"Dean, I have to pee." I mumble, my body tucked in between his. We're currently in his room—a place where he has put me to rest after a long day of catching up with homework and lectures—with Dean sitting up against the headboard while I sit in between his legs, slumped. A blanket covers us fully and Dean's hand is cupping the back of my head, pressing me further into him with the other circling around my waist.

"Five more minutes," He grumbles, his eyes closed as he takes his power nap. Dean and Alex had taken the liberty to gather my assignments and notes from classes I've missed, also letting my professors know my situation. Final exams are this week and with Dean tutoring me and Alex coming over to study, I feel like I'll do fine.

"In five minutes I'll have wet the bed."

"Just let me hold you for a little while longer, baby." At that, I melt, and let him do as he pleases. As soon as I had gotten back, Dean was more precautious than normal. Making sure our phones are always charged and nearby, keeping my illegal pepper spray stocked, making sure the doors on my car are locked properly and the same with our front door. He even bought a special lock reinforcer online for the days that I'm home alone.

Sometimes, he'd get up in the middle of the night and walk over to my room, kiss my forehead, before sitting on the chair beside my bed and sleep there for the remainder of the night as if someone would break in and steal me away.

"If I pee, you'll have to marry me. You've basically seen all my worsts at that point, I can't let another girl have you."

"You get all my firsts, Soph." He says drowsily, arms tightening as his chin ducks down so he can kiss my hair.

I hold my breath for a beat, shut my eyes before opening them and whispering a confession I've been doing since the day I got discharged:

"I love you."

But he's asleep and he can't hear it, and I can't help but wonder if this will always be something that I fail to say with confidence.

- - -

"No more fucking exams!" Alex bellows from beside me. "We're finally free!" I'm in the passenger seat of her car, an overly expensive caffeinated drink in my hand as we drive away from our university where we've both completed the last exam of our student years.

Alex and I will both be graduating with a Bachelor of Arts with the same major—Criminal Justice—however my minor is psychology while her's is political science. Coincidentally enough, political science is one of Dean's majors (he's double majoring) and his minor is criminal justice which is how we all managed to have classes together.

Dean's last exam was yesterday where after that, he helped me study for my exam in which we wore ourselves down to the point that we forgot to make dinner. By the time the food we ordered online had come, Dean was slumbering and slumped over one of my textbooks and I had to tiredly feed him the food so he wouldn't go malnourished.

"Baby," I whisper to him, a cup of water with a straw in it in one hand, while the other holds a few fries. "Open up."

He doesn't fuss or respond back in words, simply moving his body over so one arm is slung on the couch cushion as his head rests over so he can easily open his mouth as I put the straw to his lips. He looks like a bear like this, adorably snuggly and I have to resist the temptation to set everything down and cuddle for the remainder of the night.

After drawing in three mouthfuls of water, he swallows and opens his mouth again when I tap the fries to his lips. I've been feeding him an alternation of fries, water, chicken nuggets, and grapes because they were the easiest foods for him to eat in this state.

I brush the hair away from his face, getting a look at his droopy eyes and mouth set in a small frown and kiss his cheek, not wanting to see him sad.

"Hey, pretty boy." I murmur. "Dreaming about me?"

"Always."

"If by free you mean now we have to subject ourselves to the treacherous process of obtaining a job with our new shiny degrees then yes, we are free."

Alex frowned at me, lowering the volume of the song that was blasting through the car.

"Okay, sassy. Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad?" I ask her, pretending to be mad at her.

"Oh, I already apologized for taking your chocolate! God, you sulk worse than Dean. Do you remember when I picked you up the other day and he started whining that you didn't kiss him goodbye? I mean, you live with the guy! You've probably fucked before going out with me and he's sad about a kiss?"

I smile at that, a laugh bubbling out of me and she frowns harder, not understanding why I'm suddenly amused.

"What?" She asks cautiously, taking the drink from my hands and sipping it. She makes a face once she remembers it's black coffee, returning back to her sugary cup to erase the bitterness. When I don't reply, she asks again and I finally respond.

