I wasn't going to post this chap today, 'cause I felt like it would be better with some time in between, but I decided to pity you, so, yeah.

hey, remember when I named a chap //relief// and the relief in it ended up being a lie? Hehehe.

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As I opened my eyes, all I saw was white.

Then my eyes started to adjust to the brighter lighting, as I blinked them wearily. I inhaled deeply, feeling as if it was the first time in a while. I moved to sit up quickly and winced, pain shooting up through my chest.

I gasped and laid back down, panting for breath. On my face was a mask thing– a non-rebreather mask. I grunted and sat up slowly this time, pulling it off over my head.

My surroundings... a bed with white sheets, my arms resting outside of the comforter. I looked like I was in a hospital room now, and panic filled my chest. I didn't recognize my surroundings at all. In  my left arm was an IV, connected to an IV bag. I reached towards it, with the instinct to yank it out–

Then I remembered that it would be stuck in a vein, and pulling it out would probably cause a bloody mess. I paused now, moving my hand away–

"Good choice."

I flinched, and looked quickly in the direction of the voice. There was Yuugo, sitting quietly on a couch in the side of the room. As soon as I saw him, I was relieved. And then I remembered what was going on, and saw the look on his face.

He looked grumpy.

I turned away from the IV and leaned back in the bed, sucking in breath slowly. "...hey, Yuugo..." I murmured, nodding my head in greeting.

A few feet away sat Ray, leaned on the other side of the couch, sleeping with a book resting open in his lap.

Yuugo crossed his arms, bringing my attention quickly back to him. "Where did you go?"

I swallowed drily, fiddling my fingers. "To... Day and Night..." I glanced down to the bed I rested in, before meeting Yuugo's dark eyes again. "And... it wasn't to make a promise..."

"Because of the secondary condition?" Yuugo offered lowly. "to alter memories?"

I nodded glumly. "I worried that X would change everyone's memories and then send you back."

"X?" Yuugo repeated. Ah, he didn't recognize the demon tongue.

"The One." I elaborated, fidgeting with the bedsheet.

"Thought so. What happened after that?"

I hesitated. "It's... a long story."

Yuugo shrugged, leaning forward. "We've got time."

My eyes flicked to Ray, back to Yuugo, who's eyebrows raised.

"Him?" he jabbed his thumb in Ray's direction. "He's fast asleep." As if to prove a point, Yuugo reached over and gently smacked Ray's face with the backside of his hand. The ravenhead didn't stir, continuing his slow, steady breathing.

I chewed my lip nervously. "Well... I guess... about six months ago–"

"Why not start from the beginning?" Yuugo hummed. "November 2047, wasn't it?"

I fiddled my fingers nervously. "It's not... so relevant, though. And not much happened at first."

Yuugo shrugged. "I want to hear it."

I sighed. "November 2047... I made the promise. And then... well, I went back to the castle with Sonju and Mujika... and I spent the first several months buried in the library."

"The library?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "I read... a lot of books. Most of them were in the demon language, so I learned to read that pretty fast. I started visiting X soon after that, because I think I thought... that maybe if I befriended them, I could figure something out? Or maybe even... you know."

companionship.

"Around that time, I started getting bored, and... well, I learned about the training grounds by the palace, and would spend a lot of time playing around with swords and my knives..."

distraction.

"It's really not that interesting. I didn't...think a lot, I guess. Intentionally, you could say..."

I was avoiding painful thoughts.

"Yeah, I don't remember much, from that first year. Then, I visited X one day, who was like "I want to have a girls' night" which confused the hell out of me, but I ended up going along with it. To do so, I made some friends, like the Cozbi one you met earlier.

"Of course, it turned out she was part of an anti-royal group and was only there to kidnap me and use me as leverage against Sonju and Mujika, but, you know–"

I caught Yuugo's eyes as he blinked. "What?"

"Um... yeah, before that, Leuvis came back to the castle, and he had found out I was still here, and decided he wanted a rematch. Er... Sonju, meaning well, thought it was a good idea, to help get my mind off things. So I started training for that, and then... well, I had my "girls night" with Cozbi and some others; Benny, Aurelia, and a little one named Orion– who are all part of the same group, and a little girl they brought along named...

"Then, well, that night, Cozbi met me outside and had a weapon and said that she needed me to come with her, and myself, in a moment of brilliance, was like "Yeah, seems cool...""

