THIRTY.

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if you ain't vote on the last chapter go back right now and do so please.

this my second update in one day, ion wanna hear shit for ah week.

(excuse all mistakes.)

Compton, California ๐Ÿ“

Vadah Avani Parker| Buddha

"There you go Friend!" Aubrielle gassed me as I punched the shit out of this punching bag.

"Alright now switch and use yo left hand. You neglecting it." She coached me making me switch hands.

"Alright good good. Keep yo fist straight." She held on to the bag. "You doing that knocking shit again."

Aub and I had been hanging out a lot as of lately and honestly I felt like it was the best thing I've ever did. She had just been making me feel like a bad bitch.

She was a bad bitch.

All we had been doing lately was having fun. Whether we went out to parties or us just going to eachother's houses and going straight to sleep.

It was fun for us.

I finally felt like I had my own damn friend. A fine ass, unfriendly ass, only for me ass friend.

Aub was really my bitch.

Today we went to her niece's birthday party. She didn't even wanna go but she claimed she wanted some birthday cake so we went and ended up having fun.

After we left, we came to the gym and she was teaching me how to correctly land a punch. We'd been here for 2 hours and...

A bitch was wore out.

"Just punch with a lil more force. When you fighting, you wanna make sure a bitch feel them hits. Who somebody you wanna fight reaaaal bad?"

lady.

daddy.

my sorry excuse of a mother.

Just thinking of those three people made me upset and I threw quick punches at the bag.

"Ight, ight, IGHT! Calm down big pimpin'." She let the bag go and stared at me with wide eyes.

"You getting better foreal. Let's go jump somebody."

"Move you aggy." I pushed her, laughing.

"You wanna go get some frozen yogurt?"

"Yeah." I yawned as we walked out of the building together.

"What you doing tomorrow?"

"I got a orthodontist appointment."

y'all i literally forgot all about this bitch having braces i-

"You're getting your braces off? I wanna commmmeeee." She pouted.

"Okay cool." I shrugged.

"Sorry if I'm being clingy. I literally don't be having nobody to talk to besides Tiggy and Tonio. And he barely even like me."

"Girl you good." I waved her off.

We were riding round in the car blasting music with the window down. You know when you listening to straight gas and you want the whole world to know too?

Yeah, ghetto.

I don't know when I'ma flip, nigga
Get me some codeine and sip, nigga
Big bank saying wipe a nigga's nose, my girl changed the lock on the doors
Before this shit pour up a fo'

I held my phone up recording Aub and I. "Ain't falling in love with no hoes! That's what you want from me? That's what you really expect? You thinking I'm sitting up depressed? I'm somewhere counting me a check."

"I HATE I HAD TO FUCK WITH ANY OF YOU NIGGAS! THAT'S MY ONLY REGRET!" We got loud.

"Whew sis we felt that." We bust out laughing.

When we arrived to Menchies, we got the flavors we wanted and made our way to my house.

"Can I take a shower?" Aub asked.

"Girl you done been here plenty of times, you know where the bathroom at." I waved her off taking my shoes off.

kamiri.

Would like to FaceTime...

Ignoring it, I stuffed my phone in my pocket and tossed my sneakers on the side of my room, not in the mood to put them in my closet.

I don't know, it felt good to do him how he did me.

That's how I was doing everybody.

Nay, Daja, Za, Lady. None of them talked to me. We didn't talk like we used to.

Did it hurt me? In the beginning, hell yeah.

But after a while I started to feel resentment.

It didn't add up. I was there for them always. When shit hit the fan, mfs up and left and said fuck me.

It made me feel like I was just an emotional crutch for them and I refuse to be that same weak ass bitch.

All them nights I spent crying cause wasn't nobody on my side?

Oh a bitch was gone feel me. And I mean that in the most humblest way possible.

Two small knocks on my door stopped me from stripping from my sweaty clothes.

"Yes?" I called out.

The door pushed open and in walked my father.

"Hey baby." He gave me small smile.

"Sup." I nodded. I guess that caught him off guard because he widened his eyes a little bit before he relaxed, trying to play it off.

yeah bitch.

"Where you been?"

"Gym with Aub." I kept it short and simple.

"That's who in the shower?"

"Yessir." I nodded.

"Oh okay." He nodded looking around the room.

"Uhโ€” you need some umโ€” money? Anything?"

"No. Im good, thanks."

"Vadah." He sighed.

"Sup?"

"Let me start off by apologizing. The way I went about the situation was dead ass wrong and I'm apologizing. I can't imagine how that made you feel."

"Apology accepted."

"Its just I made so many mistakes with Lady and nem. I was so young and I let them do whatever. You was never around and when yo mama finally decided to let me see you, you were 14."

"I thought I had a fresh start. I seen your innocence. We babied the fuck outta you man. I tried my damnedest to hide you from certain shit. Not seeing how it'd affect you in the long run."

