There comes a point in your life, where you have to own up to who you are and what you feel. It's not always a conscious decision. Sometimes, internally, you are so fed up with yourself, that these feeling come rushing out all at once in an attempt to force you to deal with them.

That is my reality today.

Today sitting across from the man that I had once hoped to marry.

The man that I had, both intentionally and unintentionally, done so very wrong.

Watching him interact with and entertain our son.

It's strange. I think to myself.

It's strange the path life will take us on. It's strange to be sitting here in the present, with the past on constant replay in my head.

The "why's" picking today to bombard me with their presence.

Why were such lengths taken to keep me away from this man?

Why did I think keeping a child from his father was the best idea?

Why would I expose my child to people who wanted to separate Steph and I?

Why didn't I just talk to him before I made any decisions?

Those decisions had consequences, and I was not the one to suffer them.

So much time has passed. So many things have changed. And so many remain the same.

I am in love with Stephen.

I wonder, if I truly ever stopped loving him.

There was a time when I was angry at him. When I forced every thought of him out of my mind.

But love.......does it every truly die?

Stephen looks over at me just then, with both eyebrows raised. "You okay? What are you thinking about so hard over there?" He chuckles.

God. He is so...........perfect for me.
Do I tell him?

Is that where this is headed?

Is this internal monologue necessary, or should I just go ahead and open my mouth so that I might finally move on whether with him, or without?

"Can I talk to you outside for minute?" I question. "It'll be quick." I assure him after noting the look he sent after Bryan.

Stephen eases his large frame the cramped dining room chair, and walks behind me out of the french doors leading to the back porch.

I pull up the door just as he leans in closer to me to look into my eyes.

"What's wrong?" He searches my face for a hint of why I asked him out here.

Ugh. I know this is necessary and the adult thing to do, but I can't help but almost cringe at what I'm about to do.
Literally spilling my guts to my college sweetheart.

Barf.

"This might be very weird and very forward of me, but I'm just gonna come out and say it." I start my rambling, watching the confusion and concern increase across his features.

"Where, exactly do you see this," I gesture at two of us and then Bryan before continuing, "going? No pressure or anything, it's just inquiring minds want to know, and by inquiring minds I mean me."

He looks at me, eyes narrowed, before looking away back towards Bryan who we can both see through the glass of the porch doors.

"Where do you see it going?" he shoots back at me, almost refusing to meet my eyes now.

Ugh. Now I really do have carve my heart open and lay it out.

I take a deep breath to build my courage, and to keep the vertigo at bay.

"Well, I know that while we were both led to believe the worst about each other, you got the shorter end of the stick. I don't think I'll ever be able to apologize enough for not telling you about our son." I tell him, reaching for his hand.

He intertwines our fingers.

"Despite what I thought to be true all these years, I don't think I ever stopped having feelings for you Steph. And though the part of me that cringes from affection is literally telling me to abort mission right now," he laughs at the way my eyes widen, "I want to get to know you again. I want us to discover the things about us that may have changed over the years. I want us to rediscover the things that have stayed the same. I want us to be an "us". A family." He squeezes my hand as I continue.

"I know that's asking a lot from you, especially after all this, and what my mom orchestrated, but I'm asking you to consider it. Consider how happy we were. The dreams we shared. The life and the love we'd hoped to build." I tell him earnestly.

He looks at me for a moment longer before swallowing.

"I was angry for a long time" he admits. "I thought that what my father and some of his peers said was true. That you were only ever in it for the money." He shakes his head.

"I look back on it now, and Krys, its unfathomable to me that I believed them!" He tells me.
"How could I believe them, over what my heart was telling me. Why was I foolish enough to fall for their lies, and help them ruin us. Help them steal precious time from us!"

"It was different for you!" He continues. "There was concrete, visual, tangible evidence that they'd doctored against me. I imagine it must have been hard not to believe, with it staring you in the face. But me, I let peer pressure, I let my father expectations, your silence, and a seemingly cashed check convince me of your guilt." He tells me, tearfully.

"Even through all of that anger and ego, I still loved you Krys. Maybe what you feel for me isn't love anymore. Maybe we have to work our way there again, but I know what I feel for you, and what I've always felt for you." He looks searchingly in my eyes, and he wipes away tears from us both.

"I love you, and I want nothing more than to continue building this life, and this family with you."

______________________________________________________________________________

AN:

When you log on to Wattpad to re-reads story, and then remember that you never finished writing yours 🙃

Umm, how y'all been?

Adulting is terrible, 0/10 would not recommend

I'm hoping that this suffices as maybe an ending, maybe not

We'll see. I feel like there are definitely some things that need clarification, but I'll probably handle that chapter my chapter to make it more seamless.

Anywho, stay safe. Love u lots!