Chapter 33

Hannah closed the door to the ladies room and slumped against it.  She just needed a moment to catch her breath.  Olivia’s praise still rang in her ear after singing that song, and Hannah had listened to her excited raving for only a minute before excusing herself from the studio.  It wasn’t the song or Olivia that had her panting and sweating with panic.  It was Justin.

There was no longer any doubt in her mind.  I love him.  She’d been fighting this and putting it off because no good would come from it, but she couldn’t do that anymore.  

Oh, heavens...I love him!  I’m in love!

It had just burst out of her heart when he kissed her, and that song...  He had stood there, in that room with her, while she sang that song -- why that song?  It had just popped into her head when he kissed her, and it surprised her that she remembered all of it.  She’d written “Hush, My Heart” years ago, and it held no real meaning to her until today, but he had kissed her, and it all came back...every note, every word, every intonation and melody.  It had been an omen, she decided.  A prelude to what she would eventually find, and she’d found it in Justin Kirkland.  

And he only stood there, stock still, listening, while she practically belted out that she was in love with him.  How could he not hear the unspoken words?  And he had stood there, after she finished, while Olivia flew out of the control room, going crazy about how wonderful she’d been.  And he had stood there, his eyes burrowing into her while she smiled weakly and made an excuse to hide here in the bathroom.

He had just stood there.  Terrified.

He didn’t want her to love him.  Well, tough potato skins, Jack, she grumped jovially, doing a giddy dance jig inside her head.  I love you, and there’s nothing you can do about it!

“Okay, okay,” she said to herself, pacing the floor of the bathroom.  “Do I tell him, or wait?”  Waiting would mean -- well, waiting.  He said he wanted to spend the remainder of the summer with her, but that didn’t mean he would ever tell her he loved her, too.  “And you do, Jack,” she murmured.  “You love me just as much as I love you.”  Now, to get him to admit it.  How?  Nothing sneaky or manipulative.  He’d back further away from her.  And she couldn’t give him an ultimatum.  That wouldn’t work on Justin Kirkland either.   

Maybe she could show him how much they mean to each other.  But again, how?  Sex was out of the formula.  They’d been doing that for a week now.  And it had only been sex -- wonderful, rowdy, heart-trembling sex, but just sex, nonetheless.  He’d not made love to her once.  Because to do that, he’d have to set aside all his inhibitions and be with her, heart, body and soul.  His body had definitely been into it, and maybe parts of his heart as well, but not all of him.  Not his soul, that was certain.  His soul was avoiding her, just as she was hiding in this bathroom.  She needed more time to think about this, and she sure as hell couldn’t do it while locked up in here.

First things first...face him.  She didn’t have to say anything, but she needed to look him in the eye bravely.  Don’t back down, and don’t allow him any more distance.  Distance was bad.  Maybe.  Distance could be good, too.  He might realize what he was giving up.  

No...too risky.  She only had three weeks left.  Then he’d take Josie back to Savannah, and then what?

Dummy...go with him.

And give up everything?  Her house, her daddy’s store, her friendships...her loneliness and solitude?

Realizing her heart was racing with trepidation for an uncertain future, she sucked in a breath.  “Okay, Hannah...stop over-thinking this...here and now.”  And right now, she needed to get out of this bathroom.

A soft knock echoed on the door.  Justin’s voice called, “Hannah, you okay?”

Mmm, he had a great voice.  He had a great everything, and she loved him.  It was a great feeling.  Hannah could only imagine the grin on her face and the crazy light in her eyes when she whipped that door open.  “I’m perfect!  How are you?”

“Me?  Um...well...”  He pushed his fingers through his hair and then quickly hit her with a massive grin of his own.  “Holy cow, Hannah!  You were...I mean, that was...I’ve never heard anybody sing like that before.”

Hannah squealed with delight and jumped up into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and not caring that her skirt hitched up high on her thighs.  Planting kisses all over his mouth, she reveled in being with him.  He was proud of her, and somewhere, buried deep inside his soul, he was in love with her, too.  She was going to force that love out of him, but for now, she was too happy to care about what happened later.  Here and now.  

“Whoa,” Justin laughed around her lips.  “Save some of this for later tonight.  I’m planning to celebrate.”

