Chapter forty-four: Uncovering the truth

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𝙐𝙣𝙘𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙝

Alex is back at court today.

Like last time, he didn't want me to go. I respect his wishes, so I stayed at home, anxiously waiting for his return and hoping to whoever is up there that Mr Montgomery pleads guilty and is locked up for a long time.

Unlike last time, I didn't want to wait alone, so I asked Lucy, Kenzie and Jake if they wanted to come round and hang out with me. Lucy couldn't, as she's seeing her grandparents, but Kenzie and Jake agreed. I didn't ask Cami because I'm still kind of pissed at her for the gay comment, and she knows that Alex lives with me and most definitely would bring it up, even when knowing that the other don't know.

"Are you alright, Matty?" Kenzie asks after twenty minutes of her and Jake being round. We decided to watch a movie and gouge on Eva's popcorn, me sat in the middle of the two on my bed with my laptop in front of me.

I've tried to keep a relatively calm outer demeanour, so I'm momentarily confused as to why she asked, but then I see her looking down at my fist and that's when I feel the sting of my nails digging into my palm. I unclench my fist, giving her a smile and a nod.

She doesn't pry any further, which I'm grateful for because I'm aching to ramble on about how nervous I am about Alex going to court, and I know that if she probes me about it, I'll crack and spill everything.

I change the subject before Jake can question me about it too and ask, "Have you got a date to the prom yet?"

The seniors had their prom in May as they finish school a month earlier than the rest of us. Sofia didn't go because she felt too self-conscious about her bump in a prom dress, despite the fact that everyone knows about her being pregnant. She gets no shit for it, luckily, apart from one guy who called her a slut and got the business end of her palm against his cheek. Now it's the juniors turn.

In our school, junior prom always signifies the end of the school year, and breaking up for the summer break. This happens during the second week of June, so as it's the last week of school starting Monday, in exactly a week, our prom will commence.

We had a rule where we were not allowed to talk about the prom until finals were over to avoid any added stress about limos and dresses and dates, but now it's the weekend and we're officially done with exams, it's all we've been talking about.

Kenzie sighs, "Unfortunately not. Is your boyfriend taking you?"

I pause for a second as I realise that Alex and I haven't spoken one word to each other about it. Now I hits me that, unless we come out as a couple in the next seven days, I'm going to have to go alone. "Oh, um, we haven't actually talked about it yet."

Although she and Jake still don't know that Alex is said boyfriend, I feel no need to lie.

Jake joins the conversation, "When will we get to meet his guy?"

"Soon, I promise. Really soon," I reply, and that's not a lie.

Alex and I have discussed this and we want to tell people very soon. I feel like I'm fully ready for the school to know. As it's the last week before summer, we won't have to deal with it being fresh in people's minds at school. They'll have all summer to get over it and once we're back at school, it won't be such a big deal anymore.

"Are you going with anyone, Jake?" I ask, remembering that he hasn't told me about anything on the subject yet.

"I am," He responds, looking smug.

"Who?"

"It's a surprise."

"Don't bother pushing him. I've tried. He won't spill." Kenzie tells me before her attention is back on the laptop. She pulls a face at something a character says, scoffing, "I am so sorry that you guys have to deal with toxic masculinity. It must suck major ass."

"It does," I say, nodding. I share a look with Jake, who nods along with me. "It's why I'm insecure about my body." I add.

Kenzie pulls her gaze away from the screen and looks me up and down. Being looked at like this by someone other than Alex isn't the most comfortable for me, and I squirm. My arms wrap protectively around my body. Kenzie doesn't mention it and instead says, "What, like, about how slim you are?"

I want to let out a sarcastic laugh, "Comforting to know that's how other people see me too."

"Oh no, don't take it the wrong way. I think your waist is snatched." She is quick to add. I let out a small, genuine laugh at the waist comment. No one has ever said that to me before. No one has ever really complimented my body before except my boyfriend, who kind of has to tell me that I'm perfect in his eyes because he's my boyfriend. "Just how insecure are you about it?"

