Anyone else wrapped in a blanket reading this? Thank you @_eaves._dropper for the cozy poster!

Anyone else drinking coffee with this or is it just me?  

Chapter 89: Prove yourself

I lost interest in everything I had to do today. My motivation was below ground level and my happiness was a level beneath that. What's that level called? Underground sewage.

Sounds about right.

I buried my head in my locker, wishing I could hide here until the last bell rang. If this is what ostriches do all day, I've found my crew.

No, I can't betray raccoons like that.

Why do I have to be so weird? If I was normal, I wouldn't be packing 8am alcohol in my backpack or calling my boyfriend out in front of the entire basketball team.

If I was normal, maybe my parents would come home, and the heating would switch on again.

Ten seconds passed by, and I was starting to really believe my plan of hiding inside my locker could work...

"Excuse you."

A female voice spoke so close to me that I jumped, banging my head against the inside of the locker.

For the love of raccoons

Ow. I pulled my head out of my locker, wondering if I should pretend like I was looking for something in there or just own up to the truth. I ended up doing neither.

"Can I help you?" I asked the girl standing directly in front of me.

She was wearing a purple beanie over her braids.

"You're Millie Ripley, aren't you?" she asked me, like I was asking a stupid question.

"Yes," I said, confused by how she was on a full name basis with me and I was on a no name basis with her. "What's your name?"

She hadn't come alone and I recognized the girl standing behind her. It was Stacey.

I hadn't seen Stacey in a while, but she was a senior and she'd been a counselor at summer camp with Luke and me. We didn't have the fondest of memories together. After she unzipped my fleece, stuck a $1 bill in my bra and took a photo of me sleeping...

I have trust issues for good reason.

"Hi Millie," Stacey waved, a couple steps behind, "We heard about your grand trip to Dubai. You really glowed up this semester, am I right? Anyway, Oma finally uploaded the pics. Cute, huh?"

The best response is silence. I was sure of that.

This beanie girl said, "Bianca had some interesting insight that she shared in the comment section," she pulled up her phone like she was verifying facts.

What is it with seniors and their interest in my love life?

I knew these girls hated me, so this fake kindness act was not going to get them anywhere.

"B commented on a photo of Luke Dawson and you," the girl spoke about Bianca like they were friends, which I doubted. She stopped scrolling and read it out, "Puppy love."

That's it?

If they're talking about this right now, then the Kaden news hasn't hit yet.

"OK," I said, waiting for a worse part to come.

This isn't bad - Puppy love is not bad. Maybe Bianca's being... nice? She did send me a friend request.

Stacey followed up with the next question: "So you're not giving Luke any?"

Sorry, what? Did I miss something?

"Must be hard for a guy like him," the other girl - who still hadn't introduced herself - said, "Don't you ever wonder if he's getting it on the side?"

I don't know your name. Why would I answer that?

I was so taken aback, I hadn't expected this at all. My reaction made them both smirk.

Respect to Bianca for that sly move. No one can call her out for being rude, since the comment was technically nice, but it did imply that Luke and I hadn't done the full shabang. Why does Bianca have to spill my personal life out on social media?

Stacey said, "I've been telling people how surprised I am by this. You seemed so desperate, I was sure you were falling all over him in that cabin."

Excellent.

Even when I try to get away from Luke... I can't.

**

I hid in the computer room. Joe wasn't here, but the few people who were, were sitting with giant headphones on. They didn't register my presence.

I felt relief at escaping all the toxic gossip outside. From one drama to another, this day was getting harder and harder to deal with.

I dropped my backpack to the floor and sat at one of the computers. I didn't log on, but placed my phone in front of the keyboard instead.

I found Oma's album on Instagram. From all the action in the comments section, I could see it was causing a stir.

I scrolled through the photos, admiring her photography skills. She'd taken an incredible action shot of Austin on a dirt bike, with his pearly white smile and unruly hair.

