cover image once again has nothing to do with the chap. Just deranged Y/N bc of bk4_the_cat 's shenanigans in the discord server.

I gave up and stopped editing cause eating cookies were more important to me than delivering a quality chap for y'all. SO.

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The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"...she isn't back yet?" Emma eventually asked, breaking the heavy silence for the first time in hours.

Everyone looked to Norman, who had been the last to check on Y/N's room. They were all waiting in the lounge– the front part of the library, filled with desks, chairs, and couches.

Norman shook his head. "There's... been no sign of her, still."

"It's been three days now..." Poppy started nervously, leaning forward on the couch she occupied. Though she left the end of her sentence unfinished, everyone had the same worry:

"What if she's not coming back?"

The silence that followed weighed down on them heavier than any noise.

"...Am I the only one who... doesn't see a problem?"

Everyone's eyes turned to Cozbi. They hardly knew anything about the demon– besides that she was apparently a friend of Y/N's, and could take Yuugo in a fist-fight.

"...what? Don't look at me like that." Cozbi huffed. "Y/N's always disappearing suddenly, but she comes back. You all need some chill."

"Stay out of it." Hannah grumped, crossing her arms. "Outsider."

"WOW." Cozbi leaned back on her seat, looking up at the ceiling. "You guys are insufferable." she muttered. "Why not have a little trust, hm? If you're soo close."

"Cozbi..." Benny murmured lowly.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Ray scoffed, taking a seat on one of the couches with a book in hand.

"And you've all got sticks up your asses."

Zack stifled a snort.

"Guys," Emma spoke nervously, "we've got to stay rational..."

"Why are we even still waiting? We came all this way, and she doesn't want to go back." Hannah was frustrated as she rose to her feet. "We should just focus on finding a way back home."

No one spoke for a moment.

"God, you guys are idiots. You came all this way back to be planning to leave already?" Cozbi groaned. "You've only been in this world what, 2 weeks, total? How long has Y/N been here?"

"As much as I hate to admit it, she's...right." Norman said. "We can– and we should wait longer."

"Hey, don't put words in my mouth." Cozbi muttered. "You guys can totally leave. Y/N was going to find a way back to the human world, anyways."

"...she was?"

Cozbi rolled her eyes. "I'm waiting until Y/N gets back. I'll break whatever news I have to, so make up your minds– choose whether you're going to stay and wait, or find a way back to your home."

"...We were never planning to leave." Poppy rubbed the back of her nape awkwardly. "This one, either." she gestured to Hannah. "She's just got an attitude problem."

"This one, too." Benny apologized on Cozbi's behalf. "She's just... worried."

Emma nodded. "Three days is... an awful long time to be at the Day and Night, after all."

"'Specially for Y/N." Sonju grunted, leaning against the wall beside the door. Everyone looked up to him- they hadn't noticed him enter the room. "Usually she's in and out within a few hours."

Yuugo rose to his feet. "You don't think something happened...?"

"Y/N's pretty tough." Benny murmured. "She's probably fine."

"There's a limit to how strong a person can be." Mujika spoke softly, entering the room with a plate of tea.

The whole room went quiet. They knew too well that Y/N was far too strong. And they worried what would happen when she finally hit the limit to what she could handle.

——-

"What the hell...?" I murmured  in a daze, looking at the brick-like roads and cream-coloured buildings of the capital. I'd opened the doors, there had been a blinding light, and then...

There suddenly came a rumble from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see where it had come from, but before I could react, someone slammed into my side, nearly knocking me to the ground.

I was then bumped into from behind. Then from the side.

A stream of stampeding demons pushed past me in a blur. I struggled against the wave, trying not to get trampled. I was nudged between demons, I unable to see what they were running from.

I was finally knocked to the ground, and I covered my head amidst the trampling feet. I felt a sudden surge of fear as my lungs burned with suffocation from the dust the demons kicked up.

Then, the stampede suddenly passed. I panted now, resting on my hands and knees while sweat beaded on my forehead.

"The seven walls..." I grunted, rising to my feet. "shit."

My last experience with the seven walls had been over a year ago. Somehow, this place always had a way of unearthing things I'd rather not think about. Now, despite becoming a "recognized being" of this dimension, I was experiencing it again.

