This chapter is dedicated to the fact that it's chapter 69, and I both wanted to cry and wheeze while writing it because of that fact.

Also, most of you who follow me already know I'm currently sleep and sustenance deprived LOL I'VE BEEN UP FOR OVER 48 CONSECUTIVE HOURS STRAIGHT OR SMTH NOW. 

->But don't do that to urselves pls. Get some proper sleep y'all.

anyhow, this chapter also contains my blood, sweat, and tears.

If it's bad, I will cry.

AnYwAyS~~ have funnnn~~~~~

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Y/N stared across the field surrounded by trees, the bright green grass across the hill brushing gently against her calves as a gentle gust of wind blew by. Y/N had a surprisingly nostalgic expression on her face, for someone who had never lived in this specific plant herself, although it was for good reason, as she surveyed the familiar landscape that all the Gracefield houses shared. The sun was relatively bright in the mid-daytime, warming up her skin, despite the air beginning to chill with the change of seasons. 'Earlier...' Y/N sighed to herself, her deep blue eyes glancing towards the gate from the direction which she came from. '-was that the best decision, after all...?'

----- Y/N'S POV ------

"-What about the reward?" The ginger girl asked with a tinge of anxiety, although she looked determined to hear a truthful response. My neck bristled at the older girl's question and expression, but I tried not to let it show on my face, instead giving them a goofy grin.

"Don't worry." I smiled brightly. "We'll all be able to go to the human world together."

"We will?" Ray spoke, crossing his arms with a suspicious hum. "You're really not excluding yourself from that, right?"

"Ray's right!" Emma cried out, tightly grabbing hold of my hands into her own. "You're not going to die or be forced to stay in this world or anything, right?? Because, if that were true..." She glanced around for a moment before her startling green eyes found mine once again "-We wouldn't want you to do it-!!"

"Like I said," I reassured her, squeezing the ginger girl's hands in response. "Every, single, cattle child will be arriving in the human world, safe and sound."

"Then what was the reward?!" Jemima asked, clutching onto my jacket, looking up to me worriedly. "What price do you need to pay??"

I knelt to the ground and patted her head affectionately. "It's already been paid. Together, even, if you're in to technicalities."

"Wha- what do you mean??!" Everyone exclaimed in confusion and shock.

'Sorry, Emma. I'll be taking a page out of your book, now...'  I addressed the room as I stood to my feet."He' tried to take the thing that meant the most to me." I continued my explanation as I turned to face the largest group of kids "Unfortunately for him- since what matters to me most is all of you, he couldn't 'take what meant most to me', after all,-since all the cattle children staying alive was part of the promise.' My tongue ran over my teeth anxiously. 'I mean, technically, it is a half-truth. I suppose it could be considered lie of omission, though.' "So, in the end, he declared the past 1,000 years of time as the reward. Humans, as a whole in the demon world, have suffered so much since then," I rocked back onto my heels with a shrug. "So he saw no need to construct another reward. It makes sense, doesn't it?"

"...Really?!" Yvette asked anxiously, stepping forward from the back along with the other kids.

"I mean, if there's no need for a reward, that's great, but..." Thoma and Lani murmured between one another. My eyes trailed to Ray, expecting some form of rejection to my statement, but he uttered not a single word, simply wearing a mildly dissatisfied expression.

 He wouldn't even look me in the eye.

"-But, you're sure, right?" Norman asked from behind my shoulder, and I turned to him with an inquiring expression. "Like Emma said...if it's a deal you have to sacrifice yourself to make..." He trailed off, Yuugo picking up his sentence from him .

"You wouldn't make it, right?" The dilf- I mean dad spoke, although there was a suspicious tone underlying his voice.

I laughed. "Of course not. After the sheer number of times I made fun of Ray and Norman for being self-sacrificial, do you really think I'd do it myself, again?" I bit my tongue roughly to keep from wincing at my statement.

"That's not a very good form of confirmation-" Oliver began, but Zack quickly interrupted him with a hum.

"No, no. She's got a point." He murmured. "No way could even Y/N be that hypocritical." Despite his words, Zack had raised an eyebrow as if daring me to try.

"Yeah!" Poppy agreed with a cheer. "And if she did end up making a stupid deal like that, we'd come drag her butt back, right?!"

"YEAH!!" Everyone agreed.

