Chapter 15: Second First Kiss

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Listen to 'When We Were Young' by Adele when you read this chapter to experience all the feels.

Brett

She stood in front of me, her arms crossed firmly as she waited to hear what I had to say. We were so close, yet she felt so far away. She had put up walls since our conversation this afternoon, ones that I wasn't sure I could break down. But I would try.

"I never slept with Jenny, Becca." My words cut through the air, breaking the silence that was heavy around us.

She frowned. "What?"

"I never slept with her," I repeated, my voice firm.

"But...she told me.. this morning..." she stammered, words escaping her.

I shrugged. "She lied to you," I took a deep breath, preparing to tell her everything.

"I don't remember what happened to me, but I woke up and I was in her bedroom," I winced at the memory, it still felt so raw. I looked away from Becca, I couldn't stand to see the hurt in her eyes right now. "She was on top of me. Kissing me. Unbuckling my pants..."

I turned to look at her and her face was hard, her mouth drawn into a thin line, her eyes narrow in anger. I didn't want to replay this scene, but she had to know everything.

"I thought she was you, Becca," I continued. Her eyebrows raised up in surprise as she fought a smile, the anger leaving her eyes momentarily. "As soon as I realized it was Jen, I jumped off that bed like my ass was on fire. That's when you walked in. But, Becca," I turned towards her fully and took her hands in mine, relishing the feel of her skin on mine, "all we did was kiss. I swear to you. It was a mistake that never should have happened. But I never slept with her." My eyes searched hers, willing her to believe me -- desperate for her to.

"Okay," she replied. Two syllables. I'm putting my heart on the line and that's all she can give me?

I laughed but it sounded strained.

"'Okay?' That's all you have to say? What happened to the girl who kicks me nonstop and launches water bottles at my head?" I smiled thinking back to that day. That was a good day.

The corners of her lips began to pull up into a smile, but she was fighting it. That's when I realized that she wasn't ready to forgive me. She didn't want to accept my apology so easily. She wanted me to work for it.

I could do that.

"Becca, you know I would never intentionally hurt you. I'm not trying to excuse my actions, I know what I did was wrong and I'm holding myself accountable for that. But you need to believe me when I say I would never, ever, do something to purposely hurt you in any way. You know that, right?"

I waited for her to respond, the weight of my question hanging heavily in the air. I searched her face for any emotion. She was staring ahead, avoiding my eyes and chewing on her bottom lip. I knew she was thinking hard by the furrow in her eyebrow. It struck me how well I was beginning to know her, being able to so easily read her and know what she was thinking.

"Brett, I....," she spoke slowly, thinking carefully before she said each word, trying to properly convey her emotions to me.

I watched her hopelessly. My entire fate was in her hands. Whatever she said, it would make or break me.

"I do forgive you," she continued. I broke out into a smile, feeling like a weight - one that has been weighing me down for days now - had been lifted off my shoulders.

Her gaze finally met mine and she smiled sadly. "I'm sorry I believed Jenny over you. It's just, after what I saw...I didn't know what else to think." Her words brought back the pain I felt just mere minutes ago. Her lack of trust in me is what hurt the most. Since we were laying all our cards on the table, I may as well be honest with her.

"That killed me, Becs." I began, grabbing her hand in mine. I needed to feel her and know she wasn't going anywhere. Her touch felt so foreign, I missed it more than I realized. "I wish you would have heard me out instead of believing everyone else instead. You were angry, and you had every right to be, but you could have given me the benefit of the doubt."

Her eyes never left mine as I spoke, her thumb rubbing slow circles on my hand in silent encouragement.

"You can trust me, I promise. I won't mess up again," I smiled, willing her to take a leap and put her trust in me.

Her eyes searched mine before she spoke. "I'm sorry, too. I do trust you. I should have let you explain. You're right."

I blew out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding. She couldn't possibly know how much those words meant to me. How much they fixed what broke in me this afternoon.

"I guess I forgive you," I teased, winking at her. I was beginning to feel like myself again. She smiled and rolled her eyes, shaking her head at me.

And just like that, everything in my world fell back into place.

She pulled her hand from mine and crossed her arms over her chest, staring off into the darkness stretching in front of her, lost in thought.

My hand felt cold. I missed her warmth.

I watched her, patiently waiting for her to tell me whatever was on her mind.

"I'm not good at this, Brett. I always lived under the radar, I never liked attention. The drama, the gossip, the constant staring... it's all new to me. This," she gestured between us, her eyes meeting mine again, "is all foreign. It's overwhelming at times. I'm not sure how to deal with it."

Impatiently, I reached out and uncrossed her arms, holding her hand in mine once again. The gesture made her smile -- a real, genuine smile. I loved those smiles.

I processed her words slowly, each one sinking into my mind. I guess I never thought about it from her perspective. Our entire relationship was new for her. I was used to the staring and the attention, but she wasn't. I should have been more understanding. I shouldn't have pushed her, making her go to Jenny's party and my football games. I had been selfish, wanting to spend so much time with her that I never thought about how she would feel.

"Sometimes I forget that," I admitted. I smiled, laughing lightly.

"What is it?" Her voice was curious.

