𝙇𝙚𝙖𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝙯𝙤𝙣𝙚

"Let's get naked!" Kenzie exclaims excitedly as soon as we arrive at Squam Lake, and is out the car in an instant.

Jake laughs and practically jumps out the car, taking his shirt off in the process. Alex gets out at a normal place, chuckling along too. I, however, take my time, nervous to my very core. I'm about to get naked in front of my friends. Oh my God.

Kenzie is so excited, she does a cartwheel.

"In all my years of knowing you, I had no clue that you could do a cartwheel so well," Jake says with his eyebrows raised, impressed by Kenzie's surprising gymnastic skills. I'm too nervous to be impressed.

She bows in response, "I am a man of many talents."

"You're a seventeen year old girl." Jake states.

Kenz waves her had dismissively, "That is just a technicality." She says. Jake snorts in amusement.

At first, I wanted to rain check on the skinny dipping as I didn't want to leave Alex when he was clearly not in a good state of mind, but when I told him that I was going to stay home with him, he said that he wanted to go skinny dipping too. He thinks it will help him take his mind off of everything that's happened today, and I have no right to tell him no. If he thinks it will make him feel better, then so be it. I want him to feel better, but I also don't want him to store away his emotions.

After we were able to compose ourselves, splash water on our faces, and make it look like we hadn't just been crying, we went downstairs and told Kenzie and Jake of our plan. Then we got into Kenzie's car, Alex and I sat in the back, and we drove the whole one hour and twenty minute journey to Squam Lake.

Throughout the journey, my hand never left Alex's, and couple of times, we'd catch each other's gaze, smiling. Alex doesn't seem at all down about his mother blocking his number anymore, which I find concerning because I don't know if this is on purpose or if it's due to his positive emotions about me telling him that I love him overlapping the previous negative emotions that he was feeling.

In case he was simply hiding it, I made sure to sneak him a kiss, or squeeze his hand, or rest my head on his shoulder now and then just to remind him that I am still there for him.

The buzz of finally telling Alex about my love for him doesn't wear off, even as I get out the car and have to swallow down my nerves.

"What are you waiting for, Matty?" Kenzie asks me, already stood in her underwear. Jake is working on taking his jeans off, while Alex is still pulling off his shirt. I'm stood stock still, making no move to remove any piece of clothing off my body.

Before I know it, all three of them are in their underwear, looking at me expectantly. I guess they're not going to take their underwear off until I'm at least only in mine. I try not to lick my lips at the sight of an almost naked Alex, studiously avoiding looking at Jake and Kenzie.

"Let's get this off you then, baby," Alex says, and I can hear Kenzie audibly swoon. Alex takes ahold of the bottom of my shirt and pulling it over my head so I'm shirtless. My arms automatically go around my torso, covering it from the view of the others. "Don't be nervous. I've seen you naked before, and they won't judge you." He whispers to me.

I swallow and nod, finally unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them down. As soon as I'm stood in my underwear, Kenzie and Jake begin to pull of their fucking underwear. Jesus Christ, they are now naked. How in holy hell are they comfortable with this? Whaaaat?

As soon as the two are naked, they run and jump in the water. Thank goodness for that because I think seeing a naked girl would be incredibly uncomfortable for me. Alex is still waiting for me to take off my underwear before he removes his. How sweet of him.

"Take them off! It's not like Alex hasn't seen you naked before!" Kenz shouts from the water. Jake whoops, his hands cupping around his mouth.

I know that Mackenzie is only assuming, but she isn't wrong. Alex has seen me naked before. However, that's not what I'm worried about. I'm fine being nude in front of him. It's the two others that I'm afraid of, I just don't know what I'm so afraid of in particular.

I don't think bad of Mackenzie and Jacob in the slightest, but there's always that lingering fear that they'll make fun of me. It's not because of them specifically, it's because of Cami. Cami does it, and although it's just playful teasing, it still knocks my confidence.

