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Becca

I watched in awe as Cassie shovelled another slice of pizza into her mouth. For someone so tiny, it amazed me how she could eat so much without gaining a pound.

We were at Paul's Pizza Parlour, or Triple P as locals like to call it. Cassie was on her hour break and I came to visit her to fill her in on the events of mine and Brett's study date... but mostly to get free pizza.

Cassie slurped loudly on her chocolate shake before reaching to grab another slice.

Her and Brett would get along well, I thought, thinking back to how easily he ate almost the entire pizza he ordered for us last night.

"Let me get this straight," she began as she chewed on the tip of her straw. "You and Brett spent the night alone in his room and nothing happened. You...fell asleep on his couch?" She watched me quizzically as she waited for me to respond.

"Exactly," I shrugged.

"Becca!" She screamed, attracting the attention of the customers sitting at the tables beside us. I gave her a stern look and she lowered her voice, smiling sheepishly. "How the hell did you spend the night with that boy and all you did was sleep?" Her face scrunched up in disgust as she said the last word.

I thought back to the events of the night before. I had woken up on the couch with Brett sitting beside me. His hand was in mine and, when I opened my eyes, he was watching me thoughtfully, his face a mask in the dark. He drove me home shortly after and I fell asleep in his sweater, making it feel as if he were there beside me.

I selfishly hoped he doesn't ask me to give it back to him because I had no intentions to.

"You know it's not like that, Cass." I said sternly, annoyed at her sexual comments and disbelief.

Cassie knew I was completely inexperienced when it came to all things relationships. Brett was my first kiss, after all. She shouldn't be surprised that nothing happened between the two of us last night.

The look in Brett's eyes as he watched me sleep flashed into my mind. When I opened mine and saw him, from what I could read amid the shadows, his face was thoughtful and soft, I could practically see him thinking.

But what was he thinking about?

"Becca, I love you. But as your best friend, I need to tell you to snap out of it. You need to admit your feelings for Brett before you drive yourself crazy," Cassie said gently, her eyes watching me closely. "He's a good guy...but you already know that. So what's stopping you?"

Fear, I thought. Heartbreak. Loss. Pain. Another person leaving me and having to pick up the pieces all over again.

As if she could read my thoughts, Cassie reached across the table and placed her hand on mine, squeezing it gently.

"Brett is not your father, Becca," she whispered, I could see the sadness in her eyes at the mention of my dad.

Cassie and I had been friends for as long as I can remember. When my father left my mother and I, Cassie was there for me. She watched my world fall apart and she desperately tried to help me pick up the pieces, but she couldn't. No one could. It was something I had to do on my own and, ultimately, it made me stronger. But Cassie knew what my dad's departure did to me, she knew the kind of man he was.

Everything she said was right. Brett was obviously nothing like my father and, deep down, I knew that. I truly did. But what I know and what I fear are two different things.

And sometimes your fears outweigh everything else.

"My break is done," Cassie declared, gathering her empty cup and pizza box before pushing back her chair and standing up. "Are you okay?" She asked, her voice full of concern.

"I'm fine," I smiled reassuringly. She walked around the table and hugged me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and squeezing tightly.

"Give him a chance," she whispered in my ear before walking off, exiting behind the door marked with an Employees Only sign.

If only it was that easy, I thought.

Part of me wanted to go for it, allow myself to fall for Brett and deal with whatever highs and lows the relationship had to offer. I was positive that being with Brett would make me happier than I had ever been before, and that alone was tempting. The thought of being his girlfriend made me smile like a fool. That is, if he would want that...

But there was always the chance we wouldn't work out as a couple. Our fake relationship managed to last a short few weeks, who says the real thing would be any different? And then the break up...I could lose him forever, as a friend and as a boyfriend, and I know losing Brett is not something I want to happen. Ever.

Maybe remaining friends was for the best. It was easier, no doubt. When feelings get involved, everything inevitably gets messy. I don't know much about relationships, but what I do know is that they're never perfect and usually don't last-- my parents showed me that firsthand.

Was that something I was ready to risk? Inevitable, painful heartbreak for a few weeks of momentary happiness? I was still trying to decide if the risk outweighs the benefit.

The bell to the parlour chimed, signalling the entrance of a new customer. I looked up curiously and froze. It was Parker. I never returned his call last night.