"It still baffles me that you never had a boyfriend." She smiled awkwardly at my comment, her eyes watching me intently.

A sudden feeling of guilty washed over me.

"What? What is it?" She asked, her eyes full of worry. I guess my face showed the thoughts I was trying to hide.

"Your first boyfriend should be special, Becca. Someone who cares about you, and who you care about in return. I took that from you. I'm sorry."

Looks like tonight would be filled with one apology after the other.

Then she did what I least expected: she laughed. The real, Becca laugh where she throws her head back and her big eyes shine brightly, crinkling at the corners in amusement.

I smiled as I watched her, despite the confusion I felt. I loved making her laugh.

"You also stole my first kiss. But hey, you don't see me complaining." She shrugged, smiling teasingly.

Her words made me freeze. I pulled my hand from hers and turned my back to her, saying a series of profanities under my breath.

I was her first kiss?

The first time she ever kissed someone, and it was me trying to prove a point to someone? I felt like a complete jerk. She deserved so much better.

I tensed as I felt her place her hand gently on my shoulder.

"Brett?" She whispered, her voice soft. "What did I say wrong?"

I turned towards her. Her eyes bore into mine, wide in awe as she watched me.

"Your first kiss should be special, Becca. I stole that from you too," I couldn't hide the resentment in my voice. It seemed like I could never do anything right.

She smiled sweetly, placing her hand on my arm and rubbing it gently. My skin burned under her touch and my heart quickened.

She made my heart ache in ways it never had before.

"That kiss was special in its own way, Brett. I don't regret it at all." Her voice was soft when she spoke, her eyes showcasing the sincerity of her words.

It was special. She was right about that. That kiss we shared meant more to me than I would ever admit. But, regardless, I still hated that I stole her first kiss.

Maybe...

Maybe I could still fix it.

"Your first kiss should be special," I whispered, my words coming out in shallow breaths as my mind raced.

I took a step closer to her, lessening the space between us. Her eyes widened as she watched me, her chest rising and falling quickly. Something in the air changed, I felt it and I know she did too. Electricity was everywhere, surrounding us in this little bubble I had grown so accustomed to.

"It should be with someone who cares about you. Someone who thinks about kissing you every second of every day," I continued, taking another step closer to her.

Her face was inches away from mine, so close I could feel her breath on my skin. Her gaze never left mine. My eyes traveled down her face, lingering on her lips. They were parted slightly, her breathing rapid.

"Becca," I breathed, reaching up and placing my hands on either side of her face. "Your first kiss should have been like this."

I closed the distance between us and gently placed my lips on hers. Her body froze in response. I kissed her softly, playing with her upper lip while she processed what was happening.

Kiss me back, I silently urged, desperate to feel her mouth moving against mine.

Then, she did. Her body melted into mine as her hands wrapped around my neck and knotted into my hair. Her lips moved against mine in sync, sucking on my bottom lip and driving me absolutely wild.

Her mouth opened invitingly and I deepened the kiss, kissing her in ways I had envisioned so many times.

This was nothing like our first kiss in that hallway so many weeks ago. This was real. I felt it and I know she did too.

My hands roamed down her body, resting on her hips and gently pulling her closer to me, closing the little space that was still between us. Her hands were on either side of my face, holding me to her. I was fine with that, I had no intentions of letting her go anytime soon.

Her tongue danced with mine, my lips teasing as I tasted every inch of her.

Breathless, she pulled back. Her eyes were closed and her breathing rapid. I could feel her heart beating, she was so close. It was beating so fast, but I'm sure it didn't compare to mine -- it felt like my heart would fall out of my chest any second.

When my breathing slowed and my head cleared, I spoke. "That should have been your first kiss." I sounded breathless, my voice low, raspy and raw with so much emotion that it startled me.

Her eyes were still closed but she smiled. When she opened them, they were full of so many different emotions. Desire. Happiness. Sadness. Hope.

I wanted to capture this moment and hold onto it forever.

I held her face in mine and rubbed my thumb gently across her cheek. Her lips were already swollen from our kiss, her cheeks rosy and eyes bright.

She still hadn't spoken and I was dying to know her thoughts.

She rested her cheek on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my back, her nose tickling my neck. I wrapped my arms around her instinctively, cherishing the feel of her in my arms. She fit so perfectly.

There was so much I wanted to say, so much I was dying to tell her. Every word was on the tip of my tongue, begging to escape and fill the silence that fell around us. I willed my mouth shut, not wanting to ruin the moment and say something that would scare her.

She pulled back slowly, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before crossing her arms over her chest.

My arms hung limp at my side, feeling empty without her in them.

"I didn't think you could top the first kiss." She paused. "I was wrong," she smiled shyly, her cheeks flushing a beautiful pink.

I wanted to kiss her again. And again. And again.

She turned her body away from me, staring off into the darkness before her. I simply stood there, watching her and hanging off her every word.

I knew she was thinking. Trying to understand the moment we just shared and make sense of it, just like I was.

My eyes searched the outline of her face. Taking in the slope of her nose, the curve of her lips and trying to commit it to memory.

She was still looking forward when she spoke. "What happens now?"

Three simple words that I had no answer to.

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