"I can't believe you guys convinced me to do this." I was standing in front of Marcus's prized Audi with a can of spray paint in my hand.

"Well, you haven't started writing yet, we are waiting." Kenji stood next to me.

"What do I even write?"

"Come on you are a smart girl with a vast vocabulary. I can think of a few words to describe Marcus just to get you started, Asshole, Dipshit, Jackass, Dickhead. You get the point." Warner chimes in from the other side of me.

I think back to all of the horrible things Marcus did to me throughout high school from breaking my chair at that pool party to the constant taunts and insults he threw at me. I thought of how once he started dating Sierra he only become crueller. That's all I needed to think about for me to start spray painting some choice words on his car. His prized possession.

I stood back when my work was done and smiled proudly. Kenji and Warner stood on either side of me just as proud. We ran back to the car in a fit of giggles like the criminals we were. I never knew breaking the law could be so fun.

"Can I just say you look very hot getting revenge. The sight of you spray painting and keying cars in that dress does something to me." Warner starts driving down the road but his gaze flicks to me.

"Well thank you. It's good to know I make a hot criminal."

I drop my voice to a whisper just in case Kenji might hear "I should let you know I did it all without wearing any underwear."

Warner's head snaps towards me at my confession. He stops at a red light and his gaze drifts down to the bottom of my dress.

"Don't do this to me." He groans.

"Don't do what?" Kenji pops his head in between the passenger and driver's seat.

"Nothing" we both answer in unison. Then we look at each other and burst out laughing.

"Ugh, If I am going to third wheel you two the least you could do is let me in on the joke." He pouts.

I ignore his pouts, I doubted he wanted to know I wasn't wearing any underwear. Instead, I change the topic back to revenge and ask "Who's next?"

This earns an approving look from both guys.

"Oh, I have a long list of people that were mean to you and I plan to visit every single one of them." Warner's hand tightens on the steering wheel and the other is on my knee with a reassuring squeeze.

I look at him and my heart squeezes. Warner genuinely wanted to do this, he wanted to make these people pay just for hurting me. I felt so appreciative of him, I didn't deserve him. The smile on his face was enough to make me want to grab him and kiss him all over. I had never had someone do anything like this for me.

"Juliet stop looking at me like that or I will have to do something about it. And poor Kenji will have to be kicked out of the car so I can do what I want to."

I smirk and bite my lip but look away because I don't want our crime spree to end. I want to make my bullies pay.

_______

It was 5 am when we finish our crime spree and start driving back to Warner's house.

"This was the most fun I've had in a long time," Kenji mumbles, his eyes were closed and he was sprawled across the backseat. Two seconds later he let out a snore, the man was already asleep.

Once we put him to bed in one of the many guest rooms, Warner and I head to his room. I had not seen his room since I was a kid, and his taste was very different back then. This room was mature, it had barely any décor. A big king-size four-pollster bed sat in the middle of the room with black silk sheets.

His dresser was the only thing with any sort of knickknacks on it. It had a few framed photos, the first a photo of Warner and his mom. For the second photo I had to do a double-take because I was shocked, I had somehow made it into the limited photos in his bare room. I was sandwiched between Kenji and Warner aged 10. The three of us were sitting on a tire swing, ice cream cones in each of our hands. I had seen this photo before at my own house in an album but a detail I never noticed was Warner's other hand was holding mine. My chubby little fingers were entwined with his and I smiled to myself.

"Are you done snooping?" he asks, and I jump. He held out one of his t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants, both would be huge on me but I didn't have any other options unless I slept naked which he already told me I was free to do.

"You were snooping in my room earlier today I was only returning the favour."

He did see me practically naked hours earlier but that was different, I was so caught up with what Warner was doing to me I didn't think about the way my body looked. But now standing in front of him, in his room I was back to being scared.

My cheeks went pink as I thought about what went on in that bedroom. I study the intricate threads of the finely woven carpet under my feet, heading to his bathroom to change. His t-shirt falls off my shoulder and the sweatpants are basically falling off me.

I step out back into Warner's room and gesture to the pants. "If I let go, they will fall down."

"Those are the smallest pair of pants I have, but I don't think I would be able to control myself knowing you were in my bed wearing my t-shirt and no underwear."

"Who said I wanted you to control yourself?" I smirk at him, and he clenches his jaw eying my body like I was wearing nothing.

Warner's hands slip around my waist and he pulls me close. I'm moulded to the shape of his silhouette; his hands are circling my waist and his cheek is pressed against my head. "You have no idea how much I've thought about this. How many times I've dreamt—" he takes a tight breath "How many times I've dreamt about being this close to you."

I'm blushing everywhere I can hardly find the strength to meet his gaze. He looks at me with so much emotion I nearly crack in half. I don't deserve this man standing in front of me.

"You have me now. I'm yours." I smile at him.

He's kissing me. Once, twice, until I've had a taste and realize I'll never have enough. He's everywhere up my back and over my arms and suddenly he's kissing me harder, deeper with a fervent need I've never known before. He breaks for air only to bury his lips in my neck, along my collarbone, up to my chin and cheeks and I'm gasping for oxygen and he's destroying me with his hands.

