𝙒𝙚𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙮

Since his breakdown, Alex doesn't let any cracks in his façade show. Instead, he puts a brave face on, keeps his head held high and has been strolling through life as though nothing's happened.

I try my best to get him to talk about how he's feeling inside, to open up, but he brushes it off with an "Honestly, I'm fine" and a "Thank you for caring, though."

He refuses to let the police get involved. He doesn't think it's bad enough. On top of that, he doesn't talk about it.

Furthermore, he doesn't take long getting in the rhythm of living with us, and by the end of the week, he's pretty much settled. My family seem to love him; my mother is especially taken with him. It's mainly down to the fact that he's insanely polite around them, ultimately juxtaposing how he acts at school. Even so, I've noticed his change in attitude at school since he began staying with us. He seems to care more now.

The person he seems to get on with the most, however, is Eva. For the most part, this is because Alex helped me save her from a drug-infested hangout, but also because she's a lot like he used to be. She acts out and gets into trouble, acting as though she doesn't give a shit about her education or other people she doesn't deem close to her. Alex puts in subtle efforts to teach her that this isn't the best way in life. I think it's great.

Tutoring is much easier since we don't have to choose who's house to go to anymore. I don't have to drive anywhere anymore too in that case. As soon as we get home, we can get straight into it. There is no longer a set time or day either, we can just do it when we're bothered, and that's that. We've kind of slacked off recently, becoming more interested in each other than the work, so living together for a bit is not going to help that at all.

I've also learnt that super-rich Alex doesn't have a car, surprisingly. He doesn't even know how to drive. He says he's too nervous to, and I find that pretty amusing. As a result of this, Alex is an addition in my car in the mornings on the way to school and on the way home, which is nice. I also drop him off at his performing arts club, which we shorten to the B.P.A.C to which he promised to take me to one day to watch him sing, and pick him up afterwards.

Sleeping next to him is nice too. He offered to sleep on a blow-up bed when I said I wanted him to stay in my room, but I insisted he sleeps on a proper bed. I didn't think of how weird it may have sounded then but, I just wanted him next to me at night. It was likeable sleeping next to him in London, and when I had my breakdown. If we slept together fine then without thinking much of it, I didn't think there would be a problem.

I also have a cuddle buddy every night too, which is a bonus. I never knew how much I loved to cuddle until I started dating Alex.

Mentioning the fact that he's super-rich, he does have a ton of money meaning he's luckily able to afford an apartment. I've been spending some time helping his search for an apartment near here. However, one thing I've learnt about Alex during this experience is that he is incredibly picky. Everything has to be perfect, so we still have not found one place to put on the simple maybe list.

When he's found an apartment, he'll be able to have his daughter on the weekends again, so that's some sort of motivation.

It's going to take a while. In a way, I want it to. I like him staying here for a bit. It makes me feel closer to him and helps the journey to an actual relationship speed up a little. I know that sounds a bit unorthodox. I just really like him.

As I enter the kitchen to grab some coffee, I walk in on a conversation between Alex and my mother. Neither of them notices me walk in, so I listen in silence, being the nosey parker I am.

"You know what? Thank you for making my son happy, as well. I haven't seen him so smiley in a few years. He always lets things get to him too much." My mum says. She's talking about me, and she's not lying either. Alex has made me the happiest I've been in a while.

Alex scratches the back of his neck, looking down at his feet sheepishly.

"I know you had your differences in the past, but I am happy that is over and that he has found someone like you. It is great that you stopped with the stupid rival stuff and that you realised your feelings." She continues.

I don't get to hear Alex's response because I inadvertently walk into the bin, creating a clanging sound when I hit the metal which causes them both to whip around and face me. I give them apologetic look, bashfully busying myself with the coffee machine to scoot around the fact that I was eavesdropping.

Sighing at my nosiness, my mother leaves the room. Alex gives me a smirk, making his way towards me, "I make you happy, huh?"

I grin at him, wrapping my arms around him when he's close enough for me to do so, "You make me very happy." I reply before pressing my lips to his. I don't have to worry about my dad or brother walking in as they've both left the house this morning.

He buries his face in the crook of my neck, "You know, you're so lucky to have your mom, honestly." He mumbles. I know it's not the right time to think such thoughts, but the feeling of his hot breath on my neck has made me feel some kind of way. You know, that kind of way. I exhale.

"Have you heard from yours yet?"

I can feel him shake his head, "Not a word."

I sigh at this. As the days have gone past, I've become increasingly worried about Alex's mum on her own with Mr Montgomery. I wish I could help, but there's honestly nothing anyone without authority can do. Trying to persuade her to leave him is not as easy as you think it is.

"I'm sure you will do soon," I say, hoping that what I say is true. I would hope that Alex's mum out of harm's way, but she's seriously not. She's very much in harm's way, and I don't know what to do to put Alex's mind at ease.

