Chapter 1: Eradication

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on." -Robert Frost

Three years later...

Falling asleep after the nightmare was much harder than expected. I didn't expect it to be easy, it hadn't been for the past few years, but even the thought of drifting off seemed close to impossible, not to mention terrifying. Tossing and turning not only seemed futile, but was getting exhausting. I sat up, my chest heaving up and down as my body rid itself of the panic attack that had engulfed me not too long ago.

Nobody was aware of these panic attacks, it seemed useless to inform people about them. I would probably have had to visit the doctors more than I already did, it would probably make my aunt worry more than she already did and it would make people pity me more than they already did.

I hated being vulnerable.

All my conditions seemed to almost pile on top of each other. Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, claustrophobia, nightmares and now panic attacks.

I didn't seem to be able to get a break.

My doctor said it wasn't a common case, to have all these conditions in one tiny body, but that I was doing better than he expected me to be doing.

He didn't know that I was a pretty good actress.

As a doctor, it was almost his duty to see past my I'm fine's, but he didn't. I didn't know whether I wanted him to know that I was breaking on the inside. I didn't think I did.

My cousin Eliza, who was also my best friend, seemed to see through them though. She seemed to know the difference between my fake smiles and real smiles. She seemed to know when I was breaking, and when I was not.

I was finally able to fall asleep at around 5 in the morning, being able to watch the sun come up at 4:37, being reminded that the sun was only the definite thing in my life. I wasn't too sure exactly when I knocked out but I knew that I would barely get any sleep. My alarm went off at 7am, causing my eyes to snap open. I would've loved to stay home and mourn like I did during my entire summer holiday, but it was September 3. Meaning first day of school.

Just thinking about school gave me anxiety. I used to love school, I loved being able to engage with so many different people, and going to all my favourite classes, but recently I'd be dreading the return. I knew that not many people had known about my problems. Mostly teachers, Eliza and Jordan. I didn't want people to know.

I didn't want people to walk around me like I was fine china.

Like I was fragile.

Easily shattered.

Deciding that I only had half an hour to get dressed, I rolled out of the bed. I strolled to the mini bathroom attached to my bedroom and showered for about 10 minutes, that being my quickest shower ever, before I hopped out in nothing but a towel.

Checking the clock I realised I had 10 minutes to get ready, after spending ages thinking about what I should wear, causing me to start rushing. I threw open my closet doors and picked out a black long sleeved v-neck top. I paired it with black high wasted jeans and and black high tops. Over the past few years black was the only colour that I was accustomed to. I straightened by long black hair before placing it into a high pony tail. I ran downstairs and grabbed an apple, sitting near my aunt who was making breakfast.

"Hey sweetheart, don't you want pancakes?" She asked from the stove

"I'm good" I forced a smile "Just waiting for Eliza to come down, what time did she come back last night?"

"She came just after you went to bed, we didn't want to wake you"

I was awake the whole night, and I didn't hear the door open once.

"I'm here! I'm here!" I heard Eliza yelled as she walked down the stairs. She was texting on her phone and her dirty blonde hair was in curls, falling down her back. She was wearing a black and white striped Hollister V-neck with a pair of black jeans and timberlands, the high tops.

"You look nice" I complimented, taking a bite of my apple.

"You look goth" She smiled teasingly

"Hilarious" I replied sarcastically "I missed you"

"I missed you too!" She squealed, running up to me and engulfing me in a hug. It didn't last long, seeing as my chest already began contracting.

But I was working on it.

Eliza was the only person I could hug.

She pulled away, a few seconds into the hug. "How have you been?" She asked, smiling widely.

"Bored" I groaned in exaggeration. "No offence or anything Aunt Jen"

"You're lucky you're loveable" she smiled, pinching my cheek

I smiled mischievously.

"I'm just surprised you didn't stay with Jordan for longer" I commented

She scoffed in response "Mom wouldn't let me, even though his parents said it was fine"

Aunt Jen raised an eyebrow "I let you stay three months with your boyfriend, you are not missing school or your cousin Isla's wedding"

"She's right you know" I added "We are bridesmaids"

"Fine" she sighed. "Shall we head out?" Eliza asked

"We shall" I replied, walking out of the house with Eliza

Eliza had been gone all summer, she was in Spain with her boyfriend and his family. It's safe to say that it took weeks to convince Aunt Jen to let Eliza go. I wasn't too fond of the idea of Eliza leaving me alone for three months, but I decided to be supportive instead of pessimistic.

We spent the entire walk to school talking about our summer, of course her's was much more interesting than mine, considering mine consisted of binge watching Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural and Sherlock on Netflix.

We then spoke about cousin Isla's wedding, and how surprised we were to have been chosen as bridesmaids, seeing as though Isla and her  younger sister Emma hated us.

"Isla doesn't hate you" Eliza reminded, bumping my side slightly.

It was true, for whatever reason, Isla actually liked me. "But she doesn't like you, so I don't like her" I said

Isla was 22, and she had been engaged since she turned 21. It was safe to say she was getting married pretty young. Emma had just turned 17 making her our age now, but Eliza and I turned 18 soon. They were both extremely stuck up, and clearly had a distaste for us. Emma hated me more than she hated Eliza, it was weird. One sister liked me and the other one sister liked Eliza.

Once we got to school, we headed straight to the reception to get our timetables.