"We haven't done it yet."

"What?"

"Me and Dean haven't fucked—"

"I heard you the first time, honey. And I will repeat what I said; what?"

I shrink down in my seat, all of a sudden insecure and she quickly fixes it when she sees my vulnerability.

"No, no. I didn't mean that in a bad way. I just meant it in a shocking way. You're genuinely one of the horniest people I know, I'm just impressed you guys haven't had sex yet." She pauses. "Is there...a reason? Are you alright, Sophia? Not that there has to be a reason for you not wanting to, of course. I just hope everything is okay with you. It's been a rough couple of weeks."

"I'm wonderful." I tell her honestly, smiling to myself. When I shift my face, I can see the one that reflects back at me through the side mirrors, and I see the happy glow on my face as well. I feel free, wonderfully gleeful because no longer am I confined by my past.

I have a job, a degree, and myself back. I feel on top of the world.

"It's not a bad reason that we haven't done it yet," I explain. "It's actually a good sign. I used to use sex as a way to medicate myself and with abstaining, I see it as something to treasure and something that's mine. When this whole situationship started with me and Dean, from the start he wanted us to go slow for my benefit and while I may have not known why at the beginning, I'm glad we did it this way. Because that means we're not having sex to help me with my sadness, we're going to have sex because I'm happy and healthy to do so."

Alex reaches her hand across the console to touch mine, interlacing our fingers together while she single-handedly drives with her free hand. She squeezes mine once, letting me know she's with me.

"I'm so proud of you and that's a wonderful way to look at it. I should take your advice sometime, give myself time to sort myself out before searching for a relationship. Like right now, for instance, I am going to be focusing on how much I can eat in the span of three hours. Are you with me, Soph?"

I squeeze her hand back, matching her wide grin with one of my own.

"I'm always with you, Alex."

- - -

"Ugh, why did you let me eat so much? I think I might explode." Alex groans from beside me. We're walking off the mountain of celebratory food we ate to a nearby ice cream shop for dessert, our arms interlocked as we stumble our way down the sidewalk.

"Why did you stop listening to me and order another round of sides when we hadn't finished our first plate yet?" I ask her back, equally as full. We went to a Korean BBQ place a ten minute drive from the university and ate ourselves silly with everything.

"This is my celebration, crazy. Do you think I'm going to pick at my food?"

I only sighed, bringing out my phone when I heard it ring and seeing Vanessa's name on the caller ID.

"Hey, V." I say in between a stumble because Alex had violently pulled me toward her due to an oncoming slew of people.

"Sophia! How are you, honey? How was your last exam?"

"It was good, I think! I feel like I knew most of the material."

"I already know you did so well. Don't even worry about it, I can't wait until my babies graduate. So listen..."

"Is that Vanessa?" Alex whispers and I nod to her, leaning the majority of my weight on her so she'll have to drag us the rest of the way.

"Mhm?"

"Since the youngest of our group are finally graduating, me and everyone else wanted to throw together some celebration tomorrow. We were thinking something lowkey since I know Dean hates the whole going-out-surrounded-by-a-million-people. How would you feel sneaking us into your house while you take Dean somewhere out so we can set up?"

I stop walking at that, pulling Alex to an abrupt stop too as I configure a plan in my head and realize this can finally be the opportunity where I set up a cute date to take Dean on before professing my love.

"I think that sounds amazing. Would you be okay with having the party around eight-ish? I wanna take Dean out on a date before then."

"Perfect! I'll go tell the others. And Sophia? Congratulations. I am so unbelievably proud of you."

"Thanks, V." I whisper to her, feeling pride for myself as well.

- - -

"Here," I say, dumping a few articles of clothes on Dean. He looks up at me from his position on the couch, tilting his head before eyeing the mess in his lap.

"Is this your way of telling me to fold my laundry because usually, I'm the one reminding you, sweetheart."

"No," I drag out, coming around in order to grab his hand so I can pull him up with me. "I'm taking you out."

He doesn't budge making me grunt, using both hands now to hold him so I can try to find some traction to get him to stand.

