Krystina

"Ok, so you obviously glossed over some of the details about last night." Savannah says as we sit on the porch out back. "I'm still not sure I fully understand how Stephen ended up in the emergency room with a sprained ankle. Is Chuck-E-Cheese really that hardcore these days?"

"No." I laugh. "But Stephen got a little carried away. His subdued inner child decided to come out in full force. One minute he's playing the wack-a-mole with Bryan, and the next minute I feel as if I have two children, instead of just one." I say, sending her into a fit of laughter.

" Wow, " she says, after catching her breath. "It sounds like you guys had a really good time." She hints. "All of you. Together. Like a family. Domesticated." She continues, only stopping at the look I send her way.

She sends hers right back, followed by a "Well?".

"Yeah." I concede. "It was really great. Bryan really enjoyed himself. I don't think he stopped smiling at all last night. He even went to sleep with a cute little grin on his face." I tell her, sporting a grin of my own.

"So have you guys come to an agreement about a schedule?"

"You know, with everything going on, I think it's completely skipped both of our minds. I think right now he's happy just coming over and doing whatever we do. But yeah, we'll definitely have to talk about scheduling. I know there are going to be days when he'll want Bry all to himself. I've really gotta remember to do that. And hey, maybe it'll nice for me too. I'll have a bit of extra free time on my hands. I'll get a chance to go out more with people who aren't 4 and still being potty trained." We laugh.

"But enough about me, what we really need to talk about is your baby shower slash gender reveal party. My little niece, or nephew but hopefully niece, will be here very soon, and we've got to celebrate." I say, causing her to groan.

Every since I can remember, Sav has never been fond of planning parties, or anything really.

"Don't worry Sav." I tell her, trying not to laugh at her dramatics. "The girls and I will take care of everything."

And 10 days later, we do just that.

The party is in full swing with Sav opening gifts ranging from diapers, onesies, and a breast pump. My eyes have been glued to her for most of the day, as the party is mainly for her. But I can't help the way my eyes constantly search for Stephens, and the way his eyes are always filled with sadness when they collide with mine.

Not only is his behavior confusing, it's off putting since I have no idea what's causing it.

After 45 minutes, I'm sick of it, and when our gazes meet again, I gesture him to follow me onto the patio.

"Hey, is everything alright? You've seemed a bit down since the shower started." I greet him.

He's dressed no differently from the many other men here, but somehow the snug powder blue t-shirt and ash colored jeans look like they were made for only him.

"Yeah, no. I'm fine." He waves away his hands and tries to bullshït me, foolishly thinking that I'll take that for an answer.

I step towards him so that only a few inches of space separate us. "Are you really gonna try that on me, Steph?"

He looks down at me, and for a moment I see the light sheen of tears enter his eyes, before he blinks them away and lifts his eyes away from mine.

"Hey." I gently grasp his jaw, and bring his face back down to meet mine. "Just tell Me what's up. Talk to me, hun."

He sniffs, looking at war with himself, before finally releasing a tension filled breath.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know being here was going to affect me like this." He says, which only furthers my confusion.

Seeing this, he lets out another choked breath, and angrily runs his finger through his hair before continuing.

"I...." He stops. "I......I missed all of this." He says, clueing me in to what he's thinking about. "I missed you finding out you were pregnant. I missed his sonograms and ultrasounds. I missed his baby shower, his birth, his first laugh, first tooth, first birthday, everything." He says, obviously distraught. "I'm not.........I'm not mad at you, or blaming you. It just sucks that I'm seeing this all for Savannah, but I never got to see it with you and Bryan."

Though he says he doesn't blame me, I can't help the cloying feeling of guilt that suddenly overwhelms me. And I feel awful about the whole ordeal, all over again.

Stephen, still looking into my eyes, senses where my thoughts have gone, and furrows his eyebrows in determination.

"No." He says gruffly, grabbing my head between his warm hands, forcing my gaze to stay with his. "We are not doing that again. I've forgiven you, and we have moved on. No more guilt. No more regrets. Things happened the way they happened, and though it isn't ideal, there's no changing it. Only accepting it." He tells me, hoping the words can break through the wall of guilt surrounding me.
"That's why I didn't want to say anything. I'm trying to deal with, and come to terms with these things without involving you so heavily, because I know you're going to blame yourself. And that's only going to keep us stuck in the same place, and I don't want that. I need to mourn for the time I've lost, alone, so I can better cherish the time I have now. Ok? "

I'd rather deal with our issues concerning Bryan together, but if Stephen feels like he needs to deal with some of those issues alone, then I'll respect his wishes. Besides, I know he's right. And though we've been happily co-parenting these last few months, I know it still bothers him that he's missed out on so much.

I trust that if and when he wants or needs to involve me, he will. And that's all that matters.

Looking into his sincerity filled eyes, I agree.

"Ok".

_______________________________________________

I don't know what happened. Like, I really don't know.

We had to deal with back to back deaths and funerals, and we were out of town for a large chunk of the summer, and it completely discombobulated me.
I logged on today to read an update from one of my fav stories, and immediately felt bad for not updating. So I ate some cinnamon toast crunch, and cranked this baby out.

Hopefully, I'll be able to commit to updating once a month since my schedule this semester in significantly more lax than it has ever been.

Anyway, Jailey for life 💕💕.

10 votes before the next chapter. Ttyl, love you lots, and continually grateful for the support.