"Quite a bit. It embarrasses me to have my body on display in public." I say truthfully. It's the reason why I hate going swimming or to the beach. Alex is the only person I let see my body and would be comfortable with him doing so. He just has that affect on me, and I've mentioned before that he makes me feel safe, but I will forever say it.

"You know what would help out your insecurities?" Kenzie asks, shoving popcorn into her mouth. "Skinny dipping."

"Skinny dipping?"

She shrugs, "Yeah. Exposing yourself in such way can help you come to terms with the fact that it's your body, only yours, and you can do what you want with it. You'll be able to see that we, Jake and I, won't judge you, and that all your insecurities are just in your head. It makes you feel alive, and as your body is out there, it shows you that everything is OK. It's empowering, and it really does help with anything negative you think of your body."

The very prospect of a friend seeing me in my birthday suit makes me feel increasingly self-conscious. Other than my parents when I was a baby, only two people have seen me naked, and in spite of now being familiar with the girl, it's still different and weird.

Anyway, only one of those occasions was properly special to me. It took a lot of inner confidence to let Alex see me like that. He's my boyfriend, I'm more than OK with him seeing me nude now, but my friends? That's a whole other story.

I look at Jake, then at Kenzie, and then back at Jake. Neither of them show any signs of this being a joke between them, "And you're OK with getting naked in front of me?"

Jake leans over and pauses the show that is still playing on the laptop, "Yeah, of course. It's all about trust. Do you trust me to see you naked like I would with you?"

I don't reply to his question, "You're seriously alright with a gay guy seeing you naked?"

"Man, it's not like I'm scared you're gonna sexually assault me. I don't care what your sexuality is, if I trust you, then I trust you, and I do. Skinny dipping is fun, and it's not like we're gonna be staring at your dick. I'm straight and Kenz is a lesbian. We're just gonna strip and get in the water."

"Look," Kenzie says, "I know this might be weird to you because you're insecure about your body and you still have that stigma that being naked around people who aren't your significant other is uncomfortable, and I don't mean strangers because that's completely different, but you'll soon see that there is nothing to worry about. You're not comfortable with nakedness and that's OK, but everyone should experience the thrill of skinny dipping once in their life. You're not going to be naked out of the water for that long anyway, and we won't look if you don't want us to. It's really fun and I want to do it again. Please try it with us."

I tell myself that I'm going to have to loosen up and step out of my comfort zone for once in my life. I'm sick of always being too anxious, too self-conscious, too hesitant, too unsure. For once, I would like to say that I pushed all that to the back of my mind and actually did something out there. I can't just sit around and not experience things like this for the rest of my life. That's boring. I want to kick anxiety right in the ass and say 'not today'.

I finally nod, "Alright. I'll do it."

Kenzie claps her hands together in excitement. I'm guessing she's gone skinny dipping a few times before. "Great! We can go to the Squam Lake. I mean, it's an hour and twenty minute drive away, but we have time, right? They'll be little to no traffic at this time of day."

My eyes widen. I had it in my head that this was a summer break plan, not a spur of the moment one. "Wait, you want to do it today?"

"Well, yeah," She says, as though it was obvious. "That doesn't change your mind, does it?"

"No," I say after a beat. I mean, I wanted some time to prepare myself for this, but I know that if I did allow myself that, I would overthink my insecurities and there would be a high chance that I would change my mind.

Throughout this conversation, I had not forgotten about Alex being at court today, that being on the forefront of my mind, so I pull out my phone to text him of my plans. I know he wouldn't be annoyed by it, rather he's being trying to encourage me to do things that are a bit more out there, so he'd be happy about me doing this, though maybe a little jealous of the fact that I'll be naked around people who aren't him.

Before I can even type in one letter, my door opens and Alex walks in, suit and tie and all, oblivious to the fact that Mackenzie and Jacob are here too. I almost choke on air, and I'm momentarily panicked. There is no way I can get out of this one.