Me thinking that Alex is sweet doesn't last long because without me realising what he's doing, he's grabbing the waistband of my underwear and is pulling them down. Afterwards, he takes of his own underwear and we're left standing naked, facing each other.

Oh goodness, I was not ready to get it out.

I can hear someone wolf whistle, and them laughter, and then a girl's scream as Jake splashes Kenzie with water. Or perhaps that scream was from Jake? I don't know, I'm not looking at the water right now, and I sincerely hope that they're not looking at me either.

I can't stay annoyed at Alex for more than two seconds because the next thing that he breathes out as he looks me up and down is, "Beautiful." and it makes me sheepishly grin. "Don't cover it," He says, moving my hands away from where I was absentmindedly covering my junk. "Come on, gorgeous."

He grabs my hand and pulls me along, towards the lake. Being respectful of our modesty, the other two friends look away as we make our way over to the lake, finally jumping in. It's freezing cold, but refreshing at the same time. Now that I'm actually in the water, I'm starting to feel the thrill of it all. I let out a laugh.

I'm leaping out of my comfort zone.

Kenzie was right. This does feel liberating. As I soak in how I feel about this, it hits me that I feel somewhat brave, and there's maybe a bit of confidence added into the mix. Neither of my friends have made any comment on my body, and when Alex did, it was positive. And I'm OK. I'm naked, surrounded by three people who I care very much about, and I'm OK.

I'm having fun, and I feel like I don't have a care in the world. Wow. This is new. Usually, I overthink and care about things a lot. It's good to just let go. Sure, my insecurities about my body have not floated away, but in this moment, they're less prevalent, and I feel like I can breathe again.

Alex takes this as an opportunity to pull me towards him, which isn't hard  for him to do as I'm floating about, and he grabs my ass with both his hands. I let out a yelp at this. He just smirks while I rest my forehead on his chest, trying to cover my reddening cheeks. His body offers me some sort of warmth.

"Lucky me. Skinning dipping and a live sex show? Yum." Kenzie teases. I pull away from Alex and stick my tongue out at the girl.

When I look back at my boyfriend, I'm caught off guard by his tattoo. On the left side of his chest are Roman numerals. I've seen it before, of course, but I've never asked about it.

"What does this represent?" I ask him, tracing the tattoo with my finger.

"It's the date Chloe was born." He responds, and I smile at the sweetness of it. In my head, I add it onto the list of my top favourite tattoos on his body, so it joins the equals sign, which I like because of the message and the fact that it represents me in a way, on his wrist, and the dragon, which I like because of the sheer beauty of the design, on his hip.

I place my hands on either side of Alex's face and kiss him, taking advantage of the fact that I can now do this in front of my friends. Maybe, soon, I'll be able to do it in front of Cami too. Cami is the only friend left that is to know, and the positive reactions of Kenzie and Jacob has given me more motivation to do so. I'm going to do it this week, before prom. I want my closest friend to know before the school does.

I almost forget that we're naked until Alex's body accidentally bumps against mine. I say accidentally, but I don't know for sure.

Jake calls Alex's name, so my boyfriend kisses my forehead before turning and swimming away from me. I make my way over to Kenzie.

"Never thought I'd ever see you naked again." I say with a cheeky grin on my face.

Kenz laughs at this, and then she sighs, "Don't you think it's weird that we slept together, yet we both ended up gay."

I nod, laughing too. My shoulders turn up into a shrug, "We turned each other gay."

"You were pretty good considering that it was your first time, we were fifteen, and that you're gay. And I'm a lesbian so that's saying something."

I laugh again. It's weird how things turned out.

We lost our virginities to each other at a party, stereotypically. We were both the only non-drunk people there as far as we could tell, and we got to talking. Somehow we ended up on the subject of sex and virginity. Somewhere along the lines, we though 'screw it' and decided to screw each other. After that, we never really spoke again other than the odd message about homework as we're in a lot of the same classes, never once acknowledging or speaking about what happened until now. And now we're best friends.

