🎶. Tu Hi Hai (Half Girlfriend)

His words and his actions were divergent from each other. As if his brain was the narrator, and his heart a navigator. He was in a state where everything around him appeared scattered, his motive, his plans, his fears, his emotions, even his reflection. His feelings had led him to the point of the road where he wouldn't know what's the outcome of the next step forward. This was the place he feared to be in, this was what he had tried very hard to ignore, this feeling, of not knowing yourself, of being torn in between two possibilities, of having to choose between two wrongs and contemplating which one would have a greater consequence.

The hardest part of it all, he did everything to let her go and in the end, when she did try to leave, he couldn't handle it.

He couldn't control what he felt. It was new and it was untamed. It suddenly erupted like a volcano, the hot burning lava didn't waste a second in engulfing his every inch.

He hated the power she has over him, and maybe that is the reason he said all those things to her, to gain some sort of control back on himself, to tell himself that no, it's the other way around, she is the one who's being controlled by him.

It was easy that way, to not repeat what he had realised, to not regret what he was beginning to feel, to not reciprocate what he received, and to release what he couldn't accept.

But the moment he saw her with another man, all that buried came back to the surface.

For the last four months, she had never looked at another man, her eyes had always been on him, they had always searched for him. The way she melts in his arms, the way she looks into his eyes, as if the world around her could burn to ashes and she wouldn't even blink. He had her all for himself without even trying. And while he didn't want her in the beginning, now he was starting to need her. The thought that he had got her without having to do anything, what if someone else, who is really worthy of her, comes along and goes beyond everything to win her. How difficult it would be for her to look away from him and turn to the man who could promise her certainty, something he can't give her.

He had tried so hard to not involve himself in her life, to lose the last mission he was given as Valerius Siciliano. But the moment their worlds collided, everything went spiralling out of his hands. The more distance he had put between them, the more she got closer and it agitated him, deciding it was best to focus on the mission now that she had willingly invited the trouble.

But then it all changed the day when he realised who she is. How could he betray the one person who held his mother's last memory? How could he betray her, when she had trusted him twice with everything of her?

He hated himself for being so weak when it comes to her, when it comes to his feelings for her. The more he tried to push her away, the harder she pulled him close. And while she may not have realised that, he was aware of each of his walls crumbling slowly.

He is not used to so much trust, so much affection, so much love. He doesn't know what it feels like to be wanted for more than your body. He doesn't know what it feels to be touched in an emotionally intimate way.

Blame him for what he has done, but if given a chance to go back and change everything, maybe he'll end up doing it again. Because that's what he is, a man who has lived a planned life, never had he acted before thinking, it never came to the point where he would have to regret anything. He wasn't smart enough to handle emotions, he wasn't smart enough to understand what it feels to be wanted, to be looked at so tenderly. Life didn't give him more than ten years to grow in love and laugh, to be held and hugged, to be soothed and subdued, that part of him is still raw, callow, and partially touched.

Every time he is around her, while his words are calculated, his actions are not. They are unrefined, inhibited, and follow the need of his heart, not the command of his brain.

He doesn't know what to do when she isn't looking and how to do when she does. Whatever he had planned, suddenly feels foreign. As if it isn't meant for her, it shouldn't be, she doesn't deserve it.

He was as calm as the sea before she came, and now, the waves roar so loud they try to swallow every possible change that wants him to go back to his previous state. But whenever she looks at him, in the same unfiltered, unfaltering affection, where he is the center of her attention, he grows calm, the roars stop, the trembling ceases, the need to halt and let her admire him makes him want to slow down, so she would know it's only her reflection he would carry, and no one else.

And when she looks away, he is not in control of the chaos that happens internally. As if everything inside him is fighting back for her attention.

He is scared, scared of this new change. Where he is not himself, where he doesn't know what to do, where he is unaware of his next action, of his next words.

Throwing away the last bit of rationality, he acts on instinct, and the instinct is her, her eyes, her smile, her touch. He wanted her to be his, even if he was unable to give her all of him. The sense of belonging he feels when he is with her, he wants her to feel the same. That she is his, until the time he has, she is his. Only his.

So he did what he could to make her realise what it feels to be him. To introduce her to the roars of the sea he deals with internally every day. To show her what he was afraid to see. The sight of being in someone else's arms, to be touched by someone else, to be looked in a suggestive way by someone else who's not her.

With his blazer draped over his thigh, he propped his elbows on the counter behind and leaned back relaxed, a glass of non-alcoholic gin in his hand, slowly taking a sip as he watched a woman in blue dress dance to the beats of the song blasting through the speakers.

She wasn't the one he wanted, she was the one who would get him the one he wanted.

Feeling the burning gaze on her, the woman turned her head, her body still swaying along with the music as she met his grey eyes.

Rehan flashed her a smile.

The woman chuckled, biting her lower lip and gently separating herself from the man she was dancing with. With a slow shake of her head at the man, she said something to him in his ear and made her way off the dance floor.

"Hi," she stopped in front of Rehan, waving her hand softly.

Instead of responding immediately, Rehan looked up at the first floor, feeling a smirk crawl up on his plump lips when he noticed her standing there, holding the steel banister, watching him intensely.

