𝙇𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪

I've gone completely shy.

Ever since I woke up this morning, I've become quiet around Alex. As soon as he walks into a room I'm in, I hastily shut up if I was previously talking, my cheeks heat up, and I try to avoid any eye contact. Alex, of course, catches onto this relatively quickly and stifles a laugh every time this happens.

It's embarrassing, but I can't seem to help it. It's like a reflex action. Alex walks into a room; then, I go timid. I try my best to not react in such a way. However, I can't seem to stop it from happening.

Alongside finding it amusing, he's also finding not being able to hug or kiss me when he wants a bit frustrating. Each time he tries, I always manage to escape. I know why I'm doing this.

An apparent reason is the events that took place on my bed last night. The other is the events taking place in my head afterwards. I think I might be falling in love, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm scared I'm going to blurt something out before either of us are ready to say or hear it.

Also because now he's my freaking boyfriend.

I am somehow able to get into a car with him without losing the ability to breathe after I said yesterday that he could take me to his performing arts club. It's after he asked me for the third time since living in my home.

I grip the steering wheel tighter, suddenly overwhelmingly nervous at the fact that we're sitting alone together.

"Why are you all shy today?" He says.

I try to focus purely on the road though I can see him looking directly at me out of the corner of my eye. He places his hand on my thigh, causing my heart rate to speed up at the contact. Is it normal to be this affected by the touch of a leg?

"Because..." I start, not sure what to say next. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Because I've registered that I'm falling in love with you? Because we're now boyfriends and I'm terrified of fucking it up? Because you now know how I taste?

"Because I sucked your dick?" He laughs, finishing my sentence for me.

"Because you saw me naked," I correct, figuring it would be least inordinate to say and he'd easily be able to understand, "And I don't go around exposing myself to everyone."

He takes his hand off my thigh and runs his fingers through my hair, "You're beautiful. Did you think I'd think differently or I'd make a comment about your dick size or what?"

"Shut up." I laugh.

"I'm kidding, baby. Promise me you won't be so shy around me anymore? I'd like to be able to kiss you before you go running off."

"OK," I reply, blushing. After a moment of silence, I say, "I like it when you call me baby."

"Good, 'cause that's what you are to me. My baby. My boyfriend." He says, seemingly tasting the word 'boyfriend' on his tongue, and his hand is back on my thigh. I've concluded that I like it like that, similarly to how I enjoy Alex referring to me as his baby and most significantly, his boyfriend.

I smile sheepishly, knowing that if I weren't driving and were sat next to him or in his arms, I would have buried my face into the crook of his neck to hide my blushing cheeks.

"That's what your contact name in my phone says anyway. Baby." He says after a pause.

"You changed it to 'baby'?"

"Yes. Am I still only Alex?"

"Well, yeah."

"Wow, I see how it is." He jokes, holding out his hand. "Gimme your phone."

I don't give it to him. Instead, I gesture to it in my pocket with a motion of my head. He takes it from my pocket and grabs my hand, pressing my thumb to the home button to unlock it. Then he types away, which I'm guessing he's changing his name to whatever fits his fancy.

"Can I put my thumbprint on? I'll let you put yours on my phone." After I tell him to go ahead, he does just that.

I don't care that we've only just become boyfriends or have only been dating a month, letting him put his thumbprint on my phone makes this feel even more like a relationship. If we were going to be in a relationship, he has nothing to worry about, and I've got nothing to hide. Telling me that I can put my thumbprint on his phone shows me I can trust him too.

"What did you change it to?"

"Papí and a red heart emoji." He replies, smirking.

"Of course you did." I laugh. I don't intend on changing it, to be honest.

He clears his throat and shifts, "I found an apartment, by the way." He states, putting my phone down in the cupholder between our seats. I can feel disappointment settle in my stomach at the notion that he was going to leave my home if he were to buy this apartment. "I was going to tell you earlier, but you were all coy with me."

I simply nod, feigning glee at this.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy that he's found a place, especially after being so difficult while I tried to help him look. As long as he's away from his son-of-a-bitch father, I will be happy. The only issue is that I don't want him to leave. I sound clingy, but I've loved having him around. My whole family, minus the person who's never in, has.

To cheer myself up a tad, I think about the fact that we'd get complete privacy. We don't have to be scared we'd get walked in on by my dad or my brother, which is a total upside. Another is that we'd be able to do anything anywhere we like.

Stop thinking such thoughts, Matty.

I suck in a deep breath to try and calm the redness I know for sure is appearing in my cheeks. I stay silent for the rest of the ride, catching a glimpse of Alex smirking at me. He knows what I'm thinking. Shit.

