Tell the mirror
What you know she's heard before
I don't wanna be you...
anymore

When the door creaked open, I groaned.

I did not want to get up from under my covers because I felt like if I stayed there, I'd be safe from my thoughts and feelings.

I was wrong.

My thoughts plagued me like pests, my feelings made me hard for me to breathe, but nevertheless, I stayed under the covers. I didn't want anyone to see me spiraling out of control, so I really didn't want to move out of my position.

"Kath," my little brother called out. "Are you trying to suffocate yourself down there?"

"No." I replied shortly, my voice coming out as muffled.

When I didn't here a retort, I smiled to myself, thinking that I was finally left alone.

Again, I was wrong.

Karl pulled my blanket away from me, making me screech at my eyes' contact to the light.

"My eyes!" I hissed, covering my eyes.

"Stop being a drama queen," Karl tutted, and I glared at him. "So, what's wrong with you?"

I sat up groggily. "How do you know there's something wrong with me?"

"There's always something wrong with you," he scoffed. "I mean, have you seen your face?"

"Ha ha," I laughed dryly as he smirked. "Are you just going to bully me? Because I'm really not in the mood and I just want to be left alone right now."

The teasing light in his eyes disappeared, replaced with a hazy look. "Well, you walked straight to your room yesterday when usually, you'd go annoy me. You haven't set a foot outside since last night and you didn't go to school today. Zoe and Jade bombarded me with questions about you earlier, telling me that you weren't replying to any of them."

He frowned and ran a hand through his brown hair with red streaks. "You didn't even notice my new cool hair."

I gasped and went near him, grabbing his head to observe his red freaking streaks further. "What the fuck did you do to your hair?"

He pushed me away. "I made it look better!"

Wincing, I shook my head. "No offense, but you look like shit."

His forehead creased at my comment. "But Selena said it looked awesome."

My mouth shaped into an o. I leered at him pointedly, a knowing smirk spreading on my lips. It took him a few seconds to realize my implications.

He groaned and fell on my bed, covering his face in despair. "I'm so stupid! Of course she'd say it looks awesome, she hates me!"

I chuckled and pulled him to me, patting his head. "Dumbass."

He looked up at me, glaring. "You're not helping."

"Oh, but you are," I acknowledged cheekily, giving him an annoying, sisterly hug. He tried to escape but I just hugged him tighter. In the end, he let me hug him. "You made me feel so much better."

Despite his peskiness earlier, he softened and shot me a close-lipped smile. I buried my head on his broad (when did it get so sturdy?) chest and he nuzzled his head on top of mine, hugging me back as lightly as possible. It was funny how just a few years ago, Karl would come into my room and beg me to hug him whenever he was having nightmares, and now he was so reluctant to hug me back.

"Please don't grow up too fast." I murmured against his chest.

"But I need to," he said. "I need to grow taller and stronger so that I can beat up whoever hurts my sister. I hate seeing you like this."

I let him go and crinkled my nose, but there was a smile on my face. "That was so cheesy, but thanks, Karl."

"I know, right?" he gagged to himself before standing up. "Anyway, I'll leave you alone now. I need to get back at Selena for what she did to me."

He grumbled profanities under his breath as he went out of my room, closing the door behind him. Now that I was alone again, I felt lost and confused. I laid back on my bed and ran a hand through my face.

What the hell do I do with Ryder? Every time I closed my eyes, I only see the sadness that clouded his handsome features. I only remember sharing a great kiss with him, only to leave him right after. I only remember his confessions, the raw passion evident in his voice as he told me loved me.

What was I supposed to do with that? I didn't want to hurt anybody anymore, especially after realizing how bad things could go.

I screamed into my pillow out of frustration before standing up. I needed to talk to someone, preferably Zoe and Jade. I checked the time to see it was almost four p.m. in the afternoon, and sighed in relief since the two were still at school, doing their extracurricular activities.

I drove to school and turned up the music in my car, hoping that the loud blast of pop songs would keep the memory of my kiss with Ryder away in my head.