I watched him from my table in the corner. His blond curls were pulled back into a bun, emphasizing his already sharp features and defined jaw line. He was wearing a denim button-up shirt over black jeans with dress shoes, he looked extremely professional and somewhat older than when he was dressed more laid-back.

He strolled over to the counter, smiling kindly at the employee before speaking to her in a hushed tone. She laughed flirtatiously at something he said, gazing up at him as if he were a celebrity. A moment later she turned and retreated into the kitchen, leaving Parker alone. His eyes scanned the parlour and rested on mine. He did a double take then smiled, sauntering over to me in that easy, I-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world walk of his.

"Becca, I was just thinking about you." He said, gazing down at me kindly. "Mind if I sit?"

"Go ahead," I replied, gesturing to the empty seat in front of me.

"You're eating alone?" He asked, his eyes quickly scanning the restaurant, as if he were waiting for someone to join me and retake his seat.

"My friend Cassie works here. Her break just ended," I told him, making his smile grow even wider. "What about you?"

"Picking up an order for the office," he replied, glancing down at his watch to check the time."My break ended five minutes ago, actually. Good thing I work for my father," he said, chuckling to himself.

"What does he do?" I asked, a question I had wondered since I first stepped foot in his house.

"My parents own a chain of hotels. It's a family business passed down from my grandfather. One day it will be passed down to me," he told me, smiling proudly. I noticed the change in his voice when he spoke about his family. He sounded prideful, an air of respect ringing in his every word.

"That's amazing, Parker. You're going to run the company?" I asked, impressed by his family's success.

"Someday, once my father is unable to," he answered. "Jenny helps my mother with the interior design. Hopefully one day the two of us can run it together," he finished, shrugging as if he doubted his own words.

Parker crossed his arms over the table, leaning towards me and changing the subject abruptly.

"You didn't call me back last night," he stated, his eyebrow furrowed in confusion.

"I was, ugh..." I trailed off, not wanting to tell him that I was with Brett. Parker and I were friends, but my moments with Brett felt special, private. I didn't want to share them with just anyone.

He laughed lightly, easing the tension I felt. "No worries, Becca. You don't have to explain yourself. There was actually something I wanted to ask you, that's why I called."

"You can ask me now," I said, returning his smile.

"There's this-" Parker's voice was cut off as the employee called his name, announcing that his order was ready.

"Talk about bad timing," he said, rolling his eyes and laughing humourlessly. "I'll ask you some other time, then. See you around, Becca." He smiled warmly before getting up, walking back over to the counter to retrieve his order.

He looked back at me once more and smiled before exiting the parlour, I threw him a wave before gathering my things, preparing to head home.

My mind wandered to Brett as I walked to my apartment in silence. We hadn't spoken since he dropped me off last night and, if I'm being honest with myself, his sudden distance bothered me.

Last night something changed between us, I was sure of it. The way he was watching me when I woke up was more intense than ever and I was desperate to know what was running through his mind in that moment. I should have asked, but words always seemed to escape me when Brett was looking at me like that. I was lucky if I could even remember my name.

From the time we've spent together, I began to realize that there were two sides to Brett, each special in their own way. Usually he was the laid-back, flirtatious boy with an easy smile, who was full of laughter and life. That was the side of Brett he showed everyone, the only side I knew  before we became close. 

But he had another side, one that he didn't show the world, he saved it only for me. It was the side of Brett that made my heart race; the side of him that made us feel like we were very alone, even when we weren't. This side of him was intense, one that lit a fire behind his eyes that made my breath catch in my throat. I had only seen this side of Brett a few times, but each time it intrigued me, daring me to push and push and push just to see what would happen if I did.

This side of Brett was cautious. Every time I saw it I could tell he was holding back, not wanting to give in just yet to the thoughts that filled his head. I could sense his hesitation and I'd been thankful for it, but sometimes I wondered what would happen if he abandoned his caution, if he let himself give in to his thoughts.

And that's what scared me, because I knew it was something I wanted to desperately find out.

I arrived home while the sun was setting, casting brilliant shades of orange and red throughout the sky. The sun hung low over the horizon, desperately clinging on for a few more moments before departing for the day, allowing the moon to claim it's rightful spot.

I smiled at the sky around me, taken aback by the glimpses of beauty that you notice when you simply stop and pay attention.

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