As Yuugo's eyebrow raised, I elaborated further;

"They didn't know I was human, so at the time, I was worried that they might hurt me to take me along, and since I'm human, I wouldn't heal so easily. So I chose to go along..."

Grateful for another distraction, even if I was afraid.

"Anyway, I learned Cozbi's people possessed a special gene that counteracted Mujika's blood, so they were rapidly degenerating. They wanted to use me as a bargaining  chip against Mujika and Sonju, so they could get access to humans, 'cause the previous royals were greedy, and totally would have their own stash, so they thought Mujika would, too."

"And... you went with these demons who wanted humans?"

I nodded. "Er... yes. I went with them until I met their clan and jackass leader. I told them I was human and let them know that there weren't any other humans here. I somehow convinced them to let me find a cure and not kill me. I gave some blood to those who were really close to degenerating, and then we left for Lambda, where I decided they could hide out for the time being.

"Anyways, I wrote a letter to Leuvis, telling him that I would have a rematch with him if he found them a cure. Then, while he was making that cure, I decided to do something a little stupid.

"A while ago, I'd gone through papers on Sonju's desk, all reports about bandit attacks. I'd mapped them out in my mind, and while at Lambda, realized that a base nearby would make perfect sense, 'cause of the time between attacks and their specific locations, and the lack of attacks in areas near their base, I narrowed it down to an approximate spot."

more distractions.

"I spent some time finding its exact location, and then after that, I would raid it for fun. You know, set fire to things, steal armour, release captives... Cozbi and I did this together for some time.

"Then the bandits decided to attack the nearby village to lure us out. I intentionally walked into the trap, and ended up getting captured when Cozbi told them who I was, and that I'd go for a high ransom. She thought I was going to die otherwise, and decided being held captive was the better option, you know.

"We travelled with them until I escaped, leaving Cozbi behind with her crazy old relative, Zev– the super royal-hostile captain of the bandits.

"After that, I was injured and lost. Thanks to some maps I'd memorized a while back, I figured out where I was, and was able to catch up to the capital's battalion to ask for shelter. I knew them decently well, because I used to visit the barracks on better days for sparring...

"Turns out they knew I was human already, and offered to let me stay, but then I separated to go see if Cozbi was okay. I returned to Lambda to find that she hadn't returned yet, and Aurelia and Benny had set off after her. So I followed them and the bandits, for quite some time. Then..." I stopped now, looking down at my hands.

"What is it?" Yuugo prodded me.

I closed my eyes a moment. "...the battalion was attacked by the bandits. They'd circled around and planned... an ambush. All of them were... dead.

"Maybe I didn't know them all very well, but... yeah, I liked them. And many of them were close to Sonju. I... went back to the capital after that, to warn Sonju of the bandits, who were circling towards the capital, for what I thought was an attack.

"I spent a day relaxing, sort-of, and then snuck out to the bandits camp. I found Aurelia, Cozbi, and Benny there... Cozbi told me the bandits' plan, and I took it back to the capital to tell Sonju."

Trying to be helpful to erase the guilt.

"I... doubted it, though, but when I told Sonju a different plan I had, he told me it was too risky. So I left again to find proof, and I did find that the bandits had changed their plan. But before I could tell Sonju... X pulled me away to Day and Night to propose a deal."

"A deal?" Yuugo soon asked. I hadn't realized I had stopped speaking.

I nodded. "...yeah. A deal for a new promise. He told me... that I could go to the human world. But if I did, there would be no passing between them... ever. And I... even though he told me it would likely be my last chance to make a promise... and it was a best-case scenario— where I wouldn't need to sacrifice anything more... turned him down."

Yuugo smiled softly. "Good thing you did, else we'd be trapped here forever."

"No..." I shook my head. "I mean, I'm glad I didn't make the promise, of course, but... I didn't know you were here. I had... what I thought was a chance to see you all again, but... I chose the demon world over you guys. Nothing will change that."

I took in a deep breath in the following silence. "So... X dropped me in the middle of the capital, shortly after the attack began. I killed... a lot of bandits, and tried to save as many citizens as possible. A lot of people died...

more guilt.

