" I called out to Cassie, my voice muffled through the closed bathroom door.

"What happened?" She called back, I could hear the surprise in her voice.

I opened the door and stepped out, doing a little spin to show her my completed outfit for Parker's family's party tonight.

"You look amazing," she breathed, her eyes and mouth open wide. I laughed at her expression, slightly offended that she was so shocked.

Parker told me the event tonight was a suit-and-tie affair, and it was important to wear something dressy that would blend in, so I did. Cassie and I went to a small boutique in town that afternoon and I purchased this dress: it was strapless, with a sweetheart neckline that was fitted around my chest and waist, then flowed down until it ended above my knee. The dress was a light shade of purple at the top, then transformed into an ombré effect, with darker shades of purple decorating the lower half of the dress, swirling in and out of each other like a sunset.

As soon as I saw it, I knew it was perfect. It was simple, yet elegant. It was the only dress that caught my eye.

I walked to the mirror and looked at myself, having trouble recognizing the person staring back at me. My hair fell in soft waves around my shoulders, with a silver clutch and heels to complete the look. I actually admired my reflection for once.

"That dress is stunning," Cassie said, her voice still sounding dazed. She ran her hand over the soft fabric and I rolled my eyes at her bewilderment.

"I hope it's enough," I admitted. "All the guests are wealthy socialites, I need to fit in." I stated, feeling nervous for the night ahead.

"You will, Becca. You look beautiful," Cassie said, making me smile. "What were you saying about Brett?" She asked, changing the subject and watching me carefully.

"We spoke yesterday for the first time in two weeks," I told her, shrugging to play it off like it didn't bother me. I didn't want it to bother me, I wanted to not be affected by Brett's distance, since I was the one that literally pushed him away, but I was. Part of me regretted it and missed him terribly, but another part told me that this space was much needed.

"What did he say?"

"He thanked me for tutoring him, he's back on the team," I said, smiling and feeling genuinely happy for him.

Brett's presence in the hallway caught me off guard. We had spent all week ignoring each other that him helping me with my books and speaking to me was the last thing I expected to happen.

"You miss him," Cassie stated, her eyes were studying my face intently, she knew I was thinking about him.

I nodded in response, walking over to my bed and sitting on the edge. "I do," I admitted to myself for the first time.

Cassie blew out a frustrated breath and walked to stand in front of me. "I don't get you two," she said. That makes two of us. "He cares about you, Becca. You know that. And you feel the same way. So what the hell is going on?"

"It's not that simple," I said, chewing on my bottom lip, a horrible nervous habit.

"Yes, it is," Cassie said matter-of-factly. "It is simple, you're just choosing to make it complicated. He punched Parker because he was jealous, because he cares about you. Don't be so hard on him for that." Her eyes stared into mine, willing me to listen carefully to what she was saying.

Cassie always did this. Being a year older, she liked to act as if she were wiser, always giving me advice as if she were my mother. Usually, she was right. I had a feeling that this time wasn't any different.

"You weren't there, Cass," I whispered, thinking back to that horrible day in the hallway. "It was horrifying. I've never seen Brett act like that before..." I shuddered at the memory.

"Everyone has a jealous side, Becca. We all let it get the best of us sometimes, we're human. Shit happens, but you need to move on. You can't let this one mishap completely alter what you think of Brett. It's not fair for him or for you."

"Cass-" I began, but she cut me off.

"Listen to me. Brett thought you were going on a date with Parker. He had a right to be upset and jealous. Should he have punched him and acted like an idiot? No. But it's understandable why he did. I'm just..." She trailed off, her eyes roaming around my room as she pulled her dark brown hair up into a ponytail. "Don't give up on him. You like him, Becca. A lot. I can see it on your face every time you talk about him. Don't abandon him now, you'll regret it."

I carefully thought over everything Cassie said. I knew she was right. After the initial shock of Brett's actions wore off, I slowly began to see why he punched Parker. I didn't agree with it, but I did understand it. His actions stemmed from a place of jealousy, reassuring me once more that Brett does care about me. But I didn't want his affection if it meant him acting territorial, like I was a prize for him to own rather than a person for him to love.

I looked at Cassie and she was smiling at me sadly and I felt completely vulnerable.

"I know that I'm going to fall in love with him, Cassie. And it scares me so much. Every time I'm with him I feel it, it's only a matter of time before it happens. I think that's why I keep pushing him away...like I'm trying to prolong the inevitable." Saying those words out loud stunned me, their blatant truth ringing loudly in my ears. 

I could love Brett. It would be so easy, to let myself fall completely and irrevocably in love with him and reach a point of no return. And part of me wanted to more than anything. But the other part, the more dominating part, reminded me that love wasn't all glory and happiness. It was pain and it was work, there would be ups and there would be downs. I couldn't predict how it would end, I couldn't control it, and that scared me the most.

Heartbreak or happiness? Love was a gamble I wasn't sure I was ready to take.

