Chapter 50: Painful Truth

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Ryzen POV

I especially dressed up today. Actually, I worried that I dressed up more than the days where I'd go out with Lennox.

After all, why wouldn't I? Even though I was only sitting as an audience member with Zaynah, watching live at my mother's last shooting of her show, I still wanted to look good.

I wanted to look presentable because today, I was determined to say even just a few words to my mum. I wouldn't be like a coward like last time.

Even just a small talk with her would be fine. It will be more than enough to make my heart warm.

I took a deep breath as Zaynah dragged me backstage. It will only be a few minutes now before the live shooting started.

"Come on, don't be shy." Zaynah said mischievously, as she dragged me to my mother's dressing room.

My mother was having her make-up finished up. She had a stern, serious face. But upon hearing Zaynah's voice, she turned around and walked to us.

Even though she already had her make-up on and she looked gorgeous as usual, I could feel that there was something different. Maybe, it is her mood? My mother looked fatigued and nervous.

Hmm... I guess, I couldn't blame her. After all, the show she has been starring on for so long now will be ending after so many years.

"I'll talk to you guys later. Thanks for accompanying my daughter, Millen." she said formally in a slightly tired tone.

I smiled widely at her and calmed myself down.

"It is my pleasure, Dr. Rose. I'm a really big fan of yours. You... are the reason why I wanted to be a doctor." I managed to say in a sweet tone.

My mother only gave a polite smile and nodded. It was Zaynah, however, who spoke for the both of us.

"Mum, later, I promised Millen that I'll invite her over to our house again. She wants to chat with you and wants your autograph as well." Zaynah said in a loud tone.

Somehow, I could not help but be flustered once Zaynah said that. Is it really that embarrassing?

My mother only looked at us again and gave a small smile.

Afterwards, Zaynah and I went to the place where the live audience will be seating since the show was going to start soon.

My mother's show is called 'Ask Doctor Rose'. It explores healthcare, the latest in medical treatments and answer viewers' questions to help them live healthier lives. Also, it conducts regular medical missions and features them in the program.

Based from my knowledge, it was one of the highest-rated informative shows in the country.

Today is the last episode and since I have been watching this show all my life, I am actually pretty curious on what would they be doing.

First, they showed a compilation of videos featuring the patients that the program has helped before. They showed updates of their lives and how grateful they are to the program and my mother.

Then, my mother seemed surprised as a patient of hers before came, and thanked her for all the help she has done.

Ah, I remember the story of this one.

It was a patient who had cancer. She was only from a poor family, so she did not have enough funds to pay for her medical fees. Her physician back then was my mother and she did beyond of what was expected of a regular physician.

She wasn't even a celebrity doctor at that time, but she donated a large sum of money in order to help that patient. In addition to that, my mother also raised a fundraising event to help the patient to get her operation and at the same time, to help her poor family as well.

"Dr. Rose is the most genuine doctor you would ever meet. She is not only nice and talented, but she really cares for her patients. My life changed forever because of her. So thank you, Dr. Rose." the person said, weeping.

She then said another lengthy piece, which surprisingly made my mother shed a few tears.

Afterwards, it was a commercial break but my mother continued to talk with that patient. Although I could not hear what they were saying since I was far away, I could tell that they're having a good conversation.

Really... that is what I aim for. I want to be at least half of the person my mother is.

When the commercial break was over, the patient left and once again, my mother was alone at the center of the stage.

I saw her close her eyes and take a deep breath before the director signalled the start of the show.

I guess, my mother must have extremely heavy feelings right now since if I'm not wrong, this part will be the last part of the show.

I wonder what they will feature? Usually, this will be the most exciting part in her show. More so now, since it is the last episode.

"For this last part, I will not be talking about any medical-related topic. Rather, I want to use this opportunity because I have something to confess to the world." my mother said in a brave voice.

I don't know why, but as soon as she said that, I got goosebumps.

I looked over at Zaynah with a questioning expression, but Zaynah only had the same confused look as well.

"I don't know this. Anyway, my mother never tells me anything regarding her work." Zaynah murmured softly.

With that, we both turned to the stage again and became more attentive to our mother.

"As you all know, I am the wife of the late professor, Eric Ferrada. We were best friends during medical school and eventually, we fell in love and got married. However, even though we were already married for five years, we still couldn't conceive a child. It did not help that we were both busy with our works and barely had time with each other. More so, Eric was overseas for two years and did not come home." she continued to say.

My mother took a deep breath before talking. I don't know if the rest of the audience can notice, but since Zaynah and I were seated at the very front, I could notice that my mother's hand was shaking a little as she held the microphone.

"Luckily, we were blessed with our first child, Ryzen. At least, that's what outsiders and the rest of you know, right? When in fact, she is not my child." she said in a grim voice.

I instantly shivered when I heard my name out of her mouth. It has been a very long time since I heard it. But now, I did not expect that I would hear in this kind of situation.

Am I hallucinating right now? The words that I heard are incorrect, right?