When I am around Warner, he makes me feel loved. I forget my self-loathing, and even though I know it will return I realize he is kissing away the pain, the hurt, the years of self-loathing and the insecurities. He's lighting me on fire, burning away the anguish that poisons me every single day.

He touches my cheek, touches my lips, touches the tip of my chin and I blink and he's kissing me, he's pulling me into his arms and into the air and somehow, we're on the bed and tangled in each other and I'm drugged with emotion, drugged by each tender moment. His fingers skim my shoulder, trail down my silhouette, and rest at my hips. He pulls me closer, whispers my name, and drops kisses down my throat. His hands are shaking so slightly, his eyes brimming with feeling and I want to live here, in his arms, in his eyes for the rest of my life.

Until I remember that I can't and that reality awaits me outside of this bed. I pull back from his lips and rest my head on his chest which is hammering away. I close my eyes hoping to keep my thoughts happy but all I can think about is the possibility of losing him.

I have never had someone look at me the way Warner does, I have never had someone tell me they care about me the way he does. I didn't know my father, he left when I was too young to remember, and my mom had never shown me, proper love. My high school experience was anything but pleasant. I felt like nobody would ever love me and here I was in Warner's arms. I felt loved and appreciated...worshipped even.

I try to remember how to speak, but I'm too focused on the fingers he's running down my thighs to form sentences. The possibility of losing him was something I didn't want to imagine. This is exactly why I didn't want to get close to him. I was a mess, I hated myself and because of that, I had no idea how to care for someone else. I relied on him too much, if I wanted to get better it had to be because I wanted to, not for him.

I allow my hands to slip up under his shirt and feel him stiffen, and swallow. I trace the perfectly sculpted lines of his body. He's nothing but lean muscle. "Thank you" I whisper.

"For what?" his voice is hoarse.

"For today, for these past months. For saying the things you do and for trashing people's houses and cars with me. That you're willing to do all that for me." I look up at him.

He smiles a small smile. His lips twitch like he's trying not to laugh. His eyes soften as they study my own. "There's very little I wouldn't do for you."

I wonder if he knows he's holding my heart in his hand. I take a shaky breath.

I bury my face in his chest and he pulls me tight. I trail my fingers down his naked back and feel the muscles tense under my touch. I rest my hand on the waist of his sweatpants. "I meant it you know."

His heart was a beat too fast. "Meant what?"

"I never asked you to control yourself." I know nothing about what I'm venturing into. All I know is I don't want anyone's hands on me but his. Forever.

He's staring at me, his chest rising and falling a few times a second. He seems almost numb with disbelief. But I just close my eyes and snuggle close to him enjoying being in his arms.

I fall asleep in Warner's arms with a smile on my face.

________

Warner drops me off at my mom's the next morning but slips something into my hand before we part ways. I wait until I'm in my room before I look at the piece of paper in my hand. When I do look at it, I see a phone number written down with a name next to it. I searched up the name and number on my laptop and see it's the contact for an eating disorder therapist in the area.

I wanted to tear up the piece of paper and throw it in my garbage bin, but I didn't. Instead, I tucked it into my desk drawer. My phone pings interrupting my thoughts.

Hey, want to meet up today? There is a new cute café downtown we could study at! – Maggie

I smile at my phone. This was the perfect distraction, I hated being alone because that was when I had time to think. Which turned into overthinking, which turned into a self-loathing spiral.

Yes, I am so Down! Want to meet in an hour? – Juliet

After showering and changing into a knit sweater and some flared leggings I brushed my hair and put it in a high ponytail. When I started brushing it I felt more hair coming out than normal. I looked down at my hand and there was a whole clump of hair in it. That can't be normal.

Luckily, I had hair to spare. I grabbed my mom's car keys and headed out. She was at some yoga retreat today, so I wasn't bothered by her morning juicing or forced into any workout classes.

I got into the car and thought about how it might be nice to talk to a professional about the things my mom says and does. Even if I don't want help, maybe I could just use the therapist to rant?

When I pull into the parking lot, I started feeling nervous. I hadn't seen Maggie since graduation, what if we didn't get along anymore? I mentally slapped myself. Stop it, Juliet. Pull it together.

A few minutes later I was in the café and scanning the room. Maggie was in the farthest booth typing away at her laptop. She looked the exact same as the last time I saw her. She was stunning with beautiful tan skin, dark brown eyes and long thick black hair I was always envious of. Mine was long but full of split ends and falling out, hers always looked so silky and smooth. She was tapping away and didn't even notice me until I stood right in front of her.

"Maggie!" I squeal practically tackling her into the booth. All of my stress and worries were gone once I saw her.

"Oh my god Juliet, I barely recognize you!" she squealed back wrapping her arms around me and returning the embrace.

After a minute of hugging, I slid into the booth across from her and put down my books. We just kept grinning at each other.

"How are you? How is University? You need to tell me everything?" I practically slam down her laptop trying to get her to give me details about her life.

After an hour of straight gossiping, I learn that Maggie has three different male suitors all in the Biomedical Science program with her and she never has to pay for morning coffee because each day one of them brings her one. "It's basically like a real-life bachelorette moment!" I squeal.

I was so happy for her, the guys in our high school never gave Maggie the attention she deserved Probably because she was friends with me but also because she was way too good for them, she didn't give them the time of day. School always came first for her. I used to say the same thing but it was only because nobody was interested in me, so I had no choice.

"Since we are speaking about our love life. Is there anything you would like to admit?" Maggie asks me but she has a look in her eye like she already knows.

"I may or may not be seeing Warner Brooks" I clench my teeth and wait for the yelling to start. For her to say I'm an idiot and how I moved to a whole new city and somehow pick the guy from our town. A guy who is a known ass. But she doesn't say any of that. She just smiles at me.

"I like him," I admit without looking Maggie in the eye. "He's not the person we thought he was. Everything he's ever done to me was because..."

"He liked you because he's always liked you." She says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

I gape at her for a few seconds, "You knew? How long have you known?

"We all knew Juliet. From the first day of elementary school to now, everyone's known. We just thought we'd let you two figure things out on your own." She shrugs

Huh.

Am I really as oblivious as I feel right now?

"Well, I couldn't tell you at the time because he told me not to but..."

"What!?" I demand

"Warner used to do a lot for you in high school. I would have told you, but he swore me to secrecy. But yeah, I guess it wasn't a matter of if anything would happen between you two but when. He just needed to grow some balls."

I can't even form words for a few seconds. My mind is reeling. "I'm sorry what?" I stammer out.

"Please don't be mad at me! You would always complain about him, and I knew if I tried to defend him you would freak out!"

"What did he do? Why didn't he say anything? God, I need a shot of something strong"

"It's 11 am"

"Don't judge me"

"Okay well remember how many fights he used to get into? Well, 90 percent of those fights were defending you. Like, remember that pool party at his house. Where they unscrewed your chair so you would break it?"

I cringed. Yes of course I remembered it. It still haunted me.

"Warner found out Marcus was the one who did it and that's why he fought him that night. He actually had to be physically pulled off him. He was hitting him with the pool chair pieces that broke."

I didn't know what to think or say.

"Or remember that exchange student who said you looked good in red? That note that you talked about for like an entire year after? That was Warner."

"What?" I sputter. "How do you know all this?"

"Well," she looks guilty "He used to text me about you. Sometimes checking in on you and then sometimes to do things for you that he would tell me to take credit for."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"He told me not to! Warner was scary, and even though he had a soft spot for you I knew if I told you he might go all scary bad boy on me!"

"And what did you take credit for?" I was rethinking our entire friendship.

"No Juliet it's not like that. You were still my best friend. I wasn't being your friend for Warner's sake. It was just little things like sometimes after your debate competitions when I gave you flowers...well those were from Warner."

I don't say anything. I am still trying to take it all in. I spent those years hating Warner and complaining about him and here he was doing all of this stuff behind the scenes. Why didn't he say anything? If not then, then why not now?

"Please don't be mad at me J"

I covered her hand with mine "Oh my gosh I'm not mad at you Maggie. I understand why you didn't tell me. I love you; you were an amazing friend. Even if you didn't buy me those flowers." I smile at her and she squeezes my hand.

We spent the rest of our time together without mentioning Warner but I couldn't help but drift back to what she said in-between topics.

I guess I know what he meant when he said I had no idea what he did for me.

______

I drove home after seeing Maggie and as soon as I was parked in the driveway I was typing Warner's name into my phone. Hearing Maggie tell me all of the things he did for me when we weren't even friends made my heart swell. I needed to talk to him, I needed to tell him how much he meant to me.

I walk into the kitchen about to call but a notification stops me from calling him.

I was tagged in a post by Sierra on Instagram. My heart drops. No.No.No

This couldn't be happening. I click on the notification and when I was brought to the post I feel sick. My skin is cold-sweat, my fingers trembling with disgust, my legs unable to withstand the weight of me.

There was a scroll of photos of me as Jiggly Juliet. Photos of me at my heaviest, my acne at its worst and the year I had my horrible braces. I wanted to be sick. This was an entire scroll of the worst photos Sierra had ever taken of me.

Thought I would give you everyone an early Christmas gift! @JulietMatthews 

Everyone was tagged including all of the new friends I made, the cheer team, the soccer team. There were all going to see these. There were already comments underneath the photos.

Each comment I read was a punch to the stomach. I recognized Marko from the soccer team's username in the comment section and I taste bile in the back of my throat.

That's actually nasty – Marko_872

I bet she still has that muffin top under that cheer uniform – Ainsley97

This is what @JulietMatthews looks like without makeup – Emily98

I break.

I'm on my knees, my body cracking from the pain I've swallowed so many times, heaving with sobs I can no longer suppress, my dignity dissolving in my tears, the agony of this past year ripping my skin to shreds.

My phone is ringing, but I can't answer it. This is exactly what I was afraid of, I should've known people would find out how disgusting I really was.

I can't even breathe.