The first week of class hasn't even happened yet and I am already behind on my assigned readings. I wasn't used to having to balance a social life and school. It is way harder than I thought it would be.

The only time I have fallen this far behind in homework was in high school when I first discovered the Sims 3 and got totally addicted. I played it for a month straight and embarrassingly created Warner on it and had us 'woohoo' a lot. Honestly, it is times like those I look back and think I totally deserved to be bullied. I was way too weird.

Thinking about Sims kind of makes me want to play so I start up my laptop and start creating a family. I am interrupted from my game because Abby barges through my door. I slam my laptop shut immediately.

"God you look guilty, what were you looking at? Porn?" she asks me, eyebrows raised.

"Yes, totally lots of porn" I laugh knowing the truth was way worse to a girl like Abby. Maybe she was a closet Sims fan too but I couldn't risk asking.

"It's Friday night. I don't care how you celebrate! But I do care that we look HOT for tonight. We have been here a week and neither of us has even kissed a boy...I consider us failures. I mean look at us! We are too hot for our lips to be this lonely" she dramatically flops onto my bed and I flop next to her.

The soccer team's annual freshman party Warner banned me from is tonight and Abby is dying to go. The entire cheer team was going and it was the night that all the freshmen would be hunted by some upperclassman athletes. 

 Should I tell her that Warner told me not to go? 

I want to have a friend that I can tell these things to but I am scared it might be used against me. Lying seems easier for now.

"You are right! We need to put on some hot outfits and get us some hot men." I grin at her and we start tearing through my wardrobe. 

I want to kiss boys. In fact, I am desperate to kiss a boy! I did not go through this whole transformation to stay a virgin. I was just scared...scared that I would be a bad kisser and still scared of a boy seeing my body. But I would not let stupid Warner succeed in casting me out here like he did in high school.

I mastered the art of hair and makeup over the summer so Abby has me do hers for the night. She even borrows one of my red crop tops before complaining she doesn't have the boobs to fill it out. That was a plus size of being an ex-fat girl, I had boobs and miraculously they stayed pretty big even after my weight loss.

I decide on a low-cut v bodysuit and a black skirt. It is quite revealing and after body checking in the mirror ten times, I want to change.

"Are you sure I don't look...wide?" I ask Abby and I regret it immediately because she looks shocked.

"Are you kidding me Juliet you were gifted with a goddamn Victoria secret model's body type please shut up." Her response makes me shut up. If only she knew that this body was not gifted, it has been abused and starved to get here.

"Here last time you were way too nervous you need a drink to loosen yourself up." Abby opens a bottle of tequila and hands me the bottle. I am not a drinker, I wasn't against it, I just haven't had many opportunities to drink prior to college.

I take a huge gulp and it burns going down my throat but a few minutes later I am already feeling better...looser. I think less about what I look like with the more drinks I have. I also think less about the fact that Warner went out of his way to tell me not to go to his team's party and I'm going anyways. Not only was I going but I was attending in the lowest cut top I could find.

We take an Uber to the soccer party but right when we get to the house luck is not on my side because Warner's car pulls onto the street right in front of us. He looks hot like always. He exits the car smoothly and runs his fingers through his hair. It falls messily over his forehead, making him look breathtakingly handsome. His muscles flex closing the car door and I notice a few girls step out from the backseat of his car. I tell myself I don't care but I find myself scanning his face for any sign of attraction toward these girls that aren't me.

God, I was pathetic. I needed to stop staring but right when I was about to look away he meets my gaze and his eyes trail down my body in a way they have never done before, drinking me in.

He snaps out of whatever trance he is in quickly and starts walking towards me, fuming. Right when he reaches me he firmly places his hand on the small of my back and pulls me towards him guiding me away from the crowd and a confused Abby.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Jules?" He whips around to face me, eyes blazing darkly, He looks wilder now looming over me, almost pressing me against him. I forgot he has such a dark side to him, an angry side.

"I'm not letting you bully me anymore Warner. I do whatever I want." The liquid courage makes it way easier to stand up to him but in all honesty, I am terrified.

"I am not bullying you, Jules, it is for your own good so stop being so stubborn and go back to the dorm. I will drive you now get in my car." He placed his hand on my lower back and starts guiding me back to his car even though I am putting up the best fight that I can. It would've been easier to stand my ground when I was heavier but Warner makes it seem like he is dragging along a small child.

My saving grace comes in the form of one of Warner's teammates. I noticed him from practices, he was a senior and looked at my legs a bit too long the last practice we had.