"I have Algebra" Eliza announced "What do you have?" She questioned

"Um" I muttered before quickly pulling my timetable out of my bag "English" I told her

"Okay I'll see you in a bit" she smiled, hugging me before turning in the opposite direction and joining a few people who no doubt had the same lesson as her.

I made my way to Miss Edmunds English class, swiftly walking passed all the other students who decided it would break their fucking legs to walk a little bit faster.

Once I got to her lesson she greeted me with a kinda smile and "I hope you enjoyed your holidays and did plenty of reading". I gave her a small smile in response, which she clearly found unusual considering if this was last year I would've engaged in a full blown conversation, being overly enthusiastic. To be honest, I'm just tired.

I took a seat in my usual place, which was towards the front of the class before pulling out my bag, with the feeling that I did something wrong. Or I forgot something. I brushed the feeling off, considering it to be a superstition or something until I looked up at the board. It read:

Pride and Prejudice Discussion

And that was when it hit me. Of course, I was pretty much the perfect student, but with Eliza gone this entire holiday I pretty much did nothing apart from binge watch TV shows.

"Jane Austen's original title for the novel was First Impressions. What role do first impressions play in Pride and Prejudice?" Miss Edmund began, scanning the class for answers.

Everybody stayed silent, including me. Which was extremely unlike me considering if I knew the answer to something, I had to say it. And yes I knew the answer but I seriously wasn't in the mood or the right mindset to answer. I knew that more than a few people found my silence unusual, considering the amount of eyes I had on me. These eyes also included my teacher's who stared at me pointedly before looking away.

"I promise you all if nobody puts their hand up I'm going to start picking on people" my teacher threatened, which in hindsight was the worst way to threaten someone considering people would rather take a 1/25 chance of being picked, than putting their hand up and definitely being picked.

Miss Edmund sighed in exasperation before deciding to pick on someone "Callie?" She called

I turned around to face Callie, a tall girl with brown wavy hair as she answered "I don't know, um, because the Darcy guy and the other girl didn't like each other, due to some sort of prejudice, but then they get married?" She answered

Oh, so they get married.

"I mean, you sort of grasped the concept. Maybe just rewording it and being more confident with what you're saying?" The teacher suggested. Before turning to another student. "Levi" She smirked, turning to the 'bad boy' of the school. He, from what I was told, was a decent person but he was pretty annoying. Of course he wasn't as annoying as his girlfriend, although I don't have much to say about her without beginning to rant.

"Sup" he responded, not even looking directly at her, tapping his pencil on the corner of his desk, which by the way drove me freaking insane.

"Why do you think the author decided, at first, to call the novel first impressions?" She repeated

"I don't know?" He shrugged as the teacher sighed

"Hey Miss Edmund?" He asked, all smugness drained out of his system, as he stared into the teacher's eyes almost innocently. "Have you ever been married? I mean, we call you Miss which clearly means you aren't, but your left ring finger has a tan line of a ring. It looks big enough to be an engagement ring, but you're not wearing it now which clearly means your not engaged. Also, the ring must've been on your finger for a while for the tan line to actually develop, and you couldn't have been engaged for that long right? So were you ever married?" He asked, so quickly that I could barely keep up with what he said, but by the angry and hurt look that Miss Edmund had on her face showed that he hit home.

"Mr Knight, did you even read the book?" She questioned. I didn't know why she didn't question him on what he had just said. Or why he wasn't kicked out the class by now. But I decided to shrug it off despite my irritation.

"I can't seem to pay attention when I read books" he mumbled

"Did you even write the task down?" She sighed, using her forefinger and her thumb to pinch the bridge of her nose as she spoke

"No"

"Look, Levi, I know you have a hard time paying attention, and believe me when I say this I understand what you're going through but you need to make some effort" she sighed staring at Levi who seemed to be looking right passed her and at the clock behind her

"Was that clock there last year?" He questioned. Now not only was his pencil tapping on his desk, his knee was shaking as well.

I simply shook my head and turned around.

"Juliette" Miss Edmund moved on, staring me right in the eye. "What are your thoughts on the renaming of the novel?"

I sighed quietly before looking up "my thoughts on the renaming of the novel? Or on the original name?" I questioned

"Both"

"I mean, the entire novel is about overcoming obstacles and achieving the ultimate goal: romantic happiness. So for Elizabeth and Darcy, the main obstacle is their first impression of each other. As in, Darcy who's extremely proud and is a noblewoman's nephew he kinda has to overlook what he first thought of Elizabeth which was -and I quote "Not handsome enough to tempt me" and for this class based prejudice about her lack of wealth and family connections. But Elizabeth almost immediately classed Darcy as arrogant and self-satisfied. Which, as a result, causes her to accept slanderous accusations about him as true. But after a bit he falls in love with her, despite his first impressions of her, but he still has problems with where she stands wealth-wise and society wise. Of course in the end they both get married which shows that they both not only overcome each other's first impressions but the Pride and Prejudice against them"

Despite not even getting halfway through the actual novel, it was easy to get at what the teacher with hinting at once I figured out that they got married in the end.

"Excellent" Miss Edmund muttered "this is how you would answer exam questions if they ever came up" she began, and I was 100% sure she continued speaking and asking questions for the the rest of the class but I seriously could not pay attention because in the back of my mind I could still hear the tapping of the pencil that never stopped.

Written: 7/07/15
Posted: 4/10/15

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net