"In the end, Cozbi and I fought against Zev. And that's when you all came in. I saw you and... ran. I kept running to make the deal, but... I started because I was... scared, maybe. Of you all to see me... like this. To confront you after everything...

"Then, what you wanted to know... I made it to the seven walls after that. I hadn't had to face them in a while, 'cause after going to Day and Night so many times, they disabled for me. But it'd been so long since I'd last visited, I had to face them again...

"It wasn't easy." I grinned. "It was pretty shit, actually. I made it, though. X accepted my deal and let you all stay here for the time being, and then I left Day and night, but...

"Instead of here, I was back at Lambda." I spoke, and Yuugo's face creased as he seemed to start connecting the dots. "Leuvis... wanted his rematch," I confirmed for him, averting the worried look in his eyes, "'cause he'd finished the cure. I wanted to come right back here, really! But... he didn't really leave me a choice.

"I fought him, and won, but..." I looked down at where his claw had gotten me. "It was... a close call, to say the least."

I thought I was going to die before I could see you again.

I smiled weakly, looking back up to Yuugo. "That's everything, then. I don't think I left anything important out."

Yuugo rose to his feet, pulling a chair up to my side. "You've been busy, kid."

I nodded slowly. "...yeah."

"How are you?" he asked carefully, forehead creased.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm...alive."

"And?" the older man furthered, linking his fingers together as he rested them on the bed. As I studied his face closer, I could see a few more grey hairs in his scalp. How old was he now? Early thirties, right? Despite the rugged-young look he pulled off, he almost looked older, with the new wrinkles and dark circles under his heavyset brows.

I realized I hadn't answered his question yet, and nodded slowly. "Tired, maybe."

As I said those words, Yuugo nodded, too. Then he reached propped his elbows on my bed and rested his head in his hands. "God, kid." he muttered. "I'm sorry."

I blinked, shifting in my seat a little so I was sitting further upright. "What? Why?"

"I should've stopped you while I could. From making that stupid promise."

"Yuugo," I spoke lowly and softy, "I'm glad I made that promise."

Yuugo lifted his head, meeting my eyes. "How can you say that?" I opened my mouth to speak, but Yuugo wasn't quite done. "Look at yourself!"

My bandaged arms clenched the blanket in my lap. The thousand words in my lungs ran just as dry as my throat.

"When was the last time you took a good, long look at yourself?" the man furthered. "You look worse than I ever have! You can hardly stand to look any of us in the eye! And when you do meet mine, you look like you could break any moment!"

Indeed, I was averting his eyes even now. Yuugo reached up and cupped my cheeks in his hands, and my eyes finally met his. They were dark and heavy with emotion, without being angry.

"That is why I'm sorry." he whispered, shaking me gently, as if to try and get his point through to me. "As the adult, I should've stopped it from happening. I should've stopped you from making the promise in the first place! I should've seen what you were doing to yourself."

Tears brimmed in my eyes now, and I tried to blink them away, breaking away from Yuugo's gaze again.

"I should've seen the signs." Yuugo shook his head, releasing me. "I should've seen the similarities we share. God, I'm so sorry, Y/N."

The tears spilled over my eyes, slipping carefully down my cheeks. "Don't say you're sorry," I sniffled, raising my hands to my eyes. "that's what I'm supposed to be saying right now."

Yuugo pulled me into his chest now, wrapping his arms around me. "You don't have to be sorry to me, kid."

"Yes, I do!" I sobbed, shoulders starting to shake. "I made you carry a heavy burden! It's my fault, so–"

"Yes, it was hard." Yuugo raised a hand to my head while he spoke softly over me. "It was hard for me, knowing that what I was carrying was nothing compared to what you were– and what you have been carrying. And it was hard, not knowing if you were really alive, or if you were okay. But I don't blame you for any of the hard things I went through. So I'm not mad... Maybe a little frustrated in myself, if anything, because I wasn't the sort of person you could confide in...

"Even if you considered me a father."

"Yuugo..." I sobbed again, feeling like the heart in my chest was being violently squeezed. I pulled myself inwards as it felt unbearable, squeezing my eyes as more tears spilled out of me, along with the words I couldn't take back.

"Why didn't you come earlier?"

It was beyond childish to ask such a thing of him, I knew. I knew he couldn't have helped it. I knew I told him to move on myself. Most of all, I knew it was a selfish request. But everything was spilling out of me now, just like these dumb tears that made me feel like a child.