"Hey, I thought you said Juliet wouldn't be able to come tonight? You wanted to keep her all to yourself?" The guy asked with a playful smile and Warner stops in his tracks.

"She isn't feeling well." Warner is tense and I don't understand why.

"I feel fine!" I give my best flirty smile to the guy and to my surprise it actually works because he smiles back and walks down closer to us.

"Looks like she is fine! I will take it from here." he links my arm and takes me into the house. I am scared to look back at Warner because he can't be very happy. I don't feel bad though, he was already trying to ruin my college experience.

Abby was inside and looks happy to see me.

"Oh my god,  I thought Warner was going to murder you! What is going on between you two?" She is very drunk already and I want to catch up to forget Warner and his stupid muscles.

I ignore her question and turn toward the senior who guided me in. "So where can I get a shot around here?"

I asked the right question because he grabs my hand and guides me to a table with a whole array of different liquors. I grab a vodka bottle shaped like a skull because it looks fun and maybe the vodka won't taste as bad because the bottle is cool.

"My name is Marko by the way, now let's cheers to me getting fucked up with the hottest girl on the cheer team." His words take me by surprise. There is no way I am the hottest but I will take the f-boy compliment from him.

After the shot, I see Adam and he looks shocked to see me here. Not only that but he has the nerve to look perfect as usual, his hair is swept to the side and he smiles at me so I can see his cute little dimples.

"Juliet? I didn't think you were coming, this kind of thing isn't something you should-" I put my finger to his lips, shutting him up.

"God Adam, I thought you were different from Warner. Why is it so shocking that I want to go to a party?" I need to stop, Adam hasn't even done anything wrong I am just projecting. 

I need another shot.

"It's not that we don't want you here it's that we don't want you to be a part of the whole freshman thing."

I can't even ask him to elaborate because my brain is half functioning at this point. An arm slings around my shoulder and attached to it is a smiling Marko who hands me another drink. I pretend to have an interest in What's-His-Name's mind-numbing party chatter, but I can't stop looking at Warner who has made his way inside. Describing him doesn't do him justice—muscular build, towering height, dark hair. But there is something about the way he crosses the room like he is the most important person in it.

Warner is staring and was not trying to hide it. His eyes give nothing away except for when they flick to Markos' arm around me once. I need another shot to get away from Marko who is coming on a little too strong. I need to get my first kiss over with so I can't be picky but he just gives me bad vibes.

I make up an excuse and pour my own shot alone. Warner walks over and watches me take the shot but says nothing to me. He is talking to a girl but his eyes are on me. 

God, he is so annoying! Sure he hasn't actually said anything to me but he keeps looking at me! With his stupid perfect hair, beautiful eyes and flexing his stupid sculpted muscles.

Okay, I need to work on my insults.

"Do you have a staring problem?" I yell over to him and It looks like he is trying not to smile.

"I am just wondering who you are and what you did to the Jules I knew."

I guess It is shocking for him to see me like this. I hope I am less repulsive to him now. But he seems a bit sad about the revelation

"She is dead I killed her." 

After that interaction, I try to make myself hardly aware of Warner's eyes following my every movement.

I go to write down my shot in my phone's notes for calorie purposes...yes, I have a problem. But at this point, I start to lose count and when I lose count of my calories you know I am not okay. Right as I click on my notes app my phone dies and now I have really lost count.

"I just can't understand why the most eligible, hottest girl at the party is not being approached?" Marko's voice comes from beside me and I shrug, stumbling a bit. 

What did he mean by eligible? 

I am starting to think this night was more than just a party. I wish I had listened to Warner and not come.

Before I can answer him, Warner does. "Possibly because she has a few diseases, don't worry they are minor."

"He is JOKING" I emphasize but I am still pissed, he shouldn't say stuff like that around people who go to this school. God, he is such a cock block.

"Can you let me take you home now? Or do I need to explain your diseases to every single guy on the soccer team?" Warner's eyes are stern but playful and I know he will do it.

At this point, I am losing the ability to stand so I know I should go home but I don't want Warner to win. I stumble almost into him and I think that was the deciding factor that he is not giving me a choice anymore.

"Put this on you will thank me after." Warner hands me his leather jacket and 15-year-old Juliet screams a little inside. I am going to wear Warner Brooks jacket! The moment is ruined though because before I can blink, my whole body is in the air. 

Warner heaves me on his shoulder and suddenly I'm staring at the back of his T-shirt whilst my legs tangle over his broad chest.

