(excuse all mistakes.)

Compton, California

Vadah Avani Parker | Buddha

"I just wanna go home." I sighed, closing my eyes and layed back in the seat. Zaza and DaeDae had just came around to pick me up from the front of our senior highschool but Za saw someone she knew, so she parked in a no parking zone and stepped out to talk for a few minutes.

Thats when some police man from the area came over messing with us.

She was in the cop car, explaining to him I guess.

Chile lonkno, I just wanted to go home and watch Everybody Hates Chris.

"Man fuck that." DaeDae was fixing to get out of the car.

"What are you doing?" My eyes widened.

"Im finna go check this nigga. He not allowed to do that."

"He's just talking to her Dae—" He got out before I could finish. l sighed, sinking down further into my seat. "Oh my goodness Lord God please don't make him get shot."

See he was taking law classes at the moment so everything that spewed from his mouth was something about the damn government.

I winded the window down so I could be able to hear what this nut was about to say.

He goes, "Excuse me."

The police turned around from Zaza, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah you bruh. Lemme get yo badge number. Who yo executive officer?"

"Boy what are you doing?" Zaza looked alarmed.

"I'm finna report this man! He ain't allowed to do this."

"Arondae get yo ass back in the car." She gritted.

"Naw, naw that's alright. You wanna report me? Cool, l'mma take you down to the station myself cause you under arrest." The officer began making his way to DaeDae.

Zaza was in the cop car still, DaeDae was getting arrested, Daddy was at work, and all a bitch could think was who the fuck was gone drive me home. 

•••

"He better not even fucking play with me like that." Zaza spazzed speeding in Daddy's car.

"Oh my goodness Zyir slow down." My eyes bugged as I pressed my imaginary breaks on the passenger side.

I liked fast driving but not this damn fast. This bitch was bout to kill us.

"Buddha why this nigga playing wit me like I'm not fucking crazy?" She laughed hysterically.

"I'm gonna cry." My lip quivered and my chest heaved up and down.

We were driving around when we seen some girl in DaeDae's car.

And now we're here. Chasing his ass.

"Girl calm down. I got this." She waved me off. Only, she wasn't paying attention to the road.

So just as she said that, a 18-wheeler cut the corner.

I jumped my monkey ass right the fuck out the car and DaeDae finally stopped his car.

"Buddha why the fuck would you jump out?" She screamed out the Family Dollar parking lot.

"Why the fuck would you not be paying attention to the damn road?!" I was so scared and upset I was losing my cool. Had me talking crazy.

"Both of y'all ass dumb as ever." DaeDae shook his head.

"No BITCH you're dumb!" Zaza pointed stomping over to him. "Who that bitch in your car Arondae?"

"Why the fuck do you care? We on a break Monae.." He deadpanned.

"I oughta slap the dog shit outta you. "she closed her eyes.

"Now you look dumb. Go home." He shook his head looking irritated. "What if you or yo sister would've lost y'all lives? How would you feel?"

"I—" She went to open her mouth, but he cut her off.

"You wasn't gone be able to feel nothing. Cause you a be dead." He shot at her.

I couldn't help but to giggle. "You childish."

"I'm foreal. She do and say shit before she think. You gotta stop doing that."

We gone get back together?" She asked.

"Oh my fucking God Zyir." He groaned.

• • •

I stood inside the Chinese food place, irritability tapping my foot, waiting for this fool to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Chauncey where the hell are you?" I snapped. It was cold as hell in here and I hadn't thought to put on a jacket.

"Girl if you call me one more time. I said give me a few minutes. This dumb ass bitch telling me I came short at my register 120 dollars. Fuck I look stealing out this bullshit ass Wendy's?"

I smacked my lips and hung up. Everybody was annoying me. I just wanted to go the fuck home. That was me. That was all I did. School, home, repeat.

Only today, I was a little hungry.

I childishly changed Chauncey's name in my phone from 'uncle' to 'stupid'.

Dialing Arondae's number, I waited for him to pick up.

He didn't answer the first time making me call a second.

"He—hello." He sounded out of breath.

"Dae can you please come pick me up?"

"Wha— where you at?