"I missed you... so much" I cried, gripping onto his shirt. "Why didn't you stop me? I didn't want to make that... stupid promise. I didn't want to lose you all! I didn't want to hurt anyone!" I was curling up against him, covering my face with my arms. "I didn't want to lie to Ray, either!

"I hardly thought about any of you that first year! I wanted to forget so...bad. But then something would remind me, and I'd feel guilty all over again, until I would find something else to distract myself with–" I hiccuped, throat catching on the lump that bobbed in my throat, so large it was nearly suffocating.

"I'm so tired, Yuugo." I sniffled, blinking more tears out of my eyes.

"I know." Yuugo whispered, stroking my hair.

"I'm sorry, Yuugo." I mumbled, wet eyes still blurring my vision.

"I know, kid."

I stayed there for a while, collecting my thoughts. Once my breathing calmed down, I raised my head, and Yuugo released me from his arms. I rubbed my arms awkwardly.

"Sorry for... dumping that on you." I mumbled. "I know... you didn't deserve that."

Yuugo shrugged simply while I met his eyes, a simple smile on his face. "If anything, it was relieving."

"...How so?" I raised an incredulous eyebrow.

Yuugo grinned. "Not so scary anymore, are you, kid? Acting like the child you are on the outside."

"Ugh" I groaned, putting my head in my hands. "Don't patronize me."

"Well, if you've got enough energy for that kind of attitude, I don't suppose you're ready to be up and about, now."

I mumbled lowly. "I don't know man, I'm aching like hell."

"Go figure." Yuugo muttered, jabbing a finger at my forehead. "Broken ribs will do that to ya."

"Broken!" I blinked. "I thought–" I paused a moment, scratching my cheek. "ah... maybe that time..."

"And yer lucky Norman was here." Yuugo groused, grabbing my ear and giving it a tug.

"Norman??" I seethed while swatting at Yuugo's hand.

"Donated blood for ya." he hummed, releasing my ear.

"He... did...?" I murmured.

Yuugo's brows furrowed. "Good thing too, else you would've died from blood loss, Mujika said." he huffed, crossing his arms and resting one foot on his other thigh. "Buncha other things wrong with ya, too, 'pparently!"

I frowned. "...Other stuff?"

"You pulled your stitches, had infected cuts on your arm, broken ribs, sprained ankle, what else..." I stiffened at the sound of Mujika's voice as the poked her head in the doorway before slipping into the room.

"Sorry, Mujika..." I murmured meekly as the demon queen stopped in front of my bed haughtily. "Thanks for treating me..."

Mujika grabbed onto either of my cheeks, pulling them tightly. "Of course I would treat you! But you gave everyone such a scare, popping in like that out of nowhere!"

"You're lucky that your friends came with medical equipment, 'cause I was almost out!" she griped. "You're also lucky Gracefield is near the castle, because we didn't have any blood transfusion equipment there!"

My eyes wandered the room while I spoke through my pulled cheeks. "Then Gracefield is where I am?"

"Headquarters." Yuugo answered, while Mujika continued her worry rant.

"You almost really died this time around!" she released my cheeks now, and I rubbed them while she stepped back. "You were out of it for months! I thought–"

I sputtered. "–Months?! What day is it??"

"It's January." Yuugo answered. "Pretty late on the 14th, I think."

"January??" I squeaked. "That's... 2 months?"

"I was surprised to find you up when I visited today." Mujika sighed. "Sonju and I have been busy tidying things up..." her eyes wandered the room.

"Strange, I thought for sure Ray would be around."

"Ray?" I asked.

Mujika tapped her chin. "He's been here whenever I visited. Right, Yuugo?"

"Yeah." Yuugo nodded. "'far as I know, he's never left your side."

Mujika giggled lightly. "He was very upset when I took you into operation and said only Norman could come in– especially when I let Zachary in as an assistant."

My eyebrows furrowed. "But he's–" I looked over to the couch, only to find it empty. At some point, Ray had left. Which meant...

"Yuugo..." I murmured dangerously, turning to the older man, who simply shrugged.

"Hey, I thought he was asleep–" I pinched his stomach and twisted it, causing Yuugo to yelp in pain.

"I've got to go." I grumbled, slipping off of the bed and releasing Yuugo's