Chapter 40: Possibilities

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For the first time, Hannah was in dread going to see her mother the next morning. She was embarrassed at herself for what she'd said last night, and the crying. But more than that, she'd really begun to accept that she couldn't count on her mother to be around for long. With her Da, she'd tried her best to deny it, to fight, but what good had it done? None. At least this time, she and Rio were independent enough to manage on their own. Losing their mother would be painful, but it was a pain they already knew, and they would survive.

As she opened the door to her mother's room, she saw her mother lying there, back to her, unmoving. Hannah stood still for a deathly moment, her stomach rolling. This was it, wasn't it?

Her hand fell from the doorknob, hanging limply at her side. She took a step, and at the sound, there was a sudden stirring in the bed.

"It's you," her mother went, groggily lifting herself up.

She was fine, Hannah realized in amazement. She was alive.

Why did her mother have to do this to her? She felt like her heart had dropped as far as it could go and then leapt back up within that one moment. "Um," she went, wavering for a minute. "I can't stay long. There's a lot to do at the tailor's today." That was a bit of a lie. But she suddenly had a strong urge to escape this house. Her chest and head felt tight, and she found it hard to look her mother in the eye.

"Have you had your breakfast?" her Ma wanted to know.

"I usually do without until lunch."

"You shouldn't do that."

Still lecturing, Hannah thought with a dry smile. Even when she's ill. "How about you? Have you eaten?"

"Indeed, I have. Mrs. Billings brought me some toast."

"Oh. That's nice."

"Very nice," her Ma repeated.

Hannah nodded, clearing her throat but finding nothing else to say.

"Will Rio be coming again tonight?"

"I'm not sure. He might be busy."

"I hope I see him soon."

Hannah told herself not to think too much over the words. "I'm sure he'll come as soon as he finds the time."

"Hmm."

"Is there … anything I can do for you before I go?"

"No, no. No need to fuss over me."

"Alright. Then … I'll see you later, Ma."

"Take care today, Hannah."

She nodded, mutely showing herself out. So this was how her mother's last days would be then? Just going through the motions, making sad, dull conversation.

At work, she was quiet and listless, but refused to say anything when asked by Christopher and Judy. The last thing she wanted was to rouse attention and sympathy. Forgetting was what she needed to do, at least for a while.

But before long, it was the end of another work day, and so she was bound again for the Williams house. With each step, she felt more and more anxious, sick with it. And to think, it was going to be like this before every visit. She wasn't sure how long she'd be able to take this.

After she was let into the house, she was so distracted, she bumped into one of the Williams daughters. "Oh," she mumbled, backing up. It was the shorter, prettier of the girls, with a thin face and brown hair that reminded her a little of Alyssa.

"I'm sorry," Hannah said, curving round her. She'd tried her best so far to avoid the family, mostly because she'd seen no reason to like or trust any of them.

"It's quite alright."

Hannah turned away, but the girl called out to her. "You're that servant's daughter, aren't you? The one who's ill?"

She looked back, doing a nod.

"Very tragic."

Not quite tragic enough for any of the family to want to help though. She turned away silently, irritated by the girl's words.

Walking through the servants' quarters, she could hear her brother's voice coming from her mother's room. She came into the doorway, and saw Rio and Macks in chairs by her mother's bed, her brother telling some story about his guard duties.

"Hannah," her mother saw her first, and the others stopped to look at her.

She paused, glancing between Macks and her brother. "I didn't expect to see you two here."

"I'd been wanting to come down for a while," Macks said. "I think your mother's looking better, don't you?"

She blinked, taking another look at her mother. "Oh?"

"She's less pale since I last saw her. I suppose that man's medicine is doing you good."

"Sit down, Hannah," her mother said, although there were no more chairs.

Obligingly, Macks stood up, easing out to let her sit. As she started past him, he briefly curled his fingers over her arm, leaning in to whisper, "I need to talk to you afterwards."

She nodded. "Alright."

"I'll be outside."

She sank down in his chair as he left, aware of her mother eyeing her. She told herself not to think on it, clearing her throat to speak. "I just spoke to one of the Williams girls. She asked about you, Ma."