It didn't work. All I could think about was the way he held me when we kissed, the way he caressed my face gently, as if he needed to touch me to believe that everything was real.

When I arrived at school, I literally ran inside the building. My thoughts were all over the place and I just really didn't want to be alone.

"K-Kath?" Theodore called out when I passed by the hallway. He was on the floor with papers scattered in front of him. He immediately compiled all of them as he looked up at me. "Are y-you okay?"

"No, actually," I admitted. "I'm not okay."

He didn't say anything. He simply pushed aside all his stuff and patted the space beside him, so I gladly took his invitation. I sat down beside him in the middle of the empty hallway, leaning on the locker behind me as he typed on his phone.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, looking at his things that seemed to be school work.

"S-Studying," he replied, putting his phone back in his pocket. "There w-were people w-who didn't want m-me to s-stay in t-the library."

A rush of anger rose in me. "Who? I'll go there and fight them. Who do they think they are?"

I was ready to stand up but he pulled me down gently, shaking his head frantically. "It's o-okay, Kath. I don't w-want to cause trouble. B-Besides, it's p-peaceful here."

"You're a weird kid, Theodore," I narrowed my eyes at him, sitting back down. "The good kind of weird."

"T-Thanks, I guess?" he said unsurely before boring his eyes into mine. "W-What about y-you? What h-happened?"

His question weakened my whole body. I closed my eyes and banged my head on the locker behind me, letting out a frustrated breath. "I don't know what to do, Theodore. I keep hurting the people I care about, and I don't know what to do about it. Maybe I should just stay away from them, erase myself from their lives. Things would be so much easier without me around."

"We're not that c-close, but I'm sure that the people you care about would be hurt more without you," he comforted.

"Now, that's where you're wrong," I voiced out shakily. "They're all hurt because of me. I'm a fucking earthquake, Theodore. I cause so much disaster by barging into people's lives, shaking them to their core with my actions, only to leave them broken and destroyed. I'm also so fucking selfish that even though I know I hurt them, I keep coming back like aftershocks, because they make me feel happy, they make me feel sane. In the end though, I just caused a major disaster, and I don't know how to save them from my own calamity."

"I-I'm sorry you feel that way, you d-don't deserve that," he stammered, looking right into my glossy eyes. "You s-shouldn't look at yourself like t-that because t-the way I see i-it, you make people h-happy. Y-You're not a d-disaster, Kath. You j-just have to sort yourself out a-and your f-feelings, and you'd b-be fine. If t-they r-really care for you, t-they'd understand you and your confusion and i-if they don't s-screw them. T-there are other people out there t-that will appreciate you."

I sniffed and nodded. "Thank you. I still don't believe those good things you said about me, but I feel a little better now."

He smiled and spread his arms. I smiled back and hugged him, feeling his petite body. The hug was good until he reached for my face and pulled it to his level. I furrowed my eyebrows at him as he leaned towards my face.

"What are you doing?" I asked, leaning backwards until I hit the locker.

He didn't respond. He put his weight on me instead, trapping me between him and the locker. I widened my eyes when he neared his lips to mine, trying hard to swerve away from him.

"Thedore, what the fuck?" I screamed, pushing him away. It was no use, he successfully pinned me down. I trashed around beneath him as he still tried to force himself on me. "I don't want to kiss you!"

"Isn't this what you're known for, Kath?" he sneered, his stutter gone. "Aren't you the cold-hearted slut that would do anything just to be closer to the boys?"

"No!" I screamed, trying so hard to kick him off me. "That's not me!"

"Oh, but it is you," he smirked, leaning closer to me that I could feel his breath. Gone was the innocent boy I knew. He was someone totally different, and I was glad that he didn't end up with my best friend. "And now I'm just giving you what you want."

I froze when his lips touched my neck. I wanted to scream at him, tell him to stop, but I couldn't. It was as if my soul left its body—I was just watching Theodore do things to me, and there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was feel his disgusting lips burn my skin and his dirty hands scar my body forever.

Just like how fast he changed from the sweet little stuttering boy to a grade A asshole, someone grabbed him away from me.