"To be honest, I can hardly remember it, but I'm sure you were good too." I say back. She gives me a friendly leg kick under the water.

"You two had sex?" I can hear Alex ask from behind me. I turn around to face him and see that he's frowning.

"Yeah, she's the girl I lost my virginity to when I was fifteen." I reply, swimming closer to him. Once I'm close enough, my arms go around him, although I keep our bodies at a safe distance to prevent certain things coming into contact. "Are you jealous?" I tease.

He scoffs, "Jealous of the fact that she got to have sex with you before me? Yes."

"Aww, well, I love you too," I say, and as soon as the words come out of my mouth, the frown disappears from his face and is replaced with a smile. He pulls me closer to him and kisses me, still smiling as he does so. I can't help but beam too.

Now that I've finally told him, I plan on taking advantage of my love for Alex and remind him of it as much as I can. He deserves it, especially as he's missing love from two of the most important people in his life.

We spend the rest of our time skinny dipping chasing each other about in the water, having water splashing fights, and competitions to see who can stay underwater for the longest. Alex even creeps up on me while I'm not looking and dunks me under the water. I fake being mad at him, and then dunk him under the water too. I can't hold him down for too long as he's much stronger than me.

"You know I'm able to open my eyes underwater, so thanks for the view." He says once he's back up and have caught his breath. My mouth drops open in mock outrage and I splash him, to which he splashes me back, and another water splashing fight ensues.

To say I've had the most fun in a while is an understatement. It seems that both Alex and I have used this time to try to forget our problems, my insecurities and Alex's situation with his mother, and have succeeded. I know that Alex will have to revisit his problem as it's a lot more important than my silly anxieties, but it's good that he's not getting himself wound up about it. At least not for now.

What seems like years of fun, we decide that it's time to get out. Like they did when I was getting in the water, Jake and Kenzie look away from me until I'm covered. We thankfully remembered to pack towels, so we dry off and sit on the ground on top of a large blanket, wrapped in our towels after putting back on our underwear, of course.

I'm sat in between Alex's legs, so while I'm already wrapped in a towel, he's wrapped his around us both, keeping me extra warm.

I took it upon myself to bring a flask of coffee and mugs too as I knew we would be cold after getting out and there's nothing like a hot drink to warm us up. Alex doesn't drink coffee, so I brought tea for him. I honestly think he's British inside with the way he loves tea.

"You know that person who attempted to spread that rumour that Alex was dating a guy?" Kenzie asks, taking a sip from her mug. I nod as a way of saying yes. "I found out that it was Lexi Taylor."

At first I raise my eyebrows in surprise, but then it comes back to me, "I know why she did it." I state.

Alex puts his tea down and I can feel him wrap his arms around me protectively, as if he knows that this can cause some sort of anxiety. It did at the time of when it happen, which was the same time as when I came out to Eva, and Alex knows that as I wouldn't stop going on about it because I was so worried. He tried to assure me that no one believed it since he tweeted about it, but that didn't stop the nervousness of walking into school. No one talked about it, so I was relieved to find out that his tweet worked. Now, I don't care. I feel no anxiety about it.

"Would you care to explain?" Kenzie asks.

"On our school trip to London, she told me to, and I quote, keep my slutty hands off Alex or she was going to ruin me. I think this was an attempt at ruining me because she thought people would catch on that I was the guy or something. I mean, I was the guy but no one caught on, and I guess she realised that her plan failed and didn't try to do anything again, or if she did then it went unnoticed. I don't know how she found out that I was not keeping my slutty hands off Alex, though."

Alex tenses, "That bitch. I have half a mind to give her an earful." He says. I kiss his fist, to which he relaxes. I muse at the fact that he relaxes at the touch of my lips.

"I can't stand that girl." Jake chimes in. He gives an expression as though he's thinking about something, and then he shudders. "When she finally realised she was never gonna sleep with you," Jake turns to my boyfriend, "She went to me. Remember when you called her a hedgehog and she panicked."

