Chapter 11: A Day Out

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That night, Hannah dreamt of her mother. It was not really anything meaningful. In her dream, they were in the kitchen, arguing about what to make for dinner. As they often used to do. That it was so mundane and everyday made it easy for Hannah to believe. Until she jerked awake in the middle of it, staring into the dark. She must have realized in her head how stupid it was, dream or not.

She blinked now over her bed, making out the dark planes of the church room. Walls and corners and blobs of furniture. She wished she could light another candle to help her sleep, but she didn't want to reach out from the safety of her blanket cocoon. Cringing, she pulled herself in tight. Her own breaths seemed loud on her pillow, an endless, dragging rhythm.

It did feel strange to be here. Every so often, she'd hear a cough from the street, or footsteps going through the tower, reminding her that she wasn't alone, that life was still going on. Since she was a little girl, she'd feared that time of night when quiet fell to its deepest, and people lying in bed looked like corpses.

But the city didn't seem to have that dead hour. Nor did it have to worry about thieves attacking in the middle of the night.

If only church beds were more comfortable, she might be able to sleep really well here. She could only hope that with time, she'd get used to the stiff-as-a-board mattress, and the short blankets that exposed her feet. A little stingy on cloth, weren't they? Come to think of it, how many people had slept in this bed before her? Poor travelers? Old beggars? Maybe she should think about washing the sheets.

Hannah woke up late the next day, her mind slowly taking time to remember where she was. Magda's, her brother, Dalen. That was right. She set her feet on the floor, yawning against sharp sunlight. Now that she thought about it, the sun seemed too high for it to be morning.

Sure enough, going downstairs, she found the dining hall empty, and she could hear after-morning work going on behind the doors.

Now what was she going to eat? She didn't want to bother anyone in the kitchen, and it didn't look like there was anyone around she could ask for help.

She turned, walking back into the entry hall. If only she knew Dalen better, she could go out and find her own food. Honestly, what was the point of coming to this big city if she was going to sit all day in a church full of nuns?

Somewhere down a side hall, there was the loud ring of a metal door, and she looked up. An old nun was stepping out into the sun, the door still gaping behind her. There looked to be a small garden outside, marked off with soft wire, growing small fruits, some stubby flower bushes, and a few vegetables. She most of all noticed the tomatoes, red bulbs sagging and ready for harvest.

Hannah went over, quietly approaching the door. She didn't think they would mind her taking a look.

"Come to have a look at our little garden?" a voice caught Hannah's attention, and she glanced over. It was the old nun, standing in the shade as she tugged on a large set of gloves.

"Yes. It's lovely."

"Thank you."

"I'm from a farm myself so this is familiar to me."

"You're boarding with us, aren't you?" the old nun realized.

"Yes."

"Not alone?"

"No. Well, I have a brother, but he's in the guard. I came down to Dalen so I could visit him."

"You came on your own? From where? What of your parents?"

"They're not here," she said dimly, not wanting to have to explain. She raised a hand, gesturing over the patches. "I recognize some of what you have here. It looks like it's all growing well."

"It grows as much as I give."

"I know what you mean."

"I'm sorry, you will excuse me, child? I have quite a lot I need to get done this morning."

"Of course," Hannah answered, stepping back to let her pass. For a moment, she lingered, watching the the old woman at work – snipping wayward stems, filling baskets with fruits and herbs. She couldn't help thinking about Chell.

Did she miss it? Did she miss the village?

She turned away, going back inside. Maybe it wasn't so much that she missed Chell, but the life she used to have there. The life she could never get back.

Since she still had time before lunchtime, she took the stairs, heading up to the library. Was there anything else she could look up today? She walked through the aisles, looking over titles on religion, fantasy, science – everything imaginable. But in the end, she found herself again in the history section, considering the books she hadn't yet gone through. Much of it were repeats and different versions of things she'd already read, though she did find another mapbook that was easier to understand. The lines here were simple and clean, though time had been taken on the important landmarks – like the castle, which was artfully drawn, with special details like guards in the towers, and the royal coat of arms over the main doors.

She flipped ahead, coming to rest on a page marking an eastern section of the city. There it was – Magda's Tower. It wasn't very special – just a circular mark with an outline of the gardens. But it was good enough. With this, she would be able to move around without getting lost. It was a tempting thought, despite the warnings from Sister Vicki and her brother.

She got up, clutching the book to her chest as she approached the librarian's counter. The old woman stopped in the middle of her work, her keen eye focused on the mapbook as Hannah approached. "Good morning," Hannah started.

"Mmm."

"I'd like to borrow this book."

The old lady reached out, grasping the book's spine and checking. There was a mark under the title, one Hannah hadn't noticed before. The librarian flicked an eye up at her. "Sorry, dear. It's unloanable."

"Unloanable? What do you mean?"

"Certain books in this library aren't permitted to be taken off the premises. Either because of fragile condition or because they are rare."

"But I need it. It's a map. What good is a mapbook to anyone if it's kept away in here?"

"I'm sorry. Rules are rules. I only follow them, and so should you." She hid away the precious title, nodding to one side of the library. "Why don't you borrow something else? A nice storybook?"