That's because you're biting your lip. Stop it. Stop it right now.

The performing arts club is in a discreet building hidden between a café and a dentistry office. All that is of the front of the building is a door. You'd hardly know it was there unless someone had pointed it out to you, which Alex had to do when I stared in perplexity at the street, having no clue of what building it was.

As soon as you enter, there is a set of stairs you have to go up straight away, no left or right turn. Once you're up those stairs, there's a small hallway and a door. Pushing open that door, you stumble upon a room more extensive than you'd expect.

There's a small stage at the back of the room decorated with instruments, and chairs dotted around the room, some placed in circles with people sat in them, going over lines. Others are in rows facing the stage.

The place is animated, with the sound of chatter filling the air. Even though I haven't spoken to anyone in here yet, everyone seems incredibly friendly. There's a cordial buzz to the atmosphere which makes it feel very inviting. The place appears quite diverse too.

"So, this is my club," Alex says, taking my hand in his and pulling me further into the room. "We come in here to rehearse or put on small performances; we have a whole auditorium for shows. A lot of people here sing others are dancers. Everyone's a performer in one way or another and can find themselves in some sort of show or performance. Not everyone here likes performing to big crowds and instead chooses to sing or put on small shows in this room to the club members. It's a safe space designed to allow people to explore their talents and creativity. I love performing to a big audience, so I only come here to rehearse lines or sing. Although, with everything happening about my dad, I'm taking a break from that for a while."

I nod, my hand still gripping his, and I can't help but feel nervous about this. On the other hand, as this place is supposed to be a safe space, I'm guessing people won't care that two boys are holding hands.

"In that room is a dance studio," He says gesturing to a door with a sticker silhouette of a ballerina stuck onto it. He then points to another door with a sticker of a microphone on it. The next one has a drum kit on it, "They're a recording studio and instrument studio. This place isn't only for the PAC but also dancing, singing and instrument lessons. We have our share every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday from four till eight. We don't have to come every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday and we don't have to stay until eight, but I try to come as often as I can."

I don't interrupt as I listen to Alex explain how the club allows kids to feel like they belong somewhere, to escape from the stresses of the outside world and to enter a space where they feel safe, doing something they love.

It sounds a whole lot like Glee, which is a show I'm obsessed with and have always wanted to be a part of, though I've never had the confidence to join anything like this. Stepping into a place similar to that makes me feel childishly excited.

After asking me how I would like him to introduce me as to his friends here out of respect to my feelings and privacy, I tell him that he can say whatever he wants. So, that is what he does.

"This is Matthew, my boyfriend," he says to his friends, who all greet me with a friendly smile and wave, and someone even gives me a handshake.

They all soon disperse to go and set up different bits of equipment or join into groups to go over lines for upcoming plays. One girl, however, who I heard someone refer to as Esme, stays behind. She smirks, although not in the way Alex does. Alex's smirks are playful; her one is more menacing, in some way. It makes me feel instantly uneasy.

"Looks like the man-whore has found himself a new little slut." she laughs bitterly, looking pointedly at me. I'm taken aback by her insult, making my stomach turn. "You know Alex only wants you for the sex, right? Or are you stupid enough to think he wants an actual relationship with you?"

Straight away, I catch onto her motive for this unprovoked attack. She must be someone who Alex used to sleep with and is feeling jealous over the fact that he found someone new. Or rather, got together with someone who he was in love with during their time fucking each other. She's bitter.

The name Esme does ring a bell, though. Then it comes to me all at once. During our detention that we had with Alex a few months ago, while we were still rivals and whatnot, Cami mentioned Alex breaking up with a girl called Esme. I don't remember the surname she said, but it was definitely that name. I just got slut-shamed by my boyfriend's ex.

I don't feel jealous though. I'm not like that. Esme is his past, and I'm his present. Instead, I feel pity for her. He's mine now, and not hers.

Alex grips my hand harder, his face turning stony with annoyance. "For your information, I'm with him because I love him, not for sex—" He hisses through gritted teeth.

I've gone mute, making me unable to fight my corner. I feel a bit helpless, in all honestly. I've never been one for confrontation. That time in the hospital waiting room was a one-off. I had been annoyed that day. I was able to hold my own when it came to Alex too, but only because I was used to that. Now I was just stunned.

She cuts him off with a chuckle and a shake of her head, "Love? Yeah, right. You're only saying that so he doesn't run away. I seriously doubt you're into guys anyway. You just want ass seeing as you've already had a piece of every girl's ass in this state."

