𝙋𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚

I'm OK, I tell myself as I walk through the door of my house, trying to keep a calm composure and not start crying. I haven't cried so far and I'm determined not to. I suck in a deep breath.

It's an overreaction, sure, I know that, but who can blame me? I just had a fight with the person I love more than anything, and no matter how petty it was, I don't know if this means we're not on good terms at the moment, or Alex will call me tonight and we'll make up, or we were just mad in the moment and it will go back to normal as soon as we see each other. I've never fought with a lover; I don't know what to expect. This is different from a best friend.

What I do know is that Alex is not going to break up with me. He would never give up that easily, and nor would I. Worst case scenario and he does try to break things off, I will not go without fighting for us. I can't be without him.

But I'm proud I haven't broken down yet. I told myself, on Monday when I thought that Alex was pissed off at me, that I probably would if we ever had a fight. Little did I know that one was around the corner, but I have not reacted in the way that I thought I would. And that's good.

After slipping my shoes off and putting them on the shoe rack beside the door, I go into the living room. Sofia is sat on the sofa with a blanket over her, dipping a cookie into a tub of what I can assume is mint chocolate chip ice cream—her cravings at the moment. The T.V. plays an episode of Friends, the light of it shining directly onto her face. The sound of Joey's famous 'How you doin'?' echoes through, punctuated by the laugh of the studio audience mixed with Sofia's.

Sofia looks up at me as I enter the room and immediately frowns, "Boyfriend trouble?"

I let out a small laugh, which is pretty much all I can muster at the moment, "How did you guess?"

"Psychic powers," she responds, tapping her temple with the end of her spoon. She opens the blanket, inviting me in, so I snuggle in next to her. "Plus, you're home when you were supposed to spend the night at his, and you look like you're about to cry. Are you alright, Fratellino?"

Finally, I do begin to cry, my slightly cracked heart, though not permanently, opening a flood gate of tears that slide down my face, my hands working to wipe them away vigorously so I don't feel weak, because this all sucks so much. I've had to deal with Camilla drama, and now Alex probably hates me. Even though I wasn't flirting, that's how it looked to him, and I purposely didn't listen to him. I was so rude. Regardless of his anger, he didn't raise his voice once, and I did, and it's my fault it turned into an argument. I could have apologised for how it looked as soon as he told me, it's not hard to do so, but I was too stubborn.

The whole thing is my fault and I can't believe I let myself blame Alex for even a second.

Then again, he didn't listen to me either, or at least try to believe me. Intentions over actions, right? Whether or not I was 'flirting', it was not my intention to do so. But, maybe I should know when to draw the line at friendliness and when I'm toeing it. I don't know when I'm toeing it, though, because we never set those boundaries.

Oh, I really don't know. I can't handle conflict at all. Now my brain is the one having a go at me, and I don't blame it.

It was supposed to be the perfect evening, and we were going to have sex, and I was going to spend the night, and we were going to eat pancakes for breakfast. I ruined that. I was really looking forward to it and now those plans are just gone. Most importantly, I caused Alex to feel angry.

"Oh, bub," Sofia whispers, hugging me to her and kissing the top of my head. "I'm guessing you don't want to talk about it, huh."

I shake my head and fix my focus onto the T.V.; an attempt to stop crying, and it works. I wipe them away from my cheeks.

It's the episode where Rachel and Ross are fighting about whether or not they were on a break. They were, and that's a fact. I think about how I would react if Alex would ever say that he wants a break. I would be too distraught to go out and sleep with another person, and that's something I hate about Ross. Does he not care enough about Rachel to easily be able to move onto the next person, no matter how angry he was or if it was just sex? He should have known that it would hurt her, thinking they were broken up or not. I mean, it was the same day.

Although it wouldn't be a proper break up, I'd still break inside if Alex and I went on a break.

Wanting to steer my mind away from such thoughts, I get my phone out of my pocket. I have no texts from Alex. I don't want to message first because I don't want to piss him off further or to have another fight. I'm ready to make up now, but I don't know if he is. I think it's best to give him some space and maybe message him in the morning if he doesn't message first tonight.

My phone pings with a text, but it's only Kenzie.

Not only a second later, she's facetiming me.

I get up front the sofa, but before I can leave the room, Sofia calls over to me, "Matty?" I turn around. "Is it alright if you drive me to my doctor's appointment tomorrow? Luca has the car and won't be back until tomorrow afternoon."

"Of course," I say. "Didn't you tell him that you had the appointment?"

"No, I forgot. Baby brain," She responds, rolling her eyes at herself. "Go have your facetime call, you're making the girl wait."

Frowning, I worry about what this would be like when she does have the baby—sharing a car, I mean. She doesn't have the money to buy one for herself as the job that she does have doesn't pay enough to allow her to afford a car along with all the expenses that come with having a child.

Regardless, I obey her orders and answer the call. As soon as it's connected, Kenzie is asking me if I'm alright. I tell her to wait a little until I get to my room. I sprint up the two flights stairs and I finally reach it. Once I'm on my bed, I set my phone up and answer her question.