I tried to keep my shoulders relaxed, my hands twitching as I did my best to avoid clenching them into fists, which, unfortunately, didn't go unnoticed by a certain emo boy and his father. "Guys, guys-" I chuckled nervously. "Like I already said, there isn't a reward this time, so we don't even need to worry about that, right...?" 

"True enough." Reina shrugged, before stalking back towards me. "-But if it turns out you're lying, I'll be revoking your cookie rights for real this time. Permanently."

"-And don't forget the swear jar." Hayato cut in from where he was reading a book against the wall. 'Always butting in at the worse times, aren't you.'

"You guys..." I cringed, sweatdropping as I let out a long, exasperated sigh. "But okay. Putting those rules in place won't make a difference, anyway." I laughed lightly. 'That one's a truth, at least.' 

"I'm not being sacrificed." I re-reassured them. "Not just me. Or anybody else, either." I shrugged, my eyes sweeping across the room. 'Sorry, Ray... everyone...'

"Really really?" Daisy asked in confirmation. 

I grinned. "Really really."

There was a moment of silence before the kids erupted into a cheer. "YAY!! LET'S GO!!"

"Waitwaitwaitwait-" I laughed, interrupting their celebration. "I'm not making the promise until tomorrow morning."

"What?" One of the younger kids asked as the cheering ceased. "Why?"

I swallowed dryly. "Mujika and Sonju have yet to show up!" I made a quick excuse on the spot. "You want to say goodbye to them before we go, right?" 

"Yeah, we do!!" Everyone laughed before running out into the halls. "Time to go get lunch ready!!"

They all clamoured out until it was only Yuugo and I left in the near-empty room. After a long pause the man spoke, a slightly disappointed tone in his voice."...So you're going to leave them hanging until the end?"

I stayed quiet for a moment as I stared out the doorway, even though the kids had long since left. "Hey, Yuugo... I need you to do something for me..."

-----

I sat with my back against the tree, looking up at the branches as the sun shone from above, casting shadows of leaves on my face. 'This tree...' The newly rebuilt Plant 3 house lay behind me, refurbished after burning to the ground in all of its glory. 'I wonder how many times Ray sat here?'

"-Strange." A voice hummed from behind the tree. Speak of the devil. "You'd think you'd go over to Plant 2, where you were raised, instead of here."

I hummed plainly in response. "I have my reasons." I sighed, picking at the grass down below.

"-The same reasons why you refuse to tell us the truth about the reward? Perhaps it has something to do with why you spoke so knowledgeably of the 'human world'?"

I froze for a moment before recovering. I expected this, after all. "I did tell the truth." I answered stiffly, picking a leaf up off the ground and twirling it in between my fingertips.

"I call bullsh*t." The ravenhead responded curtly. Although I couldn't see his face, I was certain he was raising that singular, suspicious, eyebrow, a mockingly unimpressed expression on his face.

"Language, Ray." I responded briefly, raising my own eyebrow, like the hypocrite I was.

"Who's the mom now, Y/N." The emo mocked, the grass on the other side of the trunk rustling as he took a seat.

We sat in silence, backs to either side of the tree. "Hey, Ray..." I sighed, looking up at the sky. The emo hummed in response, although he didn't speak a word. "You know, a few days ago... back when we reunited with Phil and the others... And Yuugo, well- you know...-"

"Who was it?" He asked softly, as if he could read my mind. "The one you tried to save?" I blinked in surprise for a moment before smiling softly. 

"Well..." I paused for another moment before answering his timid question. "It was Isabella..." I mumbled off, fidgeting with the leaf in my hands.

The ravenette didn't respond, so I simply continued speaking to fill in the gap. "The first time I saw... her die... I cried like a b*tch. For a long time. And every time I thought about it for at least a week later-"

"I don't remember seeing you cry that much-" The emo cut in. I blinked for a moment before responding.

"Don't underestimate my ability to cry in secret just because you've seen me cry a few times before." I answered briefly.

"A few-?" The ravenette remarked sarcastically.

"You know what?" I huffed, crossing my arms and leaning my head against the tree. After a full minute- which felt like an hour- I suddenly clicked my tongue. "I guess I'll just start crying right now."

