December, 2018

It's been nearly two months since the Halloween disaster, and all I could focus on doing was successfully avoiding Kate and Dawson.

To my advantage, the two had started "dating", which of course became the source of Pine Hill gossip, making all of the twos attention absorbed by their classmates awe and not focused on me. From what I have noted, people found Kates attitude adjustment quite entertaining. Apparently, she had traded converse for heels and sweats for pricey dresses and jeans while her face was now heavily caked on with well-applied, expensive makeup.

It sounded ridiculous to me, how someone changing their style slightly and dating Dawson Johnson could explode into pools of rumours and gossip. But then again, Pine Hill didn't have big scandals, so this is what we're given to work with.

All I had to do was get through one more day without being noticed, one more day of slyly avoiding Kate, Dawson and really anyone in their crowd.

Knowing my luck, I assumed that wouldn't happen. I'd made it this long, and with one my day until I leave for New York something was bound to happen. As I spotted a familiar blonde and brunette approaching me, just as the last bell rang, I knew I was right.

"Hey Avery! How've you been? I feel like we haven't talked in forever!" Kate gushed. The amount of fabrication in her voice was enough to make me cringe. I wasn't entirely sure why she wanted my attention, or even cared to grab it. People at Pine Hill didn't know me, so why was she do desperate too?

Dawson stood besides Kate, his eyes filled with amusement while his gaze flickered between me and his phone. I glared at him.

"Yeah, sorry. I've just been really pre-occupied with school and work and-" I kept my voice civil, not fake like hers but not rude either. I genuinely didn't dislike Kate, shes done her best to make me feel welcome ever since I got here and I appreciate that. She was my first real friend at Pine Hill.

Does that mean I was going to run off into the sunset and do drugs with her and her new popular friends? Definitely not.

But of course, before I could finish talking, Dawson cut me off.

"Kaden?" He smirked.

"No, not Kaden. My life doesn't revolve around him you know. I don't know why you're so obsessed with our relationship, but we're just friends. Can you stop bringing him up in every conversation-" Annoyance flooded my voice as I spoke, rolling my eyes. Dawson let out an entertained laugh.

"No... Kaden." He tilted his head forward a bit,  implying that I should look behind me.

Then, not to my surprise, I looked to see Kaden approaching us cautiously.

"Hey Wells, long time no talk." Dawson's smile wasn't the one that you'd give an old friend, it was mocking and overly prideful.

"Let's keep it that way." Kaden deadpanned before turning to me.

"You ready to go Ave?" He asked, now completely ignoring Dawson and Kates presence. I nodded.

"Actually, before you leave Avery, I wanted to invite you to a Christmas party Dawson is hosting. I know after how you acted last time, it's shocking to recieve an invitation, but we really want you there!" Kate budded in as soon as Kaden finished his sentence.

I raised an eyebrow. "How I acted last time? ?"

"You know, Halloween. You ran off and then completely ghosted me after."

"Thanks for the invite Kate, but I'm okay. For the record, I didn't 'run away', I just got a ride with Cole." My voice came out harsher than I had intended and I immediately felt guilty. Dawson let out a low whistle.

"Come on Ave, lighten up a bit. We just know how to have fun. I'd think since you're spending so much time with Wells over here, you'd be less of a bore. Theres a lot of people in this school that'd kill to be in your position right now, you should be kissing our feet." Dawsons use of the shitty nickname Kaden had given me made me to flinch, but his tone and how it was laced with confidence made me want to punch him in the face.

Kissing their feet? Could someone seriously be that arrogant?

"What do you mean 'since I've been hanging out with Wells so much, I should be less of a bore?'." I huffed, crossing my arms. Kaden stiffened slightly.

"Well you went to quite a few parties in your time Wells. Maybe even more than me. You used to be so much fun. Damn, what happened?" Dawn sighed over-dramatically, directing his reponse more to Kaden than to me.

I wasn't confused as too what Dawson was implying, it just seemed unlikely to me.

Kaden Wells, a party animal? Yeah, right.

"If by fun you mean reckless? Then yeah, I was a blast." Kaden's tone expressed clear annoyance and sarcasm.