"No, I do love him. You're too jealous to see that it is, in fact, possible for me to like guys." He holds up our conjoined hands as though that's proof of his love for me. "I don't give two shit about what you say about me. Quite frankly, you've said a lot about me after I broke things off with you, but don't you ever, and I mean ever, insult my boyfriend in any way or I swear to God you will regret it."

Esme's insult, as well as Alex's reaction to it, has left me frozen to the hilt. I can't say I haven't seen Alex this aggressive before, but of course, it was never to do with me. Or for me.

The fact that he was threatening her scares me a bit but, at the same time, it also makes me feel a small bit safer, knowing that I have someone to stick up for me now properly. I do hope that he'd never do anything terrible, though.

Her attention is back on me, "When he gets bored and leaves you, don't say I didn't warn you." She finally leaves, strutting past us and sitting in one of the chairs on the third row.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea Esme would be here. I thought she left. If you feel uncomfortable, we can go." He asks. When I don't reply, still frozen in shock at being slut-shamed for the second time in my life, he looks at me with worry marring his features, "Baby, I promise you I'm not with you for sex. Don't listen to her—"

"It's OK, love, I know. I believe you." I give a smile at him, hoping he'd believe that I'm fine.

I don't feel so stunned anymore. In place of that, I feel grateful at the fact that Alex fought my corner. That should have been enough to show that he does love me, or at least cares more than you would with someone you were with only for sex.

We've been dating for a whole month and did something sexual together for the first time only yesterday, making it evident that he doesn't view me as a sexual object. He even made sure that it was me getting the pleasure, not expecting anything back. If he were to have seen me as a sexual object, we would have had sex weeks back. I want to wait, so, in that case, he would've gotten bored ages ago.

"Are you going to sing for me or what?" I say after a moment of Alex purely glaring at Esme.

He mentioned about singing to me yesterday on our date. When he registers what I've asked him, he snatches his attention away from the disgruntled girl. He seems to light up in an instant, letting any previous negative emotions of his dissipate into the air.

He makes me sit down on the front row then rushes onto the stage and towards an iPod speaker. He fumbles around on his phone for a minute before he plugs it in and whispers something to a girl, who then nods. Then he moves the microphone out the way and takes a seat on a raised stool in the centre of the stage. Giving the girl a swift nod of his head, she presses play, and the music starts.

I don't recognise the song at first. However, as soon as he starts singing, I realise that it's the acoustic version of Let Me Love You by Ne-yo.

Everyone falls silent to listen. Alex has his eyes closed and is swaying slightly. It's like he's been transported to another world, his world. One where he can block everyone around him out and focus on something he loves. Music.

His voice is breathtaking.

I've only heard him sing once before and that was when he was drunk in our hotel room in London. He was surprisingly good at singing then, slurred speech and all, but now that I can hear his sober singing, I can tell how amazing he truly is. It's now apparent to me why he gets roles in many plays. I imagine him going on to perform on Broadway one day or even becoming a famous singer.

As he sings the chorus, I understand why he chose to sing this particular song to me. I'm not ashamed to say it makes me tear up a little.

A group of girls sitting behind me all let out 'aww' sounds, giggling to each other about how cute my boyfriend's performance is. I grin at this, knowing that he's singing these lyrics to me. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

"Where do I find myself someone like him?" A voice I recognise to be Lucy's says.

I turn and find that it is Lucy sat beside me. Because I had been so engrossed in watching the performance, I hadn't noticed her sit down. She's wearing a ballet costume, so I assume she's here for her dance lessons.

I don't reply as I don't want to be one of those people who talk during a performance, especially if it's to me, so I fix on smiling at her in return.

When he's finished the song, everyone starts clapping, though I make sure I'm clapping the hardest. Alex's expression holds a massive grin as he hops down from the stool and jumps off the stage, making his way towards me.

When he reaches me, he grabs my hand and pulls me up, so I'm standing. His arms then wrap around my waist, and he kisses me, afterwards leaning his forehead on mine.

I get a sudden feeling of insecurity at the prospect of being watched, but as I look around, nobody seems to care that two guys are embracing. They're engaged in whatever they were doing previously, and if anyone does look at us, they smile.

Acceptance feels pretty great.

"Thank you for singing to me," I say, biting my lower lip, "You're an amazing singer."

"I was going to say I meant every word, but I'll still love you even after you learn to love yourself."

"You better," I reply with a laugh. I then rest my hands on Alex's cheeks, lifting my head up to join our lips again.

It's all in the song.