28 || Rowan

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I'd done it again. I kept messing up, taking it just a step too far. I said I wouldn't hurt her, I said she had nothing to be scared of when she was with me and I broke my promise. It was stupid of me to think that I could just get revenge for her and there would be no consequences. She was right, I put her in danger. Bradley could retaliate, because I couldn't keep a straight face and put aside the vulgar things he said. Then it would be my fault, because I made him angry. And I was sure I lost her.

My hands sifted the sand as I watched the waves roll up onto the shore and almost reach my feet. I needed to think of what to do next. My brain told me to stay out of it but my heart told me to put myself right back in the middle. Whenever I listened to my heart things seemed to go to shambles.

I took my phone out of my pocket. The glass was shattered. It was just a reminder of everything that happened. I shoved it back in my pocket, but that didn't silence the thoughts.

I kept going over everything in my head. My mind raced through every moment that had brought me to where I was, sitting on the beach, filled with regret.

What if I lost her? I put my head in my hands. I closed my eyes. I could just see how angry and hurt she looked.

"Lennon where are you going?!" I yelled, running to catch up with her. She refused to look at me. I never wanted to hurt her, it wasn't my intention. Why didn't she believe me?

"Where ever you aren't!" She hissed at me. I could hear the pain in her voice. I grabbed her shoulder, spinning her around to face me. Her eyes, said it all as they welled up with tears.

"Rowan..." At first I thought I dreamt her voice, like I just needed to hear it, but then I heard it again. "Rowan..." I spun around and jumped to my feet.

"Lennon..." I was speechless. I didn't expect to see her. I didn't expect her to speak to me every again.

"I thought I'd find you here." She muttered. I couldn't take my eyes off her, afraid if I even so much as blinked she would disappear.

"I'm sorry." We both blurted.

"No I'm sorry Rowan. I don't know why I couldn't let myself believe you, I just have trouble trusting these days." She sighed, looking down at her hands.

"It's okay..." I stepped closer. "I'm sorry too, I overstepped. I told you I wouldn't and then I went and did the exact opposite. I'm so sorry Lennon." I breathed, waiting for her to say something.

"You didn't do it on purpose Rowan, Lachlan told me what happened." She reached forward and took my hand. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

"It's okay." I shook my head.

"It's not. I want to trust you Rowan... I should trust you, I just... I'm scared." She muttered. "I-"

"Lennon..." I brushed my hand over her cheek, telling her she didn't have to say anything else.

"No just let me get this out, please." She stopped me. I nodded, I had no idea what she was going to say, but the pleading look on her face said she needed me to listen. "You have done so much for me and I see that now. You're always here for me, even when I don't know it. You stood up for me, to Bradley and no matter how stupid it was, you did it for me, so thank you. I'm sorry I didn't see that before. Ever since it happened I've been so wrapped up in just trying to make it through the day and I think that meant ignoring everything around me, so I could ignore what happened. My friends, my family... you. I'm sorry."

"You really don't have to apologize. I get it Lennon, I do. When my Dad died I just shut everything out, because I couldn't understand why it happened. I don't know why bad things happen, but you didn't do anything bad Lennon, or anything to deserve it. Remember that." I hadn't talked about my Dad since he died. Even hearing others say his name was hard, but I wanted to show her I kind of understood what she was going through. "And no matter what happens I'm still going to be here."

She sighed and her face relaxed. "Thanks Rowan..."

"Stop thanking me. That's what friends are for." My stomach knotted as I said the word friends. I wanted to be more, but I knew she wasn't ready.

"Okay..." She muttered and surprised me by wrapping her arms around my waist. I quickly returned the hug and put my head in the crook of her neck. Her hair smelled like lavender and strawberries.

"Want to go for a walk?" I nodded down the beach empty beach.

"Yeah, sure." Lennon said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Do you have your headphones on you? I want to show you a song."

I sighed and nodded. They were still connected to my phone. I didn't want her to see how broken it was, I didn't want her to feel bad. She had enough on her plate. But there was no avoiding it. I pulled out my phone and disconnected the headphones, still hoping somehow she wouldn't notice.

"Rowan, what did you do-" She stopped walking and her face fell. "I broke your phone..."

