Sahibha moodboard by varundhawans

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SAHIBHA HAD DISAPPEARED DOWN THE HALL, after offering Kabir a blanket and some crackers. He tugs the crimson blanket over his shoulder, trying to drift off to sleep in this strange place. He ponders if he should take a taxi home. Afterall, Nazia would be worried and sick with fear.

Kabir groans. With his left hand, he rubs his forehead and attempts to erase the thought of Nazia. He reminds himself that Nazia isn't his home and that his two year old apartment is of the past. His home now is . . . his home seems to be nowhere now. Living at Harnaam's is temporary, and it feels like he's living on the edge as if he'll be kicked out any moment soon. The only place where he feels a similar warmth and peace to being with Nazia is in a pub.

Without Nazia, nothing is a home. Nothing has that familiarity, warmth or solitude of his lover. The thought twists in his gut, familiar to what a knife would feel like. Although his tired eyes beg for sleep, his heart keeps him awake with its aches and pangs of desires.

Kabir gets out of his makeshift bed, dropping the blanket onto the floor as he does. Perhaps a glass of water will clear his mind. His throat feels dry, his eyes watery and sick of imagining Nazia. Intoxicated with thoughts of a place far away from here, his shoulder hits against the bookshelf and a book tumbles to the floor.

Drunkenly, he stumbles back and stares at it with shock. Kabir kneels down, his knee touching the chilling floor as he picks up the scattered photos. The book is a red velvet covered photo album, seeming expensive yet forgotten with layers of dust coating the pages. On the first page, written in a black ink with perfected handwriting, a note is craved in.

Darling,

I've come to the conclusion that life is meaningless without you. I've been collecting all the photos of us and the ones I've taken of you ever since we've met. All these memories . . . all of them are so beautiful, and I want to spend the rest of my life making more of these. I think I'll go crazy without you, and with you I feel crazy and giddy in love itself. I don't ever want to loose this emotion. I never want to loose you.

Will you marry me, Sahibha?

- Abeer.

PS: I know you're probably half asleep and wondering why the hell did Abeer leave a book on his side of the bed, but read through this - and come to the living room when you're done. I love you.

With a raised eyebrow, he starts to flip through the book. Much to amazement, on the backside of each photo, a little text is written within that same handwriting. On the backside of a photo with Sahibha smiling at the camera, Abeer had written; 'a sunlit France. However, although spending all my days under sunkissed beaches, I have concluded that none of them beat the rays of your smile.'

A photo of Sahibha lying in bed, holding a hand to the camera. "You were so mad at me because I forgot to buy your favorite chocolates after work today. By accepting my proposal, I'll promise in your next pregnancy I'll only buy your favorites. Give me a chance to redeam myself." Kabir chuckles at Sahibha's annoyance at the camera, and how adorable Abeer's message was.

It takes him a moment to snap out of it. "What the fuck," Kabir mumbles, rereading the message with a raised eyebrow. How could Abeer sound so gentle and sweet? This Abeer is awestruck by Sahibha, and the Abeer Kabir knows is emotionless. Nothing seems to add up.

The only logical idea Kabir has is that Abeer has some sort of crazy twin that's taken over his life, and that the real Abeer is hidden away in some basement. There's no possible way Abeer went through such a huge change in personality and emotions. How could a man so in love turn into a vile, remorseless and evil person?

Kabir flips the page. 'I love you. Thank you for being the only fun at all these boring business parties.' The photo is a rare photo of both Sahibha and Abeer. She wore an elegant blue gown, and her arm holds onto a smiling Abeer's arm. Sahibha's lips are extended in a smile as she laughs. The photo seems odd and Kabir can't seem to put his hand on why until he realizes that Abeer is smiling.

All Kabir has ever seen is Abeer's lopsided smirk. A genuine smile made of happiness from Abeer -- God, it's such a strange concept. For a few more second, Kabir stares at it and tries to process it. There's a dimple in Abeer's cleanshaven face. He looks years younger, more childish and like his age rather than a tough businessman.

The next page barely help him process anything further. There's more photos of them; with Abeer's hands around Sahibha, a photo of Sahibha chilling at a beach, a photo of a skyline, a photo of Sahibha on a balcony -- there's so many yet none of them make the concept easier to understand.

Abeer loved Sahibha.

He did. He loved her with everything, spoke of her with sweet words that Kabir couldn't fathom Abeer saying aloud, with heart eye smiles and arms sneaking around her waist. As much as Kabir hated the idea, Kabir could imagine Abeer being with Sahibha easily but the concept of the stoned eyed man with softer shades of brown is strange. How could a man of terror and jealously be so in love?