He looked down quickly and his smirk morphed into a lopsided grin. "Hey,"

Her smile widened. "My name is Fia."

"Rehan." He replied.

She nodded. "May I sit here?" She pointed at the empty stool beside him.

"Please," he smiled in welcome.

She thanked him and hopped onto the seat, causing her dress to ride above her knees, revealing her toned thighs.

Rehan looked down intentionally, chuckling when she blushed and shyly pushed the hem down.

"So, where are you from?" She asked curiously after ordering herself a drink.

He turned to face her and placed his glass down. "Los Angeles."

"Oh, I've been there once!" She chirped. "A fun place indeed."

"True, not as fun as Turin though." He shrugged.

"Why?" She tilted her to the left, smiling widely, revealing the dimples on her cheeks.

It suddenly reminded him of Siya and he instinctively looked up, meeting her dark brown eyes through the flashing lights.

"Rehan?" The woman called out and he blinked, focusing back on her.

"I meant, LA doesn't have what Turin has." He answered in a deep, husky voice.

"That is?" She asked, thanking the bartender when he handed her the drink.

"You." Rehan tipped his glass towards her, taking a slow sip as she laughed.

"Cheesy." She commented, shaking her head slightly, causing her brown curls to sway gracefully. "How many girls did you try this line on?"

"Just you." He shrugged with a smile.

"Should I be flattered or offended that I was the first one you tried this on?" She chuckled.

"Former. Obviously." He replied, glancing up for a second and looking back down immediately.

Did she feel hurt yet?

Did she understand what he was feeling?

Does it not affect her to watch him with someone else?

Why isn't she reacting?

Why is she still watching!?

How long does he have to continue with this stupid act?

Why is he even doing this?

Fuck! He is fucked up.

"Rehan," Fia waved her hand in front of his face, breaking the chain of his thoughts.

"Sorry," he whispered and smiled with ease.

She nodded. "You look a little disoriented. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he answered. "By the way, should I try again? I've a lot more pick-up lines." He added playfully.

She laughed. "Oh no, please don't. Honestly, you don't even have to try. You just had to smile and see, I'm already here." She shrugged shyly.

"Okay, so the smile it is. My ultimate flirting weapon."

"Definitely." She played along.

He glanced up once again, breathing out softly when he spotted her.

Was she testing him? Trying to see how far he would go!?

Leaning in, he placed his hand on Fia's bare knee, startling the young lady. She looked up at him slowly, a blush rising on her round cheeks as a soft smile played on her lips. Hooking his hand underneath the bare flesh, he tugged her closer, wrapping his arm around her waist as she gasped and almost fell back.

"God, you scared me." She whispered, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder.

He effortlessly lifted her off the stool and pulled her on his lap, causing the hem of her dress to ride higher. Her breath shallowed when the expanse of his palm encompassed around her white skin, garnering a tight hold.

His gaze drifted towards the first floor, the burning rage in his eyes for her unresponsive state was open for her to see.

"Is she not jealous yet?"

His gaze snapped back to Fia's eyes, realising they appeared almost silver from up this close.

"Don't look so surprised." She scoffed. "Your eyes have a habit of betraying you. You glanced at her more than you realised."

He sighed and a guilty expression crossed his face.

"Were you going to kiss me if she had continued to watch?"

He shook his head.

"Good. At least you've a boundary." She mumbled. "I don't know who is at the fault or what are you trying to prove, but do you want me to continue?"

A genuine smile came over his lips and he met her eyes, biting his lower lip as he shrugged.

Fia chuckled.

He glanced up out of habit, his smile dropping when he saw the pure, unadulterated jealousy swirling in her eyes before she spun and disappeared inside. He frowned.

"Looks like she knows you more than you know yourself," Fia said and slid off his lap.

He looked down at her with evident confusion. "What do you mean?"

Fia smiled. "Looks like you don't know her more than you think you do."

His frown deepened.

"And looks like, my job here is done. Let me go find someone who is really willing to spend time with me. Bye. Good night." She mumbled and picked up her clutch. "And Rehan,"

He acknowledged her.

"I know you might have many girls to prove to her that you don't need her, but considering the way she was looking at you, it seems like she has eyes only for you. So if you're not genuine, don't play with her." She patted his shoulder and walked away.

He turned around and ordered a neat whiskey, downing it the moment he was served. Ignoring the burn in his throat and chest, he ordered another drink, swallowing it without bothering to wait for the previous daze to wore off.

Rehan Malik's alcohol tolerance is lower than his will to continue with his last mission and that being said a lot, he was drunk in less than fifteen minutes.

Holding his throbbing head, he laid his forehead against the counter for a second, waiting until the throbbing stopped.

"Are you okay?"

He lifted his head, watching through squinted eyes and spotting a woman beside him on the stool that was previously occupied by Fia.

"You seem drunk," the woman mumbled. "Have this. It'll help you feel better." She slid a glass of orange juice towards him.

Sitting straighter, he looked down at the glass and then at her, blinking rapidly when her frame divided into two similar people.

