❗️1.22❗️

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"I want you, too," I breathed.

"Good."

Matthew's hands traced a delicate line on my face, dipping low into the column of my throat until it reached the barrier of my top over the swell of my breasts through the same blue shirt I'd been wearing the night of our first kiss in a crowded nightclub.

My blood heated, singeing on the pure lust dripping from Matthew's skin, as I leaned into the touch and my head lolled back of its own accord.

"Matthew," I whispered, his name a reverent worship falling from parted, panting lips as I tugged my heavy lidded eyes to where I would kneel before him and sing his praises like a priestess in the dais of his church.

Hands roaming slowly and adoringly across my curves, the look on his face sin in its own right, my mind warred with the control that I knew I needed to latch back onto before things went out of control, but I couldn't help my damned self.

His heated skin caressed mine, and I allowed him this drink of me, this teasing, punishing push and pull that only abated when I placed my hands on the side of his stubble lined face and crashed my lips against his.

It was all want, all need, all everything I had waited for and more, something transformative as a butterfly in its chrysalis.

What were hours, minutes, seconds, if they weren't being spent with him like a currency I didn't think would ever run out?

Strands of my hair were tangled up in his hair, his fingernails scraping against my scalp as he pulled and pulled and pulled until I was on the edge of the countertop, stocking clad legs wrapped around his waist, heels locked and tugging him impossibly closer to me.

There wasn't an inch between us, our clothes the only barrier, and I wished for them to be gone, to feel his bare skin on my own.

But then I remembered Matthew's wishes from earlier. He hadn't wanted to do that, had been adamant about it.

I wrenched myself out of his grip and rested my forehead against his once more, our breathing erratic and painful as I realized that this was most likely all we'd be doing tonight.

"What's wrong?"

His voice gravelly from the emotion and desire clouding him, I gingerly unwrapped my legs from around his waist.

"You said...you didn't want to do anything like that tonight. I didn't want to come in here and make you do something you didn't want to."

"Els..." he trailed off, face turning pained and embattled with the different in him emotions clearly warring for dominance on his face.

"I didn't want to make you think that I was only here for...that."

"I know you're not only here for that, baby, especially with what we just talked about. I'm just doing whatever feels right between us. We can stop now if that's what you want, but...I've never wanted anyone more than I do with you right now."

My teeth ensnared my bottom lip, chewing on it thoughtfully while his gaze tracked the movement.

"In that case...take me to your room."

I threw my hands back around his neck, legs encapsulating his waist and locking my ankles around him immediately.

His body held me up as he strode from the kitchen with me hanging onto him like a clinging parasite.

My lips latched onto his neck and he almost lost his balance in his rush to get us to his room.

I couldn't help the laugh that slipped past my mouth at his eagerness to get me into his bed, but I wasn't much better.

The stubble on his cheek and the underside of his chin scratched my lips as he finally reached our destination for the night.

The sheets were half made up and half pulled down, like he'd been in the middle of fixing the comforter before thinking better of it.

"Last call to back out, Els."

"Not a chance."

He broke my stare as his Adam's Apple bobbed up and down, almost as if he were struggling for control over himself and contemplated how this was going to go.

"This isn't going to be like the first times we've been together. Do you understand?"

I was placed down onto the bed as if I were a fragile piece of glass that he had forgotten to cover in bubble wrap, like he was terrified that underneath the right amount of pressure, I would crack.

That was where he was wrong, though. He didn't realize it yet, but, without him, I would've already been shards of splintered glass on the ground at his feet.

Hovering above me, the intense set of his deep green eyes so dark they were almost brown in this lighting, Matthew peered down at me like I was the only thing in the world that could capture his attention this significantly, this profoundly.

"Spread your legs."

He didn't have to tell me twice.

Situated comfortably between my legs, Matthew didn't let me get a single breath in before his mouth was everywhere--my neck, my collarbone, down the exposed skin my tank top exposed, down my stomach after pushing the material away, until finally stopping at the waistband of my skirt.

I snagged my fingers in his feather soft hair and I only had one moment of a clear and bright blinding smile from Matthew before it transformed into a smirk that dripped with the intentions of what he was going to do to me.

In one swift motion, his fingers were underneath my skirt and pinching the fabric of my sheer tights, his fingernails ripping through them like they were nothing but spider-silk.