"I don't know. No? We've never fought before, I don't know what to expect," I say. I've only stopped crying, I don't want to start up again. I'm way too emotional all the time and it's frustrating.

"Have you been crying?" Kenzie questions, putting down her nail polish from where she's been painting her toenails black. She sits up as I nod solemnly, feeling the sting of it come back. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry you had this fight. Do you want to talk about it?"

I agree and tell her everything because I think I do need advise right now. I'm clueless. I didn't tell Sofia because I don't want her to worry over my problems when she's pregnant and keeps having to deal with me all the time anyway. She needs a break.

Kenzie doesn't speak until she knows that I've finished ranting, only making sounds of disappointment, agreement or surprise now and then.

"I don't think you need to worry as it's an easy fight to resolve. I think your problem was that you both of you didn't hear each other out and spent your time trying to dismiss each other like the other was wrong. Both of you had valid points. It wasn't your intention and you were only being friendly, Alex should understand and trust you on that, but he sees things different than you do. He can't read your mind, and, in the moment, it looked like flirting and he got hurt because he loves you a lot. His way of dealing with things is through anger. I don't really know what's he's going through, but he did say something about his dad having a bit of anger issues, I'm not sure, but maybe he inherited it through that. He's bound to get little jealous about some things, like I expect you would. I know you love him a lot too. It was only a petty argument, and it's normal for couples to argue sometimes, as long as you don't fight often. You've been together, what? Three months? And now is when you argue when you've never come near to a small disagreement? It was inevitable. You'll be OK."

I give her a small smile of appreciation and then sigh, "What should I do? Should I text him now or wait for him to text me, or maybe go straight to calling him? Or should I wait until tomorrow to sort it out face to face? Is that better?"

"Send him a small I'm sorry message and wish him a goodnight to let him know that you're not still pissed off at him, but leave any proper talk until tomorrow. New day, new feelings, you know? You'll know how he's feeling right now with his reply or...lack thereof. Then, in the morning, go to his apartment, have a talk with him, forgive each other, then let him fuck you against the wall. Everything will be fine."

"Why against the wall?" I question, puzzled.

"I don't know. He seems strong enough to pick you up." Kenzie shrugs, resuming with her toenail painting. I have no idea how she can focus on that while talking at the same time. I can't even talk with Alex while we're showering or I lose focus on the shampooing that I'm supposed to be doing.

"Oh, I was imagining—" I stop myself from carrying on. "Why am I talking about this?"

"Because you're horny," She giggles, and then she groans with annoyance when she accidentally gets polish on her skin. She puts the pot down and looks at me through the screen. "I won't keep you up, we'll talk about summer plans tomorrow when everything's OK again. Get some sleep. Gather your energy for getting fucked against the wall."

"Hate you," I joke.

"Hate you too." Kenzie sticks her tongue out at me. "Seriously, have a nice sleep. You'll feel better in the morning, and remember that I'm only a text away."

"Yeah, thank you. Goodnight."

As soon the call ends, I text my boyfriend.

Twenty minutes later, after I've had a shower, brushed my teeth, and got into bed, I still have no reply, and I don't blame him.

It's weird not having Alex next to me in bed. I've gotten so used to him cuddling me to sleep, and I keep reaching over to him, only to be reminded that he's not there, and neither is a response to my texts. After a while of not being able to sleep, I lie facing the side of the bed that Alex usually sleeps on, the left side, wishing that this had never happened. I just feel a bit empty now. Alex isn't here to fill that.

I don't know when, but I do eventually fall asleep.

I wake up to Sofia telling me that I have to drive her to her appointment and that if I don't get up now, she'll miss it. I grumpily get out of bed after she leaves the room, change my underwear and shirt, pull on a pair of jeans, and brush my teeth. Then, I'm downstairs and we're out of the door.

I wait in the car as Sofia goes in for the appointment.

To pass the time, I listen to an audiobook of a book that I'm supposed to read for my summer reading. I'm twenty minutes through when I get interrupted by a call. Looking at the caller ID, I see that it isn't one that is in my contacts, but I answer it anyway. I'm expecting a parcel, so I assume it's about that.

"Hey." Right off the bat, I can tell it's Alex from one word.

"Alex? Whose phone are you using?"

He lets out an audible sigh, "Thank God I got your number correct. I know you're mad at me right now, and I'm so, so sorry, but I did something stupid and I know you're going to be pissed at me for it."

My heart drops to my feet. He did something stupid? What is he trying to say?

"What did you do?" I ask hesitantly, not knowing what the hell to expect. He didn't cheat, I know that for sure. I trust him with all my heart.

He coughs awkwardly, "I kind of had to spend the night at the police station."

My eyes widen with alarm, "What! Why?"

He has a criminal record which consists of drunk and disorderly conduct, anti-social behaviour, drug possession (only a small bit of weed which I thought was so stupid. It's weed, not heroin); small things, none of which he had to spend time in a juvie for, being sorted via fines and community service. But even though he has that, he's changed so much since we got together. I never would have expected him to be taken in by the police again.

