After a long and tedious day, the wedding was finally over, and whilst I thought that meant going home, apparently everybody else thought it was time for the after party. We all sat around a pretty huge table, and we were all pretty much starving, although there was literally no food in front of us. There were really pretty ceramic plates in front of us and really pretty tissues that were folded to look like swans but there was no fucking food.

"I'm pretty sure if you keep glaring at your plate like that it's going to break" Levi commented out of amusement from besides me.

"There's no food" I huffed, crossing my arms in front of me in a childish gesture.

"I'm also pretty sure you're going to have to wait a little bit. From what I have been told, there are going to be some toasts before anybody eats" he shrugged

"Well that should be fun" I replied sarcastically

"Any reason why you're in a bad mood?" He asked me, although he still looks pretty entertained.

"I'm fucking hungry" I replied in annoyance.

"Before anybody starts, I would like to say my best man speech before I back down" Said one of the groomsmen, whom I had assumed to be the best man, whilst standing up.

Everybody cheered, encouraging him to go on.

"There comes a time in everyone's life, when they meet their one true love" he began nervously, although everybody around him were cheering him on. "Their soulmate, the person that's gonna know and love them for the rest of their life. That moment came for Jacob, nineteen years ago when he met me" he ended as we all laughed when he had said that, expecting him to say something nice and sweet. Even Isla was laughing which was an extremely rare sight to see.

"I guess I should introduce myself" he continued "My name is Liam, Jacob's younger brother" he began but he stopped because he was laughing so hard. "Yesterday, he asked me to be his best man. Which is an honour for me, but it's mostly an honour for him because he's finally admitting to each and every one of you that I am the best" he paused, allowing everyone to laugh once again. "To everyone who doesn't know, me and Jacob were polar opposites when we were younger. He was the smart driven one, I was the funny goofball, he was athletic, I was and still am incredibly good looking" we all burst into laughter, even Isla seemed to have tears from laughing too hard.

"I met Isla a few years  ago when they both started dating. I walked home and I saw her sitting on my favourite couch. I then had to convince myself not to push her off it" he began, my face was honestly hurting from smiling too much. "My brother went up to his room for whatever reason, and my mom went into the kitchen to cook food because heaven forbid anybody leave her house with an empty stomach" he paused to chuckle "So of course, it was just us two, and me being a moody fifteen year old was not helpful for her. Although when she spoke to me my hate for her dissolved immediately. She was nice and understanding, and didn't compare me at all to my brother which I wasn't used to. I had never had a big sister before. That changed the day I met Isla" He continued.

A tear dropped down Isla's cheek although she was smiling.

"I know you guys will keep each other happy, but a toast to the happy couple" he said, we all raised our glasses, and whilst everyone else had alcohol in theirs, mine had lemonade.

Fucking pills.

The speeches continued, one after another and they were all pretty much equally hilarious. Even Emma had a pretty heart felt one which left both Isla and Emma in tears, they both got up and hugged each other, something I hadn't seen before and finally after an hour or so, we were able to get up and grab our food from the buffet.

I hadn't picked much, because although I was starving I knew for a fact that I definitely wouldn't be able to finish it. We all went and sat back down, basically not speaking to each other because everybody was so hungry. I then realised how nobody had even eaten breakfast this morning because of the rush of the wedding. Of course, we were all worse because of the airplane.

When everybody was done, we were free to do as we pleased. Of course most of the adults went to the bar, and whilst considering we were almost eighteen we could have drank if we wanted to, none of us did. I definitely couldn't, something about pills and alcohol mixing, which I was reminded about literally every single time I went to the doctors.

Levi and I were in the midst of talking when Jordan and Eliza both approached us, and by in the midst of talking I meant Levi was pretty much teasing me like he had been doing all day today.

"My feet are killing me" Eliza whined to me when she approached me.

I looked down at my own feet and stared at them in wonder. "Would it be bragging if I told you mine weren't?" I asked smugly

"Shut up" she muttered before turning to Levi "You are an amazing dancer, how the hell did you do that?"

Levi grinned, shrugging as I rolled my eyes. "He won't tell us" I replied

Before Eliza could say anything Jordan interrupted her. "Can I speak to you for a minute, man?" He said, and considering neither Eliza nor I would be referred to as 'man' he was probably speaking to Levi.

Levi shrugged as he whispered in my ear "Excuse me" before walking towards Jordan

I looked at Eliza in confusion "any idea what they're speaking about?"

"Probably about games or something" she shrugged "I don't really care about Jordan right now, I care about you and Levi" she squealed "anything worth knowing?"

I shrugged "what do you mean?"

"Any almost kisses? Any real kisses? Anything?" She asked desperately, grabbing my hands.

I rolled my eyes "No Eliza, as far as he knows, we are just friends"

She scoffed as I glared at her. "You must be either blind or extremely oblivious. He likes you! Why don't you make a move on him?"

I stared at her "Isn't this the same exact advice I gave you when you liked Jordan?" I began "you were the one who claimed the guys should always ask the girls out"

"Yes but he's been obsessed with me since the third grade! He was going to ask me out anyway" she replied as I rolled my eyes "Aren't you the one who's for the feminine power blah blah blah. If men and women are equal, then it shouldn't stop you from asking him out"

"Just because I'm a feminist does not mean I'm not scared of getting rejected" I answered

"You act like he would reject you!" She replied in exasperation. "He would never hurt you"

I sighed "Just because he's a nice person and because he would never hurt my feelings shouldn't mean that he should force himself to go on a date with me"

She seemed really frustrated "You're honestly so crazy! He likes you Juliette. Just take a chance!"

