"Even if she was the prettiest girl alive, she had scars, deeper than the ones engraved on her skin..."
-Unknown
***

Spring break is over in a flash, the issue of Jay and I was overlooked and the topic was never brought up. Scott, Cassandra, Valentina and Andre headed home as we parted ways. I talked to Jay like normal however I was a bit distant. He knew that so but he gave me space when necessary however my friends asked why I was always deep in thoughts but what neither of them knew that it was all on the fact that I had feelings for Jay and I didn't know how to deal with it.

Ever since when did I, the Queen Bitch, have feelings?

So as I enter school on the Tuesday back, I keep my head up, my heels clicking against the marble floor of the hallway, people moving to the side and out my way, and I head to my locker, fear radiating off everyone when they noticed a malicious smirk on my face, one that clearly shows how bad of a mood I'm in.

"P-Paris?" A freshman stutters as she nears me, glancing over at her friends, who are giggling but immediately stops when she catches them laughing at her. The girl has an ombré hair with the colours going from black at her roots to a darkish blue at her tips and stunning green eyes.

I look down at her, narrowing my blue eyes so that I look intimidating. "Yes?"

"I was wondering if you- I mean like- You know..." She mumbles so I raise my eyes, shaking my head, getting annoyed quickly.

"What?" I snap, bitterly.

"My friends were wondering if... if you can come to our stall at the carnival next week." The little freshman girl blurts out, her body shaking with fear. I look at her friends, who seem to stop giggling as I glare at them and began to cower in fear.

"Why didn't they ask me?"

"They said I should do it if I wanted to be part of their group." She admits, looking back at the ground ashamedly.

I stay quiet and look at the girl, contemplating. Then I sigh as I say my final answer. "Sure but only if you work there."

The girl beams, a stunning smile spreading her face. "Understand?" I say, sternly, and she nods, excitedly. "What's your name?"

"Neon." The name suited her and I smile inwardly.

"Well, Neon, if your friends do not allow you to work at the stall or sit with them, then I won't come to your stall and neither will anyone else." I warn, firm and promising.

Her body went stiff and she nodded, the smile slipping off her face when she realises that I will always be much more powerful than her and I'll never see her more than just a girl I helped.

"Now go." I snap and she runs away, shouting,

"Guys, she said yes!"

And I can't stop the smile that falls on my face, no matter how bitchy I feel.

Driving lunch, my friends are all around our regular table as I walk towards them however I bump into someone, making them fall on the floor. Their food falls on the floor besides them, almost ruining my designer heels, making me very mad.

"Sorry, Paris." Amerialle says, standing up and brushing the dust off her dress. I stare her down, trying to gather all the dirt and information I have on her.

She's had a boyfriend, who's actually a good friend of mine. But she's a bit of a slut, who likes to take other girls' boys. She was with Blake when I called, while her boyfriend was waiting for her at his yacht for their three month anniversary, a fact I found out from Amy (one of my minion) a couple of hours back. Silly girl, you didn't think your boyfriend would find out about you opening your legs for another guys? The fact that Blake was oblivious about her boyfriend actually makes me angry for her playing with his feelings, not like he had any.

Hmmm.

Everyone is the courtyard watches us, watches me and my moves, more specifically. So I smirk, flicking my hair behind my shoulder as I state nothing but the full truth.

"Did you know your boyfriend is cheating on you?"

Might as well tell her and save her the embarrassment.

She gapes at me, eyes blinking in shock as she staggers up to her feet. "Wh-what?"

"Did I mumble?" I retort angrily as tears fills up in her eyes so I roll my eyes in distaste.

"H-how?"

I look at my perfectly manicured nails, bored.  "Don't believe me? Go look under the stairs to the boys locker room. They've been meeting up ever since your little date with Blake. Poor guy, he was waiting for you and you never arrived."

She looks at me as if I'm going to burst out laughing, saying that I am lying. However when I don't do that she runs, stumbling, off to the the place I said. Her cheeks are flush with embarrassment and anger, maybe sadness too but my emotions are void and as she does run off, tears roll down her cheeks, not even making me flinch at the sight of them. The door slams behind her and the courtyard is silent, everyone watching me, fear radiates off them like my favourite cologne.

A stunning smile crosses my face then I look around, raising an eye. "Yes?"