My mouth opened slightly as I turned to him, confusion spread evenly throughout my face.

"You look confused, Avery. Has Kaden not told you anything?." Dawson's eyes began on me and ended narrowed towards Kaden.

"Avery can we please leave." Kaden muttered quietly.

But Dawson continued talking before I could answer.

"Kaden here, wasn't always so socially distant. For quite some time, he was like, fun. Always the life of the party. There was never a boring moment when you hung out with Wells. It's quite a shame that you ran off, we were just getting started." Kaden kept his composure as Dawson mocked him.

"Shut up Dawson. If Kaden hasn't told me something, it's none of your buisness to do it for him. For once can you get over yourself. I have much better things to do in free time than listen to your annoying ass voice." I glared, slamming my locker.

"Don't talk too him like that!" Kate defended. I ignored her.

"No, it's okay Kate. One day she'll come around." Dawsons knowing voice mocked.

"Now we can go, Kaden." I ignored Dawsons statement and slung my backpack over my shoulder, beggining to walk away.

Kaden followed besides me, and I swear I could cut the tension between us with a knife.

Of course I was surprised by what Dawson had said and of course I wanted to ask Kaden about it.

I just didn't exactly know how.

Snowflakes drifted gracefully in the air as we walked for what seemed like forever, through the parking lot.

"We gonna talk about what Dawson said or just, pretend it never happened?" I asked bluntly as I buckled my seatbelt and straightened my white, puffball hat.

"The second option sounds more appealing." Kaden mumbled. I sighed, I had a feeling this would be difficult.

"So, you're just not gonna tell me what that was all about? He clearly wasn't making it up or you wouldn't have snapped like that."

"Forget it, Avery." Kaden's voice was harsh, which I didn't hear from him very often.

"What is it that you can trust fucking Dawson Johnson with, but not me?" I return Kaden's tone as I pushed him for the answer.

"It's not that I trust him more than you, he was just... there. Avery you don't see me asking you about things in your past that you don't want to talk about."

"Because I have nothing to hide! If you want to hear about my past then fine. In San Francisco I had two friends, one named Monique who was extremely smart and loved dogs. We still order books for each other on Amazon, just the other day I got one. The others name was Toby, he was obsessed with guys and had better style than anyone I had ever met in my life. I could never grasp how, but he was a prodigy at all sports." I ranted, talking at a slightly faster pace than normal.

"Before that, in Phoenix, there was Kenzie and Mallory. They were extremely close so I always kinda felt like the third wheel, but they gave really good advice and Kenz lived next door so we'd see each other almost every day."

"I lived in Seattle for about four months, then moved again in that July. My friends there were named April, Grayson and Jake. Even though they made the last couple months of Freshman year a whole lot more bare-able, we were never super close. They were extremely secretive. Want me to go on?" I finished.

Kaden's eyes remained steadied on the road. "If you want."

"Actually, I don't want too. I just told you the last four years of my life in about thirty seconds, and that's the problem. We're always talking about me and what I'm freaking out about daily, but I feel like a barely know anything about you Kade. You don't tell me anything and the stuff you do tell me, you're forced too." I huffed, hopefully sounding not as frustrated as I really felt.

Kaden took a deep breath. "I'm not going to tell you, I'm sorry, really. It's just—a conversation for another time."

I was upset, although I didn't have much of a right to be. I remained quiet the rest of the ride, I didn't even realize when we were pulling into my driveway.

I knew I couldn't continue this conversation tomorrow, I didn't want to let Dawson and Kate burrow their way into Kaden and I's trip, so I just gave Kaden a small smile.

"How early are you picking me up?" I asked.

"Six if we want to be there by eleven thirty." Kaden allowed a smile to form onto his face,
which automatically brightened my mood.

"Gross." I complained, although in reality I didn't mind. I'd barely sleep tonight anyways, I'll be too excited.

"See you bright and early, Ave." Kaden teased.

"Yeah, yeah." I closed the door lightly and began to walk to my porch. Kaden pulled his car out of the driveway as I turned the key harshly in the door and let myself in.

New York, here we come.

