How much was one supposed to endure until it was okay to give up?

I wanted to give up.

But my body didn't agree. It continued to resist. It just wouldn't shut down.

I wanted to go home.

"Ki-Kill me," I croaked out. My voice lower than a whisper after screaming for hours. "Please, kill me."

My pleadings were answered by a malicious laughter.

"Not yet, tesoro." The voice I had come to hate answered.

"W-Why are you d-doing this?"

Azazel looked up. His hands were busy sterilizing a silver knife. It was his favourite one. He told me. It was also the one that hurt the most.

"You broke a rule." Azazel bent down to my level, raising my chin with his knife. The cold silver against my skin made me shiver. "I'm simply punishing you for it."

The words rolled off his tongue without the slightest bit of hesitation.

As if torturing a 12 year old was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Do you know what this place is?" He asked.

I didn't answer. I neither had the energy or will to respond.

What difference would it make? He would torture me anyway.

"Tell me, Aylin." He asked, his eyes curious. "Do you believe in God?"

"I believe in Satan." I spat out. "Then again, it's hard not to, after meeting you."

He paused, not expecting the sudden spite from me considering I have been docile throughout the past days.

But everyone had an end point. And I had reached mine.

"Humans are fascinating creatures, Aylin." He stated. "They worship a God they can't see. Why is that?"

Upon realizing I won't be playing along he answered his own question, "Fear. They fear the unknown. They fear the life after death."

"Clearly you don't." I hissed, my throat hurting from the slightest effort I made to speak.

"Don't compare me with those lowly beings." He scowled. "I will eradicate fear from human mind. The world will finally reach the pinnacle of power with my guidance."

"You think you're playing God-"

"Playing God? What about me makes you think I'm merely playing?" He shook the curls out of his face, his maniac gaze fixated on me.

"I'm acting as God, defeating God, remolding God, wiping away the face of God and creating something better, something new in my own image."

"You're insane!"

"Oh, yes I am." He grinned, his eyes glinting with malice. "And you'll know all about it, tesoro."

I flinched back, my back slamming against the wall. I pulled the shackles restraining me to the dark wall.

The clinking noise brought me no relief for it only told me it was pointless.

Pointless to fight against the inevitable.

"Stay still." Azazel warned.

I didn't.

I continued to pull against the shackles. It brought more harm than good. The rusted metal pressed against my skin, blood dripping from my wrists.

"I said stay still!" Azazel roared. Upon seeing I still didn't comply with his order he harshly grabbed my left arm.

He twisted it until a crack sounded through the air and my arm fell limply by my side.

It took me a second to register the pain coursing through my body. And when I did, my screams weren't enough to let it all out.

No! No, no, no, no! He didn't break my arm, no. No, it can't be.

"Shh, tesoro." He cooed, his voice anything but soothing. "It will be over soon."

He always said that.

And it was always a lie.

For the next few hours, the room echoed with my shrieks, followed by the occasional clinking of metal against metal.

... ... ...

I could see the knife sticking out of my stomach. He had just finished carving lines in my back before stabbing my stomach with the same knife.

I wanted to pull it out, hoping that would lessen the pain soaring throughout my body. But my hands refused to move. It made me doubt if I could ever use them again.

"S-save me." I croaked out, the coppery taste in my mouth making me want to throw up.

"No one is coming to save you, tesoro." Azazel laughed, his eyes mocking my naivety.

"Big brother," I called out, hoping he would listen. Just this one time. "Please, save me."

I was a fool.

A fool to still call out for the same monster who condemned me to rot here.

"Big brother, please." My voice quivered as I lied in a pool of my own blood.

Why was I still calling for him? What was I hoping?

That he would save me?

He wouldn't save me. Oh no, he wouldn't. He would laugh and join Azazel to make me bleed.

"You have a big brother?" Something akin to interest flashed through his eyes. "I had a little sister, too." He reminisced.

"Did you torture her like this, too?" I scoffed, my voice hoarse from the screaming.

"Yes, I did." A grin overtook his features. "Her name was Melody."

"She didn't last that long." He frowned, visibly upset. "I miss her screams. They were music to my ears."

I repulsed, physically disgusted at how sick he was.

The realization that I was stuck with a sociopath finally sank in.

... ... ...

The events of last night were still fresh on my mind, guilt pricking my heart every second.

In my short seven years spent with Stephen, he has never been this angry with me. Which is why I was clueless as of how to make him forgive me.

But I had to start somewhere.

I went to the kitchen but much to my disappointment Ezra had already prepared breakfast.

It was winter break. Both Ezra and Stephen had taken a week off to spend the last week of December with family.

Clearly, it wasn't going according to plan.