"Oh, really? Which one?"

"The smaller girl."

"That's Laura. She's actually the older one. I suppose she was just being polite."

"What are they like, the daughters?" Rio asked curiously.

"I wouldn't really know. I've never spoken to either of them."

"I suppose they should be around my age?"

"I highly doubt they'd be interested in you, Rio," Hannah said dryly, and he grimaced.

They were both surprised when their mother laughed. "You've taken a fancy to them, have you?"

"All I said was they're around my age," he defended himself.

Their Ma looked between them for a moment, shaking her head. "I'm sorry your father and I didn't do more for you both. If things hadn't gone like this, I'm sure, Hannah, you would have a family by now."

"I don't think so."

"Probably Brendan Fairweather?"

Hannah very openly choked. "He – I mean, he almost married Kaye. At least, he made an offer."

"What? He did? And did she ... ?"

"She turned him down."

"Why?"

"Because he's too old?"

"Nonsense, I consider him still in his prime, and anyway, you can't be picky over things like that."

"Yes, Hannah, you really can't," Rio added, with mock seriousness.

"Oh, you be quiet," she said, purposely waving her hand in his face. "What do you know?"

"More than you."

"Oh ho, you've been married lately?"

"Alright, alright," their mother stepped in. That kind of nonsense probably would have gotten them a yelling once, but now she seemed amused. "It's late, I'll be sleepy soon. And you both have work tomorrow."

"Yes, we do," Rio confirmed, and Hannah got up to help her settle into bed. They said goodnight to their mother, then trotted out, reuniting with Macks in the hallway.

"Everything alright?" Macks asked.

"Everything's fine," Hannah answered. She moved forward, and somehow the two of them fell into step together, while Rio kept a respectful silence behind them.

"I received a letter from Stefan yesterday," he told her. "My first."

"Oh," Hannah went, perking up. "What did he say? Are he and Alyssa doing alright?"

"Yes, I would say so. Stefan's been accepted as a guard, and they've taken up an apartment, much like you and Rio did before."

"Are they happy?"

"It seems that way from his letter. He asked us to come and visit them soon. Alyssa, in particular, is lonely especially with him out on duty so much."

Hannah looked over, catching his eye. "You mean ... both of us?"

"Yes. Why?"

She glanced over her shoulder, wondering if her brother was listening. He didn't seem to be paying any attention, or at least was pretending not to be. Macks didn't seem all that worried about what he might think though.

Hannah had to admit, he had done so much for her and Rio that she had to consider him a friend now. But just how much did she trust him? Enough to travel alone with him to a faraway city? She was not so sure.

"So ... what do you think?" Macks asked, holding open the door leading out of the servants' quarters.

She started to answer, but they were all distracted by the sound of laughter from somewhere. They turned, spotting the Williams daughters standing together in the main room. They were giggling and stealing glances at – who else – Macks Droy. And she was sure he'd noticed the attention.

Macks gave the girls a smile, before he realized Hannah was watching. "I'm just being friendly," he whispered innocently.

"I didn't say anything."

"Too young for me anyway."

"Why limit yourself? You never seemed to before."

She was surprised when he laughed. "Hannah, you ..., " he trailed off, wiggling a finger at her.

She pushed past him impatiently, showing herself out the door. Macks followed dutifully, himself followed by her brother. Before she could open her mouth, Macks pointed down the road. "Go on, Rio. It's been a long day. You can head back to the station."

Hannah pursed her lips, keeping quiet. Her brother did a smooth nod, not seeming bothered or surprised. Had he actually expected he would be sent away?

Macks turned, facing her. "I hope you don't mind?"

She shook her head – it was the truth.

"Come on then. Let's talk," he said, as they started towards the tower. "Shall we plan a trip to see our old friends as soon as your mother is well?"

"I don't know, Macks."

"Come now, I know you want to go. Do you not miss Alyssa?"

"Of course I do."

"And let me tell you – Dyon is the most magnificent city you will ever see."

"I believe you," she said, but she shrugged with the words.