❦psychotic ❦

Although the repetitive beeps and vibrations from my alarm is what woke me from my restless sleep, what got me up and running was the fact I was leaving for New York in thirty minutes.

The thought of being gone during Christmas made me upset, I'm not gonna lie, but I'd rather go to New York with my best friend than sit around in an empty house throwing myself a pity party.

I had done most of my packing yesterday with Kendall. Her being there was a must because she managed to constantly stay organized, and would remember things when I didn't.

If it wasn't for her, I'd be leaving without a hairbrush, laptop, winter jacket, socks and the shoes that Molly had given me for secret Santa. So thanks Kendall.

As I got out of bed I threw on a pair of leggings and an oversized "NYU" sweatshirt. I brushed teeth and slightly straightened my hair so it wouldn't frizz. For this first time this morning, I had decided to pick up my phone.

kendall: hey so i know you're gonna need a list to double check that you have everything, so i made one for you.

A smile spread across my face as I scrolled through the lengthy list Kendall had written.

me: thank you, i was about to forget at least half of those things ksskk

kendall: no problem, but i'm mad at you for leaving me with cole FOR A WHOLE SHIFT!!!!!

kendall: anyways, have fun in the big apple!

kendall: ew i hated that, please forget what you just read

me: good luck with cole ;)

kendall: i hate you.

Shoving my phone in my pocket, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and slid my large suitcase down the stairway.

As I made final preparations, making sure the house is in check, I have my key, the door is locked you know, all of that stuff, a loud, startling honk rang from outside the house.

I inwardly cringed thinking of how angry my neighbors would be if I had to do with them waking up this early, so I grabbed my stuff and went out the door before Kaden could honk again.

"Don't you know I have neighbors that don't want to be up at 6:30am?" I scolded, trying to hide a smile.

Kaden got out of the car and held his hands up in an "I surrender" type way.

"Don't attack me, I got you Starbucks." He exclaimed, reaching into his car and handing me a Pink Drink.

I took a quick drink from the sippy cup looking lid. "You're forgiven, now lets go before my neighbors form an angry mob."

I opened the passenger door and a blast of warm air immediately hit me. Christmas music played somewhat loudly which caused me to smile immediately.

Despite the warm interior of Kadens car, it was obvious the temperature was at least thirty degrees or less. Large snowflakes fell from the sky and coated the grass and trees while ice started to crystalize around the windshield.

A smile spread widely against my face as I smelt the air freshener I had gotten Kaden a week ago. It wasn't that his car smelt bad before, but it smelt too summery. We got into a small debate and I argued that smells are an important aspect when it comes to seasons. When you smell flowers, spring. When you smell pumkin spice and cider, fall. Pine trees and cinnamon, winter. Beaches, linen and sunscreen, summer. Kaden seemed to think none of it mattered.

Therefore, I had bought him an air freshener that was a winter smell, emphasizing my side of the argument. He told me he was gonna throw it away the second I latched it onto his vent.

"So you did keep it!" I exclaimed, breaking the comfortable silence.

"It's useless, but I wasn't gonna waste it." Kaden defended, but I knew I had won.

"Whatever you say Kade." I smiled, looking down to my phone.

Roughly two hours went by and we were just about enter Vermont. Kaden and I have occupied ourselves by various random conversations and Christmas music until I felt my phone slightly vibrate against the console. Picking it up, Coles name and contact picture popped up.

"Kade." I said, showing him the call.

"How much do you want to bet this is about Kendall?"

Kaden laughed. "Nothing. It'll definitely be about Kendall."

"You're no fun." I huffed, picking up the phone and putting it on speaker.

"You do realize the point of Kade and I going to New York for winter break was so we didn't have to put up with your whining." I joked.

"You guys need to come back. I'm genuinely worried Kendalls gonna hurt me." Cole whined. Kaden and I briefly looked at eachother, both of us desperately trying to hold in laughter.

We failed.

"This isn't funny!"

"Cole, Kendall is five-four, you're five-ten, I think you can handle it." I reasoned. Before Cole could say anything else, a slight ruffle came from the phone.

