22 | february

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Present Day | June 7th, 2019

There was more to the story, layers to my chosen naivety. I wasn't going to rush my story for an impatient man who never knew Kaden. He could tap his foot all he wanted.

"January was the beginning. Where things started to go south, I guess." I finished reciting the events of the month with my eyes glued to the floor.

Reliving the past was more painful than absorbing the present. I was blinded, and it killed me.

A part of me couldn't help but think, deep down inside; Does loving a monster, make me one?

"You said earlier, Kaden Wells had a reputation before you two became friends. This involved Dawson Johnson, no?"

I froze, and for the first time all day I felt a lie approaching my lips. If I said yes, there was a chance they'd question Dawson, and I didn't want to put him through this. Not because I screwed up and said more than I should've.

If I denied, I'd be withholding crucial parts of Kaden and I's downfall.

"He's with you today, isn't he? The Johnsons are a powerful family, Miss James. I'll get my information either way." He clicked his pen as he spoke in an impatient tone.

I took a deep breath in, narrowing my eyes in the cops direction. "Yeah, Dawson and Kaden were friends. But they've barely had a conversation since they were sixteen."

"And are you and Mr. Johnson acquainted? He seemed fairly concerned about you this morning."

I bit the side of my lip, not exactly knowing how to answer the question. My stomach did flips, I tried to calculate a response that'd slide by, and ultimately change the subject. Eventually, I let out the easiest answer, although I wasn't sure what Officer Hudson would do with the information.

"Yeah. I guess could say that." I shrugged.

I'm sorry if I just dragged you into this, Dawson.

He seemed satisfied with my response, writing illegible notes onto his notepad. "Is there anything else that occurred in the month of January that you'd care to disclose."

Taking a moment to collect my scattered thoughts, I shook my head. "No, nothing of interest to you."

Giving me a curt nod, he flipped the page.

"And February?"

I nodded, pushing away my nerves.

Just a few more months to get through, then you can leave.

"February was when everything changed."





❦ psychotic ❦




February, 2019

Kaden and I were the last ones at Mugs, under a special request from Helen. She needed us to restock various products around the store, rewrite the chalk menu and try a few new recipes which, (if approved) we'd start serving on Sunday. Currently, it was a Friday evening, and our options were either to do this now, or early tomorrow morning.

I think we all would've made the same decision.

I wanted to be angry with Kaden, scold him for his dishonesty and demand to know why he lied. All day I had muttered silently to myself, practicing pieces of a speech I planned to present to him. Back then, my voice was confident, assured and frustrated. Now, given the chance to actually confront Kaden, my throat went dry.

"Ave, can you hand me that box?" Kaden asked, motioning to the dented cardboard beside me.

"Yeah, sure." I muttered, avoiding eye contact. Kaden tilted his head a little, his eyebrows creasing slightly. However, he didn't question my apprehensiveness.

The attitude that I had been displaying all night.

I counted bags of flour for our pastries, sorted through different types of silverware and set fresh bags of purchasable coffee beans in a small basket by the counter. Kaden managed to be in a different room as me the entire evening. Once I started a new task, he happened to finish his. 

I was tired of the lingering tension between us, however the pit in my stomach which grew when thinking about confrontation, proved to be much more of a hassle.

Kaden knew that something was up, I could see it in his face, but he didn't care to question it. He wanted me to initiate the conversation, possibly because he knew that lessened the chance of us talking about this at all.

Okay, at this point, I was so in my own head that my thoughts became irrational.

It was highly unlikely that Kaden had sour intents by staying quiet, it's difficult to initiate a conversation when you're unaware of its topic.

I need to stop placing him on such a pedestal.

Time passed slowly, the clocked seemed to stop everytime I looked in its direction, and I had come to the conclusion that there was no way I'd have the guts to speak with Kaden tonight.

The smell of lemon all-purpose cleaner and bleach lingered through the air, which made for a peculiar mixture when it came time to try out new recipes, and the scent of espresso joined it.

At the end, Kaden and I mutually agreed, out of six, that four were good, and two would be less of a people pleaser.

The air was stiff between us, and I momentarily considered dropping my grudge right then and there. I strongly disliked drama, and I trusted Kaden.

Maybe he had lied for a good reason?

But is there ever a good reason to lie? The truth always comes out eventually, and it typically causes more harm than good.

After a dreadful few hours, it was finally time to depart. As I turned the lights off, and checked the security system, Kaden counted the money in the till. The sky was cloudy, it looked like it could snow.

When exiting Mugs, I seemed to have underestimated the cold, and I immediately bought my arms up across my chest. I could see my breath, as I dug through my purse to grab my keys. Not to my surprise, large snowflakes gradually started to fall, appearing clearly on my black sweater.

"Ave." Kaden called from behind me, causing my heartbeat to quicken.

"Kade." I mocked back, while I continued to dig through my purse.

"Are you tired?" He questioned, coming up next to me.

I met his eyes, their green tint almost looked hazel in this dark lighting. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I know somethings up, and I'm free to go go the rock if you want." Though it wasn't obvious that Kaden was affected by the cold, the way he shoved his hand in his pockets indicated it. I couldn't blame him, he was dressed in black jeans, a black t-shirt and a green flannel.

Taking a moment to process his ask, heavily debating whether or not to let the situation go and say no, or actually face my problems for once.

"Yeah, sure. I have to be back by two though, I'm working a 10:00am shift tomorrow." I replied nonchalantly, while the snow began to fall harder.

Kaden nodded, not adding anything else the conversation before turning the opposite direction towards his car. I followed behind him.