"Forget it," Hannah muttered. "I'll find my own way." She walked off, taking an early seat in the dining hall for lunch. As she waited, one of the first people to come in was Shelby, backed by two friends – small, cheerful-looking girls, younger too. Aside from their uniforms, one would never guess they were nuns. She wondered how they had come to be in this place, and where their families were?

"Hannah," Shelby laughed as she walked up. "The bell's not even rung yet."

"I'm hungry. And bored."

She smiled, then gestured beside her. "These are my friends, Joy and Esther."

"Hello," she offered, getting only nods from the two girls. They didn't seem all that interested in her.

"Why don't we all eat together?" Shelby suggested, as the other two shrugged.

Hannah didn't like the idea of disrupting the group, but she'd look proud if she said no. "Alright."

The day's meal turned out to be beans, carrots, and an orange slice for a treat. Rio was right. Church food was getting dull. Even Jono's was more interesting than this, trampy waitresses and all.

As they sat down, the bell finally went off – loud and shrill. Almost right away, they heard a crowd building on the stairs, all thudding feet and women's voices.

"Did you all finish a class early?" Hannah asked, getting nods from the three girls.

"Our teacher had somewhere to go," Esther explained. "I think she's meeting someone at another church."

"I'm supposed to go to town too after this," Shelby said. "I have things to buy." She paused, tilting her head. "Hannah? Would you be free to come along?"

"Me?"

"No one else is able to go with me today, and I could use the help."

"Oh. Alright."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"No. It's not as if I have anything else to do."

"Isn't your brother coming over today?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"You mean Rio?" Joy asked, looking more interested. "Haven't seen him in a while."

"Yes, I'm quite used to him running off all the time," Shelby mused to Hannah. "I hope the two of you enjoyed yourselves yesterday?"

"We ate at this place called the Corona."

"Ah, yes. That's the best place to go to for food. Where exactly did you eat?"

"Oh … just one of those little places, I can't remember the name."

"As you can guess, we never get to eat out. We know every single eating place in the city … and we've never been to any one of them."

Hannah was silent for a minute. She really couldn't imagine what it must be like to live the way they did. Was it something they actually chose for themselves, or did they somehow fall into it? "How did you come to be here?" she asked, the suddenness of it drawing a stare from all three of them."I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have asked that … "

"No, no," Shelby answered, shaking her head. "It's alright. It's a perfectly normal question. Well … in our case, the three of us come from the same orphanage."

They were orphans, all three of them? "So how did you come here?"

"Our guardian recommended it. She thought we would do well in the church."

"When was that?"

"Only a few years ago."

Was this the way cities worked, organizing people to be in this place or for this life, and you just had to follow?

"I'm done," Shelby announced, cleaning off her plate. "Shall we head off first?"

Joy and Esther nodded, waving her on. "Go on. We'll see you at class."

"Alright. Come on, Hannah."

She rose, following the younger girl as she turned in her plate and went out into the hall. "What is it you need to get?" she asked, pushing against the main doors.

"Food, paper and ink. It's for one of the teachers."

"Oh." She paused, squinting beside her at some buildings in the distance. She was trying to match everything to what she'd seen in the mapbook. "I found a map of Dalen in the library this morning," she said. "A good map, one I could actually understand."

"That's good."

"But I couldn't borrow it."

"Let me guess. Unloanable, am I right?"

"Yes!"

"I used to hear that so many times myself."

"How many of the books in there aren't for loan?"

"Just about everything useful."

She thought for a moment. "That might explain why she tried to offer me a storybook instead."

Shelby smirked. "That's right. She wouldn't care if you ripped up one of those. But the important works – they're not to be trusted to anyone."

"Oh, but I did so want my own map," Hannah sighed.

"Then make one. Just get some paper and copy it straight from the book."

"Copy?" She blinked. "Could I do that?"

"Of course. Just don't let her see you. How else do you think the rest of us get our work done? Copying things from the library is one of the oldest traditions for Magda's students. Be prepared for hand cramps."

"I don't know why I didn't think of that. Thank you."

"Not at all, Hannah. You came out with me today, I parted to you words of wisdom."

"Now I feel cheated."

Shelby laughed, nodding forward as the gates of the city drew up. They had come to where the roads of Dalen began, flooded with soldiers, wanderers and grumpy animals. The noise was like a sudden cloud over their heads, thunderous and heavy.

Instinctively, Hannah shrunk in on herself, cringing with every person that came too close. Shelby, on the other hand, sank right into it all, pushing through the crowd on a confident lead. She reminded Hannah of her brother.

"Rio's not far from here, is he?" Hannah asked, rushing to keep up.

Shelby nodded, pointing west. "The station is just down that path."

"I don't suppose we could go see him?"

"No. I'm sure he's in training, and the guards won't bother with you unless you're related to the higher-ranking soldiers."

"Like the Captains?"

"I suppose," she answered slowly.

"I met one of them yesterday."

"You did? Who?"

"Macks, I believe was his name."

"Macks Droy? The Second Captain?"

"You know him?"