"Good morning." I greeted. Only Noah and Ezra were present in the kitchen. The rest of my siblings were still sleeping, I guessed.

Ezra didn't even acknowledge, his eyes focused solely on the eggs he was frying.

"Morning." Noah gave me a smile, probably to lift my spirits.

I was relieved he wasn't angry at me for ruining Christmas and everyone's jolly mood.

"Can I help?" I asked, hoping Ezra would say yes considering the pancake batter lied there unattended.

"No."

At least I knew for sure that Ezra was mad.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't even turn to look at me once.

"I'm really sorry, Ezra."

He still wouldn't acknowledge me.

"At least listen to my side of the story." I just wanted him to look at me. He didn't even have to forgive me.

"Okay." He turned the stove off, finally turning to look at me. "Tell me your side."

He didn't look angry, just disappointed. Which somehow felt even worse.

"I didn't mean to lie." I said. I hadn't really prepared an explanation for the incident last night.

"Then why did you?"

"I-I don't know."

He rolled his eyes, annoyed at my sloppy excuse. He turned the stove on and went back to ignoring me again.

I should have thought of a better response. Stupid Aylin.

I saw Noah eagerly looking at our exchange.

"Why are you so happy?" I narrowed my eyes at the sight of him enjoying this.

"Why not?" He shrugged. "It's rare to have Ezra giving someone the cold shoulder."

"It happened before?" I asked, perking up.

"Yes." He nodded.

"Tell me more." I said in a low voice so Ezra wouldn't hear us.

"Eve failed her biology test once in sophomore year. He didn't talk to her for a month after that until the next exam where she scored an A."

A month?!

"Then there was one time a girl claimed I got her pregnant and he didn't talk to me for weeks even though it was proved the girl was lying."He said in a voice which implied he was wronged.

"What about Kai?" I asked. I was curious about how they spent their days when I wasn't here. I always wondered about it even back at the boarding school. I would write them letters on regular basis but I never got a reply. After a while, I stopped.

"Kai?" Noah laughed. "He doesn't live in the same world as us, Lili."

I frowned at his mocking tone. I hated when someone insulted Kai but with half of my siblings already mad at me I decided it's best to just ignore his comment.

I stood up with a new plan in my head.

So what if Ezra made breakfast, I will prepare another batch specially for Stephen. I bet he would feel more happy about it.

The problem was I didn't know how to cook. And I wanted to create something fancy. Not just plain pancakes.

"Can you give me your phone?" I asked Noah. I had left mine in my room.

"Don't go through my history." He warned before handing me his phone.

I already had an inkling as to what I would find if I were to go through his history. I wouldn't have checked it in the first place.

Opening a recipe that looked fancy and moderately easy to make, I started cutting the necessary elements for it.

Ezra looked up at me with a frown when he noticed I was cooking separately. But he didn't comment on it and I didn't bother to explain.

"It looks appetizing." Diego commented trying to take a bite of the meatballs I made.

"It's not for you!" I hit his hand before he could touch it. If I were to serve him anything it would be dripped in poison.

"You can't openly play favourites like this." He protested.

"I learnt from the best." I shot back after which Diego became quiet.

"Do I get some ?" Eve asked.

"I only made for one person." I told her. I thought everyone would want to eat the breakfast made by Ezra and I wasn't sure if mine would come out good, so I made less.

I saw Stephen entering the kitchen. He was looking down at his phone. He couldn't really take a break from his own company so he opted to work from home until the end of the year.

After he sat in one of the stools, I placed the plate of meatballs and black coffee before him. I knew he liked spicy food so I hoped he wouldn't reject them.

"I'm sorry." I stated before quickly adding, "You don't have to forgive me but eat this, please?"

He didn't respond, which I took as an yes.

With a smile in my face, I grabbed a couple pancakes in my plate and started eating them

Step by step, I told myself.

But to my horror, Stephen stood up with the mug in his hand and walked to the sink and threw all the coffee there.

He came back and picked the plate of meatballs this time. Before he could throw the meatballs in the dustbin, Diego snatched it from his hand.

"You don't have to throw it if you don't want to eat it." Diego glared at him.

"It was ruining my appetite." Stephen stated in a blank voice.

My hands shook as my eyes brimmed with tears. I never expected the first meal I cooked with so much dedication would be treated like this.

I knew it was my own fault he was doing this to me but it still hurt.

I placed the fork down wanting to get up and leave but Kai held my hand, stopping me.

"Eat first." He ordered.

"I-I am not hungry." I told him. I didn't have any appetite left.

Kai's hand only tightened over mine forcing me to pick the fork again and eat the rest of the pancakes.

... ... ...

It has already been three days and neither Stephen or Ezra would even look at me.

I had focused all my energy mostly on Stephen because convincing Ezra would be easy.

