Chapter XXVI

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Chapter XXVI ─ Anchors



[ B R Y A N   C L A Y ]


The news that the assignment was over crushed me. I had barely gotten accustomed to hanging around with the guys from the East, it was sad to let go of it this soon. I hated the thought of seeing Michael less, but I also understood that we couldn't stay this way forever.


We had to focus on our own lives now, on our careers in and beyond high school, even though we wanted to have our hands on each other at all times of the day. God, even a mere thought of Michael naked sent my mind into overdrive and I had to contain myself in public, for him. 


I was ready to come out for him, to make it all public if he asked me to, truthfully I'd be okay with anything as long as it meant I was going to be a part of his life. 


I knew something was troubling Michael amidst all this pleasure we found in each other, all these foreign feelings that we uncovered along the way were taking a toll on him. I knew he had high ambitions and he was conflicted, he had the right to be. I had already known he wanted to pursue the NFL dreams, to become one of the football players, to succeed in life. And I desperately wanted to be next to him for the ride. 


We hadn't spoken about it just yet, we were both delaying it as much as possible and filling up the gap with mindboggling sex, which I did not mind one bit. Still, Michael being uncertain, made uncertainties fester inside me as well, we were a package deal now, and I'd fight for him.


Over the last month, I realized that I wanted to be with Michael for the rest of my life. He was my anchor, he made me feel safe and wanted when the world said otherwise, he was my world, my reason to push forward and to try to be the best version of myself. I couldn't and will not let go.


We were just on our way to a local cafe, accompanied by Ash, and, surprisingly, Jordan, I would've bet anything that she would've shot him down, yet here he was.


I had to resist the urge to grab Michael's hand, which dangled dangerously close next to mine as we walked. I had to control myself for a while, it was for him.


We arrived at the cafe to find it surprisingly packed, coming across a table that seated four was a chore, but we somehow managed to do it. I still couldn't quite wrap my head around the fact that we had just gotten out of our last joint practice, I couldn't believe myself when I said it that I was going to miss the East guys.


The afternoon breezed by in what felt like an instant, Michael and I were heading back to his house yet again, exhausted after a day of activities. We'd refused countless party invitations to chill out and stay home. I think we needed a quiet evening to clear the air between the two of us.


When we arrived home we found it left to be silent, Janice must have been away at work again, Michael was eerily silent and it was beginning to worry me. I walked behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, my chin resting on his shoulder.


He relaxed and melted into me before letting out a sigh that he seemed to have been holding in for a while. "Bryan, we need to talk." Under normal circumstances, I was certain that my instincts would kick in and I'd run the fuck away, however, a talk was long overdue.


I nodded into his shoulder and released him. He turned to face me with a concerned glimmer in his beautiful green eyes, I had to stop myself from getting lost in those beautiful swirls of shimmering green. "You feel it too, don't you?" He broke the silence after studying my face.


"Yeah, I do." I sighed.


"I'm sorry for being this... uncertain, I just have a lot to think about. There's a lot on the line for the both of us, you know? We love each other, fuck, Bry, you are my fucking world, but we have to talk about our plan for the future." Michael's expression was full of worry. I felt a storm of butterflies wreak havoc in my gut whenever Michael said that he loved me, I couldn't get enough of it.


"I've been thinking a lot about our future, what we'd do after high school, heck, what we'd do during the rest of the school year and I'm scared. I want to hold you in public, I want to kiss you and make the world see that you're mine, I want you to do the same. But it's all so complicated, you know how toxic sports are, no matter how progressive the world may be, lockerroom talk will be lockerroom talk, except as we go further it just escalates. What if I come out and ruin everything? What if we rush things and push them out into the public and destroy whatever potential we had because we love each other? It wouldn't be just my career on the line, yours would be too. We have to think about this very well." Michael rested his head against my shoulder and hummed in distress. Instinctively, my hand traced comforting circles on his back.


"I understand, Griff. I'm willing to wait you know? I'm okay with keeping things private as long as I'm with you, I got you back in my life and I don't ever want to let go of you, you hear me? I want to be right there by your side through good and bad, through all the rollercoaster hills that life is going to throw our way, I want to be there. I want to grieve with you, I want to laugh with you, I want to hold you close and make your worries go away even for a moment, just like you do for me." I whispered, meaning every single word.


"That's so unfair for you though, Bry. I don't want you to be my dirty little secret, it's so fucking cruel. You deserve to be loved in public without any inhibitions, I feel like a fucking loser for not being able to make that a reality." Tears welled up in Michael's eyes and soaked into the fabric of my t-shirt. I held Michael closer than ever before and kissed his hair reassuringly.


"When I'm with you, I feel like I'm on cloud nine, I feel like I could conquer anything. You're the only thing I ever wanted so bad, you pulled me out of this self-destructive way of living and gave me a purpose, it's not unfair in my eyes, I'd be honored to be the man you call your own, through thick and thin, I'd be honored to be yours even if we have to keep it on the down-low for a while, it's worth the wait, you will always be worth it. Besides, what transpires between the two of us is for us to enjoy, fuck the world, if the world is not ready for us then we'll build our own, in the safety of our comfort. What do you know, maybe shortly, the world will become a better place, maybe it won't even matter. We just have to stay hopeful. We need to have faith in each other, to trust each other to do the right things, that's what makes the relationship real."


Michael trembled in my arms, unable to form a coherent sentence, completely overwhelmed by his emotions. This was me once, I was the one crying in his arms, seeking comfort, I couldn't help but reciprocate it.


"Just a couple of months ago, I thought I'd never get the chance to be happy again, with my sister, my parents, the fact that nobody in the world wanted me around. I was so scared of people finding out my deepest and darkest secret that made me feel like an outcast that I thought being miserable was all that my life had left to offer. I didn't think I could snap out of it, but then you came along and all those feelings I had for you just rushed back to me, suddenly, the walls I carefully constructed around me fell, you pieced me back together like a puzzle, you made me have a reason to look forward to what's to come, you made me feel needed. I wouldn't trade the chance to be with you for anything in the world and I'm here to stay with you forever. We never put a label to what we were Griff, will you be my boyfriend?"


Michael fell silent, the sobs had ceased, for the time being, he was lost inside his head again. He snapped out a moment later. "Are you sure? Are you really okay with all this? I'm such a fucking mess." He wiped his tears away and I gave him a soft, reassuring smile.


"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, Griff, I love you, through thick and thin."


He held my eyes captive before nodding and sealing our fate together. "Through thick and thin."


From this point and onwards, Michael Griffin would be my most prized possession, my purpose, and my treasure. With him, I felt like I could do anything.



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