And a group photo of us all at the beach party on New Year's Eve. Everyone's outfits were incredible, and our arms draped over each other. Chad was spraying a bottle into the air and the drops looked like stars in a black sky. Champagne showers.

Then I found a picture of Luke and me facing each other, so close we were practically kissing, with the sand dunes in the background. Shades of yellow. His cap was down over his eyes and the hot sun glinted against his biceps.

He looked so fine - I hate how that makes it harder for me to stay mad at him right now.

And the comment section was blowing up. Every time I refreshed, there were new comments and a dozen more likes. I had to scroll to find Bianca's:

puppy love

I clicked on Bianca's name and accepted her friend request. Then, with a boldness I didn't think I had, I DM'd her:

Hey, what's up with that comment?

I stared at my message and instantly regretted it. Should I delete it? Did she already get the notification? I was about to click unsend when the blue dot popped up and I saw she was online.

I immediately closed the conversation and freaked out.

Bianca was scary. And she did not like me. Why did I-

My phone buzzed and I looked down. Bianca had responded:

Sensitive much?

I typed back: It'd be nice to keep everything low key

I kept my message vague on purpose. I didn't want to create a bigger fire than there already was.

A few seconds later, Bianca's message popped up in response: They call you a prude and they call me a slut. So what?

I didn't know what to write next. I didn't expect us to be having a full-on conversation in our DMs, but here we are. I watched the three dots appear and waited for her next message.

Bianca: Girls project their insecurities on people they're jealous of. Take it as a compliment

I thought about what that meant, looking around the computer room as if I expected the answer to pop out. So many times this year, I've found myself wondering what people's lives are really like. Bianca was a queen B, and with that comes a lot of jealousy - is that why she's harsh? She dishes what she takes?

I leaned forward and typed: Are you talking about your comment or people calling me a prude?

I waited for the three dots. Nothing. She wasn't online anymore.

**

If I couldn't spend the rest of the day burying my head in my locker, then hiding in the computer lab isn't a bad backup plan. The only problem is... I got hungry.

We have one vending machine outside the cafeteria, and I had to trudge through the halls for a good five minutes to get to it. I definitely noticed people looking at me, but I had no idea if they were thinking, 'prude', 'alcoholic' or 'self-righteous b-

Depends which rumor they got a whiff of today.

"What the?!" I gasped, staring at the price tags on the snacks behind the glass, "When did vending machines get so expensive?"

I had to skip lunch today because I didn't have enough lunch money, but this is...

Robbery.

Vending machines are tempting me into a life of crime. All I wanted was a peanut butter cup. It's lucky junk good never expires, because who can afford to buy this now?

Suddenly, a smooth voice interrupted my thoughts:

"Minnie."

There is only one person in this world who calls me that.

I looked up in the reflection of the vending machine glass and saw a vague shadow of Luke. My heart skipped a beat. I turned around and stared at him, standing a few feet away, with a look in his eyes of hesitation.

So, we're doing this here?

No warning? No build up to this moment? I wasn't ready.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

Those words filled me with dread.

Isn't that the one thing you're not supposed to say in a relationship?

Doesn't that usually follow up with a break-up speech? I'm not ready for that. What's going on? I looked back at the peanut butter cup, and considered it a distant dream now.

"No," I blurted out.

"Ok," Luke said, like he expected that response. He slowly walked towards me, taking his time because he knew these silent moments forced me to take in his presence and his calm voice satiated my urge to run away, "Why not, Minnie?"

"I have class."

"Ditch it."

"No."

He came close and it softened my cold attitude towards him. He knew how I felt around him. This was our weakness; we soften when we're this close to each other. I can yell at him all day until he picks me up in his arms.

And he can be intense all day until we're together.

He's different on the basketball court, when he's speaking to a large group of people. He takes on that persona that I often forget he has; when everyone looks up to him, it makes me feel like we're so far apart. We met outside of all that, and I actually got to know him. Or at least, a part of him that not many see.

