And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

The first thing I saw when I got out of the shower were both my parents on my bed.

It was such a weird occurrence because first of all, I had never seen them in the same place ever since my Grams passed away. If they were in the same room, they'd be screaming at each other things I'd rather not repeat. Second, they had the most disappointed look on their faces, making me think of the things I did in the past.

"Katherine Belle Solace," Mom started off begrudging, her forehead creased in thought. "What is this doing in your pocket?"

She then raised up the pack of cigarettes I stole from Ryder, and I winced. Before I could even explain my side, Dad began to speak.

"Look, we just wanna tell you we're not mad at you," he said in a surprisingly calm voice. "We just want to know why you started smoking."

"Is it because you're upset with us arguing?" Mom implored, a deep frown embedded on her face. "I know your father and I have been fighting so much lately that it's not healthy for you guys to hear anymore."

"What, so you guys are going to file a divorce?" I asked in a panicked tone. "What will happen to us, then? Who will be with Mom, who will be with Dad? Who's going to stay in this house? Am I not going to live with Karl and Kaden anymore? What's gonna happen—"

"What are you talking about?" Dad cut me off, an amused half-smile spreading on his lips. "We're not breaking up!"

"Heaven's no," Mom agreed, shaking her head as Dad intertwined their fingers. "We would never break up. We may have fought a lot, but we love each other dearly."

"That's what we wanted to talk about, actually," Dad said. "We wanted to apologize to you, Karl, and Kaden. We already talked to Karl earlier, now it's your turn."

"We're sorry that you guys were caught up in the middle of our whirlwind," Mom apologized, sincerity evident in her brown eyes. "We're sorry that we got too caught up with our pride and anger that we forgot to take care of you guys, too."

"When we found your cigarettes, your mom and I talked about everything like two actual adults," Dad admitted and glanced at Mom affectionately. "We're reminded of why we were married in the first place, why we even thought about having a family. So now, we're going to be better parents. We promise."

I didn't care that they thought I actually smoked a cigarette, or even thought I could do it. All I cared about was that they became okay because of it, so me looking rebellious was the least of my problems. Overwhelmed of happiness that they weren't going to argue anymore, I ran to them and threw my arms around them like a little girl. They chuckled at my childishness but hugged me back, nevertheless. In spite of everything bad that was happening to me, I was thankful for this moment.

"You have to promise never to smoke ever again though." Mom ordered sternly, raising up an eyebrow.

"I never even smoked," I admitted sheepishly, making the both of them sigh in relief. "It was just there in pocket."

Dad grinned and ruffled my hair. "That's my girl."

They stayed in my room for a while, asking me to fill them up about what was happening in my life. I told them that my life was pretty uneventful, which was a complete lie. I mean, I used to tell them everything, but what would they say if I told them I was purposely breaking hearts? They'd blame themselves for my own doing, and I didn't want them to worry anymore.

When they left, I felt as if my energy and stability left me, too. I crashed on my bed, staring at the sunflower covered ceiling. It only reminded me of Zachary, so I closed my eyes, hoping not to see him anymore. Instead, the memories of Ryder begging me to love him, Theodore touching me, messing around with Brett, and Zachary being confusing as fuck came swirling in my mind, making my head hurt.

I opened my eyes and pulled my phone out, not wanting to think anymore. I browsed through my contacts and I know I could have called Zoe, Jade, or even my brother, but somehow, I felt the strong urge to call Zachary. I hovered over the call button for a few seconds before finally pressing it, my heart beating excessively.

After two rings, he picked it up.

"Katherine?" he greeted huskily.

"Did I wake you up?" I asked nervously and checked the time to see it was almost 12 a.m. "I'm sorry, I'll just—"

"No, it's fine," he cut me off almost immediately. "What is it? Is there something wrong?"

"I did it," I whispered as I lied flat on my bed, staring at the sunflowers on my ceiling. "I think I broke Ryder's heart."

He hummed. "What do you feel about that?"

"I feel like shit," I admitted, biting my lip. "Initially, I would have been glad. I mean, I finally got the revenge I've been working hard on, but right now, I just feel like absolute shit. It doesn't feel right to me anymore, but I just don't know how to fix this, or even myself. I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore."

