Chapter 30

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"I can't stand looking at your face anymore. You disgust me..."

Kate felt herself sobbing without pause, and she just wanted to get away, escape from this feeling of misery. But she was frozen against will, her feet glued to the ground because of their own weight.

And then, incredibly fast, just when she thought she was going to be stuck to this painful moment for a lifetime, she was suddenly sucked out of it by thin air.

She found herself running through a deserted road, surrounded by darkness that was more than a night could offer. She knew nothing at that moment, just the fear in her heart that something really bad was going to happen, and the only way to escape from it was by keeping on running. But then, a car appeared out of nowhere, its bonnet colliding against her body with furious force. She could feel her bones breaking, her head shook and all the organs inside her body twisted. The pain that attacked her now was all-consuming.

She lay helpless on the ground, unable to move any of her limbs. Even her eyes began fluttering close, which she knew by instinct was something even worse.

She had to keep her eyes open.

She had to, by any means, keep her eyes open.

But her eyelids were as if made of lead. And a baby, her baby was crying nearby.

She needed to save the baby. But she could not move, she could not keep her eyes open anymore.


--



"Kate. Kate! Sweety, wake up," a soothing voice pierced through her haze of pain. "It's just a dream, open your eyes, sweetheart. Shh..."

As she slowly drifted out of the prison of sleep and the cruel nightmare, she realized she was still sobbing from the feelings of so much distress and vulnerability. She opened her eyes to see a blurry view of Victor's face.

"That's it," he said, sighing in relief. "It's alright."

Panting, she raised a shaky hand and wiped the tears from her face as much as she could. Her sobs were reduced to hiccups.

"You still get those nightmares?" Victor asked, removing his hands from her shoulders now that she was awake and had calmed.

Victor was the only one who knew about her recurring nightmares. She had lived at his place for months, after all, after he had picked her up bloody and battered from the street.

"Often," she replied, her voice hoarse.

They wouldn't invade her every night in a regular basis anymore, but often they would, after having enough of getting bored lurking around the corner.

"But they still do, don't they? Often or not."

"I've accepted long ago that they've become a part of my life," she said through the lump in her throat and sighed.

He was sitting at the edge of her bed, leaning over her lying form. 

The lamp post outside the window dimly lit her bedroom. It created shadows on his face, adding to the lines of concern that marred his forehead and around those brown eyes.

His eyes were fascinating. They looked black when in daylight but she'd noticed, that whenever he was tired or sleepy... they would turn a shade lighter, they would turn a shade of mysterious brown.

"I hope the counselor Doctor Gonsalves has appointed you would help," he indulged.

"We'll get to know tomorrow," she replied, her eyes blinking with the familiar weight of sleep.

She had back-to-back appointments at the hospital tomorrow. First, with Doctor Gonsalves, who'll look at how she was recuperating, and then the next was with a Psychiatrist whose name she could not remember at the moment. No matter, she was sure Victor remembered. He was remembering everything for her these days - the timetable of her taking medicine, the foods she was allowed to eat, where she'd put her bandana, appointments with her doctors, the fact that she was not to bath for too long in case she caught a cold and so on. He had taken the duty of being her nurse quite seriously.

"Everything will get alright, Kate, you'll see," his tender voice whispered into the quiet of the room.

She smiled. And that smile soon lessened into a residue of hope on her face.


But truly, was there any way to get rid of these nightmares? Or the memories? And the most important question was, did she even want to at this point?

Melancholy has a certain evil quality about it. In the beginning, it seems loathsome, but as one slowly gets used to its presence for so long, night after night and then for months and years, they suddenly begin finding it pleasing in a very weird, sick way. It matters more than any happiness then, and slowly becomes something to cherish and fantasize about.


"My memories of my baby are just in that one night, Victor," she found herself speaking, her tongue felt heavy with sleep but it was more comforting talking with him at this moment. "I've no more."

It was not about what he'll think about her sick disposition, or what he had to say about the recurring talks of her night of tragedy, of loss. It was more about her emptying herself out, to someone she knew would never judge any of it.

Was she selfish? Yes, perhaps, she really was.

"And you're stuck between wanting to forget and cherish it," he voiced out what was unsaid.

She had just a soft exhale of breath as a reply.

"It'll be alright, Kate," he said, firmly this time. "You'll see."

She opened her eyes just a fraction. "How can you be so sure?" she needed to know, she needed to hear it so that she could believe it again. And she knew what he would say, he'd said it a lot of times before.

"I've faith in fate, and I've faith in you," and he looked as serious as his voice was. "You'll get through this."

She closed her eyes, and the smile on her lips this time stayed.

Why could Alex never say this for her? Why were they fated to be doomed this way?

She heard shuffling noises and knew Victor was getting up to his feet and was about to leave for his own bed--the makeshift sofa bed in the living room.

"Victor," she called out.

"Hmm..."

"Stay?" 

