Chapter 36: The Reason

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Trying hard not to fall
On the way home
You were trying to wear me down, down

"I'm going to cry."

Zachary shot me a warning look. "Don't you dare."

"How can I not?" I sniffed, my eyes glistening with tears as I looked at the swimming pool in front of me. We were currently by the community pool, which was open 24/7.

"Just don't."

I ignored him. I started stripping down to my underwear and jumped right in, not bothering to wait for him. I didn't even care if it was a cold night, all I wanted was to feel the water around me.

I let the water take over me once I got in the pool, and it engulfed me like a huge bear hug. I closed my eyes and smiled, just feeling the coolness of the water around me, the feeling of it against my warm skin. I felt myself being slowly lifted up by the water, and when I reached the surface, I felt my spirits being lifted up, too. I laid there for a few minutes with my eyes closed, simply enjoying peace the water was giving me.

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and turned my head to see Zachary floating beside me, with his eyes closed as well. I smiled when I saw he was relaxed, and so I closed my eyes once again and we stayed like that.

Ever since I got banned from swimming, I didn't even try to set foot in a pool. I thought that if I did, I'd just get sadder since I couldn't swim anymore. I was wrong though. The water had been my comfort zone since I was young, and I just realized I didn't have to swim competitively for me to enjoy it.

When I got tired from staying still for a long time, I stood up and sat on the steps with Zachary following behind me.

"Hey, blondie," he voiced out after a few minutes of silence.

"Hmmm?"

"I've been meaning to ask you this, but I never had the chance to," he began, making me look at him and tilt my head for him to continue.

"Why did you you start this whole deal?" he asked. "No bullshit answers like you wanted to get revenge for all the girls we broke and all that shit. I know you have your own real reason."

I bit my lip in surprise for the sudden question. I never thought he'd ask that, much less he'd care about it. Ever since he found out, his only focus was for me to break his best friend. He never once asked me about why I did the things I did, or what motivated me to do this.

"Why the sudden curiosity?" I shot back, reluctant to answer his question.

"Because I want to know who hurt you so bad for you to do something like this," he replied instantly, his blue eyes electrified with determination.

"Isn't it obvious?" I laughed bitterly. "Of course it's Brett. It has always been him. The first guy who ever stole my heart, and the first one to also rip it to pieces."

"But why plan to break our hearts?" Zachary inquired with an eyebrow raised. "What do we have to do with Brett hurting you?"

I looked down. "I thought it would make me feel better. I thought that if I get revenge for all the girls like me, I'd move on from him and I'd feel accomplished. Don't get me wrong, I really did want to avenge the girls you guys hurt, but along the way, it was more of me wanting to transfer all my hate and anger to guys like you, to make you guys feel what I feel all the time. I wanted someone else to feel my pain so I'd feel less alone, I wanted guys like you to know what it feels like to be hurt, to be heartbroken, to be crushed by the person you loved the most."

"Most of all, I thought that if I broke all of you apart, I can build myself up with your broken pieces, and I'd finally be happy again."

I was breathing heavily after my whole speech, but for some reason, I felt lighter. Maybe it was because I finally got all of those out of my system, I didn't know. All I knew was that I felt better after saying all of those out loud.

"Well," he said. "Did it work?"

I sighed. "To be honest, I don't know."

He nodded, and I felt like he understood.

"Thank you." I whispered as I looked at the sky, the stars really evident tonight.

"Why are you always thanking me?" he asked, and despite him facing me, I continued to look at the sky.

"Because you're always there, I guess?" I shrugged, hugging my knees to my chest and resting my chin on my knees. "You're the only one who asks about me and how I am, you're straightforward and honest with me, and you just know what to do when I'm upset, I dunno, I'm just really thankful for you."

"It's not like I had a choice," he scoffed. "You're too helpless for your own good. It's as if you're begging to be taken care of."

"First of all, I'm a strong independent woman who needs no such help," I stated proudly.

He raised an eyebrow.

I faltered. "Okay, fine. This strong independent woman needs a little taking care of, sometimes. But it's not like you're so high and mighty all the time too!"

"Yes, I am."