Why on earth would a man so in love leave all of this sunkissed smiles and poetry to be a villainous thing? What happened? Kabir rubs his forehead in frustration, leaning his elbow upon the floor. After a few more minutes of pointless flipping, he shuts the cover and tucks in all the photos he had taken out. His eyes angrily stare at the overstuffed photo album, his fingers stroiihg the cover. Every part of him is filled with excess energy that pours over the lid, all of it begging to be channeled out. For Kabir to use it and figure out what happened.

Truth be told, he hasn't had this sort of energy in awhile. Everything had become bland. Dull. Nothing seemed to make him want to do it, or even attempt. All he wants is to drink his life away and forget this broken heart even for a moment. There's something about this mystery that intrigues him, thay pulls him closer and gives him sparks of energy. One thing is for certain; Kabir will not rest until he finds out Abeer's past.

He hears footsteps walking down the hallway, and he bites his lip to conceal his foul words. "Sahibha!" he says, fake smiling as he waves a hand to her. Sahibha arches an eyebrow, glancing over Kabir with an ice queen like beauty. Her eyes fall onto the book, and her expression changes. "Uh. I was totally like not lurking at all."

Without caring, Sahibha nods and then turns around. Her silk dark blue robe lies on her pale skin, seeming as if it's melting upon it. There was something that made the action seem sad, eventhough Sahibha didn't change anything about her expression. Maybe it's because her shoulders fell a bit, or simply because of her unwillingness to say anything.

"Wait!" Kabir calls out, causing Sahibha to twist around with a curious look. "Aren't you going to explain what the heckity heck this is?"

Sahibha's eyebrow raises higher, causing Kabir to sigh. He gestures his hands upwards, shrugging. With a small smile, Sahibha chuckles. "Heckity heck?" she repeats, her tone making the words sound much sweeter than they were. Kabir nods, laughing with her. "Interesting."

"So will you explain why Abeer has an entire book dedicated to you?" Kabir questions, dragging her attention back to the velvet spread over Kabir's legs. His fingers are still upon it, feeling the warmth of the rich velvet and the thick cardboard underneath it. Abeer seemed to not know the concept of cheap gifts, or saving money. 

Sahibha licks her lips. "Abeer liked to take photos, just like how you sing and Nazia paints. It was a passion of his," she explains, a choke wishing to be unraveled at the back of her throat. "He told me that he wished he could live in photographs forever. Stick in the happy moments without leaving to the next."

A horrid silence fills the room. Kabir finally breaks the silence by pushing the heavy book onto the floor, away from his lap. "Do you think he still takes photos?" Kabir quizzes, his eyes trailing Sahibha's gaze to a photo.

It was a rare photo Sahibha took. Abeer doesn't look at the camera, rather towards the small baby he cradles in his arms. There's something tender about him. His eyes are a soft shade of brown, and something like tears pool in them at the sight of the baby. Although Abeer's lips are strenched in the smallest smile ever, there's something about the softly lit photo that makes it seem like happiness radiated all over it. The moment is completely vunerable. It's a father seeing his child, reeling in the warmth and freshness of a new life and seeing it all captured within a photograh knocks the air out of Sahibha's chest.

She takes a step back, tears pooling in her eyes. His hair was so ridiculously long back then. It was curly, and Sahibha hated it but Abeer said that he'll only cut it if they named the child Veer after Abeer himself. Abeer had only said it teasingly, but Sahibha still choose that name. Flashes of laughing with them overwhelm her.

"Sahibha?" Kabir calls her, his eyes widen in panick as he watches his friend. With a heartbeat that accelerates, Sahibha is snapped back into the presence by Kabir's voice. "Are you okay?"

Sahibha shakes her head yes although she felt as if her world was falling apart. They were so happy. "What went wrong?" Kabir voices her thought aloud, his tone soft and delicate. It's as if he can sense her hysteria. With the back of her silk robe, she wipes away the pooling tears.

"I really wish I knew," Sahibha chokes out. "I wish that I didn't -"

Her voice cracks and she starts to cry again. Kabir almost groans but then feels immediate guilt sinking in his stomach. Guilt enriches his gut, reminding him that this is his fault. Why did he provoke her? Why is this dumb mystery so important to him? Upon Sahibha's face tears stream down and her skinny hands frantically try to wipe them away. Kabir quickly pushes himself off the floor and walks over to Sahibha.

