Alyssa ♔

It's getting harder and harder to pretend. To pretend that I'm fine, that I'm happy with Justin, that my family is normal. It feels like any second, the facade I've spent the last five years building is going to come tumbling down.

It wasn't always like this. I wasn't always the popular girl or the girl boys sought after, but when high school started, we were forced to pick a role. Who did we want to spend the next few years being? Whatever decision you made would stick until graduation; you had to pick wisely. 

I'd already spent middle school being bullied for the way my ears stuck out, and I'd decided then and there that I would never be low down on that totem pole again; I'd be right at the top.

The summer before high school, Mom booked me in to get my ears pinned back. We spent the remainder of the summer at the spa or in different salons, and I started high school the same way I'd planned to finish it: on a pedestal. Now I don't know if it was worth it. 

Despite the fact we were supposed to head next door for the fight, Justin ends up driving me home. I'm exhausted by the time we pull up to the house. I don't know whether it's because I've drunk too much, or because Justin spent the last thirty minutes giving me the same old speech: I'm sorry for hurting you, you know I hate when other guys look at you, it's only because I love you. That speech fooled me once upon a time, before he cheated on me, but now it just reminds me that I'm trapped until my parents say otherwise.

I sneak up to my bedroom and into the bathroom, where I take off my lashes and makeup. The part of my arm where Justin grabbed me is already marked with red fingerprints. It's not the first time his jealousy has resulted in a bruise; it won't be the last.

I change into my pajamas just as Lilo's meows call through the door. The second I open it, she scrambles up the side of my bed, where she takes her position on my pillow. I crawl in beside her and pull her to my chest, burying my face in her fur.

Sometimes, it's the little things that make me feel better, the small reminders that there is more to life than just money and politics and pointless high school drama. Or at least, there should be. 

***

Both parents are gone by the time I wake up, which means I have the kitchen to myself. I whip up some eggs and a steaming espresso before getting ready for school. 

Marnie and Tiana are waiting at my locker. There's always this feeling I get as I walk to them, like I'm preparing for an ambush. This place–and these people–are so unpredictable that you never quite know what you're walking into. 

"Hey," Marnie says, eyeing me carefully. "Feel like I haven't seen you in forever." 

I'm instantly on high alert. I've spent every day this week going to Burbank to train, which means I've been blowing off Gymnastics practice and our regular shopping trips. I'd hoped they wouldn't notice–or care–but I should have known better. 

"Oh, I know," I say, opening my locker. "My mom's on a real health kick this week and wanted to spend some 'quality time' with me at the spa and salon."

Marnie glances at my nails as I put away my things. "You should get a refund. Your nails look like shit." 

I tense when I remember I'd taken them off. "Eyebrow salon," I correct. "Nail appointment's tonight." I turn to her now, knowing I need to say something to end this interrogation. I lean in closer and study her face. "Come to think of it, you look like you could use a little something. Your monobrow is starting to come back." 

Tiana smirks and Marnie's mouth drops open, but she doesn't have time to respond. Justin and a few of his football friends advance down the hall and he swoops down to kiss me. 

If one good thing has come from being back with Justin, it's that people have forgotten he cheated on me. All they see when they look at us is perfect Alyssa with her perfect quarterback boyfriend, the golden couple, the couple everyone aspires to be. It's ironic, in a way, but at least it has stopped the rumors.

"Hey," he says in my ear, and he gently rubs the spot on my arm where he'd grabbed me last night. "You're not still mad at me, are you?"

I smile tightly before turning to face him. "Of course not."

He smiles a little. "Good, 'cause I got you something." He pulls a little black box out of his pocket, and when he flips open the lid, there's a beautiful gold charm bracelet embedded in the velvet. 

In one quick movement, he takes it from the box and fastens it around my wrist, allowing his fingers to brush some of the charms. "There's a heart because I love you," he says, "and a little sun because you're always so warm and happy, and then there's a book because I know you're a geek at heart and love reading."  

I look at him, shocked. As awful as our relationship has become recently, this bracelet takes me back to the way we were when we first got together. "Thank you," I say, and he kisses me on the cheek. When I turn to the girls, they are both watching us with a mix of adoration and jealousy.

"You're so lucky," Tiana says before sighing. "I wish I had a boyfriend." 

Marnie nods, and the way she is looking at Justin, I know exactly what she's thinking right now. I wish I had your boyfriend.

In English, I take a seat at my usual table, where Kino is already sitting in his seat. He briefly acknowledges me as I begin to organize the space on my desk. Jase says something about 'who let the trash in', and he looks right at Kino, who slinks further into his seat. 

Miss Granger breezes into the classroom, her laptop held tightly between her fingers. She looks different somehow, less put together, like she never got much sleep last night. 

"All right," she says, somewhat breathless. "I'm giving you this lesson to go off to the library to work together on coming up with a theme for Romeo and Juliet. You must use evidence from the text, and I don't want to see anyone using ChatGPT or whatever. Be back here before the bell."  

Kino darts out of his seat without me. I am hot on his trail, following him down the hallway and out into the open. He heads across the football field, making a beeline for the bleachers before taking a seat. I plonk myself next to him, trying to catch my breath.

Finally, he looks at me. "Sorry," he says. "I just want to avoid another run-in with Jase."

I nod because I understand. Sometimes it's easier to avoid the problem than face it head-on; it's what I've been doing my whole life. He turns back to the football field, his eyebrows still furrowed like he's deliberating something.

I fiddle with the bracelet on my wrist. "Look," I say finally. "Everyone here is an asshole. We're in our senior year, there are only a few months left. The only way to survive is to not let it get to you." 

He raises an eyebrow. "You're not an asshole." 

I laugh a little, but my smile quickly drops. He hasn't been here long enough to know about me, and the thought of him finding out makes me feel a little sick. "Oh, I'm as bad as the rest of them. Worse." 

He shakes his head. "I don't believe that." 

"We'll have to agree to disagree." 

He looks at his knuckles now, which are slightly scarred. "Don't you think it's all a load of crap?" 

I pull my gaze away from his knuckles to focus on his profile. In some ways, he looks a lot like his brother, but a softer version. Innocent. "What?"

He shrugs and says, "All of it. The hating people because they aren't from the same place. It's not just you guys, either. I just think it's crazy. I don't want to hate someone I don't even know just because of where they're from."

He's right, of course, but this is the way it's always been. The only thing that matters here is your status and class.

"It's like my brother," he says, sighing. "He feeds into that crap, you know? The way he started a fight in that diner. He doesn't realize that he's just feeding into this belief about us. He's giving people a reason to say, 'Yeah, he's just how we thought he'd be."

I have no idea why, but I suddenly feel the need to defend Max. "I mean, Justin started that whole thing. Max was defending you. It's not his job to try and convince people that their stereotypes are wrong." He lowers his head, and I can tell this is all affecting him deeply, so I reach out to touch his arm. "Hey," I say softly. "For what it's worth, I don't think any of that about you."  

He searches my face. "You mean that?"

"Yeah," I say, dropping my hand. "I do." 

When it's time to head back to class, we walk together in silence. A few people stare when we pass them in the hallway, and I try to keep my head held high, ignoring their stony gazes.

Kino slows down a fraction to shoot me an anxious look. "You don't have to walk with me, you know." 

"I know," I say. "What's the big deal? We're going the same way." 

He gives me the kind of look that suggests I'm playing with fire. Maybe I am. Maybe I am completely stupid for allowing myself to be seen with the most hated guy in school. Or maybe this town is stupid for caring.

A/N

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