"Think about it, Hannah. Who knows when you will have another chance to go to Dyon? Certainly not on your own."

"You don't know that," she returned, a little insulted. "It might happen."

"I would take care of everything. You just have to come."

"Macks," she said his name. "I have to focus on my mother right now."

"I know."

"I don't know how things are going to turn out, so how can I give you any kind of answer?"

"I just want you to think it over."

"But I don't know when I'll be able to go."

"Then I'll wait."

"Macks, you shouldn't delay just because of me."

"I'd rather wait and have us go together. I'm sure Stefan and Alyssa will feel the same way."

Soon, they came upon Magda's, standing before the fire-lit steps.

"Ugh," Hannah gushed. "I'm so tired."

"Poor Hannah. Might be nice to get away for a while, don't you think?"

She stopped, frowning at him.

"Oh, come now. Please, just think it over. That's all I'm asking." He paused, coming to stand beside her on the step. "I really want you with me."

Hannah stared at him, not sure what to say. Was she blushing? It didn't matter, it was too dark to see anyway. "Alright, fine," she said quickly, moving away. "I'll consider it."

"Really? Good then," he said, giving her a smile – one that she couldn't help thinking seemed like a personal invitation of some sort, that she had to turn away from it.

"I need to go now."

"Alright, goodnight," he said, watching as always as she hurried up the steps, into the safety of the church.

Over the next few days, Hannah did not see Macks or her brother again on her visits to the Williams house. Between work and her mother, she hardly had time for anything else. It was nowhere near as bad as when she'd been working those long stretches at Jono's, but she could still feel the tiredness seeping into her limbs.

There was one good thing however, that happened that week, something to give her a small piece of hope. One evening, she went to the Williams' house and was astonished to find her mother on her feet. "Ma," she gasped. "You ... "

"What?"

"Nothing. How did you ... ? I mean, you can get out of bed?"

"I can just move a little more is all."

"And it was fine?"

"Yes, it was fine. Nothing happened to me, as you can see."

"Well," she mumbled, feeling something rise inside her. "That's good."

"I suppose your medicine helped," she figured, with a shrug.

"Macks' medicine," she corrected.

"I only hope it didn't cost you too much."

She opened her mouth at that, meaning to correct her mother again – but then she stopped herself. Her mother thought she had paid for the medicine. What would she say if she knew it had actually been Macks? Surely, she'd be surprised, and wonder why Macks was being so kind to them. Why indeed.

"Don't you worry about it," she said instead. "I just want you to get better."

Her mother did a little nod, moving to return to her bed. Hannah offered her arm, easing her slowly back under the warm covers. "And if I do, what then?"

Hannah shook her head stiffly. "I hadn't really thought that far."

"I think you have."

"You know how I feel about going back to Chell."

"So you would let me go back alone?"

"If that's what you want," she replied, a bit tersely.

"You're my daughter."

"I can't always be with you, Ma," she shot back. "You left us. Or have you forgotten that?"

Her mother stared at her, silenced. Hannah drew back, a hot wave starting over her. She couldn't stay in here a minute longer. "I'm going," she muttered, glad her mother didn't stop her as she hurried out.

She rushed down the hallway, watching the walls blur as she teared up. This was ridiculous. She was being ridiculous, she knew. How could she let herself get so upset? Did she really like Dalen all that much, or was she just fed up from trying so hard? No matter what she did, she would always be just a child in her mother's eyes, a child with no say.

She left the house, heading straight back to the tower, hiding her face as she walked. As she got to the step, she paused, suddenly struck by the pretty night silence. It was cool and peaceful out here, and she felt better just standing there, looking over the grounds, listening to the sound of the shore. She remembered being out there with Kurt, and with Macks, and smiled a little. She missed them. Especially ...

She shook her head, not wanting to think about it. She climbed up, pushing past the doors. She wasn't surprised to see Sister Vicki planted there at the desk, and the two of them shared an uneasy glance. After all that trouble with Macks, Hannah wasn't so sure anymore whether to call her a friend.