"The Panda Express on Rosecrans."

"Can't nobody else pick you up?"

"No. Daddy's out of town and Chauncey's working late."

"Cuh— lght." He sighed before hanging up.

"He ain't have to act like he was annoyed." I mugged the phone.

big brother. : You better be ready when I get there too cause i just stopped fucking my bitch for you.

• • •

"You splurging on us with this drug money?" Nay joked.

"Girl get the shoes you want before I change my mind." He mushed her head.

"Ain't gotta tell me twice." She went right over to the wall where the Air Max 97s were.

I stayed quiet, looking over at Zaza who picked up a pair of Concords before setting them back down.

I already had them. Hashtag spoiled, teeheehee.

"You want them babygirl?" He looked over at her.

She looked up at him and shook her head. "I'm straight." She always had a problem with spending other people's money.

"Girl get the shoes." He deadpanned.

"I don't want them, foreal." She blushed. He was the only dude she ever let her guard down around. She wouldn't even lol another nigga.

"Who yo sister take me for?" He looked over at me. "A joke." I played along, snickering. "Aye! Lemme get these 1 1 s in a size 5 please." He spoke to a footlocker worker.

• • •

"Who the fuck was messing witchu?" DaeDae's face which usually sported a bright smile held a nasty mug as he stomped over to me.

"Some boy." I shrugged. "I don't know his name."

"What he look like?" Zaza's face mirrored her boyfriend's.

"I can't remember y'all it's not that serious."

"Fuck that shit you talm bout." DaeDae shook his head walking the way I just came from.

Some boy had tried to talk to me but he was a fucking scrub, so I politely told him no, making sure not to diss him because some niggas just couldn't handle rejection.

He started calling me all types of bitches and hoes. Then his friends jumped in, pushing me around. So Daja cursed them out before telling Nay who told Zaza who was ranted to DaeDae about not playing about his little sister and now, here we were.

"It,S nOt ThAt SeRiOuS. Sound so simple, what if Daja didn't come when she did and them niggas did you some serious? Would it be serious then?" Zaza asked me, raising her voice.

"I don't know." I mumbled feeling a lump in my throat.

"Good God almighty." Nay muttered.

"Aye bitch!" DaeDae called out. "Which one of you bitch ass niggas was fucking wit my lil sister?"

"Man DaeDae what you talking bout bruh?" The boy scrunched his face up.

"Don't be asking him what he talking bout. Whoever did it know exactly what the fuck we talking bout." Zaza snapped standing right on side of him. "Which one of y'all was messing with my sister?"

"Ain't nobody do that girl nothing." One of them tried denying it.

"Don't fucking play wit me cuh. Line all you mark ass niggas up and slap y'all one by one."

"Aye ian gone cap, it was him." One pointed to the boy with the dreads.

"That's sad as fuck! All y'all ass some bitches!" Zaza yelled.

"On what bae?" Dae dapped her up.

• • •

I walked alongside DaeDae, feeling a tad bit embarrassed. He just caught me having my first kiss.

We both walked in silence. I guess he was gonna walk me to class.

I played with the rips on my jeans looking down the whole time.

"Pick yo head up." He spoke. "Who you got, Ms. Robinson?"

"Yes." 

"Bet." He pursed his lips. 

"You gone tell my Daddy?" I blurted. 

"Hell naw." He laughed, speaking almost immediately. 

"So why you not saying anything? You making me feel like you disappointed."

"Ian disappointed girl." He chuckled. "It's just you like a lil sister to me. So it just caught me off guard. You a girl. You gone like boys. Shit you might even like girls—"

"You're annoying." We bust out laughing.

"I'm foreal man. You gone like what you like. You 15 cuh. But, don't get caught up in that relationship shit. I know I'm in one witcho sister so I sound hypocritical as hell but that shit take yo mind off what matters. Don't be going round kissing anybody and everybody either. And if you wanna fuck, just make sure that's what you want. Not nobody else, hear?"

"Yeah I hear you." I nodded.

"Ight." He knocked on my classroom door. "Go in here and get that lesson. Pay attention. Stay smart."

"You tryna preach to me?" I bust out laughing. "Why you not in class?"