But Stephen was a different story altogether.

Everytime I would enter the same room as him he would immediately walk out.

I still prepared breakfast and dinner everyday specially for him but it would end up being eaten by Diego.

I even bought him a bouquet of Lilies to remind him of me but he threw it in the trash without a second thought.

I wrote him an apology card but he didn't even give it a glance.

I was out of ideas. What else was I supposed to do?

Ezra was less hostile than him.He had stopped ignoring me but he stopped calling me 'buttercup'. I never knew I would miss that annoying nickname.

I was on my way to Stephen's study with a pair of cufflinks I bought today. I was a little hesitant on gifting it to him considering he only wore branded items and mine was cheaper than a box of cereals.

But it's the thought that matters, right?

If he insisted on throwing it as well I could just guilt trip him into rejecting my gift because it wasn't expensive.

I know it was a despicable move, but I could no longer put up with his cold attitude towards me even though it was my fault.

The study door was open and I could hear Diego and Stephen talking.

It would be best not to eavesdrop.For one, Stephen was already mad at me and they would know I'm listening anyway. They always did somehow.

"Don't you think you're being too harsh to Lili?"

I heard Diego ask just as I was about to knock on the door.

"It's necessary."

"Yeah?" Diego scoffed. "It's necessary to make her cry everyday? She doesn't even sleep properly because of you."

I paused. I really wanted to hear Stephen's response.

"All she does is lie, Diego. She needs to be taught a lesson."

My hands trembled a little.

Is this what it was all about?

He's trying to guilt trip me into spewing my secrets to him?

"Maybe she has her own reasons to lie. Just give her some time and she will open up." Diego tried to empathize.

"How much more time does she need?!" Stephen asked. "Three months. I have given her more than enough time."

"So give her some more."

"She's sick, Diego. Can't you see?" Stephen's stated, frustrated.

I am sick?

He thinks I'm sick?

Father said I'm sick, too.

He said the school he's sending me to will make me better.

He said it's for my own good.

I tried my best to bring my ragged breathing under control.

It seemed they were not aware of me listening otherwise they wouldn't be having this conversation.

I slowly backed away,careful not to make a noise. I looked down at the box of cufflinks in my hand. I wanted to throw it in the trash but I couldn't. It was the first gift I bought for anyone.

I wanted to break something. The anger coursing through my blood making my head hurt.

While I was drowning in guilt and Stephen only wanted to manipulate me into coming clean to him?

Besides now that I think about it, what was he so angry for?

Because I claimed he was abusive?

Well he didn't seem to mind that much when I was labelled as a murderer my whole childhood.

Neither did he speak up when Father declared I was insane to the whole world.

He didn't protest when Diego said I was a thief or when he repeatedly proved me a liar even though I wasn't.

He's so good at telling apart lies, isn't he?

Where was this talent of his when I cried to him about my broken toys or the times Diego pushed me in the pool or everytime those three ganged up against me to twist the story in their favor?

Why couldn't he tell then that I wasn't lying?

Fucking.Double.Standards.

He always knew, he knew everything yet he chose to watch from the sidelines.

And now he wants to play counsellor with me?

"It's time for lunch, Aylin!" Eve hollered from outside.

I didn't want to go down to eat but Kai would ultimately come up and drag me downstairs anyway. So pushing the negative emotion in the back of my mind I went to join them for lunch.

I had already prepared a plate of spaghetti for Stephen before going to his study. But like hell, I would still give it to him.

Stephen raised a brow when instead of putting the plate of spaghetti infront of him, I started eating it myself.

If I could, I would have thrown it in the trash but after starving for years, my heart wouldn't let me waste food, no matter what.

"I was looking forward to that." Diego pouted, his eyes looking at my plate longingly.

It wasn't for you in the first place.

... ... ...

Today was new year.

Neither I nor Stephen made a move to talk out things. If anything I was being more cold than him. It was evident everyone else was getting uncomfortable with the tension in the atmosphere.

"Where are you going?"

I paused, surprised Stephen was talking to me. Until just this evening he refused to even look at my way.

What brought this sudden progress?Regardless I didn't respond and continued to walk by the living room.

"I asked you something, Aylin." I turned to look at him, his eyes were narrowed at me, cold fury flickering in them.

"I thought we don't talk anymore." I shrugged, ignoring his previous question.

"Don't make me repeat myself."

"Work." I answered. I didn't want to spend new year with them so I intentionally swapped shifts with Marissa in the cafe.

"It's New year." He stated, his voice cold. "You're staying home."

I ignored him and proceeded to leave anyway.

I shouldn't have. I should have already known by now, messing with Stephen would never end in my favor.

***

PS:The flashback is from a week after Aylin's escape plan failed.