*Trigger Warning*

This story is in no way attempting to convince or influence anybody to harm or cut themselves, it is describing the struggles of a fictional character, and is only placed in this book for informative purposes. It is suggested for those sensitive to triggers to skip the end of this chapter.

Thinking that I could get home at 9 was foolish considering that I was with Eliza. When Eliza said we were going dress shopping I didn't realise that we were going to shop for shoes and Jewellery as well. But I agreed to it, considering I thought 'hey the dresses were the hard bit, this won't take long' and holy hell was I wrong. It was naive of me to think that shoe shopping was easy.

It motherfucking was not.

We spent at least an hour arguing over the fact that I was not going to wear heels, and that I wouldn't mind sticking with a pair of converses, of course that did not settle for Eliza. She decided that I couldn't wear converses and dresses together and I absolutely had to wear heels, and not just any heels. Pumps. Pumps. I flat out refused, claiming that it was basically suicide.

She won the argument in the end.

We got home at 11:30 after the store owner basically kicked us out. We were the last people in the shop and he really wanted to go home.

That poor man.

When we finally got home, I kicked my converses off and found myself sprawled on the sofa of the living room. Eliza came in after me, placing all the bags on top of me and screaming "We're home" to aunt Jen, who was in the kitchen cooking us extremely late dinner. 

Aunt Jen basically sprinted out of the kitchen  when she heard Eliza's voice. Repeating "What did you get?" Over and over again in a childish tone.

"I'll show you my stuff first!" Eliza squealed, grabbing her bag. She first pulled out the dress that was neatly placed on a hanger in a plastic cover. "I fell in love with it the second I saw it!" She explained, unzipping the plastic cover and giving it to aunt Jen.

Aunt Jen stroked the embroidery with her long fingers before holding it up. "It's gorgeous. What else did you get?" She asked attempting to grab the bag out of Eliza's hand before Eliza pulled it away from her grasp.

"I got these shoes!" Eliza squealed, pulling out a pair of sparkly silver pumps. The sparkles were so shiny that it basically blinded me when I first saw it, which of course meant that Eliza had to buy the shoes or she would, and I quote 'die of withdrawal'

"They are gorgeous! Thank God we share a shoe size" Aunt Jen muttered which made me laugh a little bit.

"You are not borrowing them!" She said, once again pulling the shoes back and holding it near her face, as if to say my precious.

"Alright Gollum" I interrupted laughing "Calm down!"

Eliza looked at me and raised an eyebrow "What's a Gollum?"

I kid you not, I literally face palmed.

"Oh Juliette honey, did you find a black dress?" Aunt Jen asked, turning to me.

"Actually-" I began, ready to tell her about how Eliza basically forced me into wearing a colour other than black.

"Why don't you just show her?" Eliza interrupted me, sending a sly smile to me.

I nodded, before pulling out the dress from the bag. I think I heard aunt Jen gasp, but I couldn't be too sure because of the rattling plastic cover. "It's so beautiful!" Aunt Jen whispered, to what I think was herself but I couldn't be too sure. "You bought a white dress" She smiled

"Just for this occasion" I quickly responded, feeling my cheeks heat up. She probably hates me for moving on.

"I'm so glad you decided to go with white" She said, looking up into eyes

"I couldn't find black" I muttered out of pure embarrassment.

"Okay, girls!" Aunt Jen said loudly, clearly about to change the subject, which I was thankful for. "Dinner time!"

Aunt Jen had made spaghetti bolognese, she had set up the table and basically fed us two plates of it. We were both starving considering we hadn't eaten in hours, thanks to Eliza. I also noticed that tonight was the first night since Jordan and Eliza's fight, Eliza was eating dinner with us. I was sure it had something to do with me buying a white dress, I couldn't be too sure, but if it was then I would change my entire wardrobe to white if it would keep that smile on her face. She had also had as much food as me, which meant that she probably completely forgot about Jordan and her's fight which made me smile. I was happy as long as Eliza was happy.

But the smile she was wearing at dinner had disappeared when Eliza had checked her phone. Her phone had buzzed when we were finishing up dinner, and from the corner of my eye, I saw that it was a text from Jordan. I couldn't tell what he had wrote, but I knew that it threw Eliza off. As soon as she read the text, she switched off her phone, excused herself and put her plate away.

I didn't want to be rude to aunt Jen, so I stayed until she had finished her food, helped her clean up and headed straight to Eliza's room.

I knocked on her door, but there was no reply. So I slowly opened it to see her sitting cross legged in her pyjamas at the head of her bed. Her phone in her hand. I walked over to her bed and mimicked her sitting style at the foot of it.