Two girls passing by whispered loudly when they noticed us.

I stiffened, stepping away. I really didn't like being a center of attention. I'm not used to it, especially since the 'attention' always tended to be negative. Rumors are not made to build people up.

"I left my pen in my car," I blurted out a lie and spun off at my fastest pace.

I should've come up with a better excuse. The chance that Luke was going to fall for that was... zero.

So I tried to make it look like I wasn't rushing towards the doors. In reality, I was rushing at my fastest pace.

Which is not that fast.

Luke casually strolled to keep up with my frantic pace. My pencil case was making a lot of noise bouncing around in my backpack.

"Shortage of pens then?" Luke asked, pointing out how lame my excuse was.

I ignored him and reached the double doors, shoving them open – except that they were wedged shut. I tried again, but it didn't work. Luke slowly extended his arm over me and I rolled my eyes, knowing what would happen. He lightly pushed the door and it swung open.

Luke waited patiently for me to walk through, keeping his hand against the door.

I knew he was enjoying this way too much. I squeezed past him, careful for our bodies not to touch. The fact that I was trying to avoid his body made me stare at it, which made him stare down at me staring at it.

I ran off.

There were practically no people in the parking lot because of the cold. I headed towards my car, exhaling a sigh of relief. I didn't realize how trapped I'd felt at school.

Why did everything have to be so difficult right now? Sophomore year had been so much easier for me.

Luke called out after me. Finally, we were away from everyone and I could speak freely.

"Stop following me Luke!" I told him, "You're going to say all the right words and I'll forget everything you did back there. I don't want to forget!"

I know I didn't sound mature. I could hear it, but not enough to change the words coming out of my mouth.

"Come on Minnie," Luke said, again catching up to me without much effort, "There's a blackmailer breaking into your house and threatening you. Kaden lied about his involvement and some nice questioning isn't going to keep you safe. I gave him that option."

"I know what bullying does to people," I replied quietly, unlocking my car door, "And I never want to inflict that on someone."

I couldn't get the image out of my head of Kaden being thrown to floor.

"So what's you plan? Get into your car and drive over me?" he asked, trying to stop me from running away, "You've already tried that a few times."

"Those were your laptops, not you," I reminded him.

"Minnie, I know you want the blackmail to end," he said, "But bad people don't stop because you ask them nicely. It's not a fairytale."

"You think I don't know that?!" I replied, slamming my door shut, "What part of my life is a fairytale to you?! You are the fairytale, Luke. That's it. The rest of my life is falling apart. But these are my problems to deal with!"

I was losing it. It's too hard keeping all my frustrations inside.

"No, it's our problem," he said, "You wouldn't be in this mess without me. The blackmail is because of our relationship, so this is my problem too."

He blames himself for this?

"This is not how we do things," I said, "You don't just trample over everyone to get what you want."

Being loved by Luke was everything. It was practically an addiction. But I couldn't forget that he physically assaulted someone. It was a step too far.

I used to think I would do anything to be loved. I used to think I would become anything for anyone just to be loved by them. I guess, in reality, I won't. I'm a lonely, insecure individual – but what I fear most is losing myself.  

If I have me, I can't be alone.

What am I even thinking right now?!

"What do you want me to do, Millie?" Luke snapped, "Apologize? Change my instincts and become more tame for you? I'm the one who always needs to change. What about you?"

"I don't ask you to change," I argued, "I've been saying the same thing since the beginning. I want you to be nicer to people, to show them respect. You can't just drag someone across the floor like that!"

Luke said, "There's a psycho out there trying to harm you and I want to get answers. That's different from you telling me to be nicer to nice people. I'm not dragging suspender boy across the floor. This isn't the same thing."

"It's a similar thing to me," I replied.

"Come on. I bet even you would hit someone if they're attacking you."

"That's self-defense."