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow.

He exhaled. "I might have needed some of your help, but it's because you're like a crazy stalker who always seems to be there when something goes wrong."

I didn't care that he called me a crazy stalker. I grinned, because all I cared about was him admitting that he needed me too, but maybe not as much as I needed him.

And that was a scary thing to think about.

My little triumph lasted shortly because I started to become sleepy. I yawned and nuzzled my head on my knees, tears forming from my eyes from the drowsiness.

Zachary must've noticed because he scooted closer to me, guiding my head to his shoulder. I made myself feel comfortable as he wrapped an arm around my waist to support my weight.

"In all seriousness though, you helped me a lot, too," he admitted begrudgingly. I hummed in response. "I'm going to kill you if you tell anyone I told you this, but you made me... slightly less angry at the world. I feel like I'm dealing with my twin's death a lot better than I used to."

It was scary how much effect his words, especially the sweetest ones, held over me. I never thought I'd feel this much giddiness after Brett, but there was this feeling again, this emotion that I was terrified of having once again.

It was like Zachary was getting me to open up little by little, and maybe I was okay with that.

"I'm glad I was able to help," I mumbled tiredly, a smile on my face.

I glanced at his free hand, which was clenched on his lap. Without thinking, I reached out for it and opened it, and started playing with his fingers.

"What was your sister like?" I asked, feeling the callouses and bruises of his hand, which was slightly wrinkled from the water.

"She acted like a bitch most of the time," he answered without hesitation, making me look up at him in surprise. He smiled softly at the memory of her. "But that's all it is: an act. Everyone knew Rhian as the baddest bitch, the reckless, fun girl who everyone fawned over and idolized. Some people even feared her because of how crazy she can get. Little did they know that she was the kindest girl out there. She always thought about others first and when she was out to have a good time, she always made sure that the people with her are having a blast before she lets herself have some fun too. In her spare time, I know people think she does drugs or some shit like that, but she actually volunteers to help under privileged children and sometimes even to nurse rescue dogs. People gave her so much crap for being so lively and reckless, and that's probably why she was driven to... to end everything herself. She didn't deserve the bad reputation and all that hate—she was just a girl who wanted to enjoy life."

I intertwined my fingers with his, giving his hand a little squeeze. I looked up and dived into his ocean eyes, hoping that he'd find comfort in mine.

"She sounds amazing. I wish I could have met her."

He glanced at our hands then at me, giving my hand a squeeze back. I smiled and closed my eyes, leaning on his shoulder once again, and he placed his head on top of mine.

"Me, too."

*~*~*~*~*

I was already in a bad mood because I came home to my father yelling my ear off and grounding me for eternity.

I thought going to school would help me lift my mood up, but no, that just was not possible.

Especially when I was greeted by Zoe and Nico eating each other's faces alongside with Jade and Wyatt giggling to each other about something in front of my locker.

I had no idea why they were there, their lockers were literally two lockers away from mine.

I cleared my throat, hoping that they'd disperse at my presence.

They did not.

I sighed and moved the couples out of my locker by pushing them, and they didn't even spare me a glance. They just let me drag them away!

Once I collected all the things I'd need today, I slammed my locker door shut. That seemed to take the couples out of their lovey-dovey trance, their attention averted to me.

"Oh, Kath!" Zoe exclaimed, a hand over her heart and her lipstick smudged from all the kissing. "Didn't see you there."

"Hey, Kath!" Jade chirped. "When did you arrive?"

"Doesn't matter," I mumbled. "Just go back to your little bubble."

Nico raised an eyebrow. "Why are you so gloomy today?"

"Yeah, today's not a day to be sad!" Wyatt nudged me hyperactively, his face blooming with happiness before faltering. "I mean, I know Ivan's in the hospital right now, but we were told earlier that he's gonna be okay. It's sad he's not going to be present on my birthday, though."

"It's your birthday?" I exclaimed before giving him a hug. "Happy birthday, bro!"

"Thanks, bro!" he patted my back before letting go. "I'm usually not big on birthdays, but Jade told me she'd give me something I've been wanting later. I'm so excited!"