She started up the stairs, hearing a group of nuns coming down the other way. "Hannah!" one of them piped up suddenly, and she raised her head.

"Shelby."

"Goodness, I hardly see you anymore." She waved the other girls off, stopping along the rail to talk to her. "How are you? You seem so busy these days."

"Me?" Hannah said, arching her brow.

"Well, fine, I suppose both of us. Are you doing alright? You're looking paler than the last time I saw you. Thinner too."

"I'm fine, Shelby, thank you," she said, self-consciously smoothing down her dress.

"How's your mother?"

"What?" That jarred her. "How do you know about that?"

"Oh, well, word gets around, Hannah."

Rio? Did all the stress of finding Ma again drive him to look to Shelby for comfort?

"I hope she's doing alright?" Shelby tried to prompt her.

"Oh, um, yes. She seems to be getting better, actually."

"That's good. If there's any way I can be of help ... "

Hannah sighed, wishing for a moment that Shelby really could help. But she knew better. Shelby had her own life, and besides, it wouldn't be nice of her to send a stranger to deal with her mother. "Thank you, I'll manage. Somehow."

"Is she too ill to be moved here?"

"Here?"

"Yes. In the wards."

"Oh, I ... never thought of that."

"She'd be well taken care of here."

"Right. Thank you. Thank you for the idea, Shelby."

"Not at all. Like I said, let me know if you need any help." She squeezed Hannah's shoulder, smiling before heading on down the stairs to catch up with her friends.

Hannah sighed, going up and settling down in her room. It was a strange thought to have her mother right here with her at Magda's, but it made sense. It meant having good people around to take care of her, and none of this running to and from the Williams house.

She lay back in bed, thinking. Maybe her mother was so set on going back to Chell because she was stuck in that horrible house, and was only comforted by the thought of home, familiar things. Maybe. After all, what did her mother know about Dalen really outside of the Williams home? Perhaps coming to Magda's might help her see that Dalen wasn't such a bad place, might help her understand why she and Rio had become rooted here.

The next morning, she felt better about going to see her mother again. She had decided to apologize; all she wanted was to move on – thereby helping her mother move on as well.

"I'm sorry, Ma," she said, as she made a cup of her tea for her – no foul medicine in this one. "Yesterday was ... I mean, I've just been a little tired. And moody."

"Really." Her mother sounded unsure. "What you said was true, you know."

"Ma – "

"I haven't forgotten what I did. But at the same time, you and your brother forget why I did it."

Hannah pursed her lips, silently handing over the cup.

"I did what I had to."

"I know. We all did."

Her mother glanced over the cup at her, but said nothing.

"Ma ... I think you should come with me to Magda's. It will be better for you there. The nuns can help take care of you, help you recover."

"Hmm. And how far is this tower?"

"Across Dalen, but don't worry about that. I have it settled. I have a bit of money I can use for a carriage. It won't be a problem."

"I see." To Hannah's surprise, she actually looked impressed. "It does seem a little strange though. We've never been religious."

"Oh, don't think about that. The nuns will treat you well."

"I do want to see where it is you go home to."

"So it's agreed?"

She shrugged. "I can't stay here forever, can I?"

"Alright. Well, if you think you're feeling well enough, I could arrange for the carriage tomorrow?"

Her mother nodded.

"Perfect. It'll be good, Ma, you'll see."

"I suppose this is the part where you run off to work then."

"That's right."

"Has it been busy at the shop?"

"Oh ... well, it's always busy." In truth, it was the end of fall, so things were quieting down. Nobody had functions or weddings in winter. But she didn't want to say anything about that. She cleaned up what she could, then put on a smile for her mother. "I'll see you later then."

"I wish you'd bring your brother with you next time."

Hannah bit her lip. "Well, you know. He's very busy too."

"Does he know about this going to Magda's idea?"

"I'll let him know. It'll be easier for him to come see you once you're there." Did that count as a lie? No. It would be nearer. But whether or not her brother would make the effort was a different story. "Anyway, you try to rest. I'll be back tonight." She left, thinking to herself that this was not how a family was supposed to be.

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