Right now, my heart was beating so fast. It seems like my body weakened instantly.

What do I do? How do I process this information?

I refuse to believe it... No...

"Ryzen is a product of Eric's infidelity. He stayed overseas, in France, for two years without coming home to me because he has found a French woman as his lover. Unfortunately, the woman died once Ryzen was born. Out of grief, Eric had no choice but to take the baby home here in the country." my mother continued to say.

At this point, tears were already flowing out of her eyes. Rose Ferrada had to take a deep breath before she continued with her story.

"When I knew, of course I was devastated. It was an indescribable feeling. I've never felt so hurt and vulnerable all my life. But because I loved Eric so much, I still accepted him and even his child with another woman. I told him that I will raise the child as if it's my own and that I should be recognised as that child's mother. I'll do everything, just so he wouldn't leave me." she said in a shaky voice, with sobs in between.

Even before, tears were already flowing out my eyes. Every word that my mother... no... do I even have the right to call her that?

Every word that Rose Ferrada says stabs my heart more. It's like a sword pierced through my heart and it's twisting the insides painfully.

"It was pretty good, I guess. I somehow knew that Eric was still in love with that French woman, but I was clinging on the hope that one day, he will be back to me completely. After all, after many years, I became pregnant with his child. Finally, it was our child. My own blood." she said painfully.

The hurt that she had on her expression was so vivid, as if she's really recalling what has happened.

Even the audience and staff were all completely quiet, sympathising with Rose Ferrada. I could tell that some were crying with her, since I could hear weeping sounds aside from mine.

Actually, it seems like theirs was even louder.

I wasn't crying as loud, but tears just keep on falling. I did not dare to even open my mouth, but it hurts so much. I do not know what to do to stop the tears from falling. The pain in my heart... I don't even know anymore!

"But again, Eric betrayed me. He died before even seeing our child. He was able to become a father to a child he sired from another woman, but for our child, he was not. It's quite ironic, right? That's why, I wanted to take revenge. All my life, I vented my frustrations and anger on that child, Ryzen. Especially as she grew up, she looked more and more like that French woman that Eric loved. Honestly, at one point, I did believe that I loathed that child. Her very existence is an everyday reminder of the betrayal and suffering that I have experienced." she said without mercy, frowning her eyebrows.

Ah, as it goes on longer, it hurts even more.

I cannot handle it anymore.

I don't know how I'm even holding up right now, just sitting here and even eagerly waiting for what else she has to say. It's like, I'm torturing myself.

With what she's saying, it is really for good that I 'died', huh?

It seems like my intuition is not wrong at all. I tried to deny it many times, insisting that no parent can ever hate their child.

But what if the parent is not the biological parent of the child? Then it is possible, right? It is possible to hate the child.

All my life, I've only been yearning for her love. Or at least, acknowledgement from her. I've always wondered why she acted so cold to me but now, I can understand.

My very existence is painful for her.

To see me, a mirrored version of the woman that stole her husband, it is probably an everyday nightmare.

Now, I couldn't help but let out a little smirk... so maybe that's why she immediately took down the photo I had on the hallway? I'm afraid that if I didn't have a good relationship with Zaynah, there would be no photos of me at all in that house.

For Rose Ferrada, my death was probably a blessing that she has been looking forward to for a long time.

All the wishful thinking that I had, sensing that she must've been in so much grief, are all useless.

In the end, she does not care for me at all.

"But, the day that I found out that Ryzen died, it all became clear. I did not hate the child. In fact, it would be a lie if I said that I never found that child lovely, not even once. Today, I am confessing to all of you, to the world, in an attempt to wash away the guilt that I feel... I regret not showing appreciation to that child, who only recognised me as her mother. I should have not held her accountable for the sins of her parents. After all, she was just a mere child." she announced with a sorrowful voice.

If I can, I want to sob loudly right now and run to Rose Ferrada. I want to hug her and scream that I'm just here.

But, I did not have the guts or the physical strength to do that.

I am too weak right now and my mind is too clouded.

"If she was still around, I am not confident if I was ever going to think this way. I cannot say honestly, that I would have had the strength to tell her the truth, or anyone, in that sense. But it is because of her demise, that I am able to stop living in the past and atone for the mistakes I have done. So this episode, I dedicate it to that child, Ryzen. I am not a perfect person, but it is all of you who have comforted me for many, many years. Thank you for watching 'Ask Doctor Rose'." she finally announced with a sad smile.

In the end, everyone stood up and clapped for Rose Ferrada. Almost everyone was sobbing or had a dejected expression.

The person next to me, Zaynah, who was sobbing from the start, already ran to the stage and hugged her mother. She did not care for any pretences and her mother, helpless, hugged her back.

Unlike everyone else, I was still on my seat, full of tears in my eyes. The pain in my heart right now was really too heavy. I was breathless and I do not know what's even happening.

With shaking hands, I contacted my driver and asked to be picked up right away.

With everything that was revealed today, how am I supposed to live anymore? What should I even do with my life?

Everything lost its purpose already.

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