As soon as I've reached my locker after period four, Cami is rushing towards me, her face holding an austere look. It's the first time I've seen her all day. She hasn't even replied to my texts asking where she was.

"Why didn't you tell me Montgomery was living with you?" She asks, her arms folded across her chest.

I pause for a second and turn to look at her, confused, "How did you know about that?"

"You seriously think I wouldn't have noticed him walking in and out of your house every day. I've seen him through your windows too. You've been dropping him off at school, and you go home together most days this week too. Would you care to explain what's going on?"

I sigh, thinking up a quick half-lie, "OK, Camilla. Something happened at home, and he needed somewhere to stay. As my mum is friends with his parents, she offered him a place at ours. It's not the most comfortable situation but, you know, I've just got to live with it, I suppose."

"What's up?" Lucy asks, walking up to us.

"Montgomery has moved into Matty's house," Cami says, utterly unbothered by the fact that I didn't say she could tell Lucy.

Lucy's expression changes to one of surprise, giving me a distinct look. I discreetly shake my head at her, hoping she would understand that I'm trying to say that I haven't told Cami about Alex and me yet.

"Oh, well, sucks to be you, I guess." Lucy seems to understand my message, shrugging. She looks at her phone, "Ah, shoot, I'm late for my dance class. I'll see you guys around." Then she's gone again.

I give Cami a look as if to say what do you think you're doing? I didn't allow you to tell her. She brushes me off with a dismissive hand wave.

"So, why didn't you tell me?" She repeats.

I do want to tell her. I don't think I've ever wanted to tell someone something so badly. I just can't. I don't know what it is that's holding me back. Maybe doubt; most likely fear. Those emotions are overpowering the courage to tell her, and I don't think the words I'm gay could come out of my mouth even if I tried.

I've yet to ask her on her views on gay people. Every time I've tried to ask her, either I've chickened out, or she's changed the subject without allowing me to finish my sentence. I would say that maybe this is her way of telling me she doesn't agree with it, but I don't want to assume things like I usually do. It doesn't do me or whatever situation I'm in any good.

I scoff, shoving my gym bag into my locker a bit too forcefully. I've suddenly been overtaken by frustration at Cami's hypocrisy. "What, like you're not keeping secrets from me?"

She gives me a baffled look, "What secrets have I been keeping from you?"

"Uh, maybe the fact that you're seeing someone. You didn't tell me that."

Her mouth opens and closes, "And you know that how, exactly?"

"It's obvious, Cami. You're my best friend, I can tell about these things. You've spent hardly any time with me the past few weeks, and you smile every time you look at your phone. You've been going out quite a bit too."

She looks exasperated at this conversation already, "Look, I'm sorry, I just—I don't have an explanation."

"I make time for you even though I'm dating—" I clap my hand to my mouth before I can say anything further, eyes wide at the fact that I almost revealed two secrets hidden in one statement. I ponder whether or not I should just up and tell Cami. However, I decide against it before I can reveal anything more.

Cami's mouth falls open, prying my hands away from my mouth, "Wait, you're dating someone? Who is she?"

"I've got to go. I'll see you in period six." I say, stumbling over my words. I turn and flee the scene, trying to get away from her before I can let anything else slip through my grip. I feel petty, but I don't want to chance it.

"Matty, this is big, don't escape from me now!" I hear her calling down the hallway. However, she eventually gives up, allowing me to get away from her.

I manage the avoid her until period six. I'm guessing she took the hint that I didn't want to talk about it as she didn't ask me any further questions. I try to ask her about the person she's dating, but she gives no clues. I quickly shut up, figuring she doesn't want to talk about who she has been seeing either. Neither of us mentions it any further.

I try to hang out with her after school, but she tells me she's already going out. I don't bother to ask why, figuring that it's to do with her secret lover or whatever. I guess I'll have to work on the puzzle and find out who this mystery person is on my own.

After dinner, my mum insists on showing Alex baby pictures of me. She doesn't allow me to tell her not to and seemingly out of nowhere, she pulls out a large picture book, edges of photos and polaroids sticking out the sides. It's thick with memories expressed in different forms: photos, hospital bands from when each of my siblings was born, items collected across the years that stick onto paper.

It's just me, my mum, Isaak and Alex in tonight. I feel bummed about the fact that I hardly spend any time with my dad anymore, but he's so busy with work, I can't find the time.

Like Luca, as soon as he wakes up my dad out the door to work then is home for dinner, gets too engrossed in whatever sport is on the TV to do anything else and after that, he goes to bed. The only time I see him properly is at the weekends, and it's because of this, I know I'm going to find coming out to him more difficult than it has been telling anyone else. Our relationship is straining, and that's scary.