I could barely do anything but stare open mouthed at Matthew as he dipped his head and tugged my legs over his broad shoulders, his fingers teasing the line of my underwear away from my skin so that he could reach the spot he was apparently desperate enough to rip my tights away from me for.

"Was that really necessary?"

My words were breathless and shocked, but with the satisfied smile that tipped his lips up delicately at the edges, I knew the answer before he ever responded.

"You tell me. I had to see if you were serious about not wearing underwear."

And then his fingers were dipping inside of me, curling and plunging into me with a fierceness that had my back arching and spots dancing behind my eyes.

"So wet for me already," he murmured, almost to himself because I was about past the point of being able to register auditory sensations around me.

And that was before his tongue darted out and captured me in a steel grip that I was worried he would never let go of...and then I was worried that he would let go...

Writhing and undulating, my hips pushed his face closer to me and he stuck it all out, feasting on me like there was no where else in the world he'd rather be, arms locked around my thighs like iron bands.

His nails were digging into my skin, just as I was sure my own nails were stabbing into his scalp, but I couldn't pull them away--the sensations were too much, too powerful, too filled in an ecstasy that had an earthquake building inside of me even though what felt like no time had passed since he had began.

Legs trembling and locking around Matthew's head, I rode through the pleasure pain euphoria that begged me to keep it going but also demanded for the pressure to stop, wave after wave of my muscles clenching and spasming out of my own control while my breath refused to go back to normal.

The smile Matthew gave me once I finally bucked him off of me because it was just too much was all male pride and satisfaction.

It was all I could do to catch my breath sprawled out on the mattress while he stood to his full height and I took him in.

It really was easy to forget just how tall he was when he was between my legs, but standing before me, formidable and almost intimidating, it was easy to shrink underneath his passionate and intense gaze, though there was nothing but soft and melting intent behind those eyes, the expressions that he (hopefully) saved just for me.

I suddenly had a terrifying thought process.

We'd never had the conversation, the 'are we exclusive' talk.

Sure, we'd both confessed that we liked each other, and all the strings that came with that were endless.

"Hey, where'd you go?"

He was no longer standing before me, but kneeling on the bed beside my head and gathering me up into his arms.

I hid my face in his neck, scared to voice my concerns in case he thought that I was being immature or stupid.

"You can talk to me. We don't have to do anything more if you don't want to."

And then my heart warmed once more, and I knew I was just being scared. Matthew had given me no reason to think that he was doing this with someone else. I still needed to voice it, though, just to make things clear.

"I just...I'm not doing this with anyone else. I haven't...been with anyone since my last relationship. I was just making sure you knew that if we do this, I'm not going to be with anyone else."

"Elodie, look at me."

I did so with much resistance, considering the safe warmth of his neck smelled so damn good.

"I haven't been with anyone besides you in at least six months. There's no one else, and after you, I doubt there ever will be."

"What does that mean?"

My whispered words did little to persuade him to answer, but the truth of what he'd said hit me like a hundred thundering bricks all at once.

"I guess you weren't ready to hear that one yet, huh?"

Matthew looked...nervous? Embarrassed? Flustered? Whatever it was, it immediately put me at ease. He was nervous about what this was between us, too.

"No, I definitely needed to hear it."

I brushed a kiss against his razor sharp jaw, then began trailing tiny kisses down his neck until I got to his shirt collar where I planted a long open mouthed kiss and then sucked hard enough to leave a hickey.

His restraint snapped in a millisecond.

I was underneath him in a flash and then his shirt was gone, along with the rest of my tights and my skirt, (panties included), my shoes having already been kicked off when I entered his apartment.

I didn't waste time as I reached up and whipped my top off, thankful that I'd gone braless for (maybe) this very reason.

His eyes feasted upon me almost as ravenously as he had on my body not two minutes previously.

Starting over to his side dresser, I immediately knew what he was going to grab, and while I was happily on birth control, the added protection was definitely a good idea in my book.

Returning to his original spot above me, it took almost all of my restraint to keep from surging up and tearing the jeans from his legs. With my teeth.

"Patience, Els. We've got all night."

The amount of heat from just that look alone that accompanied his words had me absolutely melting.

I relaxed back against the fluffy warm pillows and soft blankets that cushioned me in his bed and waited.

