84 | Aftermath

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Thank you @Vdeore27 for the poster :) 

And good luck to @gpicariello.24 who's writing her book assignment on this story! 

Chapter 84: Aftermath

It's easier to forgive when you can understand.

My father had descended into a mental state where he believed that walking away from his family was the right thing to do. I couldn't know for sure and I couldn't understand how a person gets to that point. I felt angry that he'd felt that way.

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if I understood, but then again, I don't think I'll ever understand.

"We spoke about a week before he left," Mr Dawson said, and I stifled my thoughts to hear him speak. Mr Dawson was talking as if he could picture my father standing in front of him. "I could see that he hadn't slept in a while and he was a tormented man. "

Mr Dawson put his head in his hands and pressed them against his knees, rocking backwards and forward in his chair. This outburst of emotion took me by surprise. I would never have expected that from Luke's dad. Luke's stern, collected and disapproving father.

I heard him exhale in pain and I couldn't tell if he was crying.

"He came to me for advice and I regret what I told him," Mr Dawson said.

The rest of us hadn't moved an inch. We were all living in the shadow of the past, haunted by the past and - from the way Luke's father was reacting - afraid of the past.

Mr Dawson looked up and his eyes were red. The story was no longer about me. He was looking at his son.

And for once, it wasn't Luke.

Jake.

"I'm sorry," Mr Dawson said, and his voice cracked from the pain.

Jake was sitting next to me and I couldn't bear to look at him. I didn't want to see the emotion on his face, because it felt like a violation of his privacy. I've had enough private and embarrassing moments play out in front of other people to know what it feels like.

Mr Dawson said, "I left you and your mom, and I carry that guilt with me every day. I created a friction in my family where my own kids hate me and each other."

Mrs Dawson had her hand pressed over her mouth but the tears in her eyes betrayed her. She was always so put together, but here, she was breaking apart.

"I can never know why your father left, Millie, but I tell you that the feeling of emasculation, of being unworthy, can lead to major depression. And when people are scared or in that headspace, they make decisions which may not be morally right."

Mrs Dawson unintentionally sobbed and tried to control her sound. Charlotte stood up from next to me on the couch and went to hug her mother.

Jake was sitting to my left and Luke was standing across the room. I felt like this conversation was breaking us. The truth was bringing us all closer together and still, somehow, breaking us apart.

I opened my lips, but the words came out quietly, "What did you tell my dad?"

"I told him my story," Mr Dawson said and he gazed off into the distance, like he was reliving the conversation in this moment. "In a way, that may have encouraged him to leave. Your dad and I don't have much in common, except for our greatest f*ck up. We both left a family vulnerable."

I didn't realize I was crying until a tear dropped on my hand. I looked down at it and that tore me apart from my trance. I saw Jake's knee next to mine and his fingers were clenched around the arm of the sofa.

If I looked at him, I'd probably break down. It must be taking so much strength for Jake not to cry too.

"I don't know where your dad is and I don't think he knows how to make things better," Mr Dawson continued, "Sometimes we make mistakes we can't recover from. At least your dad had a more honorable reason for leaving his-"

"Dad," Charlotte gasped, shocked that he was calling himself dishonorable for marrying her mother.

Mr Dawson tried to focus on the story, "But looking back, I think it was too late. Your dad worried he was taking your mom down with him, but he already had."

I clutched my hands together, holding onto myself tight. "That's why you called social services?"

"Kids are innocent, and they deserve a chance," Mr Dawson confirmed it.

"Oh honey," Mrs Dawson shook her head, hiding her face behind her hands.

Mt Dawson sat back and finally let the past slip away. He realized what 'his truth' had done to everyone in the room. We were two families, living a broken life on the same street.

His family hid it better than mine, but the wounds were still there. Time doesn't heal all wounds.

How did we even get here? It's crazy to think that if Luke and I hadn't gotten together, we wouldn't have unlocked this story about my past. What do I do from here?

Mr Dawson exhaled like his own soul was coming out. For a man who showed little emotion, this was not a usual display for him. I wonder if he felt lighter with that confession.

His wife and daughter were in tears and Jake was silently mourning beside me.

Mr Dawson stood up and closed the subject, "That's enough for now."

He walked towards the door, but his son stopped him. 

Luke was the only one who wasn't breaking down right now. Why not? Shouldn't he?

"One more question," Luke said in a tone of voice I couldn't recognize. There was no warmth in it. "Why did you call him now?"