I expected it to be Zoe, Jade, or even one of the Playboys, but no.

It was Brett Westfall.

I watched with wide-eyes as he pounded Theodore to the ground, his dark blue eyes that I fell in love with blazing with anger and disgust. Theodore tried to fight back, but Brett was much more stronger and bigger than him that he was stuck to ground just like how I was earlier. I hugged myself as I shook, watching Brett punch and kick him with his veins popping in his neck and gritted teeth until I could barely recognize Theodore's face.

That was good. I never wanted to see his face again.

Brett stood up straight and wiped his sweat away, kicking Theodore's limp body away from us.

"Kath, oh my God," Brett breathed out, coming near me. I immediately flinched away from his touch, and he took a step back in understanding. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head vigorously. I wanted to throw up and cry, I wanted to scream and shout, I wanted to beat the shit out of that disgusting guy, but instead I sat on the floor, still frozen and just shaking to death.

"T-Take me home," I pleaded in a shaky voice. I met with his eyes and gulped. "Please, Brett."

"No problem, Kit—Kath," he corrected himself. He extended a hand to me and I reluctantly took it, standing up hazily. My knees were so weak that almost fell back down, but luckily, he was there to support me. He put my arm around his neck and wrapped his arm around my waist to pull me up, and we walked towards his car like that.

He helped me into his car and buckled up my seatbelt before going to the driver's seat to drive. I stared out of the window and leaned on it, watching as we drove past everything quickly.

I wished it was that easy, that I could just drive past everything that was going on with me right now. I wished it only took a few minutes to reach the end of my problems, the real destination. I didn't want to think about any of this crap anymore, much less how to deal with it.

"We're here." Brett announced after a while.

I got out of the car and grabbed the key from my pocket, jamming it in the keyhole as quickly as possible. I was about to enter when I realized I forgot about Brett, so I turned around to see him on the way to his house already, hands in his pockets.

The next thing I did was a stupid thing to do, and I blamed it on my hormones.

"Brett," I called out, getting him to turn to me in an instant. "Please stay with me."

With a smile creeping on his lips, he nodded. He stepped inside of my house and closed his eyes, breathing in our home.

"Damn," he lamented, his eyes dancing around the place when he opened his eyes again. "I missed your house."

Our eyes met. I missed you, his whole faced screamed, but he didn't utter a word.

I turned away from him and proceeded up to my room, afraid that I showed the same feeling that I had been trying to suppress.

"Where's everyone?" he asked.

"Out." I replied curtly. Dad had to go to work, Karl was probably at Brett's, torturing Selena, and Mom was dragged outside by her sister.

"I'm going to take a bath," I stated as we entered in my room with Brett took in his surroundings. "Just stay here."

Once I stepped in my bathroom, I stripped off and jumped into my shower immediately. As tears streamed down my face, I scrubbed my body a hundred times, hoping that the feeling of Theodore's lips would disappear, hoping that I'd be cleansed from what just happened. I tried rinsing away his grimy hands on me and his predatory force on my body.

I scrubbed my body with soap until it was red. My skin looked like it was bruising, but I didn't care. I'd rather have burns and bruises than his touch on me.

I was on my umpteenth soaping session when I heard a knock on my door.

"Kath," Brett called out, his voice muffled. "Are you okay in there? You've been showering for almost an hour now."

I turned off the shower. "I'm fine." I replied weakly.

After changing into comfortable clothes, I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were swollen from all the crying, my face was pale as snow, the bags under my eyes were as dark as the night, and there was an imminent frown on my face. I tried to put on a smile, see what it was like to just fake it, and I just looked more terrible.

This girl before me was the slut of high school, the queen of dicks, and the heartless heartbreaker. She had the fakest attitude and a reckless behavior. Because of her selfishness, people around her crumble and fall apart, including her.

I despised that girl in the mirror.

It wasn't Theodore's fault that he came after me. I mean, who wouldn't, after knowing the reputation I upheld? It was my own fault, and there was no one else to blame.

I opened the door to see Brett on my bed, staring at my photo album of us growing up. He looked up, visibly softening.