Just like always, he surrendered to her will. She could only feel with her eyes closed as he slipped into the bed, for modesty's sake he lay on top of the comforter. "You'll freeze, Victor, you can get into the comforter. I know you wouldn't take advantage of me."

"But what if you take advantage of me instead?" His playful voice made her smile.

He added with a husky little chuckle, "I'm too hot, Katy bird, go to sleep."

And she did. And there was no nightmare for the rest of that night.

It's fascinating, the wonders the sense of safety can bring.


--


When Kate opened her eyes in the morning, she found the place next to her empty. The sound of his hushed voice coming from the living room indicated that he was talking over the phone. She decided, she needed to try and send him off to work today. Two days had passed since he'd transformed into her shadow around the apartment. It could clearly not go on forever, he needed to concentrate on his new venture, the boutiques needed him, badly. And Ellie was not fit to handle everything on her own. Kate feared she would poke someone's eyes out with her pocket knife at some point. 

Ellie's irritation or anger was one thing when Kate or Victor was around, but it was totally another something when none of them were. 

Kate sat up on the bed, pushing away the comforter, and cringed when her back cracked a bit and her vision spiraled out of control. Closing her eyes quickly she waited until the dizziness went away which had become a regular now since the surgery. Any rapid movement proved to be quite overwhelming for her brain and she had to literally hold her breath to stop connecting to the floor face first. 

Lethargically she walked towards the washroom, locking the door she turned to look at the mirror. And she looked... at herself, at the creature she had become. 

In front of her stood a woman with not a single hair on her head, her cheeks were sunken, her jaw sharply protruded, and even her eyes looked ghastly with the way they were buried so deep into the sockets. She looked like a bald excuse of a joke. 

She flinched, and she wondered how Victor could even look at her with a straight face.

The sudden noise of a pounding fist on the bathroom door startled her out of her miserable thoughts. The toothbrush in her unmoving hand fell to the tiled floor as she jumped.

"Stop gaping at the mirror, Katy bird, breakfast is waiting at the table."

Her eyes widened. How did he know? How did he always know? She was sure there was no hole in the door and neither was any camera or any such thing inside her bathroom, moreover, Victor wasn't the type to play a peeping Tom. Then how could he tell every morning for the past two days that she secretively gaped and dreaded her own sight in the bathroom mirror?

When she came out after doing all the morning business from the bathroom, Victor was already waiting for her at the little kitchen table. A chair was already pushed back opposite him, she went and sat down on it, sighing happily at the sight of food. Oats, tea, and toasts. As she regained strength more and more each day, thanks to Victor's never-ending patience and determination..., she was also regaining taste in her mouth. Now she could eat more without him coaxing much.

"You don't have to wear that bandana when you're home, Kate, let your skin breathe a little. It's not even that cold today," he glanced up at her head between stuffing his mouth with toast.

Kate's hand raised involuntarily to touch the bandana, she tried her best to hide the discomfort. But of course, being the mind reader Victor was being these days, he noticed and sighing, dropped the half-eaten toast on his plate.

"If you're worried about what I would think seeing you bald, then you must know that it doesn't matter to me," he said indignantly. "You look as much beautiful as you were before."

Kate sat back straight on her chair, shaking her head. "You call this...," she pointed at her body. "Beautiful? I'm a hairless skeleton at the moment, Victor." 

"Remember," he said, leaning forward. "I've seen you at your very worst, and through every scar of yours, I've memorized your beauty. A bald head or less flesh on your body won't make me forget it."

Scars, she had many of those in her heart, each one of them he knew about. And through the process of knowing it all, she could recall clearly, how he had become the friend that had saved her life - again and again, and in more ways than she could count.

Before she could even react to what he said, he was leaning forward and reaching behind her head with his long, sinewy arms and untying the knot of her bandana. Her breath was caught in her throat when he tugged and the bandana slipped off. 

And as she looked up at him, she saw his dark eyes turn a shade lighter. It was brown now and had her reflection on them that sparkled in bright rays of sun spilling in through the kitchen window.

A new realization hit her. Maybe his eyes changing color had nothing to do with being tired or sleepy after all, maybe the reason was instead the emotions he felt. Emotions that were strong enough to lighten his eyes, while he was on his mission of brightening her life, incessantly.

The noise of her phone ringing had them both jump a bit. 

Clearing his throat, Victor stood up and began gathering the plates and cups from the table. With one hand she picked up the call, an unknown number, and with the other, she held his wrist. 

"Let me wash," she mouthed. He gave her an incredulous look in reply. She huffed silently as he took the dishes to the sink. 

There was no noise coming from the other side of the phone, and she frowned at that. 

She'd been getting calls like this for two days now and it was getting to the point of being creepy. The numbers would be different each time, so call blocking could not help at this stage. 

She didn't bother saying hello, for she knew what was coming. And as expected, a sigh sounded. Loud enough for her to know that it was very much real but discreet enough to not figure out if it was a male or female. 

She cut the call with the frown still intact on her face. 