“I want to celebrate now,” she said, covering up his next words with a breath-stealing kiss.

“Well, Short and Pushy is waiting for you,” he said, breaking away from her mouth.

“Short and Pushy?”

“I swear that woman is from an alien planet,” he grumbled, clinging to her waist.  "Let's go hear what she has to say, so we can get out of here.  I'm eager to take you on that date."

Still wrapped around him, she braced her arms on his shoulders and ran her fingers through his hair at his neck.  "Where are we going?"

"That's a surprise.  I spent half the night planning it all out."

“And if I had said I didn’t want you to come with me?”

He laughed.  “I had a plan for that, too.”

“Oh, really?”  

“Stalker-ish plans,” he confirmed.  “I was going to follow you, wait for you to finish up here, and show up at your hotel.  And then badger you until you agreed to go out with me tonight.”

“That’s kind of creepy, Justin,” she said, but inside she was so happy!  He had practically confirmed that he wasn’t going to stand by and let their relationship slide around in circles any longer.  He was taking charge, and that was going to make her intentions easier.

Setting her down on her feet again, he said, “No, ‘Creepy’ is waiting in the other room.  Are you ready to go see what she’s got to say?”

She pecked him on the mouth.  “Right now, I don’t really care what she’s got to say.  I know I did good.  I did great.  And here and now, that’s enough for me.”

He took her hand and brought it up to his lips.  “Well, it’s not enough for me,” he said.  “You deserve to have producers fighting over you.  If this is still your dream, I want you to pursue it.”

Hannah’s smile faltered.  What did he mean by that?  Dammit, just when she started thinking that he couldn’t live without her, he had to go say something like that!  Like, he was giving himself an out.  Like, if she restarted her singing career, then eventually, they’d fade apart.  For just a moment, she felt like stomping her feet and screaming at him in an all-out temper tantrum.  She was happy, dammit!  He was happy!  They were happy!  Why did falling in love have to be so damn difficult?

“Well...” she replied, flashing a cool smile, “As you know, I have so many dreams.”  And with that, she walked back toward the studio, determined to not let anything else stand in her way in catching Justin with his heart open.  

Olivia was in the control room, listening to the song again over the stereo.  There was a young man with her -- the audio technician, she assumed and remembered seeing him through the window while she sang.  The two of them were playing around with the sound of the track she recorded, dropping the pitch during the chorus and intensifying the timbre to her voice, until Olivia finally shook her head and said, “No, stop.  It was perfect the way it was.”  

She saw Hannah and Justin walk in the room and her tiny face bloomed with pleasure.  “Ah, Hannah!  Come here!  Come listen to yourself.”

Hannah gave her a small smile.  “I don’t need to.  Just tell me what you’ve got to say.”

Olivia’s expression narrowed as she scanned both Hannah and Justin cautiously.  “Alright.  We’ll go down to my office and talk there.”

The trip back downstairs was a silent one.  Olivia didn’t chatter like she did earlier.  She led the way again, but she seemed more solemn and professional now.  Once they reached her office on the bottom floor, she went over to a filing cabinet and withdrew a folder.  Handing it to Hannah, she said, “Our standard buying contract.  All it says is that you give me ten tracks, and then we decide where we go from there.”

Hannah flipped through the papers in the folder.  There had be at least fifty of them, filled with legal jargon.  “That’s it?” she asked.  “I come in, record ten songs, and I wouldn’t have to do anything else?”

She’d expected something more.  More pressure, more excitement, more lavish remarks about how great she’d been.  It kind of hurt, that after all that hoopla, this was all she was offered.  Not that she wanted more.  Truly, she came to Olivia just out of curiosity, and a chance to prove that she was good enough.  So, Hannah couldn’t decide if she was disappointed or pleased.  

Olivia hopped up on her desk and crossed her legs like a child, eying Hannah carefully.  “Ten tracks, that this studio would own.  Basically, you’ll be selling your songs to me.  Now, if you decide to sign yourself -- your name, your image, your talent -- over to me, that’s a different contract.”

Justin grunted.  “I thought you were interested in Hannah, not her songs.”  He was disappointed, not pleased that she’d still have some control over her life, and that hurt worse.  First he didn’t want her to do this, now he was mad she wasn’t offered more.  Would the man make up his freaking mind?