"You guys are never allowed to leave again." Kendalls annoyed voice said through the speakers. Cole and Kendall began arguing one more, their words only coming through in muffled shouts.

Kaden took the phone out of my hand. "Sorry guys, we're going through a tunnel." He spoke somewhat loudly into the phone before hanging up.

I laughed. "Jesus, we've been gone for what? Two and a half hours? They'd kill eachother without us. I can't imagine them dating."

"It's weird to picture now, but at the time it really wasn't weird at all. They acted pretty  much the exact same as they do now." Kaden shrugged, his eyes focused on the road.

I wonder what Kade was like back then.

Reminders of our intense conversation yesterday flooded my mind. It feels wrong that I don't know anything about Kaden and I don't want too be kept in the dark.

"You know you can't just pretend everything that happened yesterday vanished. I can't forget Kade, and it kinda sucks that the rest of the school seems to know whatever it is that you're trying to hide but I don't. I'm not trying to pressure you, okay, maybe I am but-"

"I already said I really don't want to talk about that Avery."

"Why not? Do you seriously think I'm gonna judge you. I don't care about what you did before we met, I care that you're keeping things from me, that are basically public domain."

"That's why I'm keeping it from you. If you want to go ask someone else about it, be my guest. Sure, they'll probably give you some twisted version of it that the student body made up to make it more dramatic than it is, but go right ahead."

"This is ridiculous. I don't care what other people have to say. I just want to know what Dawson was referring too yesterday. Sue me."

"If you haven't noticed, Runswick isn't a huge town. People don't just show up very often, most people who live here grew up here. Everyone knows me based on what they want too believe, or who I was. So if I tell you, you might as well have been here through it."

"You can't base conclusions on predictions." I argued.

"Just did."

This was the first time Kaden and I have really ever 'argued' and I definitely didn't like it. Although soft holiday music was playing and snowflakes still flurried delicately, the atmosphere was anything but comforting.

The car remained completely void of conversation for about ten minutes.

Suddenly, Kadens car jerked and we were pulled over on the side of the road.

"Why'd you stop?" I questioned, avoiding eye contact.

"Because I didnt feel like having this conversation and driving at the same time."

I turned my head to face Kaden, although his vison was focused on the windshield. "So, you're gonna tell me?"

"Dawson wasn't always how he is now. He was the chunky, smart kid that seemed to have the brightest future out of everyone in our grade. He and I got paired up for a science project at the beginning of eighth grade and immediately became friends. We had the same interests, opinions and similar home lives. Kind of like you and me."

"It's actually unfair of me to compare Dawson and I lives, because his is way worse. Both of his parents have done things that even my dad would say is fucked up. The guy may have all the money in the world, but he was so unhappy. Later in the year, he became focused not on changing things at school, but at home. He told me he wanted to be more like Cole Jennings, who I hadn't known at the time but always came off as an asshole."

"That summer I went to Italy with my mom and by the time I had arrived for the school year, he accomplished exactly his goal. Lost fifty pounds, grew six inches, got into sports. I was expecting him to completely cut me off and hang out with people who helped his reputation, but it was the opposite. Dawson told me that we were gonna become the people that everyone wanted to be around, to impress."

"At first I did everything I could to talk him out of it, because it was stupid and unlikely. But further and further into the year, I had become a lost cause. We were fifteen and going to college parties. Dawson had gotten what he wanted. His "golden boy" title, and my "rebellious dumbass" title. I'd do anything for attention, drink, ditch class, throw huge parties, all of it."

"That went on up until January of our junior year. I decided that I didn't really feel like destroying my future anymore. So just like that, I stopped, put down the shit I have done in the last two years and picked up a book. That majorly pissed off Dawson. He acted as it I betrayed him, that without me he'd go back to how he was in eighth grade, which frankly wasn't a bad thing. His first instinct was to go to Cole, but he was so in love with Kendall at the time that he wouldn't even consider doing anything to put that in jeopardy. That was the first time in over two years that Dawson didn't have a partner in crime, long story short, he still hates me for it too this day." Kaden's gaze never changed as he spoke, but the emotion in his eyes was clear.

"Kaden, can you actually look at me." Hesitantly, Kaden turned towards