"Hey, baby, I—" he begins, but then he looks up and freezes. We all sit surprise, blinking back at Alex while he blinks back at us, no one uttering a single word or moving even an inch. I feel myself keel over and die inside. I was not mentally prepared for this.

I don't know how long we're quiet for, but Kenzie decided to break the silence by asking, "Alex is your boyfriend?"

My anxiety decides that now is the time to say hello, and that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach makes an entrance. I swallow down the lump in my throat as I stutter out, "I, um—yeah, he is."

I can't lie. Alex is right here, in my bedroom, calling me baby. There is no way I can lie and say that Alex is not my boyfriend. I admit, I was not ready for this. To be ready, I have to know when certain things are happening, and I have to prepare myself. But it's happened, and I can't turn back time to prevent it.

I would say that I should have told Alex they were here, but I've been putting this off for so long that I'm kind of grateful it's done and over with. As well as anxious, I feel relieved.

The only reason I was nervous to tell them is because Alex is Luke Maddison's friend, and I know that both Kenzie and Jake have strong feelings towards their ex-gang. They were racist towards Jacob, and made homophobic, misogynistic remarks at Mackenzie, all while knowing what they were doing no matter how many times they said it was a joke or a mistake.

Alex never did anything of the sort, but he's still friends with them, and I'm worried that they won't like the fact that I'm associated with Alex in this way and wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. They were surprised enough when they found out that we were civil.

"Since when?" She asks, her eyes still fixed on Alex, stunned.

I get off the bed and make my way over to my boyfriend, grabbing his hand a way of proving that our relationship is real, and turning to my two friends who are still sat there, frozen. I give them a sheepish grin. Alex shows no emotion at all, and I think he's as surprised to see my friends here as they to see him being here.

"Almost three months ago," I eventually respond. I can feel Alex squeeze my hand, granted that any emotion upon his face is still yet to appear.

Jake hesitates before sliding off my bed. He doesn't make any move to come closer, and instead stays stood, "Shit, man. It all makes sense now."

"I was going to tell you guy, I just didn't know how. I know it sounds stupid, but your reactions—the shock makes me feel apprehensive and I wanted to avoid that."

Kenzie is now kneeling on my bed, and her expression morphs into one of glee as she breaks out into a huge grin, "I can totally see it. You two are so cute together." She squeals, and I let out a sigh of relief. "I'm completely fangirling now! You're my new OTP."

Alex lets out a breath that I didn't realise he had been holding. I'm not sure what he was so nervous about, but this makes some tension release from me too.

I'm stuck for what to reply to Kenzie's comment with. Is this something to be taken as a compliment? "Uh, thanks?" I look over at Jake and see that is expression hasn't changed at all, "Are you alright, Jake?"

His eyes snap from Alex to me, and he smiles, nodding wordlessly.

I would say that I don't know why he's reacting like this, but there's a big possibility that he has a problem with Alex, meaning he may not want to be around me anymore. I don't want anyone to feel awkward, and I don't want to lose anyone.

Alex clears this throat, "Look, dude, I'm sorry if I ever hurt you in any way while we were friends. I really am. I'm trying to do better."

Jake begins to approach Alex, shaking his head, "It's OK, it was never you. I just got fed up of Maddison." Once he's reached us, he engulfs Alex in a hug. I let go of Alex's hand. "I'm happy for you, man. I can tell how happy you've made Matthew. I would say the same about you but I've hardly spoken to you since I've left the group."

Alex claps him on the back and then pulls away, not quite hugging Jake back—he's not one for physical contact from people who aren't me. "Thank you. I am happy."

"What do you say? Friends again?"

Alex smirks, "Why not?"

Mackenzie jumps off my bed and practically bounds her way over to us, "We're going skinny dipping!" She exclaims, all the excitement from my relationship leaking into the fact that I agreed to strip naked and jump into a lake with my friends.

Alex's eyebrows raise, and he looks at me quizzically, "Skinny dipping?"