Olivia’s gaze shifted to him.  “My dear boy, I have four degrees, two of which happen to be in psychology and sociology, and I’ve been in this business for damn near forty years.  I know reservation in a person when I see it.”  She looked at Hannah again.  “You’re scared, and I understand that.  You’re afraid of giving up your freedom, and you have no desire to be trouncing around the world, city after city, concert after concert, living a life so different from the one you know, spending weeks, months at a time away from your family.  I get that.  The music industry is tough.  There’s always someone younger and more ambitious nipping at your heels, looking for your weak spots and ready to take you down in hopes of getting your spot in limelight.  So, I’m offering you an alternative.  Come in and work with me on ten songs.  Meet some other singers who’ve been through all this.  Maybe open up for some local bands.  Take it easy and slow.  Get familiar with it.  I’m not saying I’m not eager to get you out in the public.  Quite the opposite, really.  If it was up to me, I’d have you up on the Opry stage by tomorrow night.  You’ve got something special, and I want it.  And if I can convince Lover Boy over there to take a few singing lessons, I’d gobble him up, too.  Make you two a duo.  You’d have fans eating out of your hands before the year is up.”

Hannah glanced down at the contract, not really seeing it.  Ten songs.  Take it slow.  Still have everything else she wanted...mainly Justin and Josie.  Still have her life.  Do this with Justin and not set him aside.  He’d have no reason, not excuse, to stop her.  She’d have her cake and eat it, too.

It was tempting...very tempting.

Justin placed a hand on her back, rubbing circles, a gesture of comfort and support, but Hannah had to wonder.  He was more important to her than anything else.  What was he thinking?

Olivia leaned forward, her dark eyes intense.  “Listen, Hannah.  I’m not going to pressure you any more.  I got you in here, and I saw that you are exactly who I thought you’d be.  And that’s why I want you.  Because you’re not pretentious, and you’re cautious, and you’ve got that kind talent and energy to back up your persona.  You don’t need flashy lights and pretty dresses to make you a star.  All you need is a stage and a guitar, and the world will come to you.”  

“I’ll need some time to think about it,” Hannah said.

Olivia smiled and waved at her.  “Honey, take all the time you need!  There is one thing you need to know about me.  I left Hollywood and bigger clients to come here and set up this studio because I was tired of seeing talented musicians shoved to the top of the charts against their will and better judgement, only to watch them fall.  Hard.  Plop!  Their careers and lives splattered all over the sidewalk like roadkill.  I’m not that kind of producer.  This isn’t that kind of studio.  If you sign on with me, you get control of your own destiny.  You get to decide which gigs you take and how far you want to go.  If you want to stay local, you stay local.  If you want to take the world by the balls, by all means, I’ll be there to help you hold onto those furry little testicles!”

Justin snorted and Hannah smiled.  Olivia laughed at herself for a moment, but then her face got serious again.  “Hannah, I’m not going to convince you do anything you don’t want to do.  I don’t want to see another talented musician ruin his or her life because too much stress and pressure and competition. You see, I was there the time Kurt Cobain went into rehab, and when he got out, they shoved him back on tour.  And the day they found his body, I was sitting in an office on the Sunset Strip, listening to a snot-nosed prick, who was flying high on whatever crap he shot up into his veins, going on and on about how I wasn’t doing enough to boost his career.  And when the news came through about Cobain, that shitface had the nerve to laugh and say, ‘Served him right.’  That’s when I lost the stomach for my job.  I decided right then and there that I was going to change the way I do things.  It took me fifteen years to get the start up for this studio, and I refuse to sit back and watch one of my babies destroy their lives and careers because of greed.”

“That’s not the impression we got earlier,” Justin commented beside Hannah.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t ambitious,” Olivia said, grinning.  “But I only go after real people with real talent.  I don’t waste my time on beauty queens and punks who think that just because they can carry a tune and hold a guitar, they’ve got what it takes.  We’re a family here, and we watch out for each other like family.  You’d only have to ask Trav or Joel or any number of the staff here about that.  I said I stole Trav from another studio, but the real story is that I saved him.  The pressure over there had him taking Ritalin every day just to keep up with it all.  We’re a lot laid back here than it seems.  If I appear overly eager, it’s because I don’t get excited about a singer very often, but you, Hannah, excite me.  I’ll probably orgasm if you sign that paper right there.”