No one says anything so I shrug and make my way the table, chatter slowly building up, people occasionally giving me a careful look, almost fearful of what I'll do next. People should be afraid of me, people need to fear me because without fear how will anyone respect me?

"Why did you tell her?" Rose asks, crunching on her salad and giving me a calculated look.

"I felt bad. I ruined her and Blake's alone time when I called him during summer." I admit with a malicious smirk crawling able onto my face.

"Sure." Leo rolls his eyes and I glare icily at him that makes him shut up for the first time in ages, his eyes locks down on his food, not daring to look up at me.

Fear.

"Paris, anything up?" Quinn asks, furrowing her eyes, concern colours her voice and I cringe, my body tensing with annoyance.

"Nothing." I snap. "Absolutely nothing."

With that, I stand up and storm off, pissed and upset yet again.

I'm lost. Once again, and darkness becomes my friend as it comforts a me like a cold blanket, engulfing every last ounce of strength disappearing by the second. I curl up in my bed, nothing but my white cotton t-shirt on, and cry.

Tears. Tears. And tears.

It's scary and this girl needs to pick her head up but I can't. It's a mask that I wear and right now I'm too upset to do anything, to be anything. To be someone I'm not. I stumble from my bed and towards the bathroom, locking the door. My hands moves by themselves, searching for a way out and when they do, my lips cover the glass bottle, acidic alcohol slipping down my throat.

"Paris?" Dad whispers, softly knocking on the white door.

"Yes?" I whimper, pain hitting my stomach.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" He says, softly and the door unlocks.

If I wasn't so sad, maybe I would've rolled my eyes at how Dad had a spare key to the bathroom. He finds me on the floor, back against the bathtub. Dad's face softens and he slowly makes his way towards me, sitting beside me.

"No, Dad, I'm not okay." I sob, laying my head in his shoulder as his arms wrap around me, taking the bottle out of my grip and placing it besides him, rubbing my arms soothingly, my breathing slightly laboured and I hiccup from time to time.

"What's wrong?"

"I like him, Dad." I answer after a couple of minutes. "I really like Jay."

"So?"

"What happens if he finds out about what happened?" I look at Dad, eyes bloodshot. "He might leave me and I'll be back in the same state again. Dad, I can't be like that. I can't do it."

Dad tucks a loose hair behind my ear, a sad smile on his lips. "But what if he doesn't? You'll forever live in a cycle of what if. He might stay, Princess. He might like you no matter how ruined you are. And if he leaves you, he obviously isn't the right guy for you, he obviously was never meant for you."

At that point, I realise how old and heartbroken my Dad is. When Mom left him, he didn't talk to no one for two whole weeks. I knew it was my fault for why Mom left, I reminded Mom of him. Dad always said that is wasn't my fault but I know, deep down, he blamed me too. Nevertheless, Dad has always been by my side, even after.

"I miss Mom." I sniffle, curling up into Dad's arm.

How I wish everything would go back to normal and that I never got into that stage. How I wish he was he besides me, assuring me that everything will be okay. But I need to face reality and the truth is, nothing will be okay. I feel a droplet on my cheek but I don't look up because I know, I know my Dad is crying and I know he wouldn't want me to see him look weak.

"I miss her too, sweetheart." He whispers, kissing the top of my head as I curl up closer to hip, trying to level my breathing.

And at that moment, we aren't Paris and Dad. We are Daughter and Father, both who lost something so dearly to their heart.

••••
Tears. This chapter is dedicated to everyone who lost something in their life. No matter how small or big it is. It's hard but you must push past it and even if you don't believe that you can, I do.

Never stop having faith in yourself. My sister fell in love with someone, who wasn't the right person for her even if they known each other since they were little.

I always told her, "Queens' always get their fairytale."
She was heartbroken for a year and now she's met someone else, someone who is willing to give her everything. She told me she would never see him as a boyfriend because she's known him since they were kids.

A few weeks later, she's falling for him. I told her, all the time she doubted me, "I read so many books where the girl doesn't believe she won't fall for the boy yet she does."

Everyone has a fairytale, don't give up. Search for yours.

I mean look at me, I'm still searching however I think I found it. In my love of travelling. I might not have a prince but I found something that makes me happy.

Happiness is something that is not bought but it is to be found. When you find happiness, you find yourself because isn't that what you've been searching for?

LMB