I took a deep breath in "Eliza I know you're confident about this. But I'm not. Even if he did like me, it doesn't hide the fact that I can't be one of his normal girlfriends. I can't be Katherine"

"He broke up with Katherine. He doesn't want you to be her" she replied, her voice light.

"That's not what I mean" I said, looking down at my feet "I can't be a normal girlfriend. I can't kiss him, I can't hug him,  I couldn't even hold hands with him until today"

"You got over it with me, you got over it with Jordan. You will get over it with Levi. Trust me Juliette. Don't let this dictate your life for any longer. You are such a strong person, you lived through everything that has happened to you. You're a happier person now. You've beat it twice before, don't let it beat you this time"

"What if Levi's not understanding?" I questioned

"Now you're just being crazy" She replied, smirking slightly. "Take a chance Juliette, if not for anyone else, do it for yourself."

I took a deep breath in, nodding.

Eliza hugged me slightly, before walking towards Jordan. Levi seemed to be happy, it was probably the gaming talk.

"What were you guys talking about?" I asked as a conversation starter.

He shrugged "Gaming, did you know the hotel has a gaming room?"

I laughed "Yes I did. I completely forgot to tell you about it before I left, but I guess you guys have found it"

He chuckled "Yeah we had fun, I got fucking beat by Jordan"

"But you won poker, which meant I won chocolate" I shrugged

"Very true" he replied.

"Hey" I began, nervously looking down at the floor "I wanted to ask you something"

He smiled "Ask away, book girl"

I was about to tell him I liked him, well I think I was about to. I didn't actually know because before I knew it, Isla had approached me, she looked frustrated and helpless at the same time.

"What's wrong?" I asked, turning to her immediately, extremely worried.

"The band, their lead singer isn't here yet and I really need live music. Please Juliette can you stand in" she begged

"W-what?" I stuttered.

"Yes, please" she pleaded

"Hasn't Emma been taking lessons?" I asked, definitely not ready. "I haven't sang before...before I turned fourteen" I replied, hoping immediately she knew what I was talking about.

Her facial features softened "Emma's not as good as you, please Juliette" she begged as I sighed

"I still need to talk to you" I promised Levi "I'll be right back"

He smirked "So I guess you are singing for me"

I scoffed "Definitely not for you"

He chuckled "I'll see you in a bit, book girl"

"This is endearing and all but I really need you guys to stop flirting so Juliette can sing" she interrupted as I rolled my eyes.

She showed me the way to the stage, where a band were already set up. I looked across the room nervously, automatically catching several people's eyes. Jordan and Eliza were the only ones cheering, everyone else looked confused, but that didn't stop them from going "Yes Juliette! You can do it!"

I smiled but I immediately stopped when I saw Emma's glare at me. I felt bad, I knew she could sing, but she wasn't asked to sing.

I whispered to one of the band members if the knew Ariana Grande's Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart. And however unlikely it was for them to know the girliest song ever, they nodded and began playing.

I felt my heart patter across my chest as I nervously spoke into the microphone. "Um, so my name is Juliette Hunter. I am seriously not prepared for this as I was asked to do it literally three seconds ago. I also may sound slightly terrible as I haven't sang since I was fourteen but here goes nothing"

As I sang I felt my heart literally hammer against my chest. I definitely was not prepared for this, I hadn't done any vocal warm ups and I was terrified of looking like a fool. Although it did help that it was one of my favourite songs ever, what didn't help was that Ariana had an extremely fucking wide vocal range which I struggled to match.

My eyes were closed throughout the entire song, it was easier to put passion into my singing when I felt like nobody was around. And for those three minutes I was able to imagine that everything hadn't happened. That my parents were still alive. That I wasn't consumed by so many medical conditions. That I was healthy, and kind and normal. What I liked so much about singing was that I could always escape. For those three minutes I could be something I was not. I could pretend like I had a perfect life, I could pretend like I didn't have to hide myself from everyone, I could pretend like nobody pitied me. I could pretend like I was ordinary.

But when the song stopped, and the applause echoed around the room, I was once again reminded that this was my reality.

I shakily got off stage, not saying one other word, before I ran into Eliza.

"What's wrong? You were amazing out there. Wow I haven't heard you sing since we were young but you were honestly better." She complimented me, hugging me tightly.

I smiled " Thank you"

"Did you tell Levi?" She asked quietly.

"Not yet, excuse me" I replied, looking for Levi.

I searched the hall a bit before my eyes locked with his "You were so good out there. I didn't know you could sing like that" he said to me.

I smiled "To be honest, neither did I"

He chuckled "You wanted to say something to me?

"Yeah, and I need to, before I lose my guts" I began, taking a deep breath in.

And this time, I was sure I was going to say it, but I never got the chance.

"Juliette!" I heard Emma squeal, walking towards me, her facial expressions saying excitement but her eyes saying 'you're done'.

"Hi Emma". I sighed "I was in the middle of speaking to my boyfriend"

"I'm so sorry. I just want to quickly congratulate you on getting such a cutie!" She said "It's so nice to see that you found someone who could tolerate you claustrophobia, your depression, your anxiety, your panic attacks and your post traumatic stress disorder" she replied as my heart stopped.

My breathing began to get heavier as I froze, not finding a word to say.

I couldn't even look at Levi.

"Why would you do this?" I croaked out.

"What?" She asked, feigning innocence. "I'm so proud of you, give me a hug" she continued.

I stepped back feeling my heart beat accelerate, my palms go sweaty and my head pound. Before I knew it she wrapped her arms around me. I found it hard to breathe, my throat closed up, my body trembling.

I needed to get out of there.

Written: 08/10/15
Published: 05/2/16