"You see yo sisters? Grown, do what they want. As I started to grow up, I started to better myself as a parent. Being sure that I wouldn't make them same mistakes. So when you told me that y'allโ€” you know did what y'all did, it fucked with me and I acted off impulse."

"It was childish of me to hurt you cause you hurt me." He added.

"How did I hurt you?" I jerked my head back.

"We always talked about you telling me before you'd do that. It wasn't the fact that you did it. It's the fact that you didn't come to me." He shrugged.

We sat in silence and i stared down at my fingers.

Finally, I spoke up. "I didn't realize that it meant that much to you."

"It did." He nodded. "Specially because your sister's hid it, I wanted to always make sure you could come to me. Me judging you was wrong and I mean it from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." I tooted my lips, nodding.

"Ian really worried bout it no more." He shrugged. "My biggest thing is you being safe and protected. We ain't gotta go over that cause I done did it plenty of times. But after yo dentist appointment tomorrow, we'll stop by the clinic. You needa be on birth control if you gone be doing that."

"Oh I planned on going to my appointment by myself. With Aub." I looked at him but then silently cursed myself realizing that I always told him I wanted him there when I got my braces off, because he was there when I got them.

Same way ninth grade, I cried and made him walk me all the way in the school.

And how for prom, I wanted him to dress up like he was my date at my send off.

We made a lot of plans with eachother for the simple fact that I was never around as a little girl. So a lot of my younger years, he didn't get to see.

"Oh alright then." He nodded.

"You can come if you want though." I said quickly, feeling like I hurt his feelings.

Yet and still, hurting others feelings had a major impact on me.

i was still working on that.

"Nawl you good baby. You and Aub can go. You finally got yo friend you always wanted." He smirked making me chuckle and nod.

"I do wanna meet the lil nigga though." He got serious. "No funny shit."

"Alright." I shrugged as he went to walk out.

"Aye." He stopped midway out the door, doing a 360.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." I couldn't resist the smile that involuntarily popped up on my face as he sat a stack of money on my dresser and walked out my room.

i couldn't stay mad at that bitch even if i tried.

"Tiggy mommy's getting dressed." I heard Aub say from the bathroom as the water cut off.

"So? I wanna talk to you."

i want kids soooo bad.

"I'm gonna call you later." I heard the smile in her voice.

"No I wanna talk now."

"Okay Papa." She came out the bathroom making me stand up with my clothes in hand.

"You at Booba house Mommy?"

"I am." She nodded making me go over there and pop my big ass head in the camera.

"Hey Papa." I smiled at him.

"Hey Booba." He blushed with a big smile on his face.

I went to the bathroom and stripped out of my clothes and turned on the shower, waiting for the water to adjust.

While I waited, I examined my body in the mirror.

I honestly used to be insecure because of how small I was. People used to call me names like skinny minnie, pencil, stick, twig. Stupid shit that'd hurt my feelings.

Now I'm content with my lil booty and my small ass titties.

Especially because I done came up from a size zero to a nine in jeans.

y'all this really just happened to me and ian never been happier cus IF IT AIN'T GOD TELL ME WHO IT ISSSSS???!!!!

I got in the shower and took my sweet ass time. "Damn I should've cut some music on.

โ™›

"I just now listened to Yungeen Ace whole mixtape about Chloe and I just wish somebody felt that way about me." Aub sighed.

"Yesss ugh. My favorite song is Mountains." I put my dirty clothes in my hamper.

I did a double take, looking over at her. "Wait girl, cause wassup with you and Tonio?"

"That ain't my nigga." She scrunched her face up.

"I thought y'all was in a relationship." My mouth dropped in shock.

"Untun. "He ain't shit but my baby father."

"So you guys co-parent?"

"And we fuck from time to time. Only cause I don't wanna up my body count."

"He's your first?" My eyes widened.

"Oh sis no. He's my second." She clarified making me nod.

I finally laid down on the bed, stomach first next to her, loving the feeling of the cold sheets on my clean ass body.

You know when the sheets just got washed and they got that clean linen smell?

"European Wax center doing half off services all July." She looked over at me. "You wanna go tomorrow?"

"I don't know because my birthday's on the 23rd so I wanna get everything done on that day."

"Omg Friend, yo birthday coming up? I love birthdays." She gushed.

"Yeah 13 more daysss. I'm excited girl I'm about to be growwwnn."

"18 for the whole thangggg, say whatttt!" I arched my back and started throwing it back making her gas me.

"Perioddddd. Buddha teach me how to dance. I don't know how." She pouted.

"I don't know how either friend." I laughed.

"Bitch bye. Hoes like you make me sick."

"No foreal, the way I learned was because I'm always home. So I'd just always listen to music and dance. I'd be in here by myself and I'd go stand in front of that mirror." I pointed to my closet which was also a mirror. "And shake my ass till it looked like I was doing it right."

"Friend I do that and I still can't get it right." She bust out laughing. "I just can't dance."