He was silent for a while.

"I'm sorry, Katherine," he said lowly, his voice soft. "I'm sorry I forced you into breaking his heart, for letting my hatred wreck you too. You don't deserve to be sad and confused like that."

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "It's not your fault. Even if you didn't catch me with that notebook, I'd still end up like this. Maybe I would have hurt you, too, and just the thought of that makes me sick."

"You already did," he murmured, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"What?"

"When I saw you kissing Ryder, I don't know, I felt my insides explode. When you tangled your fingers in his hair, I wanted to punch someone. When you breathed out his name, I wanted so badly to beat someone up. I don't know why I'm feeling this way—I can't explain it. All I know is that I felt so fucking low when I saw you with him, and I never want to feel that way again."

Needless to say, I was stunned. It was bizarre to think he'd ever admit what he was feeling, let alone he'd say it so passionately.

It was also eccentric how he made me feel like doing a backflip in the middle of the night just by saying words. I wasn't even with him, for goodness' sake!

"That's how I felt when I saw you kissing Natalya too, you know," I admitted in a mumble, afraid he'd hear how shaky my voice was if I spoke louder.

"I didn't mean to do that," he said, his voice apologetic.

"Whatever," I waved off, not wanting to think about that now. "Can we not talk about that now? I'm already so overwhelmed with everything that happened. First there's you, then there's Ryder, there's Brett, and then fucking Theodore—"

"Theodore?" he butted in. "As in Theodore Caste? What happened with him?"

I gulped. "Nothing. I didn't mean to say his name."

"What. Happened. With. Theodore." Zachary demanded, his voice rising. "Does he have something to do with why you flinched when I was about to touch you earlier?"

"No." I lied through my teeth. I really didn't want anyone to know nor ever talk about it since I just felt disgusting. I never wanted to remember what happened a while ago ever again.

"Katherine Solace." He forced, his voice full of assertion.

What was it with people calling me by my full name today?

"Okay, fine," I sighed, giving in. "He... He touched me earlier."

The image of his face came crashing back in my mind, his touch still burning my skin in spite of me taking a hundred baths. His lips on my body lingered, and I wanted nothing more but to scratch the feeling off until I bled.

Hot tears escaped my eyes as I remembered.

"What?" he exclaimed, breathing heavily. He calmed himself down when he heard me sniffing. "God, Katherine, are you okay?"

"I don't know," I sniffed, scratching my neck. "I don't know."

"He's so dead to me," he growled, hatred and disgust dripping from his tone. "He is so fucking dead. How dare he touch you like that? You don't deserve that, you don't deserve any of this!"

"Maybe I do, Zachary," I admitted quietly, wiping my tears away. "He did tell me that it was my reputation anyway, he's just living up to it. It's my fault why he felt like he needed to do that. I built my own reputation."

"No, Katherine. Just no." He disagreed aggressively. "None of that is your fault. It's all on him, that fucking creep. Don't you dare blame yourself for what he did to you, okay? It's not your fault. I'll even print that out and stick it to all your stuff until you believe it. It's not your fault."

I stayed quiet. I tried repeating his words over and over in my head so I could believe it, but I just couldn't. All I could hear were Theodore's words, the truth about me.

"I have to go," he said, sounding like he was walking around in his room. "I'll see you tomorrow, I just have to do something really quick."

Before I could ask about what he was planning to do, he ended the call. I tried calling him again, but he turned his phone off. I cursed at myself for giving in and telling him. Now, he was probably going to beat Theodore up. I knew that scumbag deserved it, but I didn't want Zachary to get in trouble.

Knowing that I couldn't do anything about it, I turned to my side and closed my eyes. It was hard trying to get some sleep, but after a while, I finally drifted off to dreamland.

*~*~*~*~*

There was a huge crowd in front of my locker.

My initial thought was that people were trying to get a rise out of me again, but when I walked closer, I realized the people weren't here to bully me.

They were there because my brother, Kaden Solace, was in front of my locker, and they were trying to get his attention.