Probably, I realized, because the last time I'd tried come here myself was several months ago.

"X," I called out, wiping my brow shakily. "please, just let me pass. I don't want to deal with this right now."

There was no response.

I pressed my eyes closed and sighed, trying to remember that old feeling. To cross the seven walls, you have to "tap into your inner child" and reach simple, innocent curiosity. You'd think that with time, the action would become increasingly easier, but it had always been vice-versa for me.

I'd soon realize my experience this time would prove no different.

I opened my eyes, realizing that my thinking was having no effect. As I did so, I found my surroundings different.

It was a view that spent chills down my spine.

Carl rested in front of me, back to that day, bleeding out on me.

"You checked on my children, right?" he asked.

I hadn't.

"That was my last wish. After watching me die, why have you taken so long?"

"I've been busy." I responded shakily, closing my eyes.

"God, Y/N, focus." I told myself, brow furrowing in concentration. "It's only going to get harder as time goes on–"

"Maybe if you stuck with the battalion, they would be alive right now." Norris spoke, standing a few feet away, amidst the carnage.

"I know." I muttered, struggling even more to hold my subconscious thoughts together.

"You could've discovered the plan earlier that way, and with Cozbi, you could've killed Zev before they even attacked the castle. More innocent people would be alive."

"I know."

"Even more of my comrades died in that attack. If you had worked harder to convince Sonju while you could, more of them would be alive. If you stayed with him and gave input on his plan, you could've saved more, too."

I gritted my teeth. "Stop articulating things I already tell myself."

Norris' voice stopped, and I slowly opened my eyes.

I was standing in my room now, across from the mirror. "Maybe you should've picked the first option, after all." my reflection spoke simply. "Then, they would've moved on, and you could live here freely, without being caught between two worlds.

"–They wouldn't be tied to you still. They wouldn't feel burdened by your promise, like they still are now."

"Shut up." I told my reflection, resting my hands on the dresser and looking down at its surface.

"We both know they're better off without you in the picture."

I inhaled sharply and looked up at the mirror, though, this time, there was no reflection there.

"...Yuugo and Lucas wouldn't be alive without me." I reasoned with myself, sliding to my knees. My forehead was pressed against the dresser as I looked at the floor.

"And who's hands are bloodied because of it? Not only yours."

"People would've died, otherwise..."

"Say, how many of their names do you even know? Of the one's you've killed."

I inhaled shakily. "They were bandits. If not myself, they were trying to kill others."

"They still have families, don't they? Just like Carl. Say, don't you think, by now... you're incomparable to them? To her."

As soon as she said it, I felt a chill run down my spine. My eyes opened to the mirror again, this time, floating in nothingness. Though, instead of my reflection, Emma was there. Behind her, everyone else.

Then, while I watched, the mirror changed until it showed me, covered in blood. I looked down at my hands and oh, they were bloody too.

I'll admit, it's incredibly difficult to remember childlike innocence while covered in blood.

"That's why you really ran, isn't it?" my reflection continued with a malicious grin. "You can't face them, not looking like this– not now, you said, wasn't it? Why? So you could clean of the blood first before facing them, pretending that everything was normal?"

I sat on the ground and breathed deeply, covering my head. My subconscious mind hounded on me, coming for all of the things I'd avoided thinking about.

I tried to calm my breathing down. It wasn't real— I knew that. It's not real, I told myself again.

"Liar." a voice echoed in the background.

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, trying to push past the overwhelming guilt settled in my gut. It was real enough, to me.

"You promised me."

"I know."

"You promised everyone."

"I know."

"How could you?"

"I'm sorry."

"The only thing you're sorry about is that we found out it was a lie."

"I'm sorry that I caused you pain. I don't want to cause any more."

"You'll cause more pain when you go back."

I tightened my arms around my head, feeling my hands pressed against my back. "I know." 

There was a gnawing feeling in my stomach, that only grew as time passed. God knows how long I sat there, feeling that anxiety slowly eat me alive from the inside out, until there was finally a change. Maybe my subconscious self's defense mechanism activated, trying to keep me from deteriorating. 

"...You said you were coming back." the voice spoke, slicing through the silence I'd been sitting in, alone with my thoughts.