"Hey," he said, his eyes asking me a million questions he was afraid of voicing out.

It was weird but oddly comforting to see him back on my bed, still looking like the guy I was in love with. This was the first time I ever really looked at him since he came back, and nothing really changed. He still had the same brown hair, the same dark blue eyes that looked like it was gray sometimes, the same everything. I usually avoided eyeing him in the fear of me falling for him all over again, but now that I saw him, I only felt sadness for the friendship and love we lost. He was a huge part of my life, not just as an ex-boyfriend, but as someone who I had shared almost all of my life with and literally grew up with.

"Hi." I replied, walking over him reluctantly and sitting beside him.

He studied me with narrowed eyes before standing up, extending his hand towards me. "What do you say about getting out of here to forget all your problems for a while?"

I took his hand. "You know me so well."

He winked as he pulled me downstairs and to his car. I giggled like a middle school girl when he put the hood down of his car and rushed through the streets, my adrenaline rush flowing in my veins. I closed my eyes and smiled lazily, letting the wind hit my face. It somehow calmed me down, as if the wind was caressing my face as it whispered that everything would be okay.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked, opening my eyes to check on Brett to see that he was already glancing at me.

He cleared his throat. "Somewhere I know you'd enjoy."

It took us a while to get there. At first I was clueless as to where we were going, but when we passed by a familiar playground, I realized where exactly where he was taking me.

He brought me to our old hangout place, the swimming pool where we experienced our first ever party, where we drank our first beer.

And of course, where we had our first kiss.

After parking, he quickly got out of his seat. I raised an eyebrow when he opened the door for me before I could even move. He offered his hand with the boyish grin I knew so well and I took it with the smile that only appeared when I was with him.

My eyes widened when it hit me that he was pulling me towards the pool.

"Brett, I don't really feel like—"

I wasn't even able to finish the sentence. He had already jumped inside, fully clothed and all, and pulled me in with him.

He was lucky that I left my phone at home, or else I would have killed him.

When I resurfaced, he was already laughing at me, his eyes crinkling with delight. I shot him a glare and pushed water at him. I cackled when the water went into his opened mouth and choked him, shutting him up from his annoying laughter.

"Oh," he glowered, a mischievous glint evident in his eyes. "It's on, Katherine Solace."

He started pushing tsunamis of water towards me, and I ran away squealing, not wanting him to drown me.

"You can't catch me, fatass!" I stuck my tongue out and pedaled with my feet, deliberately splashing water in his face. I chuckled when his face morphed into a look of displeasure.

My victory was cut short though. With an evil smirk, he pulled me towards him with my leg, also making my head dip in the water. I resurfaced gasping for air, Brett's smug face the first thing in my view.

"I can't catch you, you said?" he raised an eyebrow. "You've gotten a little slow, Kath."

"Well duh, I can't swim that fast with a broken arm." I retorted, crossing my arms.

His teasing demeanor vanished, replaced with a confused one. "What do you mean by broken arm?"

"Last year, I was having a hard time swimming because my arm kept hurting," I explained sadly, touching my broken arm. "When I got it checked, the doctor told me to stop swimming because it's only going to get worse. I could even have surgery if I didn't stop, so I did."

Brett frowned at me. "But you love swimming."

I dropped my gaze, feeling the water around me. "I know."

He walked closer to me and tipped my head upwards, my eyes meeting his. His eyebrows were creased, something he did when he was thinking hard about something or when he was sad. He brushed a hair away from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

A thousand of emotions crossed his eyes, but it was mostly sad. He looked so, so defeated that I wanted to ask him what that was about when he suddenly let go of my face and took a step back, walking away from me.

With furrowed eyebrows, I followed him to the small room by the pool, a place people usually go into to party before or after jumping into the pool. He was in the middle of the room, his eyes dancing around the place.

"Remember when we used to fuck around in here?" Brett asked, a nostalgic smile on his face.

Copying his smile, I nodded. "We used to dance around the room as if we were good dancers. What were we thinking?"

My eyes darted across the room and saw ourselves dancing in the past, laughing goofily the