I pushed through the hurdle of people, trying to get to him. He was talking to some brunette girl and when I snapped my fingers to get his attention, and he easily abandoned her.

"Little sister!" he greeted, throwing an arm around me. "Surprise!"

I raised an eyebrow, taking his heavy arm off me. "What are you doing here?"

"He says he's here to surprise you!" a girl I had never talked to said, clutching my arm. I stared at her as if she just called me ugly. "Isn't he the sweetest brother, Kath?"

"First of all, I don't talk to you so get your dirty hand off of me," I said, getting her to move away from me. "Second, don't even try to act like you're my friend. You're literally part of Natalya's squad, the one who beat me up before?"

Kaden's eyes suddenly turned dark. "You what?" he yelled at the girl.

I crossed my arms and smirked at her scared reaction.

"I-It was all Natalya's idea," she stuttered, looking scared out of her mind. The other people surrounding my locker slowly walked away, not wanting to face the wrath of the infamous Kaden Solace. "I had n-no say in it."

"How dare you try and flirt with me after you hurt my little sister?" he snapped, shooting the girl a death glare. She cowered in fear. "Scram, I never want to see your face ever again."

That was all it took for her to run as fast as she could.

I snickered. "Can you visit me more often? I would love for people to stop bothering me sometimes."

"If I could visit you everyday, I would," he frowned. "No one's allowed to bother you like that except for me and Karl."

"It is what it is," I shrugged, not wanting to feel sorry for myself in this particular moment. "Anyway, what are you even doing here?"

He started to explain when I noticed Theodore Caste passing by us. He threw me the dirtiest look ever, his eyes full of hatred. I accepted his nasty glare, knowing fully well why he radiated with hatred and hostility.

His whole body was painted with purple and yellow bruises. He didn't have his glasses on, and I suspected it was because of that large gnash by his eyes, which were surrounded by black circles. His lips were swollen and wounded, as if it was punched by Hulk himself. He walked in a limp and it was no doubt that if I took off his pants, I was going to see more bruises.

Zachary Hunter, what have you done?

"Earth to Kath," Kaden snapped in front of my face, snapping me back to reality as well. "I don't even know why I talk to you, you never even listen to me."

I blinked. "Oh, sorry. Can you repeat what you said, please?"

He let out an impatient sigh. "I was telling you that Karl called me, saying that you aren't yourself lately. I wanted to surprise you in the hopes that maybe you'd feel better, but it obviously didn't work. You're still a walking robot."

"Why don't you check on him first?" I snickered. "I mean, have you seen his hair? He looks stupid."

"What did he do?" Kaden leaned in interest before narrowing his eyes at me. "Wait, don't go off topic, I came here for you! Karl's hair problem can be solved later."

"I'm fine," I waved off, shooting him a flat look. "Go talk to Jordan or something, leave me alone."

He glared at me. "Give me your notebook."

"What notebook?"

"You know what I'm talking about," he scoffed, extending his hand to me. "The one you're always busy writing on, the notebook you, Zoe, and Jade worked so hard on. Give it to me."

He didn't need to explain further. He was talking about the mission notebook.

"Why would I give it to you?" I asked, touching the notebook in my bag.

"Just give it." Kaden ordered gruffly, his expression dead serious. The urgent and forceful tone he rarely used was thrown at me now, looking like a real older brother now.

Without anymore questions, I handed him my notebook. He marched towards the trash can and threw it inside, making me gasp.

"What are you doing?" I screeched, trying to get ahold of the notebook.

"The deal's over," he declared, moving me away from the bin.

I opened my mouth and closed it right away, completely loss for words.

"I'm terminating the deal," he said before sighing. "I admit defeat, Kath. I'm going to stop playing with girls. If that's what I have to say and do for you to stop hurting yourself, then so be it. I'm tired of watching you break them and break yourself in the process, too. I don't have to be smart to know that the boys actually care about you and you feel the same way. I also know you well enough that you won't stop doing the deal because you're stubborn as fuck and you'll go through anything just for you to prove yourself. You don't have to do that anymore, Kath. Now, as your older brother, I'm putting an end to this so your misery will end and you can finally show your love to them freely."

