Epilogue

 ► NINE YEARS LATER

[ M I C H A E L   G R I F F I N ]

I put my feet up on the coffee table as I scrolled through the countless channels on the TV. My mind was restless, more so than usual. I fidgeted slightly as I flew past ESPN, shaking my head in disapproval.

I did not want to think about sports. Football, in particular. I was not going to get nervous like I did every damn time I had to play against him. Nope.

Besides, there was no reason to be nervous, right? I had known him for practically my entire life, I had mapped out every ridge on his gigantic body and started living rent-free in his heart.

Great, now all I could think about was his body.

I let out a frustrated groan and switched the TV off, plopping the remote beside me on the couch. Speaking of the culprit, where was he? It was a late Thursday evening and Bryan Clay was nowhere in sight. Had he been that caught up in practice? Did he get hurt? Why didn't he text me? I scoffed, my arm itching at the thought of texting him. God, I am so clingy.

Sometimes I felt like I hadn't changed much since high school. Sure, I had grown up, graduated college, and waltzed right into the NFL after playing in Division I, but one thing remained constant. My total and absolute gushiness when it came to Bry. Who, unlike me, had the most dramatic change in personality since we were kids. 

It had been nine years since we rekindled our friendship and became something more. Shortly after finishing high school, we ran into a very rocky road when it came to our futures. Bryan always looked forward to getting the hell away from East Aredale, too many stale, hurtful, and piercing memories were buried beneath the turf in those towns. Yet suddenly, reluctance kicked in and we found ourselves scared of what was yet to come. 

You could say Bry and I were similar. At one point, I thought so as well, but as time progressed we realized just how obnoxiously different we were. We had different aspirations, different dreams for what we wanted to accomplish, yet we struggled to split apart. When I had gotten a scholarship from a Division I college, I was ecstatic but more so afraid. Afraid of splitting up, being thousands of miles away from each other and to this day, I still felt queasy about that.

I was so head over heels for Bryan, I would have probably sacrificed my entire life just to be close to him. That sentiment still held, even as an established sportsman. Still, I focused on myself, went away to college, only to find him laying on my bed when I moved into the dormitory. 

I shook my head with a small smile. That crazy motherfucker.

Little did I know, those four years spent in college with Bry by my side would get even rockier. After getting our happy ever after in high school, I thought the world be all sunshine and flower fields. But even if it were, Bryan and I were severely allergic. 

People weren't ready for two gay football players loving each other, and truthfully, I don't think we were ready for it either. As a result of that, tension rose, we fought, never bothering to talk about our feelings. At one point we split up and that had been the worst couple of months of our entire existence. But we were still kids in a very cruel world.

Then we grew up.

 Soon after graduation, we were both scouted for the NFL, ironically picked up by different teams. We were rivals on the field and bunnies in the bed again. Not to mention, we were in a very predacious and conservative industry as out, gay men. Our wills were constantly being tested and tampered with, but somehow we persevered. That was when I saw the biggest change in Bryan. 

All the pain, the prejudice, and the unhappiness conditioned him to become the best version of himself. Back when we were starting in college, I remember just how fragile both of us were, we could barely rely on ourselves to pull us through the days, let alone each other. It felt like we were slowly suffocating and we refused to talk about it. It was unhealthy, toxic, even. Then we got tired. Tired of hating ourselves. Tired of being on the cusp of giving up on each other. So fucking tired. 

A year after graduating college and being drafted to the NFL, my mother passed away.

Suddenly, all the struggles I had encountered couldn't match up to the devastation I felt. I was stripped of my skin and torn to shreds by the claws of cruel fate. I was ready to give up. But Bryan wrapped his arms around me and wouldn't let go for dear life.

I felt hazy even thinking about it, it was a period of time so dark I wanted to forget about. I missed my mom, a lot, still do, and always will. My light was taken from me by the cruel jaws of cancer and I felt so sick. I devolved into a sulking mess, whose performance on the field tanked so hard, whose emotions were scattered and shattered. I turned to alcohol and pushed every good notion away from me because I was self-destructive. I tried to push away Bryan because I didn't deserve him. 

He put so much love, care, and attention in me that I thought I would spontaneously combust and I felt so bad when I could give barely a fraction of it back to him. As time healed the wounds that would never truly disappear, Bryan showed resolve and growth. From a broken boy, trying to find his place in the world, he became a man. He pulled me out of my misery and held me so close ever since. 

It was clear that there was no easy mode in the world. Our lives were a constant rollercoaster and we were riding it without any safety belts on, bracing for a crash at every dip.

I was growing more miserable by the moment, reminiscing the past.

I heard the rattle of keys and the click of a lock in the doors to our apartment. In walked the man I was so desperately in love with and I was just about ready to burst into tears. He took off his jacket and hung it, before turning back to the interior. His eyes widening in worry as he took in my somber disposition. "What's wrong?" He asked softly.

I shook my head. "Nothing, everything's okay." I focused my attention back on the blank TV screen. I really needed to stop overthinking our past and just move forward, it always brought the mood down. 

I heard a hum from him in response and relaxed on the couch, closing my eyes and desperately avoiding confrontation. I knew that I couldn't dodge and evade it, no matter how dextrous I was, especially not when I felt the couch dip beside me. "Talk to me, Griff."

I opened my eyes and tilted my head only to find him staring at me with an intense gaze, his eyes full of unadulterated worry. I let out a breath. "It's nothing really, I started missing you and getting worried, then I spiraled into a train of thought thinking about the way the world wrong us over the years. You know, the usual." 

   "Oh you poor thing, c'mere. Time for some loving." Bryan let out an exasperated, teasing breath and nudged my shoulder. I furrowed my brows at his mockery and but complied either way.

Bryan wrapped his strong arm around my body and buried his nose in my hair, he knew exactly how to disarm me and turn my insides into mush. He always did. "Better?" Bry whispered gently. His voice was devoid of amusement. "I love you, idiot."

"I hate you," I muttered jokingly, earning a gentle slap on my stomach. "Why were you out so late anyway? Did you get held up at the center?" 

"Late? Griff, it's eight in the evening, it's still light outside." He snickered and shook his head a little. "You see, I was binge-watching some replays at the center and thinking about this one particularly magnificent, scrumptious ass on the screen. I think it belongs to some guy called Michael Griff-" I elbowed him in the chest before he could finish. "Aggressive." He remarked and I could practically see the cocky smirk on his face.

"I'm going to crush you tomorrow." I shot him a warning glare.

"You've always been a dreamer." Bryan sighed dreamily, earning another elbow to his chest.

Regardless of my overwhelming emotions, I was never going to back down from a challenge. I was simply too competitive. "Is that a challenge, dear? Do you think my 'magnificent, scrumptious ass' won't distract you on the field? You're lucky that I love you, maybe I'll go easier on you this time." 

"Turn me on? Definitely. Distract me? No. Not when I have all that cake here." 

"You're awfully cocky. We should make a bet, up the stakes a little." I pursed my lips in thought. "Ah! The winner tops tomorrow."

Bryan let out a short chuckle, which was like music to my ears. "You just sealed your fate, baby."

"So did you, you're sleeping on the couch tonight." I stood up and smiled at his expression.