Victor was humming a song under his breath that diverted her attention. She looked at the back of his head, half of her wanted to tell him about the phone calls but then she decided against it. For she knew he would only get more worried. The guy was already on his toes regarding her health.

It's not serious. She chanted, breathing deeply. Just someone silly making creepy prank calls. That's it.



--



The next day, she decided that she had had enough of doing nothing and just eating and sleeping all day long. That too while Victor did all the household chores for her.  

She had gotten strong enough to start behaving like a normal person now and do some work. 

Her mind made, she sat down at her desk with papers and sketch pencils, and then she began spurring out possible dress designs and ideas that she hoped would be a hit for their new venture. It was a difficult job convincing Victor though, that she was indeed alright. In the end, he insisted on hovering over her determinedly. And no matter how much he pretended that he was just looking at her making designs, she was not to be fooled and knew that he was checking if she was in the middle of puking out spouts of blood and fainting on top of the papers.

Yes, it was annoying, all this fussing by him. But she couldn't help but be grateful for it too, relishing the fact that someone cared about her so much. 

"I'm seriously alright, Victor, truly, and it's feeling therapeutic drawing new designs," she said. "It feels good putting my degree in fashion designing to proper use finally."

"But you'll stop when you feel tired, okay?"

"Hmm," she hummed in agreement. And then she turned from her desk to look at him seriously. "You need to start going to the boutiques, Victor, it's not going turn out good for our new venture if you keep away from it for so long. Because the video calls and emails are simply not enough, you need to be there in person and make sure everything goes right. And don't try to deny it," she scolded when he tried to renounce. "I'm well enough to not need someone babysitting me twenty-four-seven."

"Alright," He sighed in defeat. "I'll start going to work, but from tomorrow. We've yet to go see your doctors today."

She smiled in victory.


--


Alex stood inside the florist shop, well-hidden behind the mountain of flowers. 

There was a gap between two decent-sized Dahlias in front of his face that allowed him to have a nice view of the hospital across the street. 

A bee was buzzing around him. When it got too close, he slapped the thing away but didn't dare move his eyes to look any other way.

There, his Kate came out of the car with Victor's help.

Alex's fingers curled into tight fists beside him. She looked happy, smiling at Victor despite how fragile she still looked. Before they could walk away, Victor leaned in to fix the bandana that had crawled down to her eyebrows. They refused the wheelchair that the staff brought and then they walked away, with Victor's hand protectively around her shoulder and she leaning into him looking as much comfortable.

With a long exhale of breath that shook the dahlias before him, he let all the negative feelings release from his chest.  

Was he losing Kate? Not that he had her anymore. 

And could he blame her? No. He had done enough of that already.

Wherever she was now, he had himself pushed her towards it. The outer world might have conspired to its heart's content, but he was ashamed to admit that he had himself grabbed the chance with both hands and so greedily. 

It is the ultimate downfall of possessive people. In their haze of marking their territory, they often suffocate and initially kill the one most valuable treasure they'd always meant to protect. 

As Kate went out of his sight completely, and the incessant beating of his heart slowed down to nothingness yet again, it was then the incessant ringing began from his pocket. He slid out of the florist shop while ignoring the florist giving him a look of offense. After standing meaninglessly for hours in that small space for so long, just asking random questions about flowers, disrupting the other customers with his tall form as they bumped against him while choosing flowers, and then walking out of there without buying a single petal--of course, the florist was bound to get annoyed.

He walked up to his car parked at the curb. Shoving one hand inside his pocket with the other he picked up the call. His manager's voice spoke from the other side, "Got an invite to the brunch of Mary's Home but in return for promising some donation."

"That's good," he mumbled, lips twitching into a smile. 

"How can it be good, sir?" The worry in his manager's voice was legible. "Some of the investors are demanding their money back, and most of our anxious employees are leaving. At this point, charity sounds like a suicidal saw-blade..."

"How many sports cars do I have back in South-hills?" Alex cut in.

"Sir?"

"Make arrangements so that I can sell them all." Nothing mattered anymore. His riches, his business, his bloody cars and watches, and house... nothing, and absolutely nothing could give him back what all he'd lost in his haze of madness. 

Before getting inside the car, he threw the florist shop one last look, and... bright, fresh Lilies caught his eyes. He looked away, eyes prickling with moistness, recalling the last rejection and preparing his aching heart for more.


~


At this stage, what expectations do you have from Alex? 

And after this chapter full of Victor, what're your thoughts about him? 

The poll in the last chapter turned out to be quite fruitful, I must say. It's opened my eyes... 

Victor has more supporters (a big round of applause for the sweet guy next door), but Alex's also not lagging behind (a big round of applause for the possessive hunk). :D

All your comments and views helped me think more deeply about all the angles of the triangle that is surely going to kick start now. (I hope you noticed the pre-sparks in this chapter)  

Please Vote and Comment! Fan/Follow me to get notified of my updates! Share the story, too.

Lots of love,
Lara.

P.S. Alex will be soon selling things on eBay. :'( Poor thing. Lemme know if you want to buy some.



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