I felt a small jolt run down my spine, and my shoulders tensed. "I...know."

"So you will, won't you?"

I lifted my head up, my arms wrapped around my knees. "I... don't know."

"Why not?"

I squeezed my arms tighter, and then slowly relaxed. "I... don't know how to face you. Not after everything."

"Everyone is waiting for you."

"What if I... make another mistake? I'll... hurt you again."

"Loving someone is knowing when to forgive them, and when to move on. Let us decide for ourselves which to choose, hm?"

I looked to the side, where Ray was watching me with a half-smile. His dark green eye twinkled, despite the dim lighting. "Maybe you can learn to forgive yourself, too."

I smiled grimly. "I don't think I can do that, just yet."

"No shit. Of course it won't happen right away." it was Yuugo talking now, as he crouched in front of me. He smoothed the hair in my face back. "I would know best."

I chuckled. "You would." I sniffled, wiping my eyes. "It's a shame you're not real."

"If they're not real, you should go see them." Cozbi muttered, punching my arm lightly. "You miss them, don't you?"

"Yeah." I tucked my chin into my arms. "A lot."

"Then?? What are you waiting for?"

I closed my eyes while the anxiety in my gut settled. 

I took in a deep breath. How had I done It before?

 I opened my eyes slowly and saw my old standing there, from around 2 years ago. My younger self was focused, standing alone in the middle of the darkness as she closed her eyes. Her hand was gripping onto something I couldn't see, and as the memories resurfaced, I remembered.

It was Ray's hand, wasn't it?

My old thoughts echoed in my mind and around the space now, too.

"Rewind, isn't that what Emma said?"

I swallowed dryly as I listened to my old thoughts, staring straight forward.

"Go back to those times when I wasn't restricted by my desire to save everyone..."

I wrapped my arms around my legs, frog bobbing in my throat.

"...Hey... I wonder... Am I really okay with... do I really want to leave them all behind... to make the promise..?"

As soon as I heard those words– that same thought from so long ago, mere moments before I made the promise anyway, I pressed my face into my knees.

The other me vanished now, leaving me alone.

God, I didn't want to feel alone anymore.

I sniffled, standing shakily to my feet. With new resolve, I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to remember that feeling.

Though, as I thought about my memories reading the tpn manga, I found them very few. Instead, I found myself thinking of happy memories I'd made since then, of the family and friends I loved so dearly. The memories I'd pushed out of my mind for so long flooded back in, and I faced myself face-to-face for the first time in years.

It wasn't self-forgiveness, not at all. I hadn't made it there, yet.

Maybe the small feeling of relief that washed over me, like the eye of calm in the middle of a storm, allowed some of my childlike innocence to shine through. Perhaps, that childlike-feeling had actually been there all along, and had been what kept me alive in this world. However it happened, when I opened my eyes I was faced with a sphere inside a 10 ri cube.

I smiled tiredly and raised my hand to it. Nothing was impossible, but... that doesn't mean it's always easy.

By the time I opened my eyes again, I was looking up at a night sky, the clouds and sun spread at my feet.

"That was entertaining!" X exclaimed cheerfully, stepping into my field of view. "Good for you."

"I..." I started lowly, fiddling my fingers.

"I know what you're here for." the demon deity tittered. "Though, if I'm honest, I'm a little upset you aren't here to make another promise."

X sighed, waving a hand in dismissal. "But whatever. So, you want me to not rewrite their memories or send them back to the human world?"

I nodded slowly. "...yes."

"Darn~" X giggled maliciously. "here I thought you were going to ask me for exactly that! Oh well." they shook their head and snapped their fingers. "Yeah, it's done."

"That... easily...?"

"Well," X shrugged, "no one violated the contract. Your friend Yuugo didn't spill anything– the brat just... did it on his own. See, the thing about rewriting memories was just between you an I; not a promise.

"As such, it is up to me whether I keep it or not, and I've decided not to. Of course, there is still no passing to the human world from here, and to fix that, another promise will need to be made, but that's for later. You can go now."

While I stood, a little stunned, X waved their fingers in goodbye. "I look forward to seeing you later, Y/N~"

Then, without another word, The One vanished from my view, as everything went black.

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mmm yes more cliff-hangers (my bad)

I'm a busy gal, what can I say.