He wraps his arms around her back, filling Sahibha with warmth. "Shh," he mumbles against her hair. What can he even say to comfort her? In the end, he decides to try to change the atmosphere of the room. "It's okay. The guy was crazy. There was nothing you could have done to save him."

That only made Sahibha choke out another sob. "He - he told me I was the reason he went crazy," she sobs, her cheeks turning red against Kabir's shirt. The statement causes Kabir's eyebrows shoot up and for his worryance to flip back into curiosity. "He said I was his only reason to remain sane and that I ruined everything."

"That means he needed an anchor. Sahibha, a ship that was doomed to set off cannot be stopped by any anchor," Kabir informed wisely, quoting a therapist he had talked to before.  "What was supposed to happen, happened. There's nothing we can do to change it."

 An odd feeling haunts him for some strange reason. The way Sahibha pins everything upon herself reminds him of Bella. The similarity brings a sick stomach and an urge to warn Sahibha - but about what? An already broken relationship? He can't protect his friend. There's nothing to protect her from. 

She leans back from his hug, wiping at her cheeks gently. "He's a closed chapter in my life anyways . . . It's best if we just forget about him," Sahibha states in a matter of factly way. Kabir doesn't know who she's trying to convince at this rate; Kabir or herself? Because Kabir certainly doesn't feel convinced at all. There's definitely something more to this equation and the question itches at his skin.

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HARNAAM SMILED AT MEGHA, pulling her suitcase for her. "Sorry Kabir couldn't come, he had some important work to do," she explains, a crimson color appearing on her brown cheeks. Harnaam hated lying, but she'll rather not disappoint her younger sister by saying that her brother was drunk instead of picking up his younger sister from the airport.

Behind Harnaam, Nazia sniffles a yawn. Her eyes flutter shut, feeling heavy by the excess of eyeliner Nazia had used to cover them. She reminisces her bed, missing the warmth and comfort of it. However, she would've gladly passed it up again just so she can she see her best friend's delight.

Harnaam was supposed to be here with Kabir, not Nazia. However, when Harnaam entered an empty house, she was forced to call Nazia last minute. Although Harnaam promised to pick up Megha, Harnaam is awful with directions and had no idea how to get to the airport. There was no way she was going to pay over fifty dollars for for taxi either - so she used a dollar's fee and called up Nazia.

"It's ok di!" Megha shrugs, pulling her knitted cardigan over her shoulders. "I'm sure bhaji had something important to do anyways."

Nazia scoffs, her heels stomping on the polished floors. "You really think that?" she asks, her eyes widening in disbelief. The lack of sleep is boasting her confidence and her intolerance of foolishness. "The guy is getting drunk in some club, hooking up with some girl and forgetting to reply to his messages instead of dealing with his problems."

"Nazia!" Harnaam gasps, her hand flying over her mouth.

"What?" Nazia challenges. "We both know it's why he's unavailable to pick up his own sister from the airport."

Despite Nazia's blunt annoyance at her brother, Megha's mind remains on her phone buzzing. For the last week, she's been climbing a remote mountain with a few friends in hopes that Abeer's craze would die down. Megha has been unable to sleep, or do anything while his threats loomed over her. She jumped at the opportunity to go to some place without decent internet connection or a network.

Megha's grip tightens around her phone. Her breathes are becoming faster, and her eyes narrow upon Abeer's name. This was the moment she was running away from - from Abeer and his terrifying messages. She wanted out of this relationship and from his threats so badly. Regardless of her desires to simply block him, she opens his messages and skims over them.

Does the name Bella ring a bell?

You're a fantastic liar, Megha. Too bad your brother has to pay the price of your lies. Have a nice trip!! xx Abeer.

Her heart thuds. Didn't Bella get released out of jail a week or so ago? This isn't adding up well. Her grip on her phone slackens and it tumbles to the hardwood floor. She barely could process Harnaam bending over to pick it up or Nazia's concerned voice.

Abeer has reached to Kabir's weakest point, and there's utterly nothing she can do about it -- or is there something she can? "We need to go to Abeer's place," Megha mumbles, her eyes upon the floor without seeing anything. She repeats herself, her tone louder now. "Take me to Abeer's place. Now."

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this is surprisingly short. How was the chapter? tbh I feel like it's a bit of a filler.

Is there any poetry/quotes that you've read that reminds you of PKKNH?

Anyways, do check out my short story rockstar on aedilhaifawad for quality content!!

Also it's the holidays and I literally have nothing to do. What do you guys do when you're bored or have a free day? Help a gal out.

vote?

- Maya.