"Im posta be using the bathroom girl. I done took a trip round this whole school."

A student opened the door and I walked in.

"Ms. Robinson!" DaeDae hollered with a big smiled gracing his face.

"Hello Arondae." She chuckled with a smile.

"Yooooo DaeDae what it do cuh!" Some kids over in the back of the classroom called out.

"Washannin!" He cheesed.

• • • 

That's how it always was. That's how it always had been. Everybody always loved DaeDae because he was a sweetheart. There was never no had blood. If y'all fell out, it was your fault because he played his part in every situation. He didn't bring nothing but positive vibes.

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad

The popular Boys II Men played as Kamiri, Tonio, Marv, Kris, Los, and Squirrel carried the casket out of the church.

The funeral service was sorrowful as hell, everybody crying and carrying on. His grandmama fell out on the floor.

Kamiri hadn't said a word since he found out. Didn't cry either.

This shit hurt man. I never felt a pain like this ever in life.

I'd never lost anybody close to me.

The event takes me back to when I lost my virginity and Tonio, Squirrel, and DaeDae were there and Squirrel asked if I'd ever lost someone.

If I was feeling how I was feeling, I could only imagine how my sister was feeling.

• • •

"Ain't write this song but I'm recording wit this led on me." No Cap played through the speakers.

The DJ cut the music and everybody sung loudly. "Know it sound strange but imma die for all my dead homies!"

The music cut back on. "No one really know how he feels! I always thought that you would be here!"

We were at his repast now and the whole city was out.

I'd never actually been to a funeral, nor a repast. So this was all new to me and it was crazy how different it was from the funeral service. Everybody was laughing and making jokes now whereas at the funeral, it was more sorrowful.

We all had on shirts with DaeDae's picture on it. He was standing behind some big angel wings.

"Aye DaeDae in heaven right now bragging to God bout Zaza." The Dj called out making us all bust out laughing. Everybody knew that was his girl and he was not gone play bout her.

"His ass up there asking him if he could spinnanight down here real quick." Squirrel joked.

"Y'all aggy." Daja laughed.

"Man this shit hurt foreal. Long live my brother." Nay stumbled, taking a swig from whatever she had in her cup. She was standing over there with Marv and he just looked so damn annoyed.

I was too, low-key.

"Zaza strong as fuck. I don't know how I'd ever do it." Aub spoke looking at my older sister who was walking around, greeting people with a smile on her face.

"I really commend her." I nodded, watching her too. "I know she hurting though. Ion wish that pain on nobody. Imagine having to go through 6 more months of your pregnancy without your boyfriend."

"Shit sad man I feel bad as fuck." Tey shook her head.

I looked over at Kamiri who was looking down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs.

"You hungry pooh?"

"I'm straight." He shook his head.

"You sure?"

"Mhm." He layed his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes. I interlocked our fingers making him open his eyes and look down before tightening his grip on my hand and closing his eyes again.

"Everybody good?" Zaza reached our section and looked at us with a soft smile on her face. They all kind of looked at her weirdly but quickly masked it.

"Is you good?" Kris furrowed his eyebrows. It was always his ass.

"Yeah I'm good." She chuckled and rubbed her belly. "I just wanted to make sure you all were comfortable. It's fish over there. I think ribs too."

"I want some more ribs no cap." Freaky licked some sauce off his fingers.

"They right over there." She pointed before looking over at Kamiri. "Thank you, KB, for helping out with the food. I appreciate it foreal."

"Ain't shit." He shrugged, eyes still closed, still laying on my shoulder. He had been slaving in the kitchen for hours cooking. I had me two plates already baby my man could fuck some shit up in the kitchen fasho!

"I love my dawg! Yeah I love my dawg!" Squirrel and Chauncey started singing.

When you see me dawg
You gone see my dawg, cause I love my dawg
Yeah I love my dawg
When you see my dawg, you gone see us all
Cause I love my dawg

"I love my nigga my dawg, just jumped. We was at that park, in that line, free lunch." Kamiri sung a little. "We used to skip school, break rules, roll blunts. As long as I'm living nigga you'on need none."