Jade smiled rather nervously as Wyatt pulled her close to him, grinning at her affectionately.

Zoe and I glanced at Jade simultaneously. She was biting her nails, something she did when she was nervous lying. We looked at each other and nodded, understand our mission to save our friend.

My best friend pulled out her phone and whistled. "Wow, would you look at the time."

I looked at my wrist and nodded in agreement. "Oh no, it's late. You guys need to go or we'll be late for class!"

"Since when did you care about class, Kath?" Wyatt asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Nico narrowed his eyes at me. "Did you just glance at your bare wrist?"

"You guys ask too many questions," Zoe tutted, pushing the two of them away from us. "We'll see you guys later anyway, so shoo away now! Toodles!"

The two of them furrowed their eyebrows at us in confusion, but obeyed us nonetheless. Once they were finally gone, Zoe and I crossed our arms as we faced Jade.

"You forgot to get him anything, didn't you?" Zoe demanded, her perfectly raised eyebrows shaped.

Jade burst into tears, something she did when she was overwhelmed. "I was so busy studying for the Calc test that I forgot about preparing for his birthday!"

"Why did you tell him you had a surprise for him then?" I asked, pulling her in a hug. "He would have understood."

Zoe nodded in agreement, joining in our little hug. "The guy's whipped for you, Jade. You have no idea how much that idiot loves you. Nico tells me you're all he talks about."

"I didn't want to disappoint him," she sniffed. "And now I don't know what to do because I can't go and but him a gift before meeting him later, I have five tests today and a Math group meeting I can't miss later."

I snapped my fingers, breaking the group hug. "What if Zoe and I get him a gift for you?"

Zoe's blue eyes sparkled. "I am so down."

Jade frowned. "But you guys would skip class, I can't allow that."

I waved her off. "You think we care about that?"

Zoe inhaled sharply. "Well, I do have a test I need to take in my first period, but I'll meet you once it's finished and we can buy whatever it is Wyatt wants."

"He's been wanting a pair of blue converse," Jade informed us. "He's been obsessed with blue lately, and he wants that limited edition shoes."

"The blue converse it is," I clasped my hands together just as the bell rang. "Okay, let's meet each other after a period, yeah?"

Zoe nodded fiercely. I had no doubt she was thinking of this as another mission.

"Thank you so much, you guys are the best!" Jade squealed gratefully, pulling the both of us in a quick hug before running off to her first class with Zoe trailing behind her.

When they were gone, my face morphed back into its tired and depressed state. I leaned on my locker and closed my eyes, not feeling well enough to go to class.

"You look like you want to die."

I opened my eyes to see Aly, and she did not look great. She usually looked clean and fierce, but today, her hair wasn't combed, her eyes were puffy, and she wasn't wearing her badass red lipstick like she always does.

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Okay, we both do." Aly sighed and leaned on my locker with me.

"What happened to you?" I asked her.

"So, you probably heard about the Playboys and I," she began, and I nodded sheepishly.

She sighed, and it was then I noticed how worried sick she looked. "I visited Ivan this morning, and I'm so anxious about what's gonna happen to him. I came straight here to swim instead of going to school because I don't think I can study with the thought of losing him. I mean, I know he's stable and all, but will he be okay after everything he went through?"

"I'm worried too," I whispered, my head hurting from the thought of Ivan being hurt all over again, and what hurt more was that I was part of the reasons why. "But it's Ivan Miller we're talking about. That cheesy pranskter will be okay, he's one of the strongest people I know."

She nodded, her eyes closed. "He's the strongest person I know. No one can go through the same shit he did and still be a happy person. I have no idea how he did it."

I glanced at her to see that a tear escaped her eye, making me panic internally. Aly was never the type to let out emotions, let alone cry, and I didn't know what to do with this experience.

She really cared about her boys despite all the issues they encountered.

"He's going to be okay, Aly," I told her, trying to sound strong for the both of us. I let her lean on my shoulder as she cried, patting her shoulder. "We'll be there for him. I promise."

She nodded in agreement.

After a few minutes, she raised her head up and wiped her tears away.