"Not personally, but he used to come to Magda's sometimes." She paused, giving Hannah a careful look. "So what did you think of him?"

"I don't know. I didn't speak to him long. I only hope he treats Rio well."

"Oh, he will. He's quite well-liked from what I hear."

"By girls especially, I'm sure."

"Well … I will say there have been stories about him, even around Magda's."

"What kind of stories?"

"Oh, it's not important now. It was all quite a long time ago, and I really shouldn't be gossiping about other people, should I?" She raised her hand, gesturing to a dark, crusty-smelling shop. "In here."

They went in, and Hannah found herself in a tiny space, just a few walls and piles and piles of stiff paper everywhere. As Shelby chatted with the store owner, Hannah watched in fascination as silverfish started peeking up through the floorboards. This must be the cheapest place for its purpose in Dalen, otherwise who would even want to breathe in here?

"Thank you," Shelby was saying, as she received a huge brown box packed with fresh paper.

"Here," Hannah offered, plowing forward. "Let me." She gripped the box with both arms, sliding it easily off the counter.

"Hannah! Are you sure you can – ?"

"Of course. Don't worry, I used to carry much heavier things at home."

"Oh," Shelby nodded, impressed. "So it seems. You certainly are stronger than you look."

"Thank you."

"Any chance you'd be my permanent helper from now on?"

"Any chance I would be paid?"

"No, but we could call it your civic duty to the church."

Hannah made a face, and she laughed. "Alright, let's go. I just have to get the food, and then we're done."

They moved on to the next shop, a dim little bakery run by a couple and their three young boys. They all seemed to know Shelby, and greeted her warmly, with the mother asking after some of the nuns at the church by name. She was polite to Hannah when introduced, which was more than could be said for the other four. Of course, Hannah was used to drawing minimal attention from men. But it was quite sad to realize that they found Shelby, a nun, more interesting than her.

"Here you go, Shelby," the wife declared, handing out a basket stocked with all manner of bread and biscuits. "You be sure to try some yourself now."

"I will, thank you."

"Well, well. Better be off with you, girl. I'm sure they're all waiting for you."

"Take care," Shelby bid all of them.

Hannah made a blank smile, heading out ahead of her friend to wait in the street. She stood aside to stay out of people's way, adjusting the box in her hold.

"Can you handle that?" Shelby asked a moment later, emerging off the step into the sun. The light glinted in her black, black eyes, squinting them prettily. "Do you need to rest your arms a bit?"

"No, I'm fine." She started walking, and Shelby skipped forward to keep up.

"Alright then. Thank you again for helping me today, Hannah."

"Thank you for bringing me out."

"I really wish we could have done more than errands, but the Sisters will know if we take time for anything else. And I can never lie to them."

"I don't see how anyone could lie to a nun."

"Indeed! That should count for something, shouldn't it?"

"I suppose, if you ever need someone's story sorted out. Like Rio, for instance. Expect me to plant him in front of you very often for interrogations."

"If you could even get ahold of him."

"True. Speaking of which … I'm sorry he wasn't able to come and see you yesterday. It turned out he needed to rush back after our lunch."

"Oh, don't worry about it. I know how he is. Besides, this is your time with your brother while you are in Dalen."

"So far, it's been very little time."

"I know. But he is busy."

"And I bored. It's strange how things have turned out between us. When we were in the village, I'd be tied to the house all day while he'd be out playing with his friend."

"You mean Fadden?"

"Yes," she answered, a little surprised. "You know about Fadden?"

"Of course. He told me all about Chell, and how difficult it was for him to leave."

"Difficult?" Hannah scoffed. "I don't think so. He said he wasn't happy there."

"That doesn't mean it has nothing important to him."

"But not important enough."

"Don't say that. He only wants to make something of himself … especially after all that's happened with your family."

Hannah said nothing. Why did it sound like Shelby understood her brother so well, better than her? They made their way up the steps of Magda's, setting down their boxes in an empty classroom.

"Do you need anymore help?" Hannah asked dully.

"No, thank you. I really must go. Will I see you at dinner?"

"I suppose."

"Alright then. We'll talk later." She touched Hannah's arm for a moment, then left, her steps fading softly.

Hannah blinked, her eyes now taking in the room she stood in. Small, harsh walls. There were some flowerpots in a windowsill, dusty with soil and fallen leaves. She turned her head, past the teacher's desk to an undusted chalkboard. The fine white writings up in view were a mystery to her. Not because the words were hard, but foreign. An olden language, no doubt. None of it made sense. But there was a beauty in them, she could see that, even if she didn't know their meaning.

Stealing a biscuit from the basket, she walked out, going up to her room. She really hated talking to other people about Rio. Somehow, everyone else seemed to know things about him she didn't. It was as if they were seeing a whole other side of him, or as if there were two totally different Rios. And what else had he not told her?

She thought for a moment, reminded of her conversation with the Captain. What was it he'd said? That Rio wanted her to come live here? But why? Was it because of Ma and Da? Perhaps because she was his last family, he was afraid of losing her too, and wanted to keep her close.

But if her own mother couldn't survive this city, how could she?

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