Everybody got loud, either recording or pointing at one of their homies. "Yo sista my sista, and yo mama my mama! Yo beef my beef, and yo problems my problems!"

I sighed running my hands through my hair just as the song switched.

Instantly, my mood went sour when I heard what song it was. Everybody else got hype but the song meant something different to us.

This one for my nigga, my round, my mud brother
If I don't know nothin', I know he a whole hundred, yeah

"Okay I'm about to cry." I fanned my eyes.

"I'm finna cry witchu." Squirrel looked at me with glassy eyes.

"Man." Mary ran his hand down his face chuckling. "This was cuh favorite song."

"Whatttt." Los dapped him up. "Nigga was always playing this shit."

"I used to get mad but now I wish he could just sing this bitch with us one more time." Tonio shook his head.

"I'm finna call his phone and be like, 'please pick up the phone, this shit ain't real'." Kris joked making us bust out laughing.

"You get on my damn nerves." I wiped a stray tear laughing.

"Aye I'm just mad they got my loc on this shirt in front of these damn angel wings." Kris bust out laughing.

"Ghetto ass shit." Chauncey chuckled.

"We wearing the fuck out these hoes though." Pj laughed. I barely seen him, Freaky, or Jerm but Kamiri reassured me that just cause I didn't see them doesn't mean that they didn't talk. He didn't need to see his homeboys everyday to prove that they still fucked with eachother.

As if on cue, they all stood up from their seats and pointed at each other. Kamiri stayed seated. My baby did not feel good at all. "This one for my nigga, my round, my blood brother! Gotta stick together, all we got is each other!"

And I'll ride for you, nigga, 'cause we walked together
Split what's mine wit you nigga cause we starved together
This a cold cold world, I hope you don't change

"I'll die for you niggas, hope y'all feel the same way!" They sung. Usually it'd be big smiles on their faces. It was different today though.

"Y'all know DaeDae a be out here singing his heart out!" The Dj spoke through the microphone before changing the song.

It seemed as if as soon as this particular song came on, it triggered emotions. And not just ours. Everybody's.

This songs dedicated
To my homiez in that gangsta lean
Why'd you have to go so soon

Gangsta Lean hit different when you actually lost somebody.

"A lifetime of memories! Going down the drain!" Nay and DaeDae's drunk ass auntie sung on cue.

My eyes zeroed in on Zaza who was walking over our way, rubbing her belly. She had a plate in her hand.

Tears rolled down my face as I actually sat and thought about all the times we shared together. I couldn't understand for the life of me how my sister was being so strong right now. Holding it together.

"Damn I feel like a bitch." Jerm shook his head, wiping his eyes.

"No cappp." Freaky laughed dapping him.

"I tip my 40 to your memoryyyyyy! Take a drink and I! Start to think and I! I know one day soon! We'll be, well be hanging outtttt!" Squirrel sung at the top of his lungs.

"This is for my homie." Kamiri nodded from my shoulder. "See you when I get there."

"We're about to release the balloons y'all. Come on." Zaza spoke.

I wiped my eyes and stood up, grabbing Kamiri's hand.

"I need a fucking blunt." He mumbled.

"Same." I agreed.

"Gi—" He looked down and mugged me.

"I'm serious." I scratched my head, looking around.

"Untun Kris, I'm claustrophobic." Tey shook her head at the big ass crowd.

"Felt that." Aub agreed.

"Hey y'all." Zaza got on the mic with a small smile on her face. Daddy stood off to the side with her. "Most of y'all know me. If you don't. Hey, I'm Zaza. Arondae's wife."

"Period pooh!" Chocolate called out.

She chuckled before speaking again. "Plenty of people have come up to me, asking me how I'm being so strong. How I'm walking around with such a big smile on my face but y'all know my man was forever happy and he would want us to be happy too. He wouldn't want for you to be walking around frowning. So if you're feeling down about his death....

She paused taking a deep breath. I could see her eyes becoming glassy. Daddy rubbed her back.

"Just remember the storm don't last forever. Thank y'all for coming." She handed the microphone over to the dj and was getting ready to walk away.

"Alright everybody should have a