"What- Wait-"

"You know what her last words were?" I interrupted the ravenette's nervous stuttering, placing my head in my hands. "She called you over, you know. In her last moments, she regretted not being able to pamper you. To love you like a mother really would." My voice quivered as I continued speaking. "So, make sure you let her, okay? Make sure bond with her, and forgive her for good, right?"

"Her last words?" He asked curiously, although his voice was dry.

There was a long pause before i finally spoke, my voice husky whisper. "Ray, I'm sorry." I spoke lowly, staring at my hands in my lap. "Take care of everyone." My eyes welled up in tears unwillingly as the words left my mouth.

"You're not going to tell me that, are you?" The ravenhead's hollow voice interrupted my thoughts from the other side of the tree. I hastily took a deep breath and wiped my tears. "Please tell me that you wont." He pleaded quietly.

I let out a sad laugh- one that hopefully didn't seem so sad from the outside. "No, I won't. I'm just..." I rested my head against the rough bark of the tree. "-so glad I could save her. And Yuugo and Lucas, too." I stared up at the near-cloudless sky as the afternoon sun began to turn into evening. "I'm so glad... even if I wasn't able to save Peter..." My voice turned into a hushed whisper. "I did it, Ray. I did it." I spoke as if reassuring myself- and perhaps I was trying to, although it came to no avail.

 The other boy stayed silent for a long while again.

"Y/N, you're not leaving me, right?" I turned to my left as Ray appeared from the other side of the tree, an indescribable expression on his face. I swallowed hastily.

"Of course not, idiot." I grinned, punching him lightly in the shoulder. Although the attempted-comforting gesture didn't seem to bring the emo any piece of mind.

The dark-haired teen sat down besides me, the sun beginning to set on the horizon, setting a gentle pinkish glow onto his skin. After a while of sitting in silence, I began to hum quietly to myself, barely aware of it first. It was a familiar tune to the both of us, although for completely different reasons. It was the lullaby of his mother, after all, and the main theme of the anime I held so dearly. Although, perhaps it had more meaning to me now, in it's raw form.

"Hey, Y/N..." The ravenette murmured, breaking our continuous humming as he turned to me, grey-green eyes shining. Suddenly, he laid down into my lap and wrapped his arms around my wast. "Sorry..." He mumbled into my stomach.

I startled in shock, my position stiffening for what felt like eternity, although in reality only a few seconds passed. "...What are you doing?" I chuckled as I brought a hand down and gently patted his black locks of hair.

"I'm afraid..." He murmured quietly, his arms suddenly tightening. "I'm afraid that if I let you go, you'll dissapear."

My calm breaths faltered for a moment and my gentle stroking ceased. "Oh." I hummed, resuming my gently stroking, my smile finding my face once more. "That's idiotic."

"-You don't tell me to move, though." He mumbled.

I blinked in response, at a loss for words. "Touché, *sshole."

•

We sat in near silence, besides the occasional breeze and ruffling of trees along with our quiet breaths. "Ray... it was hard, wasn't it?" I asked as I fiddled around with his surprisingly soft hair. "To sacrifice so much just to save a few you loved the most." I paused for a moment. "Would you do it again, if you needed to?"

"...They're not the only ones a love most, anymore." Ray grumbled and I glanced down to him, his red ears obscured by the pink glow the sunset cast onto us.

"Oh." I laughed. "I see." I looked back up to the colourful sky. "Could you sacrifice yourself to save that person, then? How far would you be willing to go?"

Ray paused for a moment. "I'd save them all, including myself."

I raised an eyebrow. "That's not the question I was asking. Quite the realist, aren't you now?" 

The ravenette was definitely unimpressed. "Didn't you say something similar to Peter?"

I blinked, raising an eyebrow. "Ray..." I swallowed. "Peter literally died 3 chapters ago, you insensitive f*ck." There was a moment of silence for Ray to collect himself, and for the author to cry at her casual once-unintended fourth-wall break.

"Sh*t, that's right." The ravenhead paused once again, obviously feeling guilty. "-Sorry."

I snorted. "It's fine. What's done is done, after all." We fell silent once more as the air around us became us colder with nightfall. "Hey, Ray." I sighed.

"What is it this time?" He inquired. "More deep questions?"

I chuckled. "Not a question this time." I reassured, before looking down at the boy. "You did a good job, you know." I began, the boy seeming to freeze in place. "You made sure Emma and the others escaped. Even if you had to sacrifice a few others to do it, you still made it."