"I'm fine," she breathed. "I'm fine."

I smiled comfortingly at her. "Yeah, you are."

"Thanks, Kath," she said gratefully, shooting me a close-lipped smile. "I gotta go now, I promised Sammy I'll meet up with her."

I snapped my fingers. "Oh yeah, how are you two?"

Aly blushed. She actually blushed. "We're happy. Really happy."

"That's so good to hear," I squealed. "Was she the friend you were talking about before? The one you're not sure if she liked you back or not?"

She nodded bashfully, not meeting my eyes.

"Why did you call Sam a he back then?" I asked. "You know you could have told me anything."

"I know," she muttered, still not looking up. "I was just too terrified of anyone finding out, but now I'm not. I talked to my parents about it already, and they're okay with me."

She finally looked up and grinned, her hazel eyes filled with happiness. "They're okay with me," she repeated.

I was so glad for her that I embraced her. "I'm so happy for you."

She hugged me back, and I could just feel happiness radiating off her petite body.

"Now all I need is for Ivan to be okay, and I'll be happy for me too."

I nodded and let her go.

I need him to be okay, too.

*~*~*~*~*

Zoe cracked her fingers as I massaged the back of her shoulders.

"Are you ready?" I asked, whirling her around.

She grasped my shoulders, her blue eyes blazing with determination. "Are you?"

I smirked wickedly. "When am I not?"

There were two entrances in our school: the main entrance and the back door. Whenever I skipped classes, I'd go through the back door because the main one had a guard nearby it. He already caught a bunch of kids trying to cut class, and we didn't want to add to that list.

Unfortunately, the back door was locked tight today. Zoe and I tried breaking it down, but it was as stubborn as I am.

Zoe and I were not just about to give up though. Instead of going back to class to be good girls, we conjured up a wild plan that was bound to get us out of school.

We were about to get our hands dirty, and I meant that literally.

As the janitor left wheeled waste container unattended, exactly on time for his lunch, Zoe and I ran to wheel it in the janitor's closet.

The next step to our plan was to dump out the plastic of trash in the janitor's closet and ask Jade to get it thrown for us after her class, but that step was put into a halt.

Because I froze when I saw Zachary Hunter and Natalya Gray making out in the closet.

There were hundreds of thoughts that circulated in my brain when I saw both of their lips swollen with all the kissing they were making, but there was one thing I was sure of.

I was hurt.

Zachary's eyes widened as he pushed off Natalya, wiping the smirk off her face. "Blondie—"

"Hi," I waved awkwardly, cutting him off. Zoe glance at me worriedly. "Sorry for disturbing you guys, we'll be going now."

"Katherine, wait—"

I didn't let him finish. I closed the janitor closet and walked away, leading Zoe and the waste container to the girls' bathroom instead.

You have no right to feel this way, I told myself, hoping the aching pinches in my heart would disappear. Besides, who are you to feel hurt? You and Zachary are not a thing. You're not supposed to get attached.

"You okay?" Zoe asked once we got inside the restroom.

I slapped myself mentally and shot Zoe a smile. "Of course. Come on, we have to hurry before the janitor comes back."

She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously but did as she was told. Together, we removed the huge plastic bag of trash out of the container and put it in a stall.

"Who's going to go inside first?" Zoe asked, disgust evident in her face.

"Rock, paper, scissors?" I offered.

She smirked. "Challenge accepted."

We faced each other, our hands in a fist and on top of our other free hand, which was flat like a table.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

I let out a victory squeal as I conquered her balled fist with my flat out hand.

She groaned in despair before hopping into the bin, making me howl in laughter.

"Shut it, bitch!" she hissed from inside. "Stop laughing and keep moving, it's stinky as fuck in here."

I followed her instruction, still laughing. I quickly wheeled her to where the janitor left the waste container. My eyes widened in surprise when I saw the janitor, his back faced to us. I quickly jumped in the waste container, crushing Zoe in the process.

"KATH WHAT THE F—"

I put my hand over her mouth, shushing her. I moved so that I wouldn't be crushing her, so now our position was Zoe crouching beneath me and me with one leg beside her, the other leg

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