Chapter 159

Alina couldn't help but feel incredibly guilty with every passing moment she spent with Jesse, she was unsure why Lia didn't invite her friend, Raven, no- Ramona, she was having a wonderful time with Jesse but the fact that Lia was alone - well not alone, right now she was with Benji as they drew on Arden's face - but without her, she hated that they weren't, she needed her best friend back, she missed her terribly.

She pulled Jesse's shirt over her head, completely oblivious to his eyes raking her body, she wasn't uncomfortable in her body, she used to be, if she was being entirely truthful but she had learned how to love herself, and now she finally did.

She used to hate the way her thighs jiggled, or the fact that she couldn't walk in shorts for long without her thighs moving together, she would hate the way the stretch marks crawled over her hips and the way her stomach rounded out more than her sisters. She couldn't stand the fact that her arms jiggled when she ran, or that her wrists where smaller than her upper arms, or the fact that her collarbone was less prominent than what it could be, or the fact that her stretch marks indented her skin in small pink marks hidden under the clothes she wore.

But now, at fourteen, she couldn't say that anymore, she loved herself, and her body, she loved the way her thighs moved when she sat down, the way the stretch marks painted her body with colours, that she was a real, living, breathing human with indents and marks, and 'imperfections' that weren't truly imperfections but strokes of a brush painting her skin and she was the finished masterpiece.

She loved that her stomach was bigger, that her waist indented more prominently with the way her body was, the curve of her back to her bottom, she loved how Jesse's arms felt around her, and how he would whisper, "so bloody cuddly, love, never letting you go," not because she needed his approval, or that his word made her feel better about herself, but just that he was more than willing to accept her and the so called imperfections that he didn't see as imperfections either, in fact, he was completely and totally in love with her body as much as he was her mind.

Saying the word society seemed incredibly cliché, blaming society for the wrong doings of the world, but it was true, as a collective, humans tended to judge the minority, but they weren't exactly the minority, just because Alina's weight wasn't accepted as beautiful in society, didn't mean that it was going to stop her from being her beautiful self, because merlin, she was gorgeous inside and out, and she knew that, and she wouldn't let anyone stop her from being her best self.

"Alina," he whispered, watching her long lashes flutter as she lifted her head to stare at him, her hair tumbling down her back, her bare stomach only hidden behind the waist line of the shorts she had on, her eyes searching her room for another of Jesse's jumpers because the one she previously had on didn't smell like him anymore, and that's what she wanted more than the comfort, "come here, will you?"

Her eyebrows ever so slightly as she pushed herself over to her bed, climbing atop of it without so much as a word, her hand reaching for his, a smile falling onto his lips, "merlin, you are so beautiful."

"Oh, I know," she teased, giggling as she took his face in her hands, gnawing at her bottom lip when his hand slipped around her waist, "I uh, I haven't talked to Lia yet."

He sighed, nodding his head softly, "I know it's hard, baby girl, but you're best friends, and at some point, hopefully sooner than later, you're gonna have to apologise, as much as I love you, and I will always be on your side with everything, Lia didn't deserve that, and you know that too, and you know you have to apologise, and the worst that can happen is that she needs more time to forgive you, but she's your best friend, and she will forgive you at some point, she has to, you can't live without each other, merlin!"

"B-but what if she doesn't need me, and she can live without me, and she doesn't care about me anymore?" asked Alina, pain striking her stomach at the dreadful thought, "she has done a brilliant job at avoiding me this full time, and she's having so much fun with Benji- and yeah, her and Benji have always been close, but what if Benji has taken my place, what if I'm just an old memory to her, what if-"

He kissed her softly, "stop it, Alina, you need to stop thinking what if, and start finding out the truth, because you're just going to beat yourself up more and more with what could happen and not what will happen. I know for a fact that Lia needs you, and I know that you are distraught without her, and just because it took you a while to realise that she wasn't there anymore, that you drove her away with your absence, doesn't mean that she doesn't need you, she's probably hurting a whole lot without you to talk to, and the sooner you apologise, the sooner you'll be friends again!"

"You're not going to let me get out of this, are you?" she asked, playing with his fingers softly, a frown attacking her lips.

He sat himself up, pulling her into his lap, tracing his fingertips across her side, "of course not, your life is your life, Alina, but I'm not going to sit back and watch you drift away from your best friend, you need each other, and even I can see that, so unless you go see her, I'll carry you to her and make sure you apologise!"

She stared at him, her hand cupping his cheek, eyes boring into his, feeling his hand on her lower back perfectly, she couldn't shake the realisation from her head as she pressed her lips softly to his, bracing herself ever so slightly, and soon did she whisper, "merlin, I love you."

"I'm Jesse actually," he teased, "I'm sure Merlin is dead, actually."

"You ruined the moment, and I will never forgive you for that," she huffed, moving to push herself up when he pulled her back down, his eyes mixed with surprise, and love, and adoration.

