11 • What If I Want to Try?

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South and I were sitting on the couch, watching reruns of the 2011 Bruins Stanley Cup playoffs. But, instead of getting way too involved in the game like he used to do when we were kids, South kept staring at his phone.

"We should play a pick-up game next week," I suggested, tossing a piece of popcorn in the air and catching it in my mouth. "You know, let me kick your ass?"

"Uh huh," South replied. Smiling. Not his usual shit-eating grin either.

As casually as I could, I leaned in like I was gonna grab more popcorn, but snatched his phone out of his hand instead.

"What the fuck, West! Give it back!"

"I wanna see what's more important than hockey!"

I scrambled off the couch, racing towards the bathroom, but South had me around the middle before I made it past the kitchen.

"Give it back!" my brother shouted, tackling me to the ground. I rolled onto my stomach and zoomed in on the picture as the phone was ripped out of my hand.

Camilla?

"Damn, South," I said, more than a little shocked. "Care to explain why there's a picture of you and Camilla together—inside an airplane?"

He shoved his phone in his pocket after getting to his feet. "No. I wouldn't."

I stared up at him from the carpet, a laugh sputtering out. "Ooooh, somebody's got a crush! Look at your face. You're practically beet red." South just shook his head and wandered back to the couch. "Oh come on, South. Spill. What happened?"

"It's not a crush," he gritted out, unwrapping a lollipop and sticking it between his lips. "You wouldn't understand, so just drop it."

I wouldn't understand? Was he kidding?

Unrequited love and you-wouldn't-understand-crushes were practically my speciality at this point.

I'd bled my heart dry. I'd told my brother just how in love I was with Stella. Hell, he'd even videotaped me dancing and singing Spice Girls onstage just so I could send it to her.

I plopped down next to him on the couch. "Try me."

South shifted uncomfortably beside me, and I wondered if he would let me in this time. If he'd drop the SEAL persona he carried around for just a second—for just long enough to be real with me.

"If it makes you feel better, I promise not to laugh."

"Laugh if you want. I don't care. I mean, there's not much to tell." South ran a hand through his hair before his elbows landed on his knees. "I started giving skydiving lessons up at Newport Flyers once a week, just for the free jumps. And boom—day one, Camilla shows up."

A minute ticked by and his eyes drifted back to the hockey game. I waited for him to say more, but he seemed content with that little explanation. I snatched the remote and shut off the damn game. These playoffs happened ten years ago—we both knew who won.

"And...?" I asked. "What happened?"

"And... I don't know. We kinda hit it off." South didn't look at me when he added, "One drink led to another..."

Oh, this had gone so much farther than just a crush on a client.

"And you...?"

South nodded. "Oh yeah. Twice."

It was my turn to look away. For whatever reason, South's story made me think of Spencer. I'd never forget the day he told me... the day he told me he'd hooked up with Stella.

I'd heard it all. Granted, Spencer talked way more than South. Loose bikini strings and beach volleyball. Dinner. The pool. The morning after.

The tip of the knife pressed against my heart twisted.

One night was all it took for my best friend to fall in love.

With my Stella.

But, if Spencer—the biggest self-proclaimed man-whore in New England—could fall in love, then maybe my brother could, too.

"Dude... ever since we hooked up, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. And that doesn't happen."

South chose that moment to glance in my direction. Who knows what he saw in my eyes. I was caught in a feedback loop of listening to Spencer and listening to South, and both conversations seemed to end the same way.

Was this my purpose on Earth? To fix the dumbass guys in my life and help them be less... horrible to women?

"Stop looking at me like that, West. It's nothing. It doesn't mean anything."

No. My resolve hardened. At least Spencer had the courtesy not to give up or walk away on what he had.

"News flash," I said with more sarcasm than I'd intended. "When you can't stop thinking about someone, it means you like them. Face it, South. You like her."

"And so what if I do?" my brother shot back. "It doesn't matter. I'm leaving and she's not interested. End of story."

I had a hard time believing Camilla wasn't interested. Everyone was interested. It was the perk of being a SEAL. Or filthy fucking rich.

"No, not end of story. I mean, if you like her, you should try acting a little bit more romantic. I mean, what was your big romantic gesture? Showing up at her office all sweaty?"

South was off the couch, pacing back and forth. Hands fisting sections of his hair. "I don't do romantic. I don't know how to make a girl want to see me again. I usually am trying to shake them off. This girl is just... different."

A memory of Stella surfaced. The one I saw every night before I went to sleep.

Do you love me, Stella?

I think a little part of me wants to, but I'm scared.

With my thumb tracing lines on her face, she'd told me a part of her wanted to love me. But I hadn't done enough. I was too late.

"What did you do?" South asked. Stopping in front of me. He looked more vulnerable than I'd ever seen him. "Sorry I don't mean to bring this up."

"You mean with Stella? What did I do with Stella?"

South nodded. "Yeah."

A little smile lifted one corner of my mouth. "I asked her to dance the cha-cha with me inside Castle Hill Inn. It was right after we'd both been covered in chocolate milk. I mean, it sounds dumb, but it was pretty romantic."

Without missing a beat, South said, "I'm not pouring chocolate milk on Camilla and asking her to dance with me inside her office."

The two of us cracked identical smiles. "Why not? It actually sounds kinda fun."

"Because that's not me. I'm not like you. I'm not that guy. In fact, I don't know if I'll ever be."

How did South become this jaded? Was it really our family and his job? Or was it something else? Something deeper that I wasn't seeing.

"For someone who isn't scared of anything, you're pretty scared of falling in love."

"Who said anything about being in love? I barely even know her. And the night we fucked, I told her my name was Jae. She didn't want to see me again. She wanted it casual." South started pacing again, hands on his hips. "It's just... never mind."

Now it was my time to jump to my feet. I wanted to fucking slap him.

"You like her. And that is kinda scary because when you like someone it means you have to trust them. It means you have to show them the parts of yourself that you don't know if you even like. The ugly stuff. The dark stuff. But if you two have that snap, that chemistry, and you can't stop staring at her picture, then maybe it's worth trying."

I'd started sweating in the middle of my rant, bearing more pieces of my soul than I wanted to. I wasn't sure if I was trying to give my brother advice, or make up for the fact that I'd lost Stella, but either way, South needed to get it through his stubborn-ass head that special people don't come into your life every day.

"What if I want to try, but I just don't know how to?"

I set my hand on South's shoulder. "We've got smartphones, and Netflix, and a sister. I'm sure we can come up with something that you can do."

A/N

I LOVED WRITING THIS CHAPTER! West always makes me so happy and sad at the same time.

Let's see what these boys can come up with to convince Camilla to give him a chance.

xx
AJ

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