Hannah’s cheeks heated up.  “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

Olivia chuckled richly and reached behind her to tap the keyboard of her computer.  “Well, I won’t badger you anymore today.  Keep the contract and look it over.  Give me a call whenever you decide something, but I do have one question before you leave.”

“Okay, sure” Hannah said.  A video popped up on the wall behind Olivia’s desk.  It was another YouTube video, but this one had Hannah and Josie singing in it.

“Who’s the girl?” Olivia asked.

Justin’s hand on Hannah’s back froze.  She could feel intense anger heating up the room.  “That’s my daughter,” he said darkly.  “So, don’t even think about it.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him.  “Yours?  Or both of yours?”

“Mine,” Justin growled.  “Turn it off.”  He leaned over in Hannah’s ear and said, “I’m taking away her camera, her computer, her iPod, her tv privileges -- everything -- when we get back.”

Studying him and his clenched jaw, Olivia’s eyes swept Justin from head to foot.  “Oh, baby...please let me get you hooked up with a voice coach,” she crooned.  “Tall, sexy, and a father.  I could make a year’s wages from just one album with you two together.  Hell, one music video!  In fact, you wouldn’t even have to sing...just stand there, and let Hannah sing to you.  I’m getting wet just thinking about it!”

Hannah saw Justin’s ears turn pink, and she laughed.  “I thought you weren’t greedy,” she said to Olivia.

“I’m not!” Olivia insisted, although a lustful gleam still shone in her eyes.  “But you’ve got to admit...he’s yummy from the inside out!  And you two together, with your graceful beauty and amazing voice and his rock hard...”  Olivia’s eyes lowered over Justin with a wanton grin.  “...virility.  Oh, yes...I’m very excited, indeed.”

Hannah wasn’t sure how much more of that kind of flattery Justin could take.  He’d already taken a step backward, inching himself toward the door, and he’d gone from pink to pale to beet red the more Olivia salivated over him.  

Clearing her throat, Hannah offered her hand to Olivia.  “Well, thank you for seeing me today,” she said.  “I’ll take a look at this and call you in a few days, I guess.”

Olivia scooted off her desk, lightly slapped Hannah’s hand away with, “None of that handshaking crap,” and drew her into a big hug, which was a little weird, considering the height difference between the two women.  Hannah felt like she was hugging a baby doll.  “And you call me when you can.”  Olivia peeked at Justin and smiled, “And you come back and see me again, okay, babe?”

Justin took another step back.  Then Olivia grinned and said, “Gracious, I’ve got to get myself another lover,” and Justin no longer prevaricated on getting out of there.

*****

“So what do you think?” Hannah asked him once they were driving toward the hotel again.

“I think she’s a nutcase,” he said, thinking back to that miniature lunatic from the studio.  God, the way she kept looking at him!  He shuddered violently with revulsion.  Heaven help whomever Olivia Williams chose for her next “lover.”

“I meant the contract,” Hannah laughed, waving the bundle of papers at him.

“Then I think you should have your lawyer take a look at it before you sign your soul away,” he said, pulling into the hotel’s parking lot.

“But I wouldn’t be signing my soul away,” Hannah said.  “I’ll be able to do however much or least I want.  Olivia made that clear.”

“I don’t trust her,” he said.  “She kept looking at me weird.”

Hannah smiled and shook her head.  “She kept looking at you like you’re the sexiest man alive, which you are.”

He parked the truck and turned off the engine.  Shifting in his seat, he peered at her.  “Don’t think you’re going to sweet-talk me out of what you owe me.”

“Oh, pooey,” she said.  “It was one kiss, and it distracted me from my squirrels.”

“And how are those jumpy critters now?”

“Now?” she asked, getting a warm tone to her voice, almost purring.  “Now, they’re scampering around for a different reason.”

Before he could ask what that meant, she unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over, placing her mouth a hair’s breath from his.  But she didn’t kiss him.  She held his gaze, shifted her body, and soon was straddling his lap, her bottom bumping into the steering wheel and sounding the truck’s horn.

“What are you doing?” he asked while she wiggled more comfortably.  That movement alone was enough to have his groin waking up, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

"Coming over to say Hi," she