"You're taking me out?" He questions, letting me win by standing entirely on his own. The clothes from his lap fall on the floor, followed by a book that makes a soft thud when it hits the carpet. With a yawn, Dean stretches his arms over his head to stretch out the kinks before bending over and grabbing everything that fell.

I collect his book, thumbing the open page so I can flip back to the cover in order to see what he's reading. I press my lips in a line when I see the title, glancing back at him to see him standing there with a wide smile like the entire situation was amusing.

"Why are you reading hockey player romance?"

"So I can laugh during the awful sex descriptions and the stupid, unnecessary third-act breakup where the entire problem can be solved with one conversation."

"And I'm assuming this is what you've been reading this entire week?"

"What?" He presses his lips closed to hide a smile and most likely a laugh. His hands go behind his back in coyness, tilting his head at me. "Am I not allowed to read your books, baby?"

I cross my hands over my chest to feign annoyance. "And what if I said you weren't? What would you do?"

"Read them anyway."

"You need boundaries." I point a finger at him, reading a few sentences from the page he left off on.

"I need boundaries?" He gasps back in what sounds like astonishment. "The first time we met, you told me that you wanted to fuck me."

"Not true. It was at least the third time. That's a respectable amount of waiting I did. You're welcome."

He drops the clothes on the floor again, taking a step towards me with his hands raised to grab back the book from my hands.

"Give me back the book, Sophia."

"No way! Get ready, nerd. We're going out."

I take a step back, a hand raised to stop him to which he takes another forward, until I have the book pressed against my chest in safety and my eyes are glancing all around me for an escape route.

"Ah, that was rude, Sophia. What happened to your manners?"

We're circling the couch now, my breath going heavy in panic because I have no idea how I'm supposed to outrun him. Dean must see the thoughts expressed on my face because he takes a risky move to take another step toward me.

"Lost them." I tell him before I make a run for it, giggling hysterically when I can feel him chasing me. I manage to make it to his bedroom, going to close the door in his face when he bursts in making me jump back with an excited shout and stumble.

Dean doesn't let me fall though, he simply picks me up—the book still clutched in my arms—and throws me on his bed before crawling up my body. We're both panting, our chests rising and falling in a fast rhythm as I watch his face take on a sort of seriousness.

The upper half of his body is lifted up due to his forearms on either side of my head, while the lower half rests comfortably in between my spread legs. I reach up with one hand, brushing away the hair that has flopped on his forehead.

"You look so pretty from this angle."

"Just this one? My, Soph, have you gotten meaner these days. I seem to be of bad influence."

"Can you influence me to be smarter? That would help me lots, Mr. Double Major."

"Cute," He smiles, nuzzling into my neck. "Sometimes I wish I could shrink you and carry you in my pocket so you're always with me."

I tug at his crew neck playfully. "I can crawl in here if you'd like. That way we'd be really close and personal."

I can feel his smile growing against my skin for a moment before it recedes, his head lifting up again to look down at me.

It feels like the silence has rained down forever between us until he breaks it.

"I don't know how to protect you." He tells me honestly, and I know this has been burdening him since the day Devon showed up.

"You already are." I whisper back to him, cupping his face with both hands. "I feel safe with you."

"I'm scared that one day, you'll be so out of reach that I'll lose you. That I won't be able to find you—no matter how hard I look."

I use one hand to take his, arranging his palm so it lays flat over my heart. "You have my heart, Dean. There is no place I would go where you won't find me. Do you know why? Because if I'm lost, I will always come looking for you. I will always want to come back to my home."

We stay like that for a few minutes before he gathers our hands that lay on my chest, now pressing it back to his.

"You're my favourite, Sophia."

I use my free arm to help me lean up so our lips are almost touching. "And you're mine." I softly say back to him, searching his eyes. "We protect each other. We find each other. You're my home and I wouldn't want it any other way."

He lets our lips touch in a slow, sensual kiss that expresses everything we mean to each other. I'm so in love with him, I feel like drowning in his soul. Our bodies shift, his hand threading through my hair and my hands holding his face like it's precious to me—and it is. He is entirely a treasure.