They laugh together at this, and as they chat with each other, I think back to the time where Alex mentioned this while drunk in London. That was the same night he professed his love for me, even if he was intoxicated. Now I get to say it back and I have never been happier.

A lot of my happiness rounds back to the confidence, love and care that Alex has given to me throughout this past three months. Well, three months on Tuesday. Time has gone so fast, yet it feels like we've been together for years. I have confidence that there will be many years to come.

"If there was a pill that could turn you straight for the rest of your life, would you take it?" Kenz questions randomly.

"No." I'm quick to respond, "There have been times of weaknesses where I've wished I was straight, I can't lie. Then I look at my boyfriend and think, why would I want to be?" I turn my body towards him to see that he is already looking at me, and give him a kiss on the cheek. He kisses my temple, and I don't feel bad about our PDA in front of our friends.

Kenzie places a hand to her heart. "Alex, what about you?"

"If you had asked me this a year ago I would say yes, without a doubt. Now, I say absolutely not." He replies, shaking his head. As she says this, he absentmindedly rubs circles on my tummy with his thumbs.

"What changed your mind?"

He shrugs as though it's obvious, "I fell in love with a man who showed me what it was to accept myself, and what true love felt like."

"That's me." I say, raising my hand. I could not be happier knowing that it's me.

"I wouldn't change anything for the world." He comments, and utter glee hits my heart and stays there. I think I've fallen in love even more. Every time I look at him, I fall in love even more. "What about you, Kenz?"

I look over at Jake, and I feel a bit bad that he's being excluded this conversation, him being a boring heterosexual and all. Even though he can't necessarily answer the question himself, he's still listening, and I don't miss the smile that appears on his face at mine and Alex's answers.

It's great to have friend that gives a shit and accepts you. It's increasingly refreshing having someone who you previously thought disliked you act this way, and also a straight person who is not afraid to get involved in pride activities as an ally.

"Nope." The girl says, popping the p in 'nope'. She leans back, smirking, "Pussy is too magnificent."

We get home quite late. After Kenzie drops us off at my house, Jake being the first one to be returned home, we say our goodbyes and she's drives away.

Before she goes, I make sure to thank her for making me do this. My insecurities stay intact, but the fact that they did go away for just a little while, loosing all the care in the world, knowing that my friends don't judge me for being me, means so much to me. And if it weren't for Mackenzie, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to feel that.

It's in this moment that I even thank myself. I say thank you to myself for forgiving Mackenzie and Jacob and allowing them to become my friend. They have shown me what it's like to have best friends who care so much about me. Cami has always been my best friend since we were toddlers, even when I lived in England where we would FaceTime everyday, but they're so different from her. And it's good to be able to see and feel that.

I also say thank you to myself for being brave for once in my life and experience skinny dipping. To a lot of people, it's not a big deal. It's just a moment of fun which they don't think twice about. For me, exposing myself into open air and letting my insecurities out into the open takes so much mental strength. But I did it. With the help of my friend, I won this fight against my anxiety. I will have it for the rest of my life, but if I can win in this fight, I can win in others. I am stronger than I was before, and that's because of them. Because of Mackenzie. Because of Jacob. Because of Lucy.

Because of Alex. My love.

"Why are you taking off your underwear?" Alex asks me, lying under the covers on his side of the bed.

"Because I want to know what it's like sleeping naked." I reply, accomplishing taking off the remainder of my clothes and snuggling under the warmth of my duvet. Now I've experienced doing one thing naked, I want to experience another. Sleeping naked. I'm intrigued.

So far, it feels unfamiliar.

"Damn. Just gonna say that it may be hard for me to sleep knowing you're completely naked next to me. If I wake up with a boner—"

"—then I'll take care of it."

He smirks at me, which soon turn into a look of confusion as I bring the chocolate bar I have in my hand up to my mouth and take a bite.

"Are you eating chocolate?"

"Yes. Don't tell my mother. Want some?" I say, offering him the bar. He takes a bite.

And I did take care of it.