"Actually, um, I want a moment alone to talk with Alex," I say to my friends, my hand back in the hold of Alex's. "You can wait in the living room, and then we can go as soon as we're ready."

They don't question it, and they leave the room without a word. Once I close the door, I can hear them talking outside but I don't bother to listen to what they're saying. I pull Alex over to my bed and make him sit down on the end of it as I take a seat next to him.

While Jake and Kenzie being accepting of our relationship and him becoming friends with Jake again should be a happy occasion, I can't help but notice that Alex hasn't properly smiled once. My heart sinks because this may mean that court didn't go so well for him. I feel the urge to wrap my arms around him already, but I want to let him talk first.

"Are you OK with talking about court?" I ask. I nervously play with the rings on his fingers.

The tiniest smile flickers across his lips, and I want to cry with relief because this means something positive has happened. "My dad pleaded guilty. He's been sentence to six months in prison and was fined $2,000."

"Only six months?"

"Six months is better than nothing. And when he comes out of prison, he's has to move states and a restraining order will be put in place. I know that six months isn't enough, but can you take it as good news for my sake? There's nothing else that I can do."

The fact that it's only six months infuriates me. Alex has had to endure almost fifteen years of abuse from a horrid man, who has even hurt him so bad he's had to go to hospital on numerous occasions, and Mr Montgomery is going to be in prison for solely half a year? That's bullshit. I did my research on this and misdemeanour domestic violence charges usually means a whole year in prison. Why does Mr Montgomery only get half of that?

Six fucking months.

That's disgusting. Fuck the legal system. Six months? Absolutely fucking not. But I can't do anything about it.

"I've already been angry about it. I don't want to be angry about it anymore," Alex whispers. I look down at his knuckles and see that they're red. The way that Alex releases anger is by punching things—usually a wall, never a person, unless he's in a physical fight.

All I want is justice for Alex. I will never know what it's like to go through what he did, and I will never know the full extent of it as I'm quite sure he hasn't told me the whole truth, which I won't pressure him to tell me, but what I do know is that he deserves more than this. Alex has solid evidence: recorded phone calls, security camera footage from inside their house, text messages, hospital records. All this and only six months?

"Is there anything else bothering you or was it just that?" I question, my hand coming to rest on his cheek, making him look up at me as his gaze has fallen to his lap.

He sucks in a breath, "After court, I wanted to call my mom to tell her the news myself. I know she will be told anyway, but I still wanted her to hear from me. And I know that she told me she didn't want me contacting her, but I thought this would be different as it's important. But when I got to her contact, I found that she had blocked me. She wants nothing to do with me, Matty, and I did nothing wrong. I don't know what I did, I just want my mom back and she doesn't want me. I know that I'm not the worlds greatest son but I still thought she loved me. But she doesn't, fucking no one does. I'm alone."

He lets out a sob, and then he completely breaks down, letting all his emotions that he no doubt has felt today out.

"I hate her," He says through gritted teeth. His whole face is red and tense with anguish and pain and anger and...fear. I feel sick.

"No, you don't, you're just angry," I tell him.

I know he loves her, he does, I've seen it in his eyes when he talks about her, he just doesn't want to admit it. He doesn't want to admit that he holds love for someone who has hurt him like this. He finds it difficult, and I've never heard him say he loves anyone other than me, but I know he does. There's no hate, it's not easy like that, he's only saying hate to remove the love that will never go. That's what he did with me. He tried to hate me, he tried so hard, but he couldn't. He won't ever hate his mother.

"Yes, I fucking do. I hate her so much." His hand forms into a fist and he grounds it into the bed next to him. He's trying not to punch something. I'm not scared that it's me. I'll never be because I know it won't ever be me. But before he can punch something else, a wall, the bed, anything around him, I don't know, I take ahold of his wrist and bring his hand towards me.

I swallow down my own tears as my heart smashes into a million pieces, and I can swear I can feel it physically hurting. If it hurts like this for me, I can only imagine how unbearable the pain is for him. For him, everything he has ever known, the comfort of having maternal love, is

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