A lot of things crossed my mind, but mostly, it was relief. Even though I already told myself that I wouldn't go through the original plan anymore, hearing those words from Kaden made me feel lighter.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that bullying, all that mental and emotional breakdowns because of me," he murmured, not quite looking at me. "I'm sorry I even allowed you to go through that whole deal. That was really foolish of me, and I don't think I can forgive myself for being such a bad brother."

I wasn't really an affectionate person to my brother, but his disappointed expression to himself made me embrace him. Yes, he was the one who motivated me to do this game, but I would have done it without him. He was only the last push that made me do this. I was filled with so much sadness and anger that it got the best of me, causing me to wreak havoc to everything around me.

Yet even though everything was a mess now, I was still kind of glad I did this. If I didn't, I wouldn't have met four amazing boys. I wouldn't have gone through the crazy wild adventures I had with them, and although my life was a mess right now, I wouldn't trade my memories with them for anything.

"It's not your fault, Kaden." I promised, letting out a relieved breath. "Don't you dare blame yourself because it's not your fault. As much as I hate to admit it, you're a good brother, and don't doubt yourself in that. Karl and I love you, okay? Thanks for doing this."

As Kaden hugged me back, I felt all the hot steam from my heartbreak seep out, leaving me with only a warm feeling inside. I should've realized that revenge wouldn't help me repair a broken heart a long time ago. All I needed was to open it up more to people who would treat it right, and I found the right people.

All I had to do now was show the boys how much I cared for them, which was why I planned to finally tell them why I did the things I did. I knew they wouldn't take it lightly and they'd probably hate me, but at least they knew the truth. I didn't want to hide anything from them anymore, they deserved to know the truth.

By the time it was lunch time, I realized that I had no one to sit with since Zoe had an emergency team meeting and Jade was in a math competition.

I scanned the crowded cafeteria and my eyes landed on Zachary, who was standing in line as he waited for his turn to get food. I skipped happily towards him.

"Hey!" I greeted cheerfully. My lips twitched into a frown when I saw his bruised knuckles, but I tried not to let it show and brought back my smile.

He raised an eyebrow at me, but the corner of his lips turned upright. "Why are you so cheerful today?"

"Can't it be it's because I'm happy to see you?" I winked. He rolled his eyes, but the way his ears tinged pink didn't escape my vision. "Anyway, can I sit with you today?"

"Where are Zoe and Jade?" he asked.

"Busy," I waved off. "And can we not sit in the popular table where you're usually at? The people there don't like me."

He shrugged. "I don't even like sitting there."

I waggled my eyebrows at him. "So you'd rather sit with me?"

"Yes," he replied nonchalantly before ordering something since it was his turn.

A blush shot up my face, and I'd like to think it was because I was startled. I put my hand over my heart, hoping it'd calm the hell down because it felt like it was having a terrible seizure.

"It's your turn, blondie." Zachary smirked and walked away with his tray casually, knowing fully well he was able to make me flustered with just one word.

Once I got my tray, I walked to the table where he was at. I shook my head at him when I realized he made people who were sitting there earlier leave, and he simply shrugged.

"Oh, by the way," he spoke up when I was halfway done eating. "Why are you wearing a turtleneck?"

I swallowed my food slowly. "What's wrong with it? Does it look bad?"

He shook his head frantically before clearing his throat. "You never wear turtlenecks. That's your friend's thing."

"You're observant," I whistled. "Besides, why can't it be my thing too? Turtlenecks are cool."

He narrowed his eyes at me. Without any warning, he reached over and pulled the cloth around neck away from my skin. I yelped and slapped his hand away, crossing my arms.

"What the fuck, Zachary?" I hissed, glaring at him.

I expected him to be apologetic, but he was only furious. "Why do you have scratches around your neck?" he demanded, an angry flare evident in his blue eyes.

"The fuck do you care?" I shot back, hoping he'd stop asking questions I didn't want to answer.

"You're seriously asking why I care?" he laughed humorlessly. "Can you be more naïve?"

"What am I supposed to think