She finally looked up to face me and I could see how red her cheeks were, and it was clear that she had been crying.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before she spoke up. What came out of her mouth however, surprised me. "Why don't you show your arms?"

I took a sharp breath, flinching at the question. It was a good question. I sighed, deciding that Eliza was my best friend, she deserved to know about the ups and downs my life. "I'll tell you when you tell me what happened between you and Jordan" I answered.

She sighed. Almost as if she saw this coming. "I broke up with him yesterday"

"Yesterday, at the ice cream store. We were on a a date, considering that was pretty much all we did. A-and I saw one of his billion admirers come up to us. She overlooked me completely and flirted with her and he didn't do anything. He just sat there and grinned at her as of she were the most important thing ever. Of course I overreacted, I mean that's just what I do. He was the calm one and I was the crazy one. Except this time he wasn't calm "

"What did he do?" I asked tentatively

"He said he was tired of fighting over bullshit. He didn't stay calm and I know it was stupid of me to expect it every time but him assuring me was what made me felt safe and I-" she couldn't continue anymore, she was sobbing and couldn't stop hiccuping.

This wasn't like Jordan at all. There was no way in hell Jordan would say something like that without reason. I knew that I should have been hating on Jordan for what he did to my best friend, and I knew that I should basically discourage her from associating herself with him at all. But I couldn't. The Jordan I knew would never ever say something like that. Especially not to Eliza. He had loved her since first grade. I had known Jordan my entire life.

When she stopped hiccuping he continued explaining why they broke up "I said I was tired of worrying every time he spoke to a girl and I was tired of being the only one who puts effort into this relationship. I said I wanted to break up. And he didn't disagree" Eliza laughed through her tears "The worst thing is. All I'm thinking about it that I no longer have a date to Isla's wedding"

I smiled softly, attempting to cheer her up. "Yeah well neither do I!" I said nonchalantly "So, I am now your official date to Isla's wedding"

She didn't smile. "He wants to get back together with me" she added looking down at her phone.

That was probably what he texted her.

"He says he regrets everything he said. He said he wished he could take his words back. He said that while it was no excuse, he had an explanation" She continued

"Are you going to listen?" I asked her carefully

She shook her head. "Not yet"

We fell into a silence once again; though Eliza was not telling me, I knew why. It was my turn.

I pulled my arms in front of me, using my left hand to push my right sleeve all the way up to my elbow. I thrust my had our to show Eliza why I had never worn short sleeve tops. I heard her gasp as her eyes fell upon the white lines scattered horizontally on my wrist. I did the same with my left sleeve, showing her both of my arms.

"This is why I don't wear short sleeves."

*Trigger Warning* - Skip the rest of the chapter

She looked up at me, tears and pity in her eyes. "Why?"

"I was fourteen. I was depressed, if that's what you would call it. I called it being nothing. So I cut. And nobody knew about it. These scars aren't new Eliza. They're at least three years old"

"Where are they?" She asked me. She knew me too well. They weren't only on my wrists.

"My thighs" I answered without hesitating. "My ribcage"

"Tell me about it" She instructed, as she lifted her legs to her chest and hooked her arms around them.

I sighed, not wanting to go back to where I was three years go. "It was when the doctors diagnosed me with depression. I didn't feel depressed. I didn't feel anything." I chuckled bitterly "What fourteen year old has depression? I felt so...numb. I was so desperate to actually feel something. Nothing worked. Until I found your mom's razor. It was in the bathroom, behind the mirror, it was just a pack of blades. I figured, she wouldn't miss one. She didn't. I was scared at first. But I felt like I owed myself something, anything. So I got the blade, and swiped it across my wrist". I stopped when I heard Eliza gasp, the tears ran down her face.

"Didn't it hurt?" She asked carefully

"It stung. But, as sick as it sounds, it felt good. It finally felt like....something. It was so intriguing watching the red spill onto my wrists, the contrast it was, it was beautiful. Captivating" I exhaled, stopping when I realised that I was scaring Eliza.

She didn't understand.

Nobody did.

Written: 11/08/15
Posted: 5/11/15 - Mostly because it's fireworks night and the streets of London are not allowing me to sleep.

Hey guys! Surprise update! I'm back! Sorry for the extremely serious chapter, I just also felt I needed to remind the readers, and myself, that the story was a serious story with serious themes. The next chapter will be updated soon and I promise it won't take that long! Thank you so much for reading (if you have got this far).