- - -

"Are you sure your eyes are closed?" I ask him again for the millionth time, trying to keep my glee at bay so I don't spoil the surprise.

"Considering the fact that you're currently on my back with your hands over my eyes, I think so, yes."

"Smartass." I roll my eyes, but the grin on my face stays as I take a jump back with my hands extended to show him the set up. "Ta-da!"

Dean takes a second to blink away the darkness, his eyes surveying the scene before him. We're standing in an empty park, trees all around us with a picnic table situated in the middle. It took me a while to find a quiet place like this where I know no one would visit on a Thursday afternoon. I've set it up with all of his favourite snacks and in the middle sits something I've cooked specifically for this occasion—the first ever meal we made together. Fairy lights wrap around the table, cups and bowls set neatly to one side and a pitcher of Dean's favourite drink accompanies it.

What stands out though is the present that sits cleanly wrapped, a card attached to the ribbon I've wrapped around the middle of the gift.

Dean turns his head to the side, a place where a large car sits with its trunk opened. I've donned it with blankets and pillows, more fairy lights inside with my laptop in the middle where I've downloaded a few movies I thought we could watch if we had the time.

Dean's right hand curls into a fist before rising up to touch the left side of his chest, a place where his heart rests as his eyes circle the entire set up in what feels like a hundred times before his gaze sets back on me.

My arms are no longer extended, now wrapped around my middle as I rock back and forth on my feet with an anxious expression on my face. I'm scared for his reaction. Could I have done better? Should I have added more stuff?

His fist taps his chest once. Twice. Emotion fills up his eyes as he takes a step toward me.

"I really want to hold you right now." His voice is low, soft, like he's gentling himself.

"I'm only ever yours to hug."

He's embracing me now, one huge palm cupping the back of my head pressing my face kindly to his chest while the other one wraps around my back, keeping me secure. I circle my arms around his waist, connecting my hands at the small of his back as he presses kiss after kiss to my hair.

I can hear his reactions as they stumble out of him; You're perfect. I love it. I'm so lucky. I want to hold onto you forever.

We pull away after what seems like an eternity and I gather his hand in mine, dragging him over to the table and pushing him to sit. He does as told, waiting for me as I dance around the table setting everything up.

"Let me—" He tries to serve me the food first and I only shake my head, silently telling him I got this and that he can relax.

Dean physically hates seeing me do chores or generally lift a finger around him when he can do it himself. At home, despite us dividing what needs to be done around the house like cleaning and vacuuming, whenever he sees me try and do a chore he'll come in and help so it gets done quicker. And I want to reciprocate that. Shower him with acts of service like he does to me everyday.

I plate him up some food, even fill his tea cup with a juice he drinks occasionally when he wants to treat himself before doing the same for myself and plopping down in the seat across from him.

I don't touch my plate though, clasping together my hands in front of me as I lean towards him with a small smile. "So..." I start, waving a hand to the plate. "How is it? Are my cooking skills improving? Is my professor a good teacher after all?"

"Can you call me professor when we're in bed? Someone might hear the stuff I'm into and steal me away."

"Or try and locate their local university to get a real professor fired after having an affair with a student."

"Is that one of your dirty fantasies, Soph? Do you want us to start roleplaying in bed?"

"Depends." I smile sweetly at him, reaching over to brush the hair out of his face. "Will you fuck me hard if I do?"

"You're hornier than the frat guys."

"So I've heard." I shake my head, retracting my hand before pointing a finger at him. "Enough flirting. Try my food and lie to my face about how wonderful it is."

"Oh, like the way I lie when I tell you how good you're being when you wanna get in my pants."

"Exactly. Eat up."

I watch him closely as he brings his spoon to his mouth, chewing thoughtfully and swallowing before going back for another bite. My smile grows when he doesn't say anything besides eating his plate clean. Only then do I dive into my own food, grinning into each bite when he goes for seconds.

"Okay," I say after a