"Drink it. You'll feel fine afterward." She said with a sweet smile.

Peeling his eyes off her, he picked up the glass and brought it closer to his mouth. But before he could take a sip, a hand on his wrist stopped him.

He forced his eyes to widen and sighed at the sight of Siya.

"Are you dumb?" She sneered. "Who made you an adult when you're clearly not mature enough to know not to drink anything from a stranger!?" She grabbed the glass from him and emptied it on the woman's face.

"Hey!"

"I know what you did! And you're going to pay for it!" Siya snapped, nodding at the lady bouncer who was quick to grab ahold of the lady and drag her away. "Get me a glass of water." She ordered the bartender.

Rehan stared at her hand which was wrapped around his wrist.

"Drink this,"

He drank whatever she wanted him to.

"Let's go out, you need some fresh air." She mumbled and helped him off the stool, holding him tightly as he stumbled after each step.

When they were out of the hotel, she asked him to take deep breaths. He obliged wordlessly.

"Feeling better?"

It wasn't dizzy anymore so he nodded. Lifting his gaze, he met her eyes and then let it travel to the left, groaning when he spotted Roman.

Roman sighed tiredly. "I'll leave. Good night, Siya."

She forced a smile at him. "Good night. And thank you, for keeping me company tonight."

"My pleasure." He whispered, glancing at Rehan who waved his hand as if he was shooing away a mosquito. He rolled his eyes and turned around to walk back inside the hotel.

"Ethan, take him to his room." She said and attempted to retrieve her hold from his body.

In response, he pulled her closer and laid his cheek on her shoulder, not wanting to face the internal chaos again. They are scary. He likes his sea calm, and it only happens when it has her reflection.

Her arms fell limp by her side and she heaved a breath. "Why are you doing this, Rehan?"

He nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck, closing his eyes slowly.

"When did you turn so clingy, Mr. Malik?" She asked, not expecting an answer.

"When I realised I could lose you anytime," he slurred in response.

She frowned. "Maybe that's one of the consequences of your actions towards me?"

When he didn't say anything, she took him back inside the hotel with Ethan's help.

After reaching his room, she asked Ethan to search for his room key in his pockets and opened the door, dragging the drunk man inside and dropping him on the couch in the living room. When she turned to leave, he was quick to lean in and latch onto her hand.

Siya sighed defeatedly. "You should go Ethan. I'll come after putting him to bed."

"I can do it. You don't need to."

"Shut up," Rehan grumbled, lifting his head and attempting to glare at the older man. "Siya, don't listen to him. I won't go to bed if it's him putting me to sleep." He pointed lazily at the man.

"Leave, Teddy. Catch some sleep. I'll be quick." She responded.

Ethan nodded in defeat and left the room.

Rehan smiled with his eyes closed.

"C'mon, let's go to bed." She tried to make him stand.

His heavy arms slipped from her hold when he didn't reciprocate.

"Rehan," she said tiredly.

The doorbell rang and she frowned, looking over her shoulder. "Who is it?"

"Matthew."

"Come in. The door is open."

Matthew stepped inside, looking slightly on edge. "Uhm, Ethan told me he is drunk." He said pointing at Rehan.

"Yeah, it was his first time." She replied.

Rehan shook his head.

Matthew gulped. "Oh, yeah, right. Why don't you go and take some rest? I'll take care of him."

"No!" Rehan opened his eyes fully.

"It's okay. I'll be fine." She answered.

"Yeah, but-"

"Matthew, leave. I'll be fine."

"I can help. You don't need to do this." He tried again.

"There's the door, Matthew," she pointed annoyedly.

"There's the door, Matteo!" Rehan stood up, pointing at the door before falling back on the couch with a thud.

"Matteo?"

"He meant Matthew. Looks like he is too drunk." Matthew sighed.

"Yeah, leave." She said and turned back to face Rehan, loosening his tie to get rid of it.

Rehan met Matthew's eyes over Siya's shoulder and frowned at the loud gestures the younger man was making at him. "What? I can't understand." He said with a blink.

Siya looked over her shoulder, causing Matthew to falter and flash her a shaky smile.

"I was saying, goo- good night. Good night, Mr. Malik. Good night, boss."

"Oh yeah, good night!" Rehan grinned.

Matthew subtly glared at him before forcing another smile at Siya and hesitantly leaving the room.

Siya crouched to Rehan's level and undid his shoes, glancing up at him when she felt his eyes on her. "I thought you're always in control of everything." She muttered with a shake of her head.

He smiled mirthlessly. "I'm in control of what's around me, Mea, not what's inside of me."

She halted, narrowing her eyes at him, unable to look away because he had command on the unintentional stare.

"We need to get the alcohol out of our system, c'mon," she broke the eye contact and stood up, helping him on his feet as well. They walked to the bathroom and she opened the door, stepping inside along with him and telling him to kneel.

He frowned when she opened the toilet and stood beside him with her arms crossed.

"What am I supposed to do?" He slurred.

"Throw up."

He blinked and looked back down at the open toilet, shrugging at her weird command and doing it anyway, only being able to dry vomit.

"I feel like a