"Don't worry about it." I put it back in my pocket. "It's fine. Seriously. It still works."

"But-" She started but I cut her off.

"Now, what was that song you wanted to show me?" I asked, bumping her shoulder with mine.

"Don't change the subject." She fought me on it.

"Lennon..." I sighed. She wasn't going to let it go.

"I'm going to get you a new phone, or at least pay to fix it." I shook my head. She didn't have to do that.

"It works fine, really." I tried one last time.

"Come on Rowan, let me do this." She begged.

"Okay..." I gave in. If it was anyone else I would have made them pay. I guess that's what she wanted, for me to treat her like anyone else, but she wasn't just anyone else to me. I wished she could see that.

"Good." She gave me a small smile and I handed her my headphones. "Right, the song." She scrolled through her playlist and plugged in the headphones. "I promise you'll like it."

"If you say so." I teased and put one headphone in. I looked down at her phone. The song was called In My Veins by Andrew Belle. I just stood there, listening to the melody and the lyrics, all the while staring into her eyes. She watched me carefully. I couldn't help but smile. It was such a romantic song, and it described us perfectly. Ever since I found Lennon's journal I couldn't seem to get her out of my head. Everything she was going through was laid out in front of me and although it could have been more than she could take, she always found the sunlight. She still smiled. I wanted her to be able to smile every second of every day, for the rest of her life. I wanted to take the next step with her, be something more. She was in my veins.

"What do you think?" She asked me, when the song ended.

"I like it, a lot." I like you a lot. I bit my tongue.

"Really?" She smiled at me and it was like her whole face lit up in the sunlight.

"Yeah it's my kind of song."

Her hand slipped into mine and she pulled me down the beach.

--

I walked into the house with a smile on my face. I felt content with where my relationship was with Lennon. We were friends, I hadn't lost her like I thought I had. I felt like she finally trusted me, maybe she'd even open up to me. I wanted to be that person for her, the one she felt like she could tell anything to. I wasn't going to let anyone hurt her ever again.

I had the feeling in the pit of my stomach like I wanted to shout how I felt about her from the rooftops, but I knew I had to wait until she was ready.

I trailed up the stairs, it didn't look like anyone was home. Then I heard the sound of music coming from Lachlan's room. I walked past, but then he called my name.

"Rowan, how's Lennon?" He asked, chuckling lightly. I furrowed my eyebrows, confused.

"How did you know I was with Lennon?" I asked him and he grinned slyly. Was I that predictable?

"You're smiling from ear to ear." He laughed. "So did something happen?"

I shook my head. "No..."

"But you want something to happen." He winked suggestively. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Come on, you like her." He nudged.

"Fine, yes I like Lennon." I sighed. "There, I admit it, I like her."

"Was that really that hard?"

"No..." I sat down on his bed. "I guess not." If we were going to have a heart to heart then I might as well have been comfortable.

"Then tell her." Lachlan urged. I looked at him, unimpressed. "Why not?"

"It's complicated." I huffed, not wanting to get into it with him.

"Oh, not with this again. What? Are you scared that if you tell her she'll run away screaming?" He asked, sarcastically, but he half got it right.

"Yes." I simply stated.

"You're so annoying." He hit my shoulder.

"I don't see you professing your love to anyone." I pointed out.

"Not that it's any of your business but, I have a girlfriend." He blurted. I was shocked, he hadn't even mentioned liking someone, let alone that he was going to ask someone out.

"What? What's her name?"

"Her name's Maya." He blushed.

"Damn... My little brother has a girlfriend before me." I shook my head in disbelief and ruffled Lachlan's hair.

"That's why you have to get a move on. I don't want to introduce my girlfriend to Mom first." He laughed, but I could tell he was serious.

"Mom's already met Lennon."

"That doesn't count." He folded his arms across his chest.

"Mom's going to have your balls if you don't tell her." I told him and we both knew it was the truth. "My little brother is growing up." I teased ruffling his hair again.

"Okay, get out of my room before I punch you."

"You love me." I got up and stood outside his doorway. "You know you do."

"No I don't." He shut the door in my face.

"You love me!"

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