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"You are... you are my illegitimate son. Now that the princesses are gone, you are my heir. I need you to take over. I have no strength to fix what has become of Xelor."

The axe clanks when it hits the ground.

It feels like a Vanishing all over again. Hot, white rage blinds me. I am a man now. I've surpassed my adolescent disdain for my drugging, whoring mother long ago. I've forgiven her life choices, but Centres is bringing it all back.

He's reminding me of being left alone for days as a child, of not celebrating holidays because my mother was high off her mind, of being given a toy and finding out it was sold so she could meet her latest fix.

I spent so much time away from home, playing with other lost little boys. There was no one to clean my cuts and scrapes. My father didn't exist, and my mother was there physically but mentally on another dimension.

Rider Kings usually have a disturbing background. I'm the bastard that felt so much angst over not having a parental figure in his life that I became one myself— a father of a clan.

I was starving, filthy, and sick for most of my childhood. Knowing that my biological father was literally living as a king while I barely scraped by sets my blood on fire.

I want to kill him; this old man with eyes that look like mine.

That's where our similarities end. Centres is softer and paler than me from living behind walls all his life. I will never become him. I will never abandon the wilderness, or my family.

My feet are heavy as I deny myself murder and walk away.

"I loved her! Your mother!" Centres scurries behind me.

"Be quiet!" I snap as I keep walking. "You are nothing to me."

"The nobles wouldn't let me be with her because she was of low birth. You must understand, Dramon."

I turn so fast I slam into him, and the older man stumbles back.

"You should have chosen her instead of your luxuries! Look at you now. Your world crumbled, and you are alone. No sons, no kingdom. Burn you."

He takes my arm and covers my ring. Outraged by the disrespect, I shove him away from me. Only Venus can touch my ring. She's my wife and fellow warrior.

Centres falls this time, but that doesn't stop him.

"I've made mistakes, but please, Dramon. Venus would not want you to abandon the rest of Xelor. I'm too old to carry on."

I expand my arms. "I don't belong behind walls. I am not a tamed nobleman who enjoys drugging and sleeping their life away. No. Find yourself another bastard son to be your puppet."

"You will not find her without the resources of a King."

"I am a King," I roar. "More than you ever have been."

"All my men will become yours. You will find her faster this way."

I can't bear to listen to him anymore. My axe is looking more tempting every second.

"I want to find her, too. She was like a daughter to me. That is why I insisted on your marriage. She was a good female. You two were going to change the world."

"Do not speak of her in past tense!" I stomp so hard the ground cracks.

"Forgive me," Centres blurts. "For everything. Just think about this, please. Venus and Xelor need you."

I finally walk away. These damn walls are too narrow and dark. I need air, where I've always found an escape. I scan the sky. It's beautiful; undisturbed by the chaos below. I envy the color.

I fly home and maniacally look for a sign of Venus. Is this how my mother felt without her fix? I almost sympathize with her now that I've tried the drug of desperation.

My clan falls to twenty-seven men over the next week, and there is still no sign of Venus. Centres visits my mind often, though.

I want to hurt him by abandoning him the same way he did to me, but not at the cost of Venus. Maybe his title is worth it, after all. Maybe I'll find her faster if I dress in stuffy silk and rule a planet from that cell of a palace. I would have to leave the wilderness— my one and only home, behind.

"Fires."

I pull one of Venus' tops to my face and smell ig. Her scent is long gone, but I try to imagine it. Her hair tie, shoes, and favorite dagger are all Treysa and I have left.

I am pruning without her.

– • –

"And with the power invested in me, I pass my powers as emperor of this blessed Planet to my son and heir, Dramon. May the wind, fire, earth, and water be with him."

This is almost laughable. I'm kneeling in front of Centres on an altar, and glaring so he remembers that I'm doing this for Venus, not him or Xelor.

There are nobles behind us, including Rexon and Zoro. They wear their furs, while I've changed into flimsy silk and ceremonial jewelry.

It's dead silent in here, other than for Centre's voice. No one smiles, no one wears bright colors. There's a new King, but I can't promise a better future. All I'll be doing is punishing rule-breakers so we can die off as a sophisticated and orderly civilization.

What we need is women, not a young King with childhood traumas and no interest in anything but his wife.

Centres blabbers more. He looks sad as I glare at him, and that only fuels my hatred.

When he's done, I stand and watch him struggle to lift a golden sword. Two of his assistants help him. These noblemen are pathethic.

I snatch the thing from him and hold it with ease in my tanner, calloused hand.

"Are we done here?"

"Well, the Yerlz family wanted to congratulate—"

"No." I walk off to my room. I chose the one with the most windows because it feels less like a cage. Without bothering to close the door, I rip the stupid silk off, and toss the burning jewelry off. I slam on my bed, and I think of her. Venus, Venus, Venus.

Her things were brought into my room. They're neatly placed on their on vanity, waiting for their owner. She doesn't appear the next week, month, or even within the year. It has been one worthless cycle around the sun without her.

I look at my chest as the tattoo artist stabs me with blue-tippled needles over and over again. There are swirls and lines drawn on my arms from fingers to shoulders. This is for Venus. She's slowly fading under my piles of reports and the abuse of time. Her hair tie has begun to disintegrate, and her shoes are stiff. I'm writing her on my body so she can't be taken from me. I'll always have her with me.

Maybe I'm going crazy. I don't care. If insanity is where she is, then that is where I'll be.

I adjust myself in my pants. My cock has some ink on it, too. A promise I wrote for Venus.

After I finish, my skin is slightly inflamed from all the needles, but I know the ink will be settled and healed by the end of the day. The blue looks intricate, and I'm considering expanding it to my chest.

I work through the night, spending more time sitting down than I have in my entire life. I sign papers and speak to one too many men. There's unrest everywhere. Even after a year, men are killing and thieving, trying to create unofficial clans, and burning everything to the ground.

No matter how badly I don't want to be here, I can't deny that I'm doing a burns of a better job of keeping them in their place than Centres.

It's the dead of night when I hear, "King Dramon!"

I groan with exhaustion. What is it now?

"A woman has been found. My king! You must come!"

I jump so fast I knock over my enormous metal desk.

Venus is back?

I barge through the crowds of men, pushing and yelling until reaching the room they're staring at. I enter it and run to the dark, feminine figure standing in the middle of the room. I pull her into my arms and press my ink against her dress.

I want to whoosh out my relief and say, "I found you," but I know instantly that this isn't Venus' body. The hips lack curve, the hair lacks volume, the body lacks muscle and height.

This isn't my woman.