"And what do you think I'd do if someone breaks into your house again and comes to your bed again, only this time, they harm you?" he asked, "I'd murder."

"It's not going to come to that."

"I'm saying there's a spectrum. When you tell me to be nicer to people, I hear you and I work on that. But now you're telling me to stand by when you're in danger. I can't do that," he said, "I will take down anybody connected to this. And at some point, Millie, you're going to have to take me for me."

"Violence is not a personality trait," I said, "It's not who you are; it's just an action. I'm not asking you to stand by. There are so many things we could do to solve this. Please, just don't hurt people. Kaden isn't even proven guilty."

"Name one thing we could do then," Luke replied, "We've gone to the police, we've questioned everyone. We don't have any leads except for Kaden's lie and we've already tried asking him nicely," Luke said.

"Hitting him doesn't help."

He looked like he was going to say something, like he knew something. But instead, he changed his mind.

"This doesn't feel like a discussion," he said in frustration, "I'm trying to explain my view and you just keep repeating the same thing. I know I usually apologize when we argue, but I can't this time."

Is that true? Is he always the one apologizing?

"We all change though," I said emotionally, "We change as we grow old and we can influence each other. You changed me for the better. You've made me more daring and vocal and you've pointed out how my overthinking and lack of confidence strains the people around me. Could this not be something that you think about?"

I did not phrase that well at all.  I kind of sounded like a teacher.

Luke shook his head.

It felt like there was a distance between us now.

"I didn't hide anything about myself to you. You knew who I was long before we started dating," Luke said, "Millie, our first day out together I got into a fight with that biker gang."

"That was self-defense!" I exclaimed, "I'm not asking you to apologize. I'm just not OK with this approach. You're a good person, Luke. I know you did it out of love, but I'm telling you that I don't want an expression of love that way."

"So what do you want?" he raised his hands, "I show up. I'm there for you when nobody else is. Do I have to run through fire before I prove myself to you?"

I whispered, "You don't need to prove yourself..."

"But I do," he almost laughed at how I couldn't see it, "I have to prove to you that I'm not seeing anyone else, I have to prove that I'm not a jerk. I have to prove myself to you so many damn times that I'm left here wondering, when will I be good enough for you?"

The tears almost spilled out of my eyes. Tears I didn't even know I had until they were clouding my vision.

It's not his fault that his parents don't like me, that some of his friends don't like me. But the burden falls on him. Maybe it's more my fault. Maybe I should've changed more, tried harder, for them to like me. For me to fit in.

I opened my mouth to respond but I was still taking in the weight of his words. My lip trembled and I didn't want him to see that. I didn't want him to stop speaking his truth to avoid hurting me.

"I..." I started to speak, "You're the best thing that happened to-"

"Hey guys," our comp gov teacher Mr Laghari interrupted our conversation, jogging up to us with a clipboard in his hand, "Sorry to interrupt what looks like an incredibly tense and passionate discussion but you two are needed in the principal's office."

I blinked the tears back and was surprised to see the world around us. I had been so consumed in our conversation.

The look Luke gave him was something close to murderous.

Mr Laghari raised his clipboard and adjusted his tie almost like he was preparing to defend himself, "I'm very sorry to disturb you both, but a serious situation has been brought to our attention and you two are in serious trouble."

"She didn't do anything," Luke said.

"Well, that will be up to the Principal to decide. Your parents have been called in and, in the worst case, you may be facing expulsion."

A/N: Happy #89. Feels so fitting to be this dramatic heading into chapter 90, doesn't it?

For some fun videos of Chad, check out my Instagram stories.  I'm liiiving for the comedy that you send me ★✦

OK now I have to run! I'm definitely not meant to be on wattpad right now haha.  

See ya in the comments here or on Instagram (@Natalieinacorner)! 

<3 Natalie

P.S. I ran out of coffee.  Disaster.

P.P.S. Have you voted on the chapter yet?