"Imma teach you." I laughed and stood up, grabbing my remote in the midst. "Come on."

"Right now?" She widened her eyes.

"Right now." I nodded.

โ™›

Yawning, I rolled over and looked at Aub who was absolutely knocked the fuck out.

That's really all we liked to do. Eat, sleep, listen to music, repeat.

This was really my twin.

I looked at the tv which was on Jodeci radio on Pandora. When we got through dancing, we just layed down and started talking bout random shit till we eventually fell asleep.

Now I'm up at 3 in the morning by myself.

I don't know why I'd always randomly wake up at 3.

Anita Baker's soft voice flowed through the speakers of my TV and the feeling of nostalgia flowed over me.

My Angel.

That's the song that was playing.

The song my mama dedicated to me.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

The intro played and I found myself thinking back to all the times my mama and I shared.

Me being bored, so I'd just go to her room to lay with her.

Getting up early on Saturday just to clean up together.

All the jokes we made, how much we talked about people to eachother.

The way she'd tell me about the niggas she was dealing with.

my mama really was my bestfriend.

If I could I'd give you the world
Wrap it all around you
Won't be satisfied with just a piece of this heart

I found myself getting out of my bed and walking over to my dresser.

I opened the top drawer and moved some of my panties out the way, revealing a wooden box. Opening it, I pulled out a picture of my mother and just stared at it.

"Hate to say it, but I miss you lady." I spoke barely above a whisper, raking a finger over the picture.

Even though she'd done wrong, it was bittersweet for me.

The good always outweighed the bad.

Yeah she'd up and left me, but that didn't stop me from loving her.

I could say I hated her all I wanted.

God and I knew that was a lie. I missed her so much.

When that shit went down with my daddy, I wanted so bad to run to my mama. I just wanted to talk to her. I needed to.

I honestly don't think she understands how much her actions affected me as a young woman. My sisters.

We had our father but we needed my mother.

_

"Mamaaaa!" I let out a joyful laugh as we walked through Publix.

"What girl?" She chuckled, bumping me with her hip.

"You too thick, I'm bout to fall over." I laughed as she stood behind me, draping her arms across my shoulders.

We were waiting in line to get a sub. Wasn't no sub like a Publix sub.

"We should get some grapes." I looked in the direction of the fruits.

"We can get em after we get the subs." She kissed the side of my face.

"Ma!" I wiped where she kissed.

"What? I can't kiss you now?" She looked at me making me blush.

"I'm just saying."

"Girl hush. You hear that?"

"What?"

"I love this song. Listen. If I could, I'd give you the world." She moved, standing in front of me now singing along sweetly to the song that played throughout the grocery store. "Wrap my arms around you."

"This is my song for you princess. I love you." She smirked, tapping underneath my chin.

"I love you too." I blushed.

"My angel. You're my angel." She layed her head on my shoulder.

_

Shit wasn't always bad. I didn't always hold resentment in my heart for her. At one point, she was my heart.

She still was.

Wiping a lone tear, I put the picture back in it's rightful place and closed the drawer.

I was a little hungry so I decided to go downstairs and find something to eat.

"We got bagels?" I opened the fridge and instantly smiled seeing the plain Thomas bagels.

I grabbed them along with the cream cheese, yellow American cheese, and some turkey.

"Just got done crying." I nodded. "Finna make me a bagel."

I went in one of the cabinets and got the toaster out then placed it on the counter and plugged it in.

"Okay YouTube so today I'm gonna be making a bagel. I like cream cheese and American cheese on my bagels so yeah. Oh and I like turkโ€”"

My words got caught in my throat when a couple of knocks sounded at my front door.

My heart dropped to my fucking ass as I dropped my bagel and cleared it to my room.

Who the fuck was bout to go see who was at the door. At three in the fucking morning?

I wasn't even supposed to be the fuck up right now.

My chest heaved up and down as I walked into my room, contemplating waking Aub up.

I don't know if my daddy was here but I wasn't walking back out this room to go check.

My phone pinged and lit up my dark room causing me to walk over to it.

kamiri. : Come outside for I bang on yo mfn door

Peanut : boy what...

Peanut : that's you outside?

Peanut : are you fucking dumb?

I slipped on my Hello Kitty bed slippers and grabbed my grey jacket off of my chair, putting it on over my white camisole.

I made my way down the stairs, pulling my black spandex shorts down a little along the way.

"Why would you knock on my door?" I swing the door open and spoke in a hushed whisper. "What if my daddy woulโ€”"

He cut me off by wrapping a hand around my neck, and closing the door with the other, all while backing me in the house.

And just like that, I wanted to fuck.

_______________

lmao i had to cut it off right there cause ion kno what else to write about.

so y'all know what that means... ๐Ÿค—

ideas please.

โ†“โ†“โ†“โ†“

thanks in advance.

vote + comment. ๐Ÿ–ค

thanks for reading. ๐Ÿ’•

_slimsantana.๐ŸŽฒ

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