Mr Dawson looked down. He stayed at the door and put his hand on the brass knob. Luke stood in front of him and didn't move.

"You're not a little boy anymore, are you?" Mr Dawson commented, looking up at Luke.

It wasn't an innocent question. He said it because he couldn't walk out now that his son was physically able to stop him. 

Luke was bigger than his father and, just by blocking the door, there was a subtle threat in Luke's body language.

I was envious of him. He had a physical strength that I, as a girl, didn't have. Why do I feel envy in this moment? My emotions were all muddled and confused.

Envy of Luke. Envy of his sister. After all, she was the one who got her father talking in the first place – and not by brute force.

Envy of a life that wasn't mine.

"I made the call because of you," Mr Dawson said, and jabbed his finger into his son's chest, "I haven't thought much about the Ripleys in years until you went ahead and started dating their daughter."

"You've changed because of her," Mr Dawson told his son, "you yell at me and judge me for my behavior. Before you went off to Dubai, you dug up the past and threw it in my face-"

"Because I found out you called social services?" Luke replied angrily, "Own up to it, dad. Your mistakes."

"You don't know my life. You were born when I was already-"

Luke pulled his father's hand down from waving it aggressively in the air, "What does this have to do with it? Why did you call Millie's dad?"

"I wanted to speak to him, that's all," Mr Dawson finally revealed it, "I just wanted to pick the phone and call an old acquaintance."

Luke had finally gotten it out of him.

I stared up at that, "So my dad knows how I'm doing?"

I could hear the hope in my voice. Maybe my dad was in a better headspace right now and maybe he cared about how I was doing.

Mr Dawson let out a sound that sounded like a sad chuckle, "He cursed like a horse when he found out who you were dating."

Luke stepped away from the door to let him go. And I think Mr Dawson was torn by that action. Luke was angry and disappointed. 

"Luke," his father tried to apologize, "I didn't think the call would lead to anything. I just wanted to speak to the guy. Someone who wouldn't judge. Someone who'd understand. Heck, you're my son and she's his daughter."

"That's the problem," I said.

Luke looked at me. And slowly, begrudgingly, Mr Dawson acknowledged me too.

"That's the problem with you and my dad. It's all about you. Your story. Don't you see how you've affected so many other lives? You shouldn't think of this as your story. You're not the one suffering here," I said and lowered my voice for the weight of my anger, "You make others suffer."

We were a room full of suffering.

A hand rested on my back and I flinched at the contact. It was Jake and he was trying to comfort me. 

Jake was the only one in the room who knew exactly how I was feeling – because he feels it too. He and I have been in the same situation and we were not to be alone.

Mr Dawson was about to speak but, this time, Luke interrupted him, "No, dad. This is when you leave."

Mr Dawson reacted, "I told you we shouldn't open this can of worms," he clenched the doorknob and twisted it open suddenly, "But I didn't do anything else. I didn't tell the guy to come back. We just talked and our conversation sparked something in him to call your mom."

Mr Dawson walked out and left the door wide open behind him.

Another tear rolled down my cheek and dropped onto my hand.

I was relieved to be getting answers. And I didn't want them to stop. I wanted to speak to my mother, to find out why my dad called her, what he said to make her leave.  And maybe even speak to my dad – to meet him again.

Would he be proud of what I've become?

How would he react to Luke?

And the blackmailer. I needed to find the blackmailer. I wanted to start taking control of my friendship, my relationships and everything in between. I didn't want to be used or silenced. I wanted to be free.

Luke came directly towards me and didn't make any snide remarks to Jake. Jake also didn't say anything to Luke. For once.

This was about both our families. Was this the first time Mr Dawson had shown guilt for leaving Jake's mother?

"How do you feel, Minnie?" Luke whispered, picking up my hand.

He dusted the tear off with a brush of his thumb before he raised my hand to his smooth lips and kissed it.

I squeezed his hand and said, "I think your father said it best. Our dads have nothing in common except their biggest mistake."

We lived in the shadow of the past. And now we had to live in the aftermath.

"At least you two are not related," Charlotte sighed, sitting back, "With all the affairs and secret children in this house, there was a chance."

A/N: Wow, I feel like taking a breather. This was intense to write.  How do you feel?

✰ Remember to vote! ✰ There will be more Luke, Millie & Jake time in the next one. 

AAAAND  what's your favorite song lyric that Millie texted Jake? Poll is on my IG so  comment there or here... or both :)

See ya Tuesday! <3



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