I brush the sinking feeling off, making sure to spend a lot of time with my mum to fill that hole. It's essential to spend time with her, and it's even more important to spend time with her and Alex at the same time, knowing that she knows about us and is OK with it. Well, she's more than that. She's thrilled.

My dad and Luca have not caught onto mine and Alex's romance. It's not like we keep it much of a secret. Every time we're sitting and watching something on the sofa, we're right up close to each other, my head sometimes on his shoulder. I'm quite sure both my brother and father have seen us hugging. We smile at each other a lot. I mean, it's obvious, so I think they're just oblivious. Or their minds are entirely hetero-normative.

Or they know, choosing not to mention it.

A part of me hopes that they'll catch onto this and will come to me instead of me having to go to them, like how it played out with my mum and sisters. I don't want to be the one to say I'm gay without them asking because then that seems to open up more space for them to hate me. If they come to me and ask, it's less pressure, and it's a tiny bit more comfortable. If they do that, then it may mean that they, hopefully, are OK with it.

"I have quite a few pictures of you in the bath. You liked to stand up a lot." My mother says, looking through the pictures on one page.

Alex looks over her shoulder and laughs, teasingly adding, "Look at the little thing."

I want to jokingly assure him that I have grown since then, but with my mother right next to us, I don't think that's entirely appropriate or something she would want to hear.

"So you've got naked pictures of me as a child in here? How lovely. Child porn."

"One time, when you were five years old, I caught you wearing my heels. You had covered your face in lipstick from when you tried to put it on yourself. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen. I have got a picture of it somewhere." My mother laughs, flipping through the photo album.

As she does, Isaak, who's sat on my mum's lap, giggles and points to random pictures as my mum goes through the pages. She soon finds the photo she's looking for, passing it over to Alex to have a look. As he begins to laugh and gush over how 'adorable' I look, I groan. Why must mothers do this to their children? Run while you still can, Isaak.

"Why must you do this to me, mamma?"

She wraps an arm around me, giving me a sloppy kiss on the cheek. She then looks at Alex who is still smiling down at the picture for a moment then back at me, taking my hand in hers, "This is when I got an inkling of you being gay. From then on, I always knew. Mother's intuition, I think."

"Did you ever have a problem with that thought?" I ask carefully.

"Never. Not once in my life. I spent years waiting for you to come out, and meet your first boyfriend, and to be able to take you to those pride festivals. You have no idea how glad I am now that you trusted me enough to allow me to know." She grabs my hand and places it over my heart. "As long as this is beating, I am content."

She smiles at me, and I smile back, the gratitude for the people in my life growing even more potent by the second.

She turns her attention onto Alex, "And Alex, caro." She takes his hand too. "Your father may not accept you for who you are. However, I do. I know it's not the same but just know that I am going to act a motherly role to you if you want me to. You make my son happy, so you make me happy too. I know I thanked you earlier, but thank you again. He told me about how you stayed and looked after him and how you looked up ways to help during a panic attack. The boy doesn't stop talking about you, and everything he has said about you shows how much you care about him. I've seen how you act around him too."

"Mamma," I whine, scared I sound obsessed.

Isaak squirms on my mum's lap, crawling over to me and planting himself on mine. He leans back, so I hug him to me. I can only hope that as my little brother grows up, he grows to be accepting and kind just like his mother.

"He has needed someone like this for a while." She continues despite my protest. I give in and let her say what she wants to say. "Now he has got that and... I've got to be honest here. It means almost as much to me as it must do for him. It is why I offered you a place in our home with open arms. You are an incredible boy, Alex. I am very sorry your dad is stupidly unable to see that. You need to show the world who you are more often."

I know that this hits close to home for my mum. Just like Alex, she missed the love of one of her parents too. Her mum never loved her, and it was heartbreaking for her to go through that as a child. She understands the heartbreak that Alex is going through.

Alex is visibly taken aback by this. It's evident he isn't used to being complimented like this, the same way he's not used to being cared for. Living with my mother, I'm very much used to it, so I feel terrible. I feel bad for the fact that he never received the parental love he deserved and should have had, and the fact that he got treated so disgustingly his whole life.

I am hoping my mother offers some kind of fortification.

"I... I don't know what to say. Thank you, Mrs Jenkins. It means a great deal to me."

"Oh, please, call me Tina!" She calls, laughing at Alex for being so formal.

He smiles, "Thank you, Tina."

"Welcome to the family." She says, and the words wash over me like a breath of fresh air. Everything is alright right now, and everything will be alright. And that's pretty great.

"Don't be afraid to be who you want to be when you grow up, fratellino," I whisper to Isaak, who giggles and starts kicking his feet out. I laugh at this and begin tickling him.

Your feelings are valid :)