Unlike me, Kaden had actually been smart and
thought to start his car right before we left Mugs, therefore it wouldn't be a refrigerator by the time he got there. As I took a seat in the front, allowing the warm air to hit my skin, I let out a sigh of relief.

Not to my surprise, we remained quiet throughout the car ride. This seemed to be the common denominator tonight.

I stared out the window, watching snow drift through the dark skies and hit the glassy pavement. I liked how the streetlights highlighted it, I smiled a little.

To my dismay, we arrived right as I settled into a comfortable daze. I prepared myself for the cold once again, before Kaden reached towards something which was in the back and handed it to me.

A blue, Yale sweatshirt.

"My dad gave this to me, I'll never wear it. You can have it." He spoke in an even tone, and before I could argue, he exited the car.

At first, I considered declining his offer, but ultimately I was freezing and not that petty.

I exited as well, Kaden locked the door as soon as he heard the slam. Hesitantly, I slid the blue crewneck on. "Thank you."

"Don't worry about it." Kaden shrugged, and we continued towards the rock, a place I haven't been in a while.

White powder began to coat the evergreens around us, the dirt crunched beneath my work sneakers.

Then, for the first time in months, I remembered why I used to love this place so much. The rock sat on a large cliff, leaving enough room beneath the edge and the still water for it to still be safe.

Kaden immediately laid down, staring at the dull grey sky, allowing the flakes of snow to land on his face. Without thinking, I laid next to him, our arms brushing.

"So, what happened Ave." He spoke, his eyes still fixated above us.

At this moment, I seemed to forget all that I had practiced.

"I guess-" was all I could spit out before slamming my mouth shut again. I began to run over potential scenarios, ones in which he lied to me again, or we got into a pointless arguments.

Scenarios where he has a reasonable explanation, scenarios where I was blowing this way out of proportion. However, one lingering thought still held me back, prevented the words from slipping from my tongue.

I can't read him. Kaden was a skilled liar, and I didn't know which other times he had held back the truth. I didn't know his tells. He could very well lie to me again and I'd have no idea.

For some reason, I immediately thought of Dawson Johnson. How I desperately wanted him to help me, though I couldn't stand the guy. There wasn't much that I could think that I'd dislike more than spending quality time with Dawson. However, I began to realize that never trusting fully trusting Kaden again seemed less appealing.

This was irrelevant though, because Dawson refused to pass over his knowledge.

And I had been quiet for far too long.

"I'm sorry I've been so hostile towards you Kaden, my mood has nothing to do with you, honest. My mom has been dreadful this past week, she wants me to apply to schools I'd never get into, just so she can tell people I did. Thank god she's gone for another week, if I had to see her soon I'd lost it." I laughed weakly toward the end, but overall my dishonesties had flown by easily.

I guess we were both liars tonight.

Kaden turned towards me, and I met his gaze. Our faces were closer than I had realized. "You don't need to apologize, why do you think I've been gone this whole week? My dads been doing the same thing, I get the stress."

However sincere his words sounded, Kadens eyes narrowed slightly, as to say "try to call me out."

He was strengthening his lie, attempting to erase my possible suspicions.

"Thats rough, it seems like we've always had that in common. Parents that push their regrets on you, try to morph you into something you're not." I spoke in a soft tone, trying to see if Kaden would change the topic or not.

But he was careful, Kaden Wells wouldn't be satisfied until he was sure his secrets were safe. This made me uneasy. "Yesterday he pulled me aside, and went on and on about who I think I should be, and who he knows I am. He worked his ass off to go to Yale, and now it's some sort of pride thing for him to buy me into it."

"The classic 'rich kids shouldn't have to work for anything' mindset. Disappointed but not surprised." I replied easily.

I decided then, that I needed to know if Kaden was truly being deceptive, or simply scared to tell the truth. I couldn't confront him, not until I knew more.

"It's not fair that I'm going to be forced into going to Yale, when it's not what I want at all. Not when people who have worked for years, people who have devoted their lives to it, who won't even be considered. It makes me sick, actually." Kaden looked away from me once again.

Impulsively, I turned him towards me. I looked directly into his eyes. "I know you might think it is, but Kaden, the future is not set in stone. You can be who you want to be. Don't allow yourself to be controlled by these terrible people, because you're better than them. Like, a million times better than them."

Kaden smiled, his eyes seemed to glaze over, or maybe that was just the light. His dark hair was nearly all white, and I could only assume mine was as well. "Avery, I love you and all, but you seem to make a habit out of speaking on matters you know nothing about."

The words 'I love you' came out so easily that it didn't even stand out in the sentence. His words weren't rich, rather lighthearted and sad.

I knew that he meant it platonically, there wasn't even a debate to be had about it.

I couldn't place why I felt the need to cry.

"I'm being serious." I stated, trying to swallow the lump in my throat and ignore the pit in my stomach.

"So am I." Kaden returned.

We didn't say much else. As time went by, the two of us stared at the sky, obviously deep in thought. I wanted to ask him what had him so worried, but my tongue felt heavy in my mouth.

Suddenly, my eyelids seem to weigh down as well. As the murky grey sky slowly faded into a dark black, the only thing I could think about was the boy by my side, and how I desperately wanted him to stay in my life.

Deep down, something told me he wouldn't.



Authors Note

oh my god i'm sorry this chapter is so short and bad i literally SUCK at writing filler.

anyways, i'm so so so excited for the next chapter, it's one i've been waiting to write forever. even though this chapter is one of my least favorites, i hope you guys liked it!!

also my state is burning to the ground, so if yours is too i hope that you're okay & that you and your families are safe.

have a wonderful day & cya soon!!!

p.s i started school today & it was terrible 0/10 would not recommend 😹😹

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