"I love you too, I'm in love with you, and I've told you before and I'll tell you until the day I die, I am so fucking in love with you, Alina Hopkins," he whispered, his forehead against hers, one hand pushing her hair behind her ear, "I used to be the boy that chased girls, and bloody hell I chased you, and I kissed you that time in the closet during that bloody game and I just- something clicked inside of me, in my head, it was as though an explosion had gone off when your lips met mine, you were so confident and I was rambling, and that had never happened, I was so stupid and egotistical and you saw right through it.

You didn't crumble at my feet, or bat your eyelashes, and I'm not saying that didn't work for others, but it was different, and new and incredible to actually have someone who saw me as a person and not just as a pretty face, who was my friend before they even remotely showed interest, and that doesn't even scratch the surface as to why I love you."

Alina couldn't help the laugh that bubbled from her lips, soft, leaving behind a wide smile that she couldn't seem to wipe, softly running her hand through his hair, she whispered, "I don't have enough time in the day to tell you how much I love you."

-

"Hi," Alina whispered, leaning against the door of Alfie's old room, or well, Lia's room, she really did live here, basically, there was no denying that she was a member of the family. Lia's head lifted from the book on her lap, and soon did Benji jump up from the bed, pushing himself past his sister with a sheepish smile in her direction.

"I'm busy," Lia choked out, unable to hide her evident sadness as she followed Benji's lead, but instead of passing Alina, she pushed the door closed, almost getting far until Alina stopped her, "Alina, stop it!"

"I'm sorry!" Alina exclaimed helplessly, her eyes wide with sadness and frustration, she gripped Lia's hand when the blue haired girl stopped, seeing her eye Alina with pain in her eyes, "p-please talk to me."

"Oh no, you should really be getting back to Jesse, wouldn't want to interrupt your precious time together," Lia spat, roughly pulling her hand from Alina's grip.

"Jesse was the one that told me to apologise-" she cut herself off when she realised how bad it sounded, cringing when the look of disbelief struck Lia's features, "I didn't mean it like that-"

"I feel honoured, Alina, that the only way you actually pay attention to me is when your boyfriend tells you to," Lia shook her head with disbelief, "do you even realise why you need to apologise?!"

"Yes!" Alina sighed, running a hand through her hair, stepping further into the room, "I messed up, Lia, merlin I messed up terribly, I left you, I ignored you, I was a terrible friend to you and you have every right to hate me, but i-I need you, Lia, you're my best friend whether you like it or not, and selfishly I can't life without you, I'm so sorry, I swear, it took me far too long to realise that I was being a terrible friend, and I finally did and what I did was wrong and I will spend as much time as I need to making it up to you, I promise, but p-please don't hate me anymore, Lia, I need my best friend back, I need my Lia back!"

"I thought I did something wrong," Lia whispered, leaning against the wall, "you don't realise what it's like, Alina, my parents didn't want me, no one wanted me, and I finally found a best friend who wanted me, who loved me, who understood me, and who laughed with me when I needed it, and then you just left, I lost you just like that, just like I lost my parents, and I tried my hardest to keep our friendship going but it was excuse after excuse, and all I could think was, is this what it's going to be like my whole life? People leaving me when they find someone better? I-I don't want to live like that Alina."

Alina felt the tears rising in her eyes at what she had put her through, and soon did they spill, that she had put her best friend, her Lia through that type of pain, that she was the one to make Lia think that she wasn't good enough, when she was more than enough, she deserved the world, and Alina only gave her pain.

"I-I'm so sorry," Alina choked out, clasping her hand over her mouth, shaking her head, "I love you far too much to even think of what I put you through, Lia, I was blinded by the thought of a relationship, I wanted to spend all of my time with Jesse, and I didn't think of the consequences, I didn't think of you, I was selfish and a horrible person, and a horrible friend, and merlin, I shouldn't even be here, I don't deserve you, I'm so sorry Lia."

She took a deep breath, feeling the ache cross her chest, and soon did she turn around, she felt horrible, worse than she did before, hearing Lia speak of what she felt, it made Alina feel like a complete monster, but soon did she feel a hand grab her arm, turning her suddenly, and soon was Lia's arms thrown around her.

"Oh, you're such a bloody drama queen," Lia whispered as she hugged her, tightening her grip on her best friend, "I missed you so much you idiot!"

Alina couldn't help the laugh that fell through her tears as she wrapped her arms tightly around Lia, "oh merlin, I missed you too, I missed your stupid insults!"

"I missed your stupid face," Lia mumbled, and soon did the both of them burst into a fit of giggles as they moved to look at each other, hands tightly around each other's, "look at us."

"We're such messes," Alina breathed out, shaking her head, "so tell me, Lia...Ramona, huh?"

"Oh, shut up," Lia mumbled quietly, blushing evidently as she stared up at the girl that was irritatingly younger than her, but much taller.

"I was merely asking a simple question about your future wife," Alina smirked, wiggling her eyebrows and jumping out of the way when Lia moved to whack her.

"Leave the matchmaking to Adria!"

"Oh, have you already asked for her help?!"

"Shut up!"