His jeans finally cast aside along with his underwear, Matthew stood proud and tall beside his bed, and I couldn't help but rise up on my elbows to take in the glorious sight fully and appreciate just what the view was giving me.

He was sculpted like any professional athlete--all sleek lines and cut ripples of muscle dissecting across his entire body like strokes of a paintbrush from an expert painter on a bronzed canvas.

It was his face, however, that was the most intriguing, especially as he leaned down over me and situated himself directly on top of my body.

Filled with such intricate emotions that were ever changing and hard to read at any given moment, Matthew's feelings were clear on his face in that moment as he laid himself atop me and positioned himself in between my legs.

His calloused, warm hand captured my face and tilted mine up to meet his eyes as he sank deep inside of me, and our connection was made all the more real.

Inch by inch, millisecond by millisecond, he encapsulated me within himself until I was full, full of him and everything that was written as translucent as sunlight on a sparkling lake surface upon that face that I'd memorialized in my mind.

The same face I'd wish upon anything to see the next day after my father had done something particularly haunting. The same face I'd seek out in the basketball games even though I was supposed to be watching my brother.

The face that I'd prayed and hoped and wished that I could wake up next to each and every day, and here he was, staring down at me with more devotion and pure bliss in his eyes than I'd ever seen before, that emotion not catalogued in my brain of 'Matthew's facial expressions'--and there were a lot of entries.

I'd seen Matthew annoyed, irritated, pissed off, furious, happy, content, lazy, wistful, frustrated, excited, surprised, and so many more it was hard to keep track of, but this?

This.

This was bliss.

This was everything.

This was what I had been waiting so long for.

This was the answer to those prayers, to those wishes from a little girl to a teenager to finally a woman who still hadn't given up.

I loved him.

I love you.

My fingernails sank into his shoulders as the pinch of pain gave way to a full pressure and suddenly his hips tilted up and a lightning bolt of pleasure shot through each and every nerve ending in my body.

Over and over and over, he hit that spot, never dropping eye contact with me.

I arched on instinct as it grew to be too much, neck dipping back and eyes falling shut but then Matthew's hand was there again.

"Eyes on me, baby."

"Matthew, I can't--"

"You can take it."

Our gazes held until I yanked him forward and slammed a crushing kiss upon his lips, a kiss that made him lose all sense of rhythm and focus and began slamming into me at a punishing pace, a devastating depth that had me whimpering and moaning into his mouth at.

His teeth snared on my lower lip as I felt myself topple over that elusive edge that had crept up on me at the sharp angle of Matthew's thrusts, and suddenly I was swimming in an afterglow of something so powerful I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, definitely couldn't speak--

"Fuck, baby," Matthew groaned into my mouth, allowing himself a release that had him shuddering against me and tipping his head to rest against mine.

Tears swam in my eyes, whether from the sting of the bite on my lip or from the emotion I couldn't tell, but this was definitely more than sex.

It was more than anything I had ever experienced in my life...and I couldn't fucking wait to do it again.

Matthew shuffled us so that I was tugged tightly into his heated, naked chest and as I scooped up as much warmth and affection from him as I could, the beating of his heart against my ear ratcheted up its pace significantly.

"I love you too, Els."

My whole body froze and locked up.

Wait. Too?

When had I told him that I loved him?

I leaned up quickly with alarm clearly written on my face, but Matthew only patted my head down, forcing me to find solace once more in his body.

Okay. That could've gone worse.

I'd told him I loved him in the middle of sex, and he'd said it back.

I fell asleep tucked into Matthew's arms with the largest, goofiest grin I think I'd ever worn, and I doubted it went away long after I fell asleep.








***


A/N:

This scene was so incredibly hard for me to capture.

The smut--the emotions--the sweetness--their emotions--

it was all so difficult for me but hopefully this captures it the way I wanted it to come across.

What did you guys think of this chapter?

What do you think will happen next?

Did you expect Elodie to ACCIDENTALLY DROP THE L BOMB???

ME EITHER.

THESE CHARACTERS DO WHATEVER THEY WANT. I AM THEIR SLAVE.

I love you guys so much for sticking with this book through these crazy updating schedules.

Needless to say the next book will be half written before I post chapters!

Thank you so much and until next time my lovely readers,
Kristen :)

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