"I got drunk and met up with some friends, and there was one guy there that I got into a physical fight with. There was an undercover police car parked near by, so they took us in and we both had to stay the night. The other guy got charged with drunk and disorderly, but they decided to let me off with a warning on the basis of my family situation. I had a known motive to get drunk or something."

"Why did you decide to get drunk?" I question. I know he most likely did it to deal with our fight, but that's downright foolish of him. I thought he was past this. If he was feeling so bad as to get drunk, he should have just called me to sort it out.

"Can we talk about this in person? I'm on limited time. I have to have an adult come and pick me up, so I was calling to see if you could get Sofia to come. I'm really sorry."

"She's at a doctors appointment right now, but she should be out soon—" I pause when I spot her walking out of the hospital doors. "Wait, I can see her. We'll be there as soon as we can."

"Thank you so much." He pauses and I can hear his breathing. "I love you."

"You too," I say, and end the call, feeling wholly disappointed.

Sofia soon reaches the car and gets in, asking who I was on the phone with. I tell her about the call, to which she immediately agrees to collect Alex, even though she is annoyed at him for upsetting me.

The police station isn't too far from the hospital, so we get there moderately quickly. When I'm parked, Sofia is promptly out the car and on her way to collect Alex after making sure that she has her ID on her. I don't have to wait long before my sister and a disgruntled, visibly wounded Alex are walking out of the building. Sofia gets back into the front while Alex takes the back seat. I don't say anything and immediately pull out of the parking space.

"Alright, dickhead, you've got some explaining to do," Sofia starts, turning around to face Alex as best as she can with her belly. I can see Alex's guilty expression through the rear view mirror. I do feel annoyed, definitely, but I also feel bad for him, in a way. He thought getting drunk was a good way to deal with his emotions—I'm assuming that's why he got intoxicated.

"Sofia, please don't," I request. She gives me a skeptical look, but respects my wishes anyway, leaving him alone.

No one talks for the rest of the journey. I drop Sofia off at home, wanting to go to Alex's apartment so we can talk, but I don't drive off when I realise that Alex is not making any move to transition from the back to the front seat.

"Are you going to stay in the back and mope, or are you going to come and sit in the front?" I say, looking at him through the rear view mirror. He looks up at me with a culpable, downcast expression that makes me want to cuddle him and apologise. I suddenly don't feel disappointed anymore. I just want to comfort him.

Hesitantly, as if he's doing something he's not supposed to, he undoes his seatbelt and gets out the car to come and sit in the passenger seat next to me.

"You said on the phone that you thought I was still mad. Did you not get my texts?" I ask him once we're on the road. I thought my texts made it clear that there were no hard feelings on my end.

"No, I forgot my phone when I went out. Wasn't such an important thing to remember at the time," He responds. Oh. Makes sense as to why he didn't respond, then. "What did the texts say?"

"I said I'm sorry, I love you, goodnight."

"I love you too," He whispers, like he's suddenly shy with me; cautious.

A small smile plays on my lips. Everything is OK. Alex isn't mad any more, and neither am I. Oh thank the holy Heavens above for that. I wonder what made him change his mind about being pissed off at me supposedly flirting. We haven't talked since I stormed out of his apartment. Maybe he felt the same way I did, or he just came to his senses and believes me now. I won't ask yet, just in case.

We fall silent until we get to the apartment building. Alex's head is hung shamefully as we stand in the lift, his hands buried in the pockets of his jeans. He feels ashamed. But what for? Getting drunk? Having a physical fight? Having to stay at a police station for a night? Our argument? All of the above?

I reach over and pull a hand from his pocket, holding it in mine. He momentarily looks at me in surprise, and then he relaxes, bringing my hand up to kiss. I guess he doesn't think I've forgiven him. Didn't me telling him what my texts said say enough?

"I'm not mad anymore, Alex," I tell him. "I forgive you for getting mad. Do you forgive me?"

Alex isn't given a chance to give a reply as the doors open, the elevator voice telling us that the doors are opening and the floor that we're on. We quickly exit, and we're swiftly by his apartment, him unlocking the door. He holds it open for me to go in before him.

"I'm sorry," Alex begins as soon as he's closed the door. "It came across as flirting to me at the time, and I got scared because I'm protective of you and I don't want anyone else thinking they can have you, and I know you might not like that, but that's just how I am. I love you, and I should have trusted you when you said that you weren't flirting, and left it there. I do trust that you won't cheat. I said that last night. I do very much."

"I know, and like I said, I forgive you. I'm sorry for making it look like I was flirting," I apologise. I've never had to apologise to Alex before. We seemed like this perfect couple who never disagreed on anything. I suppose no couples can be perfect, just like Kenzie said. "I don't want to know what the fight was about and who with, I just want to know why you decided to go out and get drunk."

"Because without you to calm me, I didn't know how else to deal with my