Cassie sat beside me on my bed and hugged me tightly, rubbing comforting circles on my back.

"Don't let the fears from your past win, Becca. You deserve to be loved and to be happy. Don't forget that," she pulled back and smiled at me and I smiled back, nodding as her words sunk in.

Fear controlled my past, but it didn't have to control my future.

"What time is Parker coming?" Cassie asked, changing the subject away from Brett, for which I was thankful.

I glanced down at my phone. "He should be here any minute."

The nerves began to kick in and overpower every other feeling. I wasn't a social person who attended lavish parties with important, wealthy businessmen and women.  I wanted to cancel on Parker, especially after how Brett reacted to the news, but I couldn't do that to him. He wanted me there as a friend, for comfort, and I understood how important that was. I couldn't abandon him when he needed me the most.

I knew what it was like to feel nervous to face a room of strangers when all eyes were on you. I felt that when Brett and I began our fake relationship. For those first few days at school, I knew I couldn't have handled it without Brett by my side. And tonight with Parker was the same, I would be his comfort.

Seconds later, the doorbell rang. I should have been excited. I should have felt butterflies or at least something, but I didn't. Those feelings didn't exist with Parker and that was comforting. Our friendship was refreshing and I was more accepting to it knowing that it wouldn't blossom into something more.

Nothing like with Brett, my mind reminded me. Not tonight. Tonight wasn't about Brett. It was about Parker, his families success and his promising future.

Cassie went to open the door while I checked myself over in the mirror, fixing my hair and grabbing my clutch off my desk.

When I was ready, I strolled into the hallway and could overhear their chatter.

"She told me how you're going to run the company someday, that's amazing," Cassie gushed, her voice full of admiration. I hid behind the wall for a moment and watched them. She was leaning into Parker as she spoke, her body language saying plenty, as was his. He watched her closely, smiling and hanging off her every word.

Interesting, I thought. I rounded the corner and they both turned to me at the same time. Parker smiled, Cassie whistled.

"You look great," he said kindly, making me feel comforted.

"So do you," I replied easily. I wasn't lying at all, he truly looked incredible.

He was wearing a navy blue suit that complimented his caramel skin and light hair, which was tailored perfectly to his tall frame. His wild curls were pulled off his face into a bun at the base of his neck, emphasizing his bone structure and making his face seem sharper than usual. The only flaw in his appearance were the red cuts along his nose and the slight bruising under his eye. I looked away, feeling guilty.

"You two have fun tonight while I'm here all alone," she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You spend more time alone in my apartment than I do," I said, rolling my eyes at the truth in that statement. My mother was out tonight having dinner with people from work and she wouldn't be home until later. But Cassie was apart of my family, her presence in my apartment wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

Parker chuckled beside me, bringing my attention back to him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Cass," I said, waving at her before I joined Parker in the hallway.

"Nice meeting you," Parker said kindly, smiling at Cassie in a way he never smiled at me. I saw her blush before she quickly closed the door.

I stared at him with my eyebrows raised. "What was that all about?" I asked.

He smiled and looked away, waving his hand to dismiss the issue. "Nothing," he lied, fidgeting awkwardly with his tie. "Are you excited for tonight?"

"I'm more nervous than anything," I admitted as we walked to the elevator.

"You have nothing to worry about, Becca. Everyone is there for my parents and myself. If anyone should be anxious, it's me." He joked, laughing as if he wasn't nervous at all.

"You're always calm, cool and collected, Park. I'm sure everyone is going to love you," I assured him, making him smile. "I'm sorry about your face though," I said sheepishly, nodding at the marks on his skin from Brett's fist.

He laughed it off and shrugged. "Not your fault." He repeated for the hundredth time, still not erasing any of the guilt I felt.

We stepped into the elevator and the doors closed in front of us. I stared at the markings on Parker's face once again, I couldn't help myself. They were a constant reminder of that day and all the heartbreak that it amounted to.

Parker caught me staring and smiled, his brown eyes holding the kindness that they never seemed to lack.

Suddenly, an idea came to me. I rummaged through my purse until I pulled out my powder and smiled up at Parker.

"Stand still," I told him, taking a step closer to him as I pressed the makeup puff into the powder.

His face scrunched up in discomfort as I held the puff up to his face. "Noooo," he groaned, stressing the word for emphasis and making me laugh.

"Don't be such a baby," I teased as I pressed the puff gently against his skin. First on his nose, then lightly under his eye. After a few touches, the redness slightly went down and his skin looked less swollen than it did before.

"There," I said, smiling as I admired my work. "Now no one will suspect you just got your ass kicked," I joked, laughing loudly until I saw the look on his face. "Sorry," I mumbled.

His face broke into an easy grin as he reached for the compact in my hand, opening the mirror to stare at his own reflection. "Not bad," he admitted, handing the compact back to me.

Now, Parker's face showed no sign of Brett and a reminder of that day. I smiled to myself as the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

Despite my nerves, I was determined to have fun tonight. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

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