"Where's this coming from?" The ravenette asked curiously. 

I sweatdropped, rubbing the back of my nape nervously. "Just remembering Isabella feeling bad for not praising you again. I thought I might take a crack at it." I cringed cheesily. "I might suck, though. I can stop now, if that's-"

"No, it's fine." Ray muttered. "...I like it, actually." He finished with some difficulty. This time I was certain his ears were flushed, and not just because of the lighting.

"Okay. Then, what do I say next..." I hummed for a moment. "Thanks for saving my sorry *ss from the demon shortly after our escape. And for letting me come to Goldy Pond with you. And for hauling my in-denial-about-being-in-shock-*ss while we were there-"

"-You remember that-??" Ray flung up from his position in my lap, turning to me in surprise. "...since when?"

I blinked a few times before shrugging. "Since I woke up the morning after we reunited with Norman."

"Oh." The ravenhead hummed. "...say," He spoke after another long moment of pause. "...how much do you remember?"

I tilted my head with a curious expression. "Until I passed out, why?"

"Ohthankgod." The ravenhead muttered under his breath, pressing his fingertips together in front of his forehead..

"...what was that?" I asked suspiciously.

"Oh nothing." He waved it away before hesitating once again. He then helped himself back into my lap, linking his hands around my waist once more. "...Carry on now."

I stared dumbfounded for a moment before rolling my eyes. "Moving on then," I ignored the faint dusting of pink across my cheeks as I continued. "I guess... Holding out against Nous and Nouma until Yuugo and Emma arrived was something I doubt I could've done." A genuinely happy smile spread across my face for the first time in a while. "Thanks for looking at me the way that you did. Thank-you for reminding me what an idiot I am. -And for reminding me how loved I am." I snorted. "You're really good at taking care of injured people, by the way." I hummed in amusement before tapping my chin in thought. "-Maybe a little less threatening about knockout-induced rest is a good idea, though-."

"Since when did this become a criticism?" He grumbled.

"Do you want to hear more or not?" When there was no response from Ray, I continued. "Oh, thanks for all the times you helped me with my hair. You're actually surprisingly good at that, you know." I hummed, scratching my head in thought. "Thanks for going along with my reckless plan of escaping the shelter. Oh, and thanks for not getting shot by me when I killed Andrew-"

"Is that really something you should be thanking me for?" He asked lightly, although something in his voice began to change as time went on, subtle as it was, like a slowly growing ball of anxiety.

"Yeah." I responded with a hum. "Think I maybe woulda cried if I shot and killed you instead."

"Ya think?" Ray raised an eyebrow.

"Kidding." I stuck my tongue out. "I would. Now hush, child. There's still more." Ray stopped talking once again. "Drugging my knife was a d*ck move at the time- not that it isn't still, but..." I glanced to the side. "-thanks for caring for me enough to do such, I guess. More importantly... thanks for letting me go... You did such a good job supporting me and Emma, and all the young children this whole time, Ray. I doubt anyone else could've replaced you for that. And thank you for helping me-"

"Stop." Ray spoke suddenly, interrupting me, his arms tense.

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Why? I thought you appreciated it?"

 "Please, just stop." He muttered again.

I tilted my head. "You're being contradictory." I huffed, before glancing to the ground anxiously. "...and I still have to make up for all the times you-"

"That's exactly it..." The ravenette grabbed my wrist from his head and turned up to look me in the eye, his own deep-grey-green orbs full of so many conflicting emotions, his eyes crinkling at the corners in fear as he held back tears.

•

•

•

"It feels like you're preparing for goodbye."

I paused as I looked down at him, my eyes wide. "I'm not." I laughed lightly, pulling my wrist away from him gently. 

"Then why" Ray sat up, looking me straight into the eyes. "Then why does it sound like you are? Why are you always smiling that way?" My smile faltered on my face. "Why do you keep on laughing as though you're in pain inside? Why... why do you still insist on hiding things from me? From everybody? Why do you suddenly feel the need to pay me back for everything, if not because-??"

I swallowed dryly. 'So Yuugo isn't the only one who noticed...' "Ray, listen to me." I grabbed onto his forearms, my gaze stern. "I'm not leaving you, okay?