I kick him. "Put me down!" Seriously!"

"No." His arm is like an iron vise around the back of my thighs.

"I mean it! I am not some toy you can fling around! I am a human being, and I have rights!"

All I get in response is a low chuckle.

"Jesus Christ! This is not how you treat a lady." I try to fight him but at this point, it is kind of comfy on his shoulder and he smells really good so I am kind of relaxed going back to his car.

"Well lucky for me you are not a lady." A grinning Warner puts me down next to his car and opens the passenger door for me.

"How do I know you haven't been drinking mister." I drunkenly fake a stern look and he lets out a laugh.

I decide that his laugh is one of my favourite sounds.

"I don't drink anymore Jules. I may still be an asshole like you said but I am a sober asshole." I step into his car and notice his car air freshener was my favourite bath and body works scent. I was obsessed with it since age 12, I had no idea Warner liked the same scent..maybe we had more in common than I thought.

I look around the car and it is surprisingly clean. No drug paraphernalia in the backseat, no girls' bras across the dashboard. Maybe he kept the bad stuff in the trunk.

We haven't left yet and when I glance back at Warner he is staring at me again. But this time with less anger and more curiosity. Probably wondering what I am searching for.

"I was evaluating your car. I thought it would be a lot messier with maybe some girls' underwear and condoms in the back." I have no filter with all the drinks I had tonight but he just smiles.

"I keep that in the trunk obviously." He is joking but it matches my theory.

Suddenly, I decide that I hate him for being nice to me. He is so hot and cold and he never wanted me at this party anyway. I can't forget how he made me feel growing up and I can't forget how much dirt he has on me.

I no longer want to be in this stupid car with him and I sure as hell don't want him feeling like my hero. I don't need him.

"Do you have a charger in here?" I snap, yanking my dead phone out of my back pocket and avoiding eye contact with him.

"Uh, yeah. Glove compartment" he says gesturing to the glove compartment as if I am too stupid to know where it is. I ruffle through it snorting when I find packs of condoms hidden in the bottom. 

Of course.

I silently plug the cord into the car and hook my phone up, waiting for the black screen to start back up. After my phone turns on and before I can unlock it, Warner's speakers start blasting Apologize by One Republic, the first song on my iTunes list. It is a song I downloaded in middle school but because it starts with A it always plays first. I am getting more aggravated by the second but no matter how many times I press the pause button the stupid song keeps playing and I want to scream.

I hear an amused chuckle next to me and whip my head around to see Warner smiling, clearly amused by the situation. "Are you trying to tell me something through song?"

I ignore him and concentrate on the song, ignoring the irony of the lyrics. But Warner instead pulls over onto the side of the road. He takes the keys out of the ignition and rests his head on the back of the seat sighing lowly.

"Jules I -"

"Just stop Warner. Please just leave me alone and take me home."

"Not until you tell me what's going on."

Does he seriously not understand why I might not like him? Does he really not know how he used to make me feel growing up?

"I guess I thought that if I changed that you might not treat me the same but I'm still Jiggly Juliet to you. You won't even let me go to your stupid soccer party." I press myself back into the seat and close my eyes to hide the tears that are threatening to come up.

He is silent. I don't feel bad for telling the truth.

My words hang in the air and his gaze is low on the road, not able to make eye contact with me while I reiterate the hurtful things he has done to me.

Silence nothing but silence. He isn't looking at me but he puts the keys back in the ignition and starts driving back to the dorms. The only emotion he gives is his grip on the wheel which is so tight his knuckles are white. To fill the deafening silence, I turn the volume all the way back up.

The lyrics don't do anything to help the emotionally fragile state I am in.

It's too late to apologize, it's too late

We pull into the parking lot and I hastily unplug my phone which finally stopped the music. I thought he would have said something and deep down I had hoped he would deny being embarrassed of me. But he doesn't say anything until I open the passenger door.

"Jules" His voice is low, tormented.

I find my voice although it is shakier than I would've liked "It's fine if you are embarrassed of me I get it. I won't try to go to your parties anymore."

My words cause him to tighten his jaw. He looks annoyed now as if I had said something to upset him.

"You really think that's what I think of you? You have no idea what I have done for you." He looks angry now and I don't get it. Obviously, that's what I think.

I don't answer and slam the car door behind me, he doesn't leave his car after I get out. I mean thank god he doesn't because it would have made my dramatic exit a lot less dramatic.

I text